Chapter 28 If I come back, I'll forget who I am.
For Yu Xue, the most difficult part was the postoperative recovery. After the anesthesia wore off, even the slightest movement of the wound would cause pain for a long time, and even walking would be painful.
The doctor said that walking around in the corridor would help with post-operative recovery.
So Wen Feng helped Yu Xue walk around the corridor every day.
He took one step, then paused for ten seconds, as if he were being tortured.
Yu Xue, holding Wen Feng's hand, said as they walked, "My grandmother's birthday is in two weeks. Could you book my plane ticket?"
Wen Feng: "Are you still going?"
Yu Xue didn't reply immediately. She had also thought about this issue and was wavering between the two options. Even now, she was still struggling with the decision. She wanted to buy the plane ticket first so that she would have no choice but to go.
She took a step forward and said, "Go ahead, otherwise she'll lose face in front of her relatives again."
She took another step forward, panting from the pain. "Anyway, this is the only time. I haven't been home for five or six years. If my grandmother hadn't forced Chen Wanxi, I don't think Chen Wanxi would have called me."
Wen Feng held Yu Xue's hand tightly, seeing tears welling up in her eyes from the pain, and said, "Do you want to rest for a while?"
Yu Xue: "It's okay, let's finish this quickly and go back to lie down."
Yu Xue was afraid to go back to Chen Wanxi's hometown.
Actually, she really liked going back when she was little because before she was eight, her maternal grandmother doted on her, and her uncle also doted on her. Every year, they would give her a lot of lucky money. Whatever she liked to eat, her maternal grandmother would buy her a whole house full of it. She would also often buy her clothes and give her gifts.
Starting when she was five years old, her mother and father argued in the house every day. One night, Yu Xue was woken up by the arguing. She opened the door and saw her mother holding an iron steamer and hitting her head hard, while her father watched from the side.
Hearing the bedroom door open, Dad turned around, glanced at Yu Xue, and said, "It's nothing, your mother's gone crazy. Go to sleep."
Yu Xue stood rooted to the spot, too frightened to move.
Dad went up to her, symbolically coaxed her, took the pot from her hands, and calmly said, "Stop making a fuss, go to sleep."
Yu Xue saw that her mother's head was swollen, but her father seemed not to notice. He put the pot in the kitchen, then pushed Yu Xue back to her room and said softly, "Go to sleep, it's late, and you have school tomorrow."
The mother made all sorts of noise outside, smashing things and breaking bowls, while the father covered Yu Xue's ears and didn't go out until dawn.
By then, my mother was no longer home.
When Yu Xue was eight years old, her mother took her on a trip, but not with her father, but with an uncle she didn't know.
Her mother instructed her, "When you get back, tell your dad that I came out with you and that lady from the shop. Don't mention that you're my uncle."
Yu Xue asked her "why".
The mother, a little impatient, casually said, "Your dad is worried about it affecting your studies."
After returning home, Yu Xue said that she was with her mother and the other women at the shop.
Dad said, "Yu Xue, tell Dad the truth, Dad will buy you the Barbie doll you really wanted last time."
Yu Xue weighed her options between "her father not criticizing her for neglecting her studies" and "Barbie doll," and finally chose Barbie doll, then recounted the whole story.
Later, her parents divorced, and Yu Xue, as a child, didn't know why.
One day, she took the pop-up greeting card she had spent several days making to her mother's shop. They hadn't seen each other for almost a month, and Yu Xue missed her terribly. But as soon as she entered, her mother shouted and pushed her out, grabbing an iron hook used for hooking the iron gate to hit her. Several women in the shop held her back.
The mother shouted, "Do you know why her father divorced me? It's because this child told him that I went out with another man. What nonsense! If I really cheated, why would I bring her along? I would have gone secretly!"
After yelling, she turned around and went to kick Yu Xue, "You deliberately want to harm your mother! Are you happy to see our family like this?! Isn't our family like this all because of your sins?!"
The neighbors all came out to see Yu Xue, who had fallen down the steps. She hid her bleeding hand behind her back and only discovered when she got home that the greeting cards were stained with blood and she couldn't send them out. She also didn't know where the little rabbit decorations she had cut out over a long period of time had gone.
Yu Xue stared at her nearly insane mother, at her arm holding the stick, her fearful eyes fixed on her, just as they had for the past eight years. She had always looked at her with that same fearful and bewildered gaze.
She never understood why her mother got angry or hit people.
During that time, her calm father was like her savior.
For a long time afterward, whenever Yu Xue was present, her mother would point at Yu Xue and loudly tell her relatives, friends, and customers about her misery and expose Yu Xue's crimes.
Yu Xue dared not go back to her maternal grandmother's house, because even though her grandmother treated her as usual on the surface, she knew that her grandmother must be cursing her and hating her in her heart. She was the one who caused her parents' divorce and caused her grandmother's daughter to have no good life.
When she grew up, her father saw how much pain she was in and told her the truth, "Actually, I knew your mother was having an affair a long time ago. I only asked you back then so that you could be a witness. I know you don't understand anything. It's okay, it's not your fault. It's in the past, don't think about it anymore."
Yu Xue immediately broke down, sweeping everything off the table and loudly questioning her father, "Why didn't you stand up when Chen Wanxi was spreading rumors!"
Her father looked at her and calmly replied with a trivial remark, "You're exactly like your mother now. How do I know she's spreading rumors, right? You never tell me anything."
Upon hearing this, Yu Xue froze on the spot, trembling violently. Her breathing became very erratic due to the shaking of her body. She didn't know if she was angry or scared.
Dad continued, "One should be more forgiving; after all, she is your mother."
Men are so pathetic. Women are perfectly fine, but once they get involved with them, they all suddenly go crazy.
Two women in Yu Xue's family have gone mad: her mother and herself.
Yu Xue finally finished her journey for the day and leaned against the bed, panting heavily. She couldn't tell whether it was her heart or her lungs that were hurting.
If it weren't for that chance encounter where Chen Wanxi was being humiliated at the round table by everyone, just because she had been divorced twice, and because she might never have been able to understand her, then today, she wouldn't have decided to go back to her grandmother's house.
Yu Xue's wound is healing very well, even though a small part of her lung was removed.
She was discharged from the hospital a little over a week later.
I hadn't been lying at home for long before I had to catch a flight.
Actually, the wound no longer hurt, but she still felt very tired. She was so tired that she needed time to rest even after chewing her food. She couldn't fall asleep or get up.
Wen Feng had arranged everything. At the airport, he held Yu Xue's hand as if he were holding a mindless puppet who could do nothing but follow him.
Yu Xue's biggest fear is running into Chen Wanxi at the airport.
Even though she knew Chen Wanxi should have gone back at least two days ago, Yu Xue still couldn't help but worry.
She was afraid that if she met Chen Wanxi, Chen Wanxi would force her to sleep in her hometown house.
After getting off the plane, Wen Feng planned to go to the hotel first, then send a message to Chen Wanxi to let her know that a car would be sent to pick her up the next day, and the two groups would meet outside her grandmother's house. This way, Yu Xue could avoid getting scolded.
He told Yu Xue about the arrangements, and Yu Xue said, "Okay, will you send a message?"
Wen Feng: "Okay, I'll send it. Just don't let her know your new phone number."
Yu Xue: "Doesn't she call you usually?"
Wen Feng: "I have two cell phones. The other one is always with my secretary. If she makes too many calls, it will be blocked."
Yu Xue responded with an "Oh".
Wen Feng kissed the bridge of her nose and said, "Let's go, get in the car."
The hotel's dinner was good, with dishes that Yu Xue liked, and she ate a few extra bites.
Seeing that she was in a better mood, Wen Feng asked her if she wanted to go for a walk.
Yu Xue hesitated for a moment, then agreed, saying, "Okay, let's go buy some things; we can't go empty-handed."
Wen Feng wanted to say that he had bought everything, but he swallowed the words back down.
He was afraid that Yu Xue wouldn't leave after hearing this.
He asked a doctor, who said that for this kind of illness, it's best not to leave the patient alone for long periods of time. You might think she's daydreaming, but she's actually dreaming. It's best to spend time with her frequently, constantly disturbing her and interrupting her dream. Over time, she'll develop a distinction between "dreams" and "reality."
However, the interruptions must be positive, such as trying to cheer her up. Arguing with her is absolutely forbidden, as it may worsen her condition.
Therefore, going out for a walk is always better than sitting in a hotel and dreaming.
Wen Feng booked a hotel near Yu Xue's maternal grandmother's house. Yu Xue was very familiar with this road and knew where to buy things. She walked two streets and found that the shop she used to frequent was still there.
She stopped at the store entrance but didn't go in. She saw the same auntie playing on her phone inside the store, the same one she remembered from her childhood.
"What's wrong?" Wen Feng asked her.
Yu Xue pursed her lips, laughed, and said, "I just remembered that when I was little, every year during the Spring Festival, Chen Wanxi would bring me to stay in this old house for a while. When I was five years old, Chen Wanxi was watching TV in the house. She suddenly wanted to eat potato chips, and I wanted to eat cookies. So she gave me nine yuan and told me to go buy them and also buy myself an ice cream."
She took Wen Feng's arm and leaned on his shoulder. "I ran all the way, and when I got to the store, I found that the nine yuan in my hand had turned into five yuan. I lost four yuan on the way, so I only bought a bag of potato chips. I was very, very scared. I walked very slowly on the way back, and I kept looking for reasons to make Chen Wanxi not angry."
She said, “When I got home, I said as soon as I walked in, ‘Mom, these are your potato chips, cookies and ice cream. I ate them on the way.’ She suddenly stood up and shouted, ‘What did you say?’ I repeated it again, trembling. She pulled out an iron rod from somewhere. It was as thick as three of my fingers and very long. She shouted at me, asking where my five yuan had gone, and hit me hard.”
Wen Feng took his hand out of his pocket, put his arm around her shoulder, and used his other hand to take Yu Xue's hand.
Yu Xue: "I was beaten so badly that I was lying on the ground and couldn't get up. She kept asking me questions, so I told her the truth: I had lost the money. She didn't believe me. When I was little, I never understood why she didn't believe me. Now I know: she thought I had embezzled the five yuan. I had no choice. I felt like I was going to be beaten to death. Ha... Actually, it wasn't that bad. Maybe it was because it hurt so much that I crawled out, crawled into the yard, stood up, and ran out of the community."
She smiled, tears streaming down her face. "A friend of mine ran over and asked me, 'Yu Xue, why are you crying?' I was too proud to admit it and forced myself to say, 'It's nothing, I just tripped.' As soon as I finished speaking, I heard Chen Wanxi shouting loudly from behind, asking where I was going. I was afraid my friend would turn around, but she did. I saw Chen Wanxi wearing pajamas, with messy hair, and holding a stick."
Wen Feng turned to the side and hugged her tightly. "Let's not go to this one. Let's go to another one."
"It's nothing—" Yu Xue wiped her tears on his coat. "It's been so long, I'm fine now... Oh, I just suddenly remembered."
After a while, she wiped her face and added, "Oh dear, it's not me anymore, it's... another Yu Xue."
She got out of Wen Feng's arms and walked forward, but stopped just before she was about to push open the door.
Wen Feng looked at her back and felt that she was about to collapse, so he wanted to help her up.
She turned her head, her face covered in tears, "Wen Feng, I feel like I can't tell the difference between myself and the other Yu Xue... Is the world altering my memories?"
She struggled to swallow her trembling voice, "Do you think there might be a day when I forget who I am?"
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