Chapter 65 Even if my cousin is gone, there will still be others, besides...
On a lonely autumn night, a joyous banquet that should have been filled with distinguished guests was completely silent.
A cool breeze began to rise, and the three people standing in the courtyard looked at each other in silence.
Pei Yu no longer cared whether Yan Yunzhang stayed or whether his words were laughable. He completely ignored Yan Yunzhang, looked past him at Huiyin who was silent with her eyes downcast, and asked in a pleading voice, "Why did you leave without saying goodbye?"
Huiyin found this somewhat amusing. She hadn't left without saying goodbye, so it was no surprise that Liu Tan hadn't relayed her words to Pei Yu.
She slowly raised her eyes, looked directly at Pei Yu, and calmly said, "I did not leave without saying goodbye. When you were injured and unconscious, I went to the Pei residence to see you."
Pei Yu frowned at first. He had no idea about this; no one had told him that Huiyin had come. He remembered Liu Tan in his courtyard when he woke up, and he understood everything. It must have been Liu Tan who had interfered and said something that caused a misunderstanding.
Huiyin must have been angry with him and left Chang'an because of Liu Tan, and that's why she agreed to someone else's marriage proposal. Pei Yu loosened his clenched fingers and let out a sigh of frustration. Huiyin still cared about him, so he still had a chance.
Pei Yu stepped forward and shoved Yan Yunzhang, who was blocking Huiyin's way, aside. He stared at Huiyin and explained, "You met Liu Tan at the Pei residence, didn't you? She said something to you, didn't she?"
Yan Yunzhang: "..."
Huiyin slowly raised her eyes, seeing the redness in Pei Yu's eyes. She looked away and silently nodded. Even now, she still didn't want to recall what happened at the Pei residence that day. It was so foolish and utterly reprehensible.
Pei Yu gripped Huiyin's shoulders and coldly said, "It's all fake! Everything Liu Tan said is fake, don't believe it."
“Tell me what she said, Huiyin.”
Huiyin took a step back, her grip on Yan Yunzhang's hand gradually loosening. Yan Yunzhang's heart skipped a beat, and he quickly tightened his grip on Huiyin's. The force of the pressure brought Huiyin back to her senses, and she stared at the floor, panting, "She said that you and she will get married before the end of the year."
Pei Yu pressed further: "So, that's why you left Chang'an and agreed to someone else's marriage proposal, isn't it?"
Yan Yunzhang was furious. From the beginning, this person had always been a stranger, never giving him a second glance. He was utterly despicable. He must have wronged Huiyin first, treating her badly, which was why she left Chang'an. Now he was chasing after her, pretending to be deeply in love. Where was he before?
Yan Yunzhang remained silent, understanding that Huiyin had to resolve this matter herself; no one else could interfere.
Huiyin recalled how she felt when she heard that Pei Yu and Liu Tan were getting married; it was indeed terrible and very upsetting. However, this was not the reason she left Chang'an.
She shook her head and calmly looked at Pei Yu: "No, my decision to leave Chang'an was made a long time ago. It has nothing to do with Liu Tan, nor with you."
"As for my marriage to my cousin, it has nothing to do with anything else; it's just because I think he's suitable."
Pei Yu coldly retorted, "I don't believe you! You're lying to me!"
Huiyin laughed. She was usually aloof and rarely laughed so heartily; she usually only smiled slightly with her lips pursed. But now, her smile was like the first pear blossom blooming after the first snow melts.
Upon closer inspection, however, the sorrow in her eyes was far greater than her smile. "Pei Yu, do you think I would carelessly dispose of my life and marry just anyone because of your messy affair with Liu Tan? Do you think I married my cousin to spite you?"
"You overestimate yourself and underestimate me. I'll say it again, my agreement to marry my cousin has absolutely nothing to do with you."
Pei Yu's newly ignited hope was instantly shattered by Huiyin's words. Looking at Huiyin's indifferent expression, he belatedly realized that he had never truly understood her.
He thought himself weak and dependent on Huiyin. In reality, he was more decisive than anyone else; if he said he didn't want it, he didn't want it anymore.
But why should he? She was the one who approached him, and now she wants to get away? He will never allow that.
Before Yan Yunzhang could react, Pei Yu suddenly attacked. The force from his wrist seemed to crush his hand bones. He cried out in pain, released Huiyin's hand, and staggered back, only to be easily knocked to the ground by the other man.
Before Yan Yunzhang could react, Pei Yu stomped heavily on his chest, causing him to cough up blood and collapse weakly to the ground, unable to struggle.
The unexpected turn of events caught Huiyin off guard, and she rushed forward to help Yan Yunzhang up, shouting, "What are you doing!"
Pei Yu subdued Huiyin with one hand, holding her wrist with just the right amount of strength to restrain her without hurting her. He pulled her roughly into his arms, stroking her cheek as he questioned, "You're not going to tell me you're abandoning me for this good-for-nothing, are you? Song Huiyin, what makes him better than me?"
Huiyin's face turned completely cold. She grabbed Pei Yu's hand and said angrily, "Let go of him! If you have a problem, come at me!"
"You care about him that much, huh?" Pei Yu felt a surge of rage and stomped her feet harder. Yan Yunzhang felt a dull pain in his chest, difficulty breathing, and his eyelids rolled back.
Looking at Yan Yunzhang, whose breathing was weak, Huiyin felt that same sense of powerlessness she had felt in Chang'an again. It was as if no matter what she did, she could not escape the oppression of power.
That day was the same; Pei Yu was furious and said he would imprison her, forbidding her from avenging her father. Now, this scene was playing out before her eyes again. Looking at Pei Yu's reddened eyes, she felt a lingering fear. Pei Yu really would kill Yan Yunzhang.
Tears welled up in Huiyin's eyes. She didn't understand why things were still like this when she had already left Chang'an.
Why is it always like this? Why do I always have to force her, force her to say things she doesn't want to say? Force her to tear her heart apart, to open her heart and tell all those dark, weak, and painful things.
She didn't want to; she didn't want to show her vulnerable side.
"Between you and me, it has never been due to external forces, it's all because of you." Huiyin raised her eyes in hatred, her eyes were red and swollen, and tears fell from the corners of her eyes.
"It's because you don't treat me as an equal, that you don't respect me! I hate that you ignore my words, that you never listen to anything I say, that you never care about my feelings. I hate that you sweet-talk me but do nothing, and that you're entangled with other women! I hate you even more for stopping me from avenging my father! Just thinking about how you used a condescending tone to tell me to give up my revenge, promising to marry me as compensation, makes me wish you were dead!"
Huiyin closed her eyes in anguish, shook her head and wept, "You and I were wrong from the very beginning. If I could go back, I would never choose you again."
Pei Yu slowly released Yan Yunzhang, staggered to Huiyin's side, supported her delicate shoulders, stared into her eyes, and said in a hoarse voice, "What did you say?"
"You ask me what my cousin does that makes him better than you? He's better than you in every way. He respects me, listens to my opinions, and always puts me first. His father is my maternal uncle, my only living relative, and treats me like his own daughter. He won't be like you, entangled with other women, with rumors flying everywhere..."
"Unlike your mother, who treated me badly and caused me trouble at every turn, no matter how carefully I tried to please her."
Huiyin's voice trembled as she finished speaking, and tears streamed down her face, smudged her makeup. She knew she must look terrible.
But she still had to continue. She didn't want to be entangled with Pei Yu anymore. She wanted to break things off with Pei Yu cleanly and completely.
"More importantly, my cousin is willing to marry into the family and help me continue the Song family line. And what can you offer me?"
Huiyin lowered her eyes, a tear clinging to her eyelashes. She turned her face away, refusing to look at Pei Yu and Yan Yunzhang's expressions. She didn't want to care about anyone anymore; she just wanted to escape this place and bury herself.
Pei Yu felt a lump in his throat. He had never known that Huiyin had so many grievances. Those questioning words were like heavy hammer blows to his heart, making him feel disoriented.
He said hoarsely, "I don't know... I made a mistake regarding Liu Tan, and I won't do it again." He said cautiously, "Didn't you want to know why I went to Qingzhou to pick her up? I'll tell you now."
“But I don’t want to hear it now.” Huiyin interrupted him, coldly saying, “I don’t want to hear anything about you and Liu Tan anymore. Please leave now.”
Pei Yu refused to give up. He gently cupped Huiyin's face in his hands, his voice trembling, "Huiyin, please listen to me, just listen, and then you can send me away, okay?"
Huiyin clenched her fists and remained silent.
“That time, Liu Tan sent me an urgent message. She was forced and humiliated by her deceased husband’s younger brother, and was suffering a fate worse than death. She begged me to help her one more time out of consideration for our past relationship. Huiyin, I know there have been many rumors about Liu Tan and me, but none of them are true. We were indeed engaged when we were young, but at that time, I only regarded her as a younger sister.”
"Later, she married someone else, her husband died, and the Dong family forced her to remain a chaste woman. I only helped her out of our youthful affection. Those rumors were not true. I assumed that the rumors were just an attempt to delay the wedding. I just didn't expect to meet you later, and I never told you the truth."
"I have never had any interest in Liu Tan."
After Pei Yu finished speaking, he looked down to examine Huiyin's expression. To his disappointment, Huiyin did not seem to understand what he was saying. Instead, she looked mocking: "You could have informed me beforehand when you brought Liu Tan back to Chang'an, or you could have done it secretly. But you made it public. Wasn't that intentional?"
"Yes." Pei Yu pursed his lips and said with difficulty, "You are unwilling to tell me your secret. I was out of my mind and angry at the time. I promise I will never do it again. Can you give me another chance?"
Huiyin pushed Pei Yu away, helped the unwell Yan Yunzhang up from the ground, and gently wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth. Pei Yu watched this scene, held back his anger, and ultimately remained silent.
Yan Yunzhang shook his head at Huiyin with a wry smile, indicating that he was alright. Huiyin was relieved and turned to look coldly at Pei Yu, "I have heard your explanation, General Pei, please leave."
Pei Yu was utterly puzzled and stopped Huiyin from leaving with Yan Yunzhang. "I have already explained to you, why do you still not forgive me?"
Huiyin's eyes were filled with sorrow. She looked at Pei Yu for a long time and said softly, "You never understand. Before you and me, the matter of Liu Tan was not important at all. You should understand that from the moment you asked me to give up my revenge, it was impossible for us to be together."
Huiyin forced a smile and sincerely thanked him, "Pei Yu, it was my fault for not thanking you in person. I am very grateful for your help in enduring the torture for me, and I am also very grateful for your help in finding witnesses to prevent my father's peace from being disturbed. Thank you, Pei Yu."
Pei Yu once again felt that feeling of being unable to hold on no matter how hard he tried, like holding a handful of fine sand that was dissipating in the wind, the harder he tried, the faster it scattered.
He held onto Huiyin tightly, his eyes welling with tears, and said bitterly, "What I want is not a thank you."
"I know... I was terribly wrong. Please give me another chance, and I will definitely change."
His voice became hoarse at the end: "Huiyin, you pity Xiao Fen'er, you can forgive He Jiaying, and you've been very good to her... I beg you, please don't be so cruel to me, okay?"
Huiyin closed her eyes.
Having heard all this, Yan Yunzhang roughly understood the entanglement between the two. He saw Huiyin's struggle and the tears in Pei Yu's eyes, and knew he had to leave, leaving the place to the two of them to settle things themselves.
He released Huiyin, limped outside, and quickly disappeared into the night.
Pei Yu could no longer hold back. He pulled Huiyin into his arms and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder and sobbing, "Huiyin, don't treat me like this. You said I was wrong, and I will definitely change. Please don't leave me. I really can't live without you."
Huiyin felt tears seeping into the fabric on her shoulders; it was so hot, the heat reaching her heart, leaving her speechless.
"I promise I will never spread rumors about other women again, and I will never hide anything from you again. I will not interfere with what you do or who you meet. Whether you want Feng Cheng to help you or me to help you, I will do whatever you want."
"Huiyin, come back with me, I will marry you."
Huiyin's hands hung limply at Pei Yu's sides, her nostrils filled with his delicate fragrance—the warmth she had once sought. She had pondered the words "I will marry you" for a long time, but when Pei Yu finally uttered them, she felt only sorrow and amusement.
Even now, she still feels very sad, wondering why it was me who had to marry you, instead of me who wanted to marry you.
In the deep and secluded mansion of the Pei family, one has to deal with Madam Pei's occasional temper and difficult behavior, constantly keep Pei Yu's heart in check, and worry about whether he will change his mind or take a concubine.
Five years, ten years, decades later, when her youthful beauty has faded and Pei Yu holds immense power and an unparalleled position, will he be content to stay with her alone?
Huiyin was uncertain and dared not gamble. Just as she had once told Pei Yan, it was difficult for two people with such a significant difference in status to have a good ending.
Huiyin: "But I don't want to marry you."
Pei Yu slowly released Huiyin. This was the first time Huiyin had seen his tears so clearly. She thought inappropriately, "Even Pei Yu can cry."
Before Zhuang Yu could even ask, Huiyin spoke first, "I don't want to go back to that kind of life with you, waiting for you day and night in a quiet mansion. When you're in a good mood, you can lift me to the heavens, and when you're in a bad mood, you can throw me into hell. I don't want a life where my life is in someone else's hands, where I have to live at your mercy."
Pei Yu: "I will change. You can do whatever you want. I will never interfere with you."
Huiyin: "You won't change. Have you ever truly listened to me? You always force me to do things your way, never considering my feelings. You're inherently domineering, and you won't change."
Huiyin broke free from Pei Yu's embrace and looked up at him. It was the first time she had seen Pei Yu in such a disheveled state. His eyes were bloodshot, as if they were about to shed tears of blood. His tightly pursed lips trembled slightly. He reached out to take her hand.
Huiyin stared intently at the palm, then took a step back, causing him to miss.
She closed her eyes wearily, her voice as soft as a breeze, "Pei Yu, let's end it here. You go back to Chang'an, I'll stay in Jingzhou, and we'll never meet again in this life."
Huiyin didn't hear Pei Yu's reply; she was too tired to waste any more time.
She walked past Pei Yu and left. This time, no one stopped her or grabbed her.
Without hesitation, she left the front yard. The ceramic lamps in the corridor were blown out by the wind, one by one going out. Huiyin walked aimlessly in the corridor, accidentally stepping on the intricate hem of her skirt and falling to the ground. She rubbed her palm hard against the ground, drawing several bloody marks.
She sat on the ground, covering her hands, looking up at the full moon, tears streaming down her face.
She wept silently, her wedding dress spreading across the ground like layers of blooming petals, its color faded, withered, and decaying.
Yan Niang waited at the door of the bridal chamber for a long time before she saw Huiyin walk in, looking gloomy, with no one behind her.
She hurriedly went to greet her and helped Huiyin into the house. Two long floor lamps were lit in the corner of the room, allowing her to clearly see the tear stains on Huiyin's face.
Yan Niang's heart clenched. She helped Huiyin lie down on the bed and used a warm handkerchief to wipe her face.
Huiyin lay on the bed with her eyes closed, feeling weak and powerless, letting Yan Niang do as she pleased.
Yan Niang helped her remove her wedding dress and hairpins, and asked softly, "You've been busy all day, are you hungry? I'll go get you some food."
Huiyin rolled over and buried her head tightly in the blankets to block out the sight. She mumbled, "I don't want to eat. Go and rest."
Yan Niang couldn't persuade her, so she closed the door and went to the front yard. She was worried that Huiyin would be hungry later. The wedding banquet hadn't started today, but the dishes prepared under the stove were still there, so she planned to get some food and bring it over.
As Yan Niang carried the ceramic lantern to the front yard, her heart leaped into her throat at the corner. A dark figure stood motionless in the yard, like a stone sculpture.
She stifled the gasp that escaped her lips, feeling that the person looked strangely familiar. She slowly moved closer, holding up the ceramic lamp in her hand, only to realize that the person was actually Pei Yu, who hadn't left yet.
Yan Niang didn't even bother to go to the stove to get food. She lifted her skirt, turned around, and quickly walked towards the inner courtyard.
Huiyin buried her head in the blankets for a while, feeling a tightness in her chest. She slowly sat up, clutching her chest, and poured herself a cup of cold tea to suppress her discomfort.
The sound of Yan Niang's footsteps came from outside. Huiyin went to open the door and saw Yan Niang carrying a ceramic lamp and running over, her expression solemn.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Yan Niang ran up to Hui Yin and pointed to the front yard, saying, "He hasn't left yet; he's still in the yard."
Huiyin looked over and saw that the sky was pitch black; it was already the hour of Hai (9-11 PM). She turned back to look into the house, her gaze unconsciously falling on the wardrobe. She walked over, took out the wooden box at the bottom, gripped it tightly, and turned back to put it into Yanniang's hand.
Since you've made up your mind to cut ties, then cut them off completely, leaving no room for maneuver.
Pei Yu stood alone in the courtyard. He saw Yan Niang carrying a lantern as she went out the door, and she gave him a cryptic glance.
He clutched his shoulder and hunched over slightly. The wound on his back began to throb again. It had reopened several times on the way here, but Pei Yu had ignored it.
At night, his heart would start to ache and tremble, making it hard for him to breathe; only the pain from his back injury could provide some relief.
At the same time, he also had his own selfish motives. He was afraid that Huiyin would be angry and not forgive him, so he thought of using a self-inflicted injury to soften her heart.
But when he met Huiyin, even though he was harshly rejected, he didn't bring up the matter. He didn't want to use it to bind her. What he wanted wasn't Huiyin's guilt, but for her to love him, to love him as she had before.
Pei Yu stood blankly in the courtyard. He had said everything he could and done everything he could, but he still couldn't win Huiyin back. What should he do?
A faint sound came from the doorway. Zhuang Yu turned his stiff body to look and saw Yan Niang leading a man into the room. That man was Yan Yunzhang, who was to marry Huiyin today.
His breathing stopped, and he dared not think about why Yan Yunzhang, who had already left, had come back to this place.
The two people walked towards him. Pei Yu moved his lips, about to ask a question, when he saw out of the corner of his eye that Yan Niang took out a wooden box from her sleeve and respectfully handed it to him.
"General Pei, this is what my daughter asked me to give you."
Pei Yu's gaze was fixed on the wooden box. The box was very small, about the size of a palm. He took it and opened it. For the first time, he felt that the moonlight tonight was too bright. It was so bright that he recognized the contents of the box at a glance. It was the birthday gift he had given to Huiyin: a wolf fang pendant.
What did she say?
Yan Niang calmly said, "The young lady didn't say anything."
Pei Yu gripped the wooden box tightly, and the box creaked under the weight, its shape already deformed.
Yan Niang didn't linger any longer and led Yan Yunzhang towards the inner courtyard. After taking a few steps, she realized something was wrong; Zhuang Yu had actually followed them into the inner courtyard.
Her heart pounded, and when she saw his bloodshot eyes, she swallowed the question that was about to come out of her mouth.
Yan Yunzhang glanced at the man beside him, whose aura was heavy, and felt a dull ache in his chest, but said nothing.
Yan Niang led the two silent men to the outside of the bridal chamber and nervously knocked on the door.
Huiyin, with her long hair cascading down her shoulders and her makeup removed, put on an outer garment and stepped forward to open the door. She looked at the two people standing in the courtyard, stepped aside to make way, ignored Pei Yu, and said to Yan Yunzhang, "Cousin, come in."
Pei Yu gritted his teeth and said, "Song Huiyin! Do you really have to go this far?"
Huiyin chuckled, "General Pei, tonight is my cousin's and my wedding night. It's only natural that we sleep together. Are you staying to witness the ceremony?"
Fei Huo stepped forward and grabbed Yan Yunzhang's shoulder, preventing him from moving forward. The force was so great that Yan Yunzhang's expression twisted on the spot. Huiyin's eyebrows and eyes did not move at all, and she stared at him coldly.
She remained expressionless. "Even if my cousin is gone, there will be others. Anyone but you will do."
Pei Yu could no longer hold on and watched helplessly as Huiyin and Yan Yunzhang walked into the house hand in hand.
The candlelight cast their shadows on the gauze window, intertwined like branches of a pair of lovebirds. He saw the lights in the room go out. He didn't know how long he had stood in front of Huiyin's door. The numbness in his legs felt like needles pricking him. His breath was hot and scalding. Pei Yu could even feel a sweet, metallic taste rising in his throat.
He took one last look at the dark room, moved his stiff legs, and turned to walk out. He walked slowly, his back not as straight as usual, his steps unsteady and hesitant.
Yan Niang silently followed behind him to see him out. As she looked at his figure ahead, she couldn't help but sigh in her heart.
She had witnessed everything that Huiyin and Pei Yu had done to each other, and she knew all about their arguments. But she never imagined that Pei Yu would become like this for Huiyin, no longer the proud man he once was, and whispering his pleas for her forgiveness.
She felt sorry for Pei Yu, but she felt even more sorry for Huiyin. Back when they were still in the Pei family, Huiyin was unwilling to talk to her about the conflicts between her and Pei Yu, keeping everything bottled up inside. Even though she didn't say anything, Yan Niang knew everything.
Several times when she was making the bed, she could feel the damp soft pillow. In her heart, it wasn't that she didn't want Huiyin and Pei Huo to be involved together again.
Yan Niang watched Pei Yu leave, then closed the heavy vermilion wooden door, the sound like dust settling on the floor echoing in Pei Yu's mind.
He couldn't help but look back, but the courtyard gate was tightly shut, isolating him from the outside. It was so close, yet it felt like an insurmountable chasm, impossible to cross.
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