Chapter 109 The End of the Present World
But if he had to do it again, Chen Xiliu would still make the same choice.
There was no way, he couldn't survive in a world without Qi Yan.
Qi Yan, on the other hand, is the opposite. He is more like a normal person. No matter how entangled he is, he is always trying to find a way to survive. Even if he is surrounded by pain, even if his life is ruined, he will not end his life easily.
"…Let's stop the game for now."
It was obviously an expected guess, but when Qi Yan really knew that Chen Xiliu made this choice, he couldn't describe his feelings at the moment.
I originally hoped that he would live well.
Chen Xiliu watched Qi Yan stand up, holding the teacup he had never touched, walk into the kitchen, unconsciously pour out the tea, and slowly make another cup.
"Qi Yan, how did you do it in your previous life... to come and comfort me in the end?" Shen Xiliu did not move, just staring at his back.
Shen Xiliu wondered if things would be different if Qi Yan had said these words to him earlier.
This was just a fleeting thought, and I didn't dare think about it carefully. Because Shen Xiliu knew that if Qi Yan said those words to him during the contract period, he would only end up being...humiliated.
Chen Xiliu could even imagine what he would say, surprise, disdain, sarcasm, telling Qi Yan not to be so self-righteous and trample on his self-esteem. He didn't think that he could use the contract to enter a class that didn't belong to him, right?
There was a class status difference between them. Qi Yan knew his character very well, but still wanted to confess to him, and ended up with such an outcome.
One goes from irrationality to rationality, and the other goes from rationality to irrationality.
"Who knows?"
Qi Yan just said this in a low voice.
No matter what feelings he had for Shen Xiliu, in the end, they meant nothing in the face of life.
It's not that she didn't know Chen Xiliu's character at the beginning, but she was blinded by love, so she started chasing Chen Xiliu blindly, trying to get the person who didn't belong to her.
Even what he did later was mostly irrational.
Knowing that Shen Xiliu was using him as a substitute, he was still willing to sign a contract with him. Qi Yan knew that he was more or less... unable to hide his true thoughts.
He had no choice at the beginning. Even if Shen Xiliu used him as a substitute, what could he do?
There's nothing he can do and it's impossible for him to break the contract, so... he can only accept it?
No matter how much he resented that fate, he could only accept it in the end. Don't try to ask Shen Xiliu, and don't compare yourself with Yi Yang in your heart. Don't expose your ugly side, it's too ugly!
Anyway...he grew up in that kind of environment.
Human nature is too complicated. Cowardice and inferiority are growing wildly in his heart. Qi Yan dare not express any love anymore. Under the truth of Gu Yanxing's death, he is not qualified to express it anymore.
At first, when he thought about how he almost confessed to Shen Xiliu at that time, and then thought about his mockery of himself, the complex emotions in Qi Yan's heart made him regret so much that he wanted to find a hole to bury himself in, and didn't want to face reality again.
But this is impossible, so Qi Yan can only choose to ignore and pretend towards Shen Xiliu, as if nothing happened between them. Isn't this also a way to maintain his own dignity?
Later, after facing the truth about Gu Yanxing's death and the news that he was not far from death, Qi Yan finally came out of it. In the face of the weight of life, dignity became nothing, and he had room for choice.
He voluntarily jumped into the pit that sank the stream again, thinking that he was going to die anyway, so he shouldn't worry too much. Since Shen Xiliu treated him as a substitute and wanted to use him to stabilize the false mark, shouldn't he at least let Shen Xiliu pay back a little bit of his debt?
Later, after knowing those misunderstandings, Qi Yan also resented fate and Shen Xiliu. Why did they torture him like this?
He was given hope time and time again, and was plunged into despair time and time again. However, no matter how strong the emotions were, they would eventually die in silence. Qi Yan's life experiences and character determined his choice.
He is different from Shen Xiliu, he is not qualified to start over. If this goes on, what would happen if Shen Xiliu knew about his illness?
Qi Yan was once so bad that he wanted to let Shen Xiliu know that he was about to die, but in the end... he gave up.
He didn't tell Shen Xiliu anything, and even lied on the island that he had a sterilization because he didn't want him to know the truth.
Shen Xiliu, the person he had ever liked, the only person he had ever loved in this world, should not have lived such a miserable life, should not have become a madman.
A dying person has no right to be attached to these things, so it is better to end it cleanly.
“Gulp, gulp—”
The water is boiling.
Qi Yan's gaze fell on his right hand, which was intact.
Although intact, the shadow of his past life did not sleep with his memory. Instead, it became a subconscious instinct, causing him to fail again and again in making cocktails in this life.
Perhaps it is because I tried too many times in private in my previous life and failed too many times, which has been deeply engraved in my soul and affected this life.
Their fates are always intertwined, whether in the past life or in this life, and can never be solved.
"Chen Xiliu." Qi Yan turned off the fire, took down the teapot, and turned to look at Shen Xiliu who was sitting on the sofa.
He recalled their first meeting in a bar in this life. The mojito that was spilled in the previous life, the cold liquid that rolled down my face, the broken orchid glass cup...
And later, Shen Xiliu asked him to mix another cup for himself. But at that time he didn't want to make it, and he couldn't do it anymore. The most successful time was when he randomly made a juice for Jiang Yuqing on the cruise ship.
Qi Yan originally wanted to use this glass of wine to confess his feelings to Chen Xiliu. Like the green wine of first love, Chen Xiliu was originally his first love.
——Please give my love a Mojito. ①
In the previous life, Shen Xiliu was unwilling to drink the wine that was poured on his face indifferently, but in this life, he drank it all.
At first Qi Yan thought Shen Xiliu had poured out the wine, but later when he was cleaning, he took a look at the trash can and saw that there was no wine, mint, or ice water poured in.
“…”
Qi Yan thought, if Gu Yanxing had not died because of him, if he had not been drugged by Yi Hongli, and if he had not known that the time he saved someone when he was a child would lead to all the subsequent events, perhaps there would not have been such a day.
Qi Yan is not that kind. Yi Yang destroyed his right hand, and he later returned it, but he could not do anything to Shen Xiliu.
If it were anyone else, Qi Yan would definitely look for an opportunity to retaliate. He is the kind of person who holds grudges.
He was not that rational. At that time, he couldn't help but vent his anger on Shen Xiliu. On the day he knew the truth, he regretted why he saved Shen Xiliu.
If it weren't for him, someone else would have saved Shen Xiliu, just like the traffic policeman in this life.
In that case, perhaps Yi Hongli would not have planned this, and Yi Hongli would not have had the opportunity to get the truth. His grandparents, uncles and aunts would not have known about his and his mother's existence, and they would not have rushed to find them and been manipulated by Yi Hongli, leading to their deaths in a car accident. Even his mother ended up choosing that ending because of the provocation sent by Yi Hongli...
I did not kill Bo Ren, yet Bo Ren died because of me.
There are not so many coincidences in the world, but more of human calculations.
They couldn't completely clear themselves of it all. Too many lives were lost between Qi Yan and Shen Xiliu. It was impossible for him not to hate him, but it was also impossible for him to... completely let go of him.
The entanglement of love and hate, in the end, makes a mess.
Fortunately, God is willing to give them a second chance.
Under Shen Xiliu's gaze, Qi Yan slowly spoke: "After tonight, let's not talk about our past lives anymore."
Now that you have made a new beginning, don't dwell on your failed past.
Once the doubts in your heart are resolved, don't think about it anymore. They should all come out of the painful shadows of their past lives and cover it all with new memories and experiences.
"good."
Shen Xiliu looked at him and nodded slowly and forcefully.
In his previous life, he had noticed that Qi Yan might like him later on. After all, he was always so gentle and patient towards him. People with different personalities express their love in different ways.
Qi Yan is not like him. He reveals more through details, bit by bit, silently. It is more like a silent confession.
But Shen Xiliu didn't face it at first, and later he didn't dare to believe it. After all, he didn't have the confidence that Qi Yan would still like him after he had paid such a high price and even lost his own life.
Disliking him, hating him, and being disgusted with him, perhaps for Qi Yan, this was a relief. Continuing to like him would be a torture instead.
They had good memories, but only a few. Against the backdrop of pain, Shen Xiliu didn't even dare to recall what kind of mood Qi Yan was in at that time when he was with him.
I had originally ignored what happened after the Qixi Festival, and our relationship before that seemed to be relatively peaceful. But when Shen Xiliu thought of Qi Yan at that time, who had been injected with pheromone destroyers right under his nose, and whose body was destroyed bit by bit, he could no longer be happy.
That relatively beautiful memory seemed to be built on Qi Yan's bloody corpse, making Shen Xiliu dare not close his eyes day and night, as if as long as he closed his eyes, he would be able to remember the feeling of Qi Yan's body falling from the building, hitting the ground and becoming fragmented, and the blood splashing on his face...
…
After the trial, it was raining and snowing heavily outside.
"It's an expected death sentence, and the next second trial probably won't change anything." Qi Yan watched Zhang Heng sorting out the documents. In this life, there was more and more complete evidence of Yi Hongli's crimes, and even the Shen family had difficulty operating. Shen Xiliu also asked if they wanted to find a way to keep Yi Hongli alive?
Just like in his previous life, at the end, Yi Hongli was tortured to the point that he couldn't even commit suicide.
Qi Yan refused. There was no need to go to this extent in this life. It would be good for Yi Hongli to die early. Song Yili's crime was lighter and he would not be sentenced to death, but more than ten years was no problem.
"Yes, it's the most successful lawsuit I've ever fought." Zhang Heng pushed his glasses with a smile on his face. His grandmother was one of the victims of the case in which Gu's enterprise produced and sold fake and inferior drugs. Ever since he met Qi Yan and Gu Yanxing, he has been trying to find ways to seek justice for his grandmother.
Qi Yan smiled and looked at the melancholy Gu Yanxing: "But I didn't expect that you could come back." He could see clearly how devoted Jiang Yuqing was to Gu Yanxing.
"Humph, after all, this is such an important matter, how could he continue to act like a young lady in front of me. He was able to act so willful in front of me before, wasn't it because of that little childhood friendship that I was willing to listen to him? If I use force, what is he, an omega? Does he really think I like..."
Gu Yanxing sneered and spoke very firmly, but halfway through, he suddenly felt a chill on his back.
Qi Yan and Zhang Hengyi, who were standing in front of him, looked past him and towards his back, constantly giving him eye contact.
“…”
"Yeah?"
A familiar voice sounded from behind. Gu Yanxing's whole body stiffened. He turned his head slowly and dully like a robot. Facing Jiang Yuqing's smiling face, he even clapped his hands lightly.
"Wow, that's amazing."
"It seems that I am really willful. I bully you every day based on our childhood friendship, thinking that you like me." Jiang Yuqing smiled and turned away. "I am really sorry. I took myself too seriously. Don't worry, I won't force you anymore in the future."
He left without hesitation, as if he had completely let go of this bad relationship.
Gu Yanxing: “…”
"I'll let you have a bad mouth." Zhang Heng shook his head and left in another direction, which was the entrance to the passage.
Qi Yan glanced at Gu Yanxing who was frozen in place and said, "If I don't go and comfort him, he might not take you seriously in the future."
He also left with Zhang Hengyi, not meddling in other people's business, as Shen Xiliu was still waiting for him outside. Moreover, if Jiang Yuqing really didn't want to care about Gu Yanxing, she wouldn't have taken that long road, which obviously gave him the opportunity to catch up.
When leaving from the gate, Gu Yanxing had not caught up yet. It seemed that he had gone to look for someone. After saying something to Qi Yan, Zhang Hengyi left first.
Grandpa and grandma had already accompanied Ms. Xia to the car. Qi Yan saw Shen Xiliu still standing outside with an umbrella. He frowned and walked over: "Why don't you get in the car? Isn't it cold outside?"
Qi Yan reached out and touched Shen Xiliu's cheek, then touched his fingers, which were icy cold.
Shen Xiliu gently rubbed his warm palm with her cheek and smiled: "It's okay, I just want to wait for you to come back."
"I'll just be away for a while." Qi Yan took the umbrella, took his hand and put it in his pocket, then got into another car. Fortunately, he let Shen Xiliu wear a down jacket today, instead of a coat that only had style but no warmth, “If you don’t like snowy days, don’t wait outside, I won’t leave you easily.”
Qi Yan couldn't hide the fact that Shen Xiliu didn't like the snowy weather, he knew it just by thinking about it.
In their previous life, it snowed heavily when they last met. Even on the day he died, Qi Yan vaguely remembered that white snow was falling from the sky, and an extremely clear snowflake fell into his eyes and blended into them, as cold as the tears of Shen Xiliu that he encountered the night before, chilling his heart...
The wind and snow witnessed his death. The pain of death did not last long as his body's defense mechanism made him feel no pain. When he completely lost consciousness, Qi Yan heard a shrill scream.
I originally thought it was just an auditory hallucination before death, but now that I think about it, it seems like he died miserably in front of Shen Xiliu.
"Don't worry, don't be afraid, I won't leave you this time."
The car was well heated. Shen Xiliu sat in Qi Yan's arms, with a passionate kiss on her lips. She was held tightly in his arms, as if she could no longer feel how cold the wind and snow outside were. The fear and coldness brought by the shadow of her previous life were driven away bit by bit.
"Yeah, I know."
He knew that compared to his love which was burning, strong, and extreme enough to hurt Qi Yan and himself, Qi Yan was more restrained and not so ostentatious, both in his past life and in this life.
Qi Yan's actions always reveal tenderness and love. Even if he doesn't express it as intensely as he does, it is hidden in Qi Yan's every move. If you don't love someone, you can't do this, so in the last life, Qi Yan was willing to forgive him and redeem him.
I don’t want him to be trapped in the nightmare of his previous life in this life.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
