Chapter 40 Seek and you will find; knock and you will find…
On the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2003, it started snowing heavily at 8 p.m., the heaviest snowfall in nearly five years. In almost an hour, the muddy old snow was covered by fluffy new snow, and the lights of thousands of homes dimmed.
In this city, every household's television was playing Spring Festival Gala skits on a loop. Families gathered indoors, filled with laughter and joy.
Huang Yin walked through the rickety corridor, carrying her heavy luggage downstairs, and left quickly and nervously with her back to Li Jiacong.
Her heart was pounding when Li Jiacong suddenly called out to her, "If you see him, please tell him I'm looking for him."
Huang Yin did not turn around, but simply nodded slightly.
The snow fell heavier and heavier.
Huang Yin arrived at the train station where she had arranged to meet Li Sheng. A train rumbled past outside, and Li Sheng saw her in the distance and waved.
Only when Huang Yin saw Li Sheng did she dare to breathe freely. She also didn't tell Li Sheng that Li Jiacong had come to Yunji's dormitory to look for him.
She was terrified. She was afraid Li Sheng would change his mind, afraid he would decide to stay and continue that kind of life for that person. She was also afraid that Li Jiazong had the ability to solve all of Li Sheng's problems. They would reconcile, leaving her alone as an outsider. All she knew was that she couldn't lose Li Sheng again.
This unfriendly city wasn't a good fit for her and Li Sheng. Li Sheng would leave sooner or later; she was just taking him away a little earlier. Their loss of contact was partly due to Li Sheng losing his old contact information, and partly due to Li Jiazong's belated regret. Even a moment too late was too late; missing out meant losing, and this had nothing to do with her.
This is fate's arrangement, it's not her fault, right?
Li Jiacong asked the right question, but also asked the wrong person.
Li Sheng helped her lift her luggage: "What's wrong?"
Huang Yin snapped out of her reverie and said, "It's nothing. I'm just very happy that we're finally leaving this place."
***2016
Short message:
I'm sorry, I lied to you.
I'll return it to you.
Huang Yin
Huang Yin sat down next to Li Nuo, who was taking a nap, took a deep breath, and pressed the send button. She owed Li Jiacong, and even more so, Li Sheng; she was unwilling to hide it any longer.
The bedroom door opened, and Li Sheng pushed it open and walked in. She turned around, saw Li Sheng wave his hand, and said to her with a smile, "I have good news."
A notice was sent to the Shiqiao Village Committee: Land acquisition is being carried out. Villagers who have no objections are requested to come to the committee to sign the documents by the end of this month.
It's said that the mine behind Shiqiao Village was being developed, and the village was being cleared out. Li Sheng packed his things, preparing to go back.
Li Sheng: "The transfer of my son to a public school has been arranged, so we won't have to travel between the two places anymore."
Even after leaving the city, they still maintained close ties with their hometown. Issues such as their child's residency and education kept them traveling between the two places, but ultimately they decided to return.
Li Sheng said, "We'll rent a bigger place in the next month or two. Then our son will have his own bedroom, which he's always wanted."
Huang Yin's heart suddenly ached. Li Sheng had given his life for them. He kept his promise to "take care of her and the child" for more than ten years. In the days since he bumped into Li Jiazong, Li Sheng had not changed at all. He did not chase after Li Jiazong. He still focused his attention on her and Li Nuo as before.
But she knew better than anyone that Li Sheng had never been in contact with other men outside of their relationship, all for Li Nuo. Yet, the moment Li Jiazong was mentioned or mentioned, Li Sheng seemed to come alive, his stagnant waters stirred—he was always the exception. In her absence, those two, with that kind of relationship, could still naturally come together.
All that Li Sheng has given her over the years was stolen from Li Jiacong.
Li Sheng continued, "We'll get some money from the relocation agreement. Part of it will go to Li Nuo's college education, and the rest, along with the money we've saved over the years, can buy a decent little house. I'll go back to the village to sign the papers in a bit."
Huang Yin suddenly burst into tears. She said, "I'm sorry."
Li Sheng belatedly noticed Huang Yin's reaction and was taken aback: "Why are you crying?"
Suddenly, Huang Yin stepped forward and hugged him. Despite being husband and wife in name only, they rarely had such physical intimacy. Huang Yin said, "Keep the money for yourself, don't give it to Li Nuo… Look at yourself…"
Li Sheng said to himself, "I don't have much money to spend, so it's more important to give it to him. He's about to enter high school, and studying will be tiring, so I need to buy him some nutritional supplements."
Huang Yin trembled, the moment of confession was so suffocating that she couldn't breathe: "We left... left that night I... he came to see you."
Li Sheng was stunned for a moment, then reacted and his body stiffened slightly.
Huang Yin: "I'm sorry, I was the one who hogged you... I knew you liked him so much... If I had told you and him back then, you could have been with him."
Li Sheng didn't speak. Time passed, and he wiped away Huang Yin's tears, saying gently, "It's been a long time since I've seen you cry. Don't cry, it's not your fault."
"If only" is just a possibility. Neither he nor Li Jiacong had the power to control their own lives back then. So, Li Sheng said very seriously, "My life is different from his, it was destined. It's really not your fault, Huang Yin."
Huang Yin burst into tears.
…
Li Sheng walked to the bus station and waited at the window. The fan in the waiting room creaked and groaned. This might be his last trip back home; Shiqiao Village would soon be razed to the ground and disappear into reinforced concrete.
While waiting for the train, Li Sheng couldn't help but think of what Huang Yin had said about Li Jiacong turning back for him, and his heart suddenly warmed. He really wanted to know what Li Jiacong would have said to him when he turned back then, what he would have wanted to say to him, even though the meaning was no longer important.
Unless, unless—
***2003, 2016
Li Jiacong came down from Yunji's dormitory when it suddenly started snowing heavily outside. Snowflakes were falling thick and fast. Where could Li Sheng have gone if he wasn't in the dormitory? It was almost Chinese New Year; he might have gone home. Yes, that was also a possibility. With this thought in mind, Li Jiacong ran to the nearby bus station. He pressed his face against the glass; the lights were off, and it was pitch black—he couldn't see anything.
*
The ticket seller began calling out, "Those going to Shiqiao, get on the bus, tickets will be checked and security will be in place." Li Sheng got up and boarded the bus, sitting in the last row. The bus slowly started moving and pulled away from the station. Looking out the window at the receding scenery, it seemed a young boy was asking for directions.
*
Li Jiacong stopped a man in work clothes and asked, "Are there any more buses to Shiqiao?"
The ticket seller said, "The last one just left." Li Jiazong chased after it to the main road and watched the bus drive away shakily. He turned around and started waving frantically at passing cars.
*
The bus bumped along towards the stone bridge. Li Sheng looked out the window at the road, which was neat and wide, with trees on both sides blocking out the distant, rolling mountains.
*
Li Jiacong ran towards the stone bridge. There were very few cars on the road, so he had to wave as he ran, hoping any vehicle would stop and take him to the stone bridge. The snow was getting heavier, and the sweat on Li Jiacong's body would evaporate and then dab back up. He asked for directions along the way, trying to hitch a ride on any vehicle that would bring him even a little closer to the stone bridge. He offered the drivers a lot of money, but few people were willing to take this seemingly neurotic teenager.
*
The bus stopped at Shiqiao Village.
The village retains its former appearance. Li Sheng walked along the main road into the village. The clinic was gone, the small shop was gone, and irregular cracks appeared on the walls on both sides. Many houses were empty and dilapidated. Li Sheng returned to his home, the small round house, where insects chirped in front of and behind the house, and weeds grew wildly in the cracks of the walls.
All his and his grandfather's memories were rooted here, and would vanish with the dust. Li Sheng wiped the edge of the kang (a heated brick bed) with the prepared cloth; the dust was too thick, making it uninhabitable. He could only sit quietly, gazing at all the furnishings in the room.
*
The last ride in the car took Li Jiacong to an unknown village entrance. Li Jiacong had no idea where he was, how far he was from the city, or how far he was from the stone bridge. His thighs itched from the alternating hot and cold temperatures, his eyelashes and hair were frozen, his vision was blurry, and he felt a persistent, unyielding tension in his chest.
He walked forward on foot.
*
As darkness fell and the heat subsided, Li Sheng wandered through the village after signing his papers. Cobwebs hung from the eaves, and the streets remained unchanged for over a decade. Whenever it rained, the streets would flood and become a muddy mess, with frogs hopping into the yards. As a child, Li Sheng would scream and call for his grandfather. Despite his humble origins, the cold stares, ridicule, and discrimination he faced, his grandfather was still a source of warmth for him during his childhood.
Li Sheng walked to the church again. Many years ago, the ditch he had gotten stuck in was very narrow; he used to think the church was very tall, but now it looked like a short section, overgrown with weeds that grew everywhere, filling the gaps between the walls. The blackboard in the courtyard hadn't been updated since Christmas two years ago. The icon stood there, but the prayer cushions in front of it were gone. Entering the church and sitting down, Li Sheng looked up at the Passion statue in the center. He heard an explosion in the distance; looking up, he realized it must be mining work on the back hill.
*
Like an explosion, Li Jiacong stopped and listened carefully. On the deserted road, he heard a second "bang."
No, that wasn't an explosion, that was a gunshot!
"Bang—" The third shot rang out.
Li Jiacong dared not look back, as if the gun barrel was right behind him. He ran forward desperately—he remembered his father telling him that laid-off workers were being laid off in droves, and no one could stay any longer. He naively asked what the outcome would be, and the sound of gunfire gave him the answer.
He'd commit murder for money!
Danger and death were imminent. In that instant, he understood Li Sheng. He understood his "not fighting back," the "scoundrel" he couldn't shake off, and his "not-so-simple" nature. Li Sheng's world was the adult world, a complex society, a society burdened with countless responsibilities. He lived under the "tightrope," having come from the countryside without any support. Every difficult step Li Jiazong was taking now, Li Sheng had trodden step by step, searching for him, waiting for him. Meanwhile, he himself had been too well-protected, arrogant and ignorant.
He took out his phone and dialed the police, but there was no signal.
In a daze, Li Jiacong seemed to see a road sign for Shiqiao Village in front of him, and the church spire was not far away.
Perhaps it's an illusion, but even if it is, he will keep moving forward—
*
The statue of God on the cross looked down at him. A Bible lay on the seat. Li Sheng casually flipped to a page and read the words: "Seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened."
Suddenly, he heard the door behind him open. He turned around and saw a thin figure in the darkness. The person entered, looking disheveled, and the door slammed shut behind him. Li Sheng asked, "Father?" There was no response.
Li Sheng stood up and explained, "I was just passing by and came in to take a look."
The person slowly approached, and the faint moonlight filtering through the window illuminated only a small part of his face, from his eyes to the corners of his lips. Li Sheng recognized him immediately.
It's Li Jiacong.
He looked very tired, as if he had walked a very, very long way, covered in wind and dust. In the instant our eyes met, he actually smiled.
“Li Jiacong…” Li Sheng had just opened his mouth when he was suddenly hugged.
That embrace, half cold and half burning, he said:
"I've finally found you."
…
Then, a warm hand took his hand, and under the merciful gaze of the Father and the gods, they walked outside. The pendant of the cross hung between their clasped hands.
It felt like a dream.
He led him through the village streets and alleys, past flocks of sheep, and along the long dirt road leading up the mountain.
Walking into the grassy fields behind the mountain, and standing before the mirror-like pool of water, Li Jiacong let go of the cross, which fell and stirred up ripples; Li Sheng reached out to grab it, but grasped nothing.
Li Jiacong pulled him up and kissed his face, just like fourteen years ago, soft yet passionate; hot tears streamed down their lips, and Li Sheng closed his eyes.
No need for God's forgiveness.
Let us grow wildly.
Let us forget our names.
Let's love each other like this.
Summer 2016.
The bright moonlight illuminated the entire barren plain.
-End of text-
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Author's Note: Thank you to all the little angels who voted for me or watered my plants with nutrient solution between 2:00:50 on June 29, 2024 and 1:53:37 on July 2, 2024!
Thank you to the little angel who threw the landmine: Dear Nicholas (1 landmine);
Thank you to the little angels who watered the nutrient solution: Wind Never Stops (20 bottles); Flowers Bloom (3 bottles); Nine Thoughts (2 bottles);
Thank you so much for your support! I will continue to work hard!
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