Mireiko's Secret
"Since things are different now, why help them? How much affection does the person you can't let go of truly have for you?" Hearing Tang Feng's question, Su Zili simply shook her head. "People are different. You're willing to risk your life and fortune to go back to Yanyun for Zhou Ziliang. I want to help Yanyun... not just Li Linglan... but also Yanyun... Some things can't be let go of immediately; desensitization takes time... Just like when I asked you to let go of Qin Liuliu's death, you couldn't... because he already has a place in your heart, and you can't sever it."
Tang Feng was furious when he thought about how Emperor Yun had forced Tang Zhaonan to his death and then tricked him into a trap. He clenched his fists, his nails scratching his palms from the force. "I think he's just... insatiable and greedy. I have no respect for him, and how can you expect me to help? If I go back, Emperor Yun won't let me off the hook."
Su Zili lowered her head and smiled faintly, but her eyes revealed a hint of determination. "You and His Majesty... were entangled too deeply. Although I had a past with him, I don't want to dwell on that relationship anymore... As for Yan Yun's future, this is the last time I'm helping him, keeping my promise. Tang Feng... Li Linglan, how will you handle this? Whether you seek revenge or ignore it... I only hope you can consider Yan Yun's sake..."
Tang Feng sighed, "So you were so sure I would go back that you waited here for me to come back."
"I just want to make things clear to you... I can't let you go back without knowing why."
Seeing Su Zili's reaction, Tang Feng lost his temper. He muttered to himself that Su Zili had tricked him, but after weighing the pros and cons and thinking for a long time, he still spoke softly, "If I can go back, I will do my best to resolve Pu Yuan's matter... But Li Linglan... I will not let him go. I will seek revenge for my father's death and my humiliation. When that happens... don't come looking for me again."
Su Zili smiled and placed the two bells in front of Tang Feng. "After you leave with Yu Lingzi, I will never go back... never."
Tang Feng looked at Su Zili, somewhat surprised. "You... have you thought it through?" Su Zili nodded, but a hint of worry flashed in her eyes. "The rest... isn't important, but I'm a little worried about that 'Tang Feng' who was supposed to be in Yanyun."
Tang Feng pondered for a moment, a vague unease creeping into his heart. "I want to ask... about that 'Tang Feng,' that real young master of the Tang family... is he currently living in Xiling in my place? If so... would my return disrupt his life?" Tang Feng admitted that he didn't approve of the crybaby young master's cowardly behavior, but that didn't mean he would kill a life for Zhou Ziliang. According to Su Zili's description, if their bodies were swapped, he would need to return to Xiling with two bells, meaning he would lose all contact with Yan Yun. What should he do then...? "He..."
"His soul will vanish into nothingness..."
Since Tang Feng's death, no one has entered or left the Tang residence. Fearing that Emperor Yun would implicate the Tang family because of Tang Feng's death, Qin Jiujiu dismissed the servants overnight. Emperor Yun accused Tang Feng of disrupting the court and colluding with the princes, and decreed that his funeral could not be held. The Zhou family was also ordered to stay at home. Qin Jiujiu sat before Tang Zhaonan's memorial tablet late at night, unable to come to her senses for a long time. "Father... forgive Jiujiu for dismissing the servants... Xiao Feng is gone, and this family is broken... You told us not to leave the Tang residence... saying that as long as we were here... we could still have a home when Xiao Feng turned back." Qin Jiujiu paused, her voice gradually becoming choked with sobs, "But Xiao Feng was too stubborn... he never turned back." "...She went down a dark path and lost her life... Father! Home... It's gone!" Qin Jiujiu hugged her knees, finally unable to hold back her tears. Liu Yiwan, being a servant, couldn't enter the ancestral hall and could only sit outside, separated from Qin Jiujiu by a door. Hearing Qin Jiujiu's intermittent sobs coming from inside the wooden door, Liu Yiwan's heart ached as if it were being torn apart. After Tang Feng's death, Qin Jiujiu wanted to leave the Tang family mansion, this place of sorrow. Tang Feng had taken her in and given her a few years of relatively peaceful life. Both Tang Zhaonan and Tang Feng were family to Qin Jiujiu. Now that Tang Feng was dead, the beliefs Qin Jiujiu held onto had collapsed. Liu Yiwan knew Qin Jiujiu wanted to leave, but he couldn't stop her or follow her. He could only silently stay in the Tang family mansion. The Tang family mansion had given him everything, and now it was empty. He couldn't leave. Although Tang Feng hadn't instructed him to guard the Tang family mansion before his death, he couldn't bear to let this house become a deserted place. Seeing Qin Jiujiu come out, Liu Yiwan got up and asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you leaving tomorrow...?" Qin Jiujiu lowered her head, not daring to look Liu Yiwan in the eye, and could only nod gently in agreement. Then she took out a handkerchief and wiped away her tears. "You... take good care of yourself... I'm sorry... I... let you down."
Liu Yiwan's eyes reddened, a rare sight for her. She carefully pulled Qin Jiujiu into her arms and softly comforted her, "It's not your fault... I'll handle the young master's matter... I'll also guard the Tang residence. Go to Shanghan... clear your mind and forget about what happened in Xiling."
Tang Feng's death was common knowledge in Xiling, but the news didn't reach the border. Even though it was a letter from the Zhou family, and Madam Zhou was heartbroken, she promised Zhang Mobai not to tell Zhou Ziliang. Madam Zhou knew that Tang Feng was protecting the Zhou family and Zhou Ziliang. The Zhou family, which held military power, was a thorn in the side of Emperor Yun. Sending Zhou Ziliang to the border was already Emperor Yun's biggest concession. Tang Feng didn't want Zhou Ziliang to risk his life because of him, so every month he would have Zhang Mobai write a letter to Zhou Ziliang in his own voice. Even though Zhou Ziliang was far away at the border, and news from Xiling couldn't reach him, and his relatives and friends were deliberately hiding it from him, he still had a vague suspicion in his heart.
Chen Ke looked at Zhou Ziliang kneeling beside the table, hesitated several times before finally speaking, "Young Marquis, there's no need to worry... The young mistress must have already returned to the Zhou family. She's been sending letters every month... her health must be much better now..."
Zhou Ziliang waved his hand, "You can go now... I know about Xiaofeng's situation." Chen Ke wanted to say something more, but swallowed her words. She bowed to Zhou Ziliang, turned, and left the tent. Once everything was quiet, Zhou Ziliang sighed, "No matter how much they tried to hide it... how could I not know about Xiaofeng's health..." He opened each letter and placed them on the table, staring at the handwriting for a long time without speaking. Only when the candle had burned out did he slowly rise, pick up the candlestick, place it on the table, and write a reply to Tang Feng:
My beloved Xiaofeng, does this letter tell you if you are well? When we parted in Xiling, I already knew we would never meet again. I know this letter from Xiling was not written by you, and I know your intentions and your feelings.
Since falling deeply in love with you, I have never felt that love in this world is so beautiful. Although we have known each other since childhood, we fell in love and understood each other at the age of coming of age. I once regretted leaving you to guard the border, but now I am content to marry you.
I have just received a letter from my parents. They may not want us to grieve, but they do not mention you in a single sentence. Yet, as I read the letter, every word I read was about you. I dare not think of that place, for I fear that I will be forced to return to the Western Mausoleum upon hearing the tragic news, and I fear that I will not be able to bear seeing your tombstone. I am busy with countless affairs of state every day, and I dare not slack off in the slightest, for I fear that I will think of you in my spare time.
When I pick up my pen, I don't know how to put ink. When I left Xiling, you were already weak and unable to hold a pen. How can you write with such vigorous and powerful strokes? I know that the person writing this letter is no longer you, but when I am alone at night, I can only feel your presence by my side when I hold your book and fall asleep.
You forbid me from returning to Xiling; how could I not understand your good intentions? Do not worry, I will keep our promise. Besides, Xiling has no place for me; returning would be meaningless.
I often ride my horse to the cave where we used to live. That day I was wounded by an arrow, and you leaned on my shoulder, too afraid to sleep. The next day you promised me that you could marry me.
Looking back now, more than three years have passed since we parted at Xiling. I don't know how I've spent these three years; it seems I've grown accustomed to having you by my side.
If there is an afterlife, would you be willing to enter my life again? Would you be willing to become my son again? Would you be willing to love me again?
My beloved Xiaofeng, if you wish, could you enter my dreams at night and not leave me alone to spend this long night?
Ake's son is now three years old. I've heard he's mischievous, careless, and often makes mistakes, frequently incurring his mother's scolding. I wonder if you, upon seeing him, will recall Liu Liu? If you were still alive, would you be pleased?
I dream of you every day, but you are nowhere to be found. I long to follow you to the underworld, yet I dare not die to see you, for I fear to witness your disappointed expression.
I pick up my pen but do not know what I want to write; I put ink on the paper but do not know when to stop. I have written more than ten pieces at home, but I do not know how you have seen them.
Years ago, beneath the Thousand Prayer Tree, I wished for a prosperous and peaceful nation, and for my parents' good health, all because I was destined to be the Marquis who pacified the border. But now, stationed at the border, I have no heart for such things. I do not wish to be seen by the world as the illustrious Marquis of Dingbei, but only as Zhou Ziliang, the one and only Tang Feng, to follow you in everything and never betray you for eternity.
Zhou Ziliang put down his pen, looking at the first letter Tang Feng had sent. The slightly trembling handwriting told him that Tang Feng had already lost his grip on the pen. Touching the now-dry ink, Zhou Ziliang whispered, "I know... you didn't want me to be implicated... that's why you sent me away to face things alone. But don't worry, since I promised you, I will keep my promise and not go back... But Xiao Feng... if I promised... could you wait for me..." Zhou Ziliang raised his arm to his eyes, took a deep breath, and said in a hoarse voice, "If I'm really gone... could you... answer me? My soul is haunted by these words. I wrote so many letters, but I can only burn them for you..." Zhou Ziliang raised his hand, his eyes slightly red, and placed the letter he had just written in front of the candle flame until it burned out completely. Looking at the charred paper, Zhou Ziliang tightly gripped it in his hand. "Xiao Feng... I'll consider this a letter you read. In the next life... you mustn't forget me."
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