The way home
Meanwhile, Qin Jiujiu, far away in Xiling, was waiting for dawn to leave, to leave the Tang family that had raised her for over a decade. Watching Liu Yiwan staring at her from beside the carriage, Qin Jiujiu's eyes stung with tears. She had wondered more than once if her departure would be too cruel for Liu Yiwan. Perhaps Liu Yiwan was the one who accepted Tang Feng's death the fastest; he seemed to have known all along, comforting the sobbing Qin Jiujiu and Zhang Mobai, who frequently visited but also had tears in his eyes. Compared to Qin Jiujiu, who had been redeemed by Tang Feng, and Zhang Mobai, whom he had known since childhood, Liu Yiwan had spent more time with Tang Feng, yet upon hearing of his death, he breathed a sigh of relief.
Liu Yiwan had told Qin Jiujiu more than once that it would be better for Tang Feng to die than to linger on in his old age. Even though he would die young, at least he wouldn't be plagued by illness anymore. Liu Yiwan had seen Tang Feng in his final moments; he was frail, burdened by illness, and unable to properly recuperate. Therefore, although Liu Yiwan was also unwilling to accept Tang Feng's passing, it was better to leave than to live in such agony.
Liu Yiwan watched as the bundles were loaded onto the carriage one by one, then turned to Qin Jiujiu and smiled. "Don't worry. If you run out of money, just write back. Although the young master and master are gone, they still have some savings. You can't suffer while you're away, otherwise the young master won't be at ease." Qin Jiujiu naturally knew that Liu Yiwan just wanted her to leave with peace of mind. She nodded gently and handed Liu Yiwan the jade hairpin he had given her years ago. "Back then... Xiaofeng went to ask Father to grant us a marriage, but... Xiaofeng went to Shanghan... and that matter was delayed until now... and we still haven't been able to get married. I don't know when I'll return... and I'm afraid you'll be worried... Could you put this hairpin on me one more time?" Liu Yiwan took the hairpin, pursed her lips, and dared not speak. She simply nodded heavily and placed the white jade hairpin, which she had bought for Qin Jiujiu long ago, into her hair. With tears in her eyes, Qin Jiujiu gently hugged Liu Yiwan and said, "Take care." Liu Yiwan raised her hand and gently pinched Qin Jiujiu's cheek, then smiled and said, "Okay, be careful on the road."
Zhang Mobai also came to see her off. Seeing Qin Jiujiu about to leave, he quickly went over and cupped his hands in greeting, "Sister, you're leaving in such a hurry... Why not wait until after the Beginning of Autumn?" Qin Jiujiu shook her head, then looked at the plaque of the Tang Mansion, just like the day she was first redeemed and entered the mansion. "Things have changed, and I have no desire to stay... Liu Liu is gone... I comfort myself... There's still Father at home, and Xiao Feng. When Father passed away, I thought that for Xiao Feng's sake, I couldn't leave... But now... Xiao Feng is gone too... The vast Tang Mansion... has long lost its vitality. Even in the sweltering summer, staying here leaves me feeling empty." "It's as cold as winter," Zhang Mobai didn't know what to say, so he forced a smile and handed the letter in his arms to Qin Jiujiu. "This is a letter to the border... Sister, please deliver it." Qin Jiujiu frowned as she looked at the letter. "Are you still lying to Ziliang?" Zhang Mobai nodded, looking at the letter in Qin Jiujiu's hand. "Before my brother died, he no longer had the strength to hold a pen. He rushed and only managed to write three letters... He felt sorry for Ziliang and didn't want him to know... So he had to resort to this tactic of having me write them for him." Qin Jiujiu shook her head as she looked at the letter. "They were together for so long and went through so much... How could Ziliang..." "He might not know... He just keeps it to himself, unwilling to admit it. After all, Xiaofeng is his beloved. The letter you gave him... is just a dream after waking up, 'nothing else matters except Wushan.'" Zhang Mobai finally sighed, "Of course I know... but... I can't bear to say it. Please help me, sister... don't tell Ziliang. That would be fulfilling your brother's wish." Qin Jiujiu nodded, then looked at Zhang Mobai, her eyes full of worry, "Mobai... you're working for His Majesty now... it's not like before. Xiaofeng has ultimately implicated you, and Yang Fei has been suspended from his post. You... you must be careful." Hearing Qin Jiujiu's concerned words, Zhang Mobai could only smile bitterly. "Sister, things are different now. We can only be considered to be protecting ourselves. Even the Zhou family, who hold considerable military power, is in dire straits... Now that my brother has left, His Majesty hasn't taken our lives, but he's keeping a close eye on us... There's little chance of escape." Zhang Mobai then smiled with relief, "Fortunately, my brother didn't see us in this state... Otherwise, given his personality, he'd be overthinking things." Zhang Mobai looked at Qin Jiujiu, his eyes filled with reluctance and sorrow, trying to keep his voice calm, "Sister... take care."
Tang Feng, still stunned by Su Zili's explanation, clutched the Spirit Orb tightly before releasing it. He stood up and said in a hoarse voice, "So he won't agree. He likes Zhou Ziliang so much... It's incredibly difficult to persuade him to leave, let alone the fact that he'll be reduced to ashes... What kind of fool would do that?" He turned to leave, having finally thought he could go back, only to be dealt this blow. Tang Feng was inevitably disappointed, but he didn't want to show it. He was used to licking his wounds alone in the darkness. Just as Tang Feng was about to leave, Su Zili grabbed him. "About you and Zhou Ziliang... he might agree. We'll only know the result after asking." Tang Feng hesitated, afraid his words would hurt the young master of the Tang family, and also afraid he wouldn't be able to accept the rejection. He sighed, "Never mind... Ziliang is very important to me." "...But his life is also important...This is too cruel for him, I don't want him to face this...Otherwise, I'll feel guilty...My father..." Thinking of Tang Zhaonan, Tang Feng felt another wave of self-reproach. After thinking for a moment, Su Zili asked, "You really don't want to see him? Fate is in your own hands. His choice is definitely not something you can change with your every move." Seeing Tang Feng remain silent, Su Zili didn't speak further, but simply placed the bell in Tang Feng's hand. "Whether you want to or not is up to you. I won't force you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. However, I just want to say that if you don't take this step, you'll never know if it's the right one." Tang Feng gripped the Spirit Orb, pondered for a moment, and nodded. "I...I want to see him...to see that...Tang Feng from a different time and space, with a different personality."
Knowing he couldn't interfere, Su Zili led Tang Feng into his room. "He might have been waiting for you all along. He hasn't woken up yet." Tang Feng didn't say anything after hearing this, but simply followed Su Zili's instructions, holding the Spirit Orb and falling into a deep sleep.
His consciousness gradually faded, and his body felt light as if he were floating on clouds. When Tang Feng opened his eyes again, he found himself in chaos, surrounded by darkness, standing on water, where his touch created ripples. "I've been waiting for you for a long time..." Tang Feng turned around and saw a man standing opposite him who looked exactly like him, wearing a moon-white wide-sleeved robe, his hair tied up high with a jade hairpin. The difference was that his eyes held a hint of cowardice and timidity.
"You're that... uh..." Tang Feng didn't know how to address him for a moment. It felt strange to call someone who looked exactly like him by the same name. The man seemed to understand Tang Feng's awkwardness, lowered his head, and smiled somewhat embarrassedly. "Call me whatever you want."
"Then...Young Master Tang?"
The man nodded and looked at Tang Feng. "I've been waiting for you here."
"Here?" Tang Feng looked around. It was pitch black, so dark you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. The silence was eerie; only by listening carefully could you hear the faint sound of dripping water. "I heard from Su Zili... that you didn't want to wake up over there... was it also to wait for me?"
The man hesitated for a moment, then slowly nodded. Tang Feng, though unwilling to mention Zhou Ziliang, couldn't help but ask softly, "You...you can...continue living in Yanyun, wake up, go to the border...find Ziliang...you can...continue..." Tang Feng trailed off, unable to continue. He couldn't accept that Zhou Ziliang and Tang Feng were about to reunite, but the soul within his body wasn't his own. Yet, he also didn't want Zhou Ziliang to live a lonely life on the border, nor did he want this 'Tang Feng' to be destroyed because of him.
"But I'm not you. Ziliang's love isn't for me." The man looked at Tang Feng, smiling, but his eyes held helplessness and pain. "Ziliang knows you so well. He probably knew I wasn't you at first glance. A love that lasts a lifetime, ten years of knowing and cherishing each other—how could he not know? And... more than my happiness... I want him to be happy. You can do that, right, Tang Feng?" These words seemed to be directed at Tang Feng, but also at himself. Looking at the person opposite him, Tang Feng felt an indescribable bitterness. He turned his head away, stiffly saying, "I can't possibly remember your kindness. You agreed to this, and you're dead, you know? As for what happens between me and Zhou Ziliang, you'll never know."
The man nodded. "I know very well. Since Yan Yun's death, three years have passed. I've thought about this issue here for the past three years. I admit... I'm very jealous of you. Jealous that you could go to Lishan Academy with Ziliang, be taken back by him in Qianghu, and go to Shanghan to make him wait for you for three years. As for me, I can only stand behind Ziliang and watch him silently. But I don't regret it..." The man pursed his lips, tears welling in his eyes, yet he still forced a smile. "If he can be happy... then it's not like I lost my gamble." Seeing the man about to cry, Tang Feng panicked, looking at him in a flustered manner, unsure how to comfort him. "Young Master Tang... I... I didn't mean that... Please don't cry... I... I just... I just didn't want to kill you."
The man, his eyes red-rimmed, looked at Tang Feng and said, "I am so grateful to you... for letting me... live a wonderful life in a different identity, without cowardice, without bullying, and without disappointed looks. I'm sure my father has always been proud of you!"
Thinking of Tang Zhaonan's death, Tang Feng lowered his head. "I'm sorry... I... couldn't protect him, and..." Tang Feng looked at that person, his eyes filled with reluctance, "I... didn't want you to die either, although I know Ziliang is still waiting for me... but..."
Before Tang Feng could finish speaking, the man interrupted, "I do have an obsession with Zhou Ziliang, but I can also tell whether he even sees me. Tang Feng, death may end life, but it doesn't end feelings. Although... I will be reduced to ashes, I will still remember every little thing about him. However, now that you're taking Yu Lingzi back, you're probably going to destroy him. My connection with him will also be severed until the end of my life. From the moment I met Mr. Su and agreed to the soul exchange, I have never regretted it... and I have no time to regret it."
Tang Feng was stunned for a moment, then looked at the person in front of him with heartache. "Young Master Tang... you are much braver than I've heard. You are not... a coward."
"Thanks"
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