Chapter 46 Diary "The Moon Star is also a bright and dazzling star..."
September 20, 2019, cloudy
All secret loves end here.
——Excerpt from Tao Shuran’s Diary
*
The summer in Fuqing suddenly seemed less bright.
Dark clouds pressed down heavily, and everything became gray. The ginkgo trees planted by the roadside dropped their leaves when the wind blew.
Tao Shuran finally raised his head.
She saw Liang Yuanjing's indifferent expression. He might not know how fierce his usually cynical face could be when it had no expression.
She was used to his gentleness and consideration, so she felt sad at this moment.
"I can explain."
Tao Shuran trembled her eyelashes, even her voice was shaking, and she repeated it while looking into his eyes.
"I can explain it to you."
Liang Yuanjing lowered his eyes, turned his head slightly, revealing half of his face that was as sharp as a blade, and even his voice sounded cold.
Ask directly: "Who is y?"
"It's you."
Everything became clear.
All the facts that he had tried so hard to conceal were revealed at this moment. Tao Shuran never expected that one day all his shy thoughts would be revealed in such an embarrassing manner.
She took a deep breath and said, "Yes, it's what you think."
I have a crush on him, I want to be close to him, with all the persistence and courage of my girlhood, I just want to stand by his side.
There is confusion and regret on the road of youth, but because he stands at the end of the future, she has no regrets.
Even now, she is still working hard to go to Beijing North.
Tao Shuran smiled bitterly and said, "Now I will reveal everything to you."
She didn't even dare to call his name, and her voice was very soft, always afraid that her dream would be shattered.
Liang Yuanjing pursed his lips tightly, his dark eyes fixed on her for a long time.
After a while, he spoke softly -
"If I had known that you liked me, I would never have fallen in love with you."
This one sentence made Tao Shuran feel like he was falling into an ice cellar.
The moisture in her eyes could no longer be contained and she took two steps back, feeling the blood rushing and pain all over her body.
"I'm sorry for deceiving you."
Seeing her tears, Liang Yuanjing turned around quickly.
He held his hands at both sides of his body with great restraint, many complex emotions intertwined, but he was suddenly moved when he saw her tearful eyes.
"You should go back to the dormitory first."
He said, "We should all calm down a bit."
Looking at his back as he left, Tao Shuran realized that he seemed to have messed up everything.
The peaceful relationship between them was completely broken. Not only could they no longer be friends, but Liang Yuanjing had originally approached her with the intention of being friends.
But she, like a thief with ulterior motives, took every step carefully and tried to stand by his side.
She took advantage of his sincerity and thoughtfulness and betrayed his feelings.
Thinking of this, Tao Shuran was so sad that he couldn't speak.
It was the first time she lost her composure in public and walked alone in the long corridor, crying bitterly as she walked.
"Tao Shuran?"
At the end of the corridor, Fu Changpei called her.
As if he had been prepared, he handed her a whole pack of paper, and then remained quiet and silent by her side.
Tao Shuran whispered, "You know everything?"
Fu Changpei looked at her gently and said, "Have you forgotten? I have always known this."
I have always known that she likes another person, and I have always been silently guarding her with a loving attitude.
In fact, to a certain extent, Fu Changpei believes that she at this moment is the other side of himself.
Tao Shuran was dejected: "I seem to have done something completely wrong."
"Really? But I never thought you were wrong."
Fu Changpei said in a relaxed tone, "It's natural to desire to be close to someone you like. You're neither overly emotional nor causing trouble to others. Compared to those suitors who rushed to the training ground and disrupted Liang Yuanjing's training plans, your love is as gentle and precious as winter snow."
"Really?" Tao Shuran said sadly, "But I feel Liang Yuanjing is very angry."
Fu Changpei walked slowly beside her, his gentle eyebrows drooping slightly, and he comforted her in the most gentle way.
"I know Ajing. He is not angry because you deceived him, but because he is caught in a state of disorder."
"He treated you like a friend, and then one day you said you really liked him. He had never been in a relationship, nor had he ever had close contact with a girl. Suddenly faced with something so unexpected, he definitely couldn't react or make the right choice right away."
"But you have to believe that he will take responsibility and resolve this matter. It's just that for now, both you and he need some time to think about it."
"What do you want, Tao Shuran?"
In the slightly lonely autumn wind, Fu Changpei's voice was like a slowly played cello, guiding her to think slowly with a sufficiently tolerant attitude.
"Do you want to take your relationship with him to the next level, or do you want it to remain the same as before?"
Tao Shuran's thoughts gradually became clear. The moment she walked out of the Qing University campus, she looked back and looked into the distance.
At the end of the sycamore trees on both sides of the avenue, she vaguely saw Liang Yuanjing's figure, with an upright figure and an unruly posture. It seemed as if he was standing there waving at her, and silently mouthing to her - "See you, Qing Da."
At this moment, Tao Shuran finally listened to all the thoughts in his heart.
Her expression became firmer, and even her voice became clearer.
"I hope he will always be proud and high-spirited."
As for the result, secret love does not require any result.
"Me too."
Behind her, Fu Changpei whispered, "I also hope you will always be happy."
*
In a milk tea shop across the street from Qingda University, Tao Shuran waited for Fang Qingyi who had hurried over.
Her eyes were red, as if she had cried before coming.
Tao Shuran forced a tired smile and patted her shoulder comfortingly.
She knew that this was a sympathy between two secret admirers, and no one wanted the love they cherished most to be exposed in public in this way.
The uncomfortable atmosphere was interrupted by the two cups of milk tea brought by Fu Changpei. He pushed one of the cups in front of Fang Qingyi, knowing her taste very well.
"This one's yours, less ice."
Fu Changpei took out a few pieces of paper and wiped the water droplets around the edge of the cup. He put two fingers together and pushed it in front of her. He couldn't help but remind her, "The weather is cold, drink less iced drinks."
"Got it." Fang Qingyi stuck out her tongue. "Next time I should call you daddy. You're even more nagging than my dad."
Fu Changpei gave him a murderous glare.
Fang Qingyi immediately raised her hand to admit her mistake.
"I was wrong, Teacher Fu."
Half an hour later, Luo Qiuya finally arrived.
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Ranran. I didn't expect this post to go viral. I was so angry at the time and was so anxious to prove myself that I posted your diary."
"Really, I was so moved when I saw this diary. I felt that the love between you two was so pure, so I couldn't help but take a photo and save it."
"I later found your diary and put it back in the cabinet where it came from. Oh, and I just ran into Xu Yanyang on the road and asked him to bring it to you. Did you get it?"
Tao Shuran's gaze slowly fell on the dirty diary on the table.
She was so upset that she couldn't speak. She turned her head with difficulty, not even willing to look at Luo Qiuya.
"You go back first."
Luo Qiuya made an "apology" gesture: "Sorry, Ha Ranran, I'll treat you to milk tea when we get home tonight."
Who knew Tao Shuran would say the next sentence——
"But I won't forgive you."
Probably no one expected her to be so decisive and decisive. Even Luo Qiuya herself was completely stunned.
In her opinion, something that can be easily dismissed with a laugh is not worth making the relationship so strained.
She forced a smile, said "It's up to you", and left without looking back.
The sound of a text message alert broke the frozen atmosphere.
Tao Shuran lowered his head to unlock his phone, and stood up the moment he saw the message.
She said softly, "I have to go back to school. Teacher Lin wants to talk to me about something."
"How about I stay with you?" Fang Qingyi looked at her worriedly. "Ranran, if you're sad, just cry. Don't hold it in by yourself."
"I'm fine."
"Teacher Lin must have called me because the interview results for the Jingbei project team are out." Tao Shuran took a deep breath. "Wish me good luck, Xiaoyi."
After calming down, Tao Shuran walked back to school.
The loneliness of autumn is always first reflected in the plane trees on both sides of the road. Her eyes followed these trees all the way forward and gradually fell on the hip-and-gable-roofed building. This building, which combines Chinese and Western architecture, is known as the most beautiful campus in the East.
At this moment, Tao Shuran strangely began to miss everything.
"Student Tao Shuran, after the comprehensive evaluation of this project team, you were not selected for the Beijing North project team selection. I hope you will continue to work hard."
After reading out the collective decision, Lin Tingzhou patted her shoulder to comfort her.
"Judging from your age, you are much less experienced. Calm down and practice for another year or two. I believe in your potential."
Tao Shuran said, "Okay."
Lin Tingzhou hesitated to speak, and after a while, she spoke softly, "I know everything about you and Ajing."
"I thought about it and decided that instead of hiding it, I should talk to you face to face. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable, we can also skip this topic."
"No discomfort."
Tao Shuran smiled bitterly and said, "I like him, and everything I do is for him."
From the moment her secret love diary was posted online, Tao Shuran knew that she could no longer hide the fact that she liked Liang Yuanjing.
She began to be afraid to face everyone related to Liang Yuanjing, not knowing what they would think of her.
Since Lin Tingzhou asked the question, Tao Shuran gritted his teeth and went straight to meet him.
Anyway, her situation is already bad enough. No matter how much blame and hardship she faces, it will only make a little difference to her now.
Unexpectedly, Lin Tingzhou scolded Liang Yuanjing in a complaining manner.
"It's this kid Ajing who's causing this peach blossom debt again."
She taught with the tone of an elder: "But not all choices in life are made because of another person."
Tao Shuran lowered her eyelashes and whispered, "Someone said the same thing to me."
"He hopes that I can break away from dependence and habits and forge my own path independently."
Lin Tingzhou nodded in agreement: "Perhaps you will become even more powerful and dazzling when you are alone."
"The companion moon star is also a bright and dazzling star."
After hearing the last sentence, Tao Shuran's long-suppressed emotions finally burst out.
She cried and shed tears, and the sadness about secret love that she had suppressed for many years suddenly came up.
Liking someone is both a happy and a sad thing.
Now the moon finally knows that it is the moon.
But she could no longer be a star accompanying him.
Finally, Lin Tingzhou found some documents and handed them to her.
"I have several other projects here. They're all in remote locations and the conditions are very difficult. You might consider going."
"But this time I hope you choose to go to a city for yourself, not because of anyone else."
Tao Shuran walked out of the office holding the heavy documents.
It's a cloudy day today. It has been raining a lot in Fuqing since September. Liang Yuanjing doesn't like to carry an umbrella, so he rushed out of the training ground several times during heavy rain.
She then developed the habit of carrying two umbrellas.
But in fact, she met him very rarely. Their lives were not in sync, and the empty umbrella was left in the corner like her complicated teenage thoughts.
Today, Tao Shuran once again walked uncontrollably to the place where he was training.
The open training ground, climbing up the escalator to the second floor of the small building next to it, gives you a clear view of the entire scene.
This is an excellent viewing platform that few people know about, and it is also a secret base that Tao Shuran discovered after wandering alone thousands of times.
She leaned on the railing with her arms, squinting her eyes in the wind, looking for Liang Yuanjing's figure.
He was still the most outstanding person in the crowd. His tall and straight figure was outlined in his blue and green training suit. He stood slightly lazily, holding a dogtail grass in his mouth, with a cold and indifferent expression on his face.
After a while, the instructor in uniform ran over angrily.
"Liang Yuanjing!"
Liang Yuanjing immediately stood up straight and shouted loudly, "Here!"
The traces of training were etched in his bones. Even if the opponent scolded him, he would still maintain an unchanged expression and stand as solid as a rock.
Tao Shuran stuck his head out, trying to hear some sound from the wind.
"Why are you always out of form lately? Don't take advantage of your talent and do whatever you want."
"Has your relationship affected you? Haven't you had enough of the pain of being suspended from training for a month because of those girls?"
"I told you on the first day of training that staying calm is a must for every pilot. At any moment, we must not be carried away by emotions and must use reason to make the most correct decision at the moment."
Liang Yuanjing said softly: "But sometimes, we can't be completely rational."
“Even if you can’t do it, you have to do it.”
"When you become a pilot, your decisions carry the fate of everyone on your shoulders."
The instructor looked at him with dismay: "Liang Yuanjing, if there is something you can't figure out, then stand here and calm down. Stay calm until you can make a rational decision."
The overcast sky finally gave way to dark clouds.
At first it was a continuous drizzle, then the raindrops stretched into lines, and gradually, the lingering rain turned into crackling raindrops, hitting the plastic shed above Tao Shuran's head, making a noisy noise.
In the past, Tao Shuran thought that autumn rain was a very lingering object. She never knew that one day it would become a sharp weapon that could hurt people.
Watching Liang Yuanjing standing in the open space from cloudy days to rainy days, he was like a poplar tree, his upright posture remained unchanged.
So, what was it that prevented him from making a decision?
Is it a decision to abandon her both rationally and emotionally?
In the heavy rain, Tao Shuran squatted down uncomfortably.
She thought of what Fu Changpei had said to her during the day.
"Do you know why Liang Yuanjing has never been in a relationship?"
"It's because he takes relationships very seriously. He's going to Beijing North for closed-door training after his junior year, and he might even go earlier. He feels that this will delay the girl too much. In his opinion, dreams and relationships are two things that cannot be possessed at the same time."
"When he likes someone, he wants to pick all the stars and moons in the sky for her."
Tao Shuran thought that her unnecessary emotions caused him trouble in his dreams.
This was definitely not her intention.
Like a downpour of rain, it wet my cheeks, bringing down two lines of bitter tears.
Tao Shuran swallowed the bitterness in his heart and made a phone call with an almost numb mood.
In the sight, Liang Yuanjing's hand hanging by his side moved, and soon he took out his cell phone, and the voice came through the rain curtain vaguely.
Tao Shuran's vision became blurry as she cried.
She choked and said, "Liang Yuanjing, I'm sorry."
Liang Yuanjing frowned and asked her, "What do you mean by sorry?"
Tao Shuran calmed down for a while and slowly spoke -
"No regrets, no regrets."
"That ends here, too."
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