Chapter 248 Extra: Past Life (End)
How have you been feeling lately?
"I don't feel anything."
Have you taken your medication on time?
"No, it hurts so much, I don't want to eat anymore. Doctor... do you know how wonderful it feels to not feel pain?"
"This is just an illusion; it doesn't mean it doesn't really hurt."
"But it's very comfortable."
"What about Zhou Chong?"
Dan Qingshan's lifeless eyes shifted slightly, and tears welled up in them. But it wasn't until the tears dripped onto the back of his hand that Dan Qingshan realized he was sad.
"I tried my best."
"Please contact him. Tell him about your situation." The doctor looked into Shan Qingshan's tired and sad eyes and gently advised, "Contacting him doesn't mean you can't get through this. If I were Zhou Chong, I would be very worried about you. Because I love you."
Shan Qingshan's eyes flickered slightly.
Tears welled up in her eyes again after she had stopped crying.
The doctor felt he saw a glimmer of hope.
"You know that, right? Zhou Chong loves you."
"I've tried my best, but why are there so many things to deal with in life?"
The doctor was speechless.
Dan Qingshan shed tears.
"sorry."
The torment Zhou Chong suffered was all because of Shan Qingshan.
Shan Qingshan knew.
sorry.
Zhou Chong wanted to be with Shan Qingshan, and Shan Qingshan wanted to be with him too.
But Shan Qingshan's efforts seem to have been in vain.
sorry……
sorry……
sorry.
-
Dan Qingshan could sense the presence of another self, who was floating above his body with him, manipulating this unfamiliar body with silk threads.
His clumsy movements made every action look like his limbs had just been installed.
Sometimes, he talks to another version of himself.
"Have you transferred the money to Shan Jian?"
"I hit him."
"Did he go gambling again?"
"He went there, but was left heavily in debt."
"Moved again? Did you leak your address?"
"It was revealed that Shan Jian was kicked and blinded, Shan Huai broke his arm, and Sun Miaolian fell into the river and drowned."
"That's all? That's too easy on them."
"Yes, it's so cheap."
Are you sure you want to proceed as planned?
"Sure."
"Then you will be a murderer, a stain that Zhou Chong can never get rid of."
"I know I will leave."
"We can't let my mother die in vain; they shouldn't be alive."
"We can't let my mother die in vain; they shouldn't be alive."
"Everything went smoothly."
"Everything went smoothly."
...
In July, a fire broke out in an old residential area in a certain town.
Two men and one woman were burned to death. The bodies were identified as Shan Fang and Shan Jian. Shan Huai suffered severe burns; there was not a single patch of undamaged skin on her body. One of her ears was burned off, her lungs were damaged, multiple internal organs were damaged, her spine was crushed by a broken beam, and she suffered multiple comminuted fractures. When she was moved to the hospital, she was barely alive.
At the time of the fire, Shan Qingshan was thousands of miles away and had a perfect alibi.
He went to see Shan Huai.
Lying in the ICU, covered in tubes, barely clinging to life, she desperately begged him to let her die.
This is quite pleasing to the eye.
Shan Qingshan wanted him dead, yet he didn't want him to have his way.
The doctor told Shan Qingshan that Shan Huai would not survive once he left the ICU.
He has already received emergency treatment twice within six hours.
Even if someone lives in the ICU, there's no guarantee they'll be saved every time.
Maybe next time, or maybe the time after that, he will die.
Dan Huai himself did not have a strong will to survive.
Perhaps it's better to give up treatment and reduce the pain.
In other words, give us a straight answer.
pain?
Shan Qingshan's eyes flickered slightly.
"I have money."
The nurse was stunned.
Shan Qingshan repeated, "I have money."
Make him suffer, make him wish he were dead but unable to die.
Shan Qingshan handed over a card, saying, "As long as the money in the card hasn't been spent, we'll do everything we can to save it."
As for the will to survive, he has a way.
Shan Qingshan went into the ICU and told Shan Huai that Shan Jian was still alive and would come to see him next month after they reunited.
Dan Huai opened his eyes with difficulty, his eyelids trembling.
Shan Qingshan wanted to laugh.
Indeed, the most terrifying thing is hope.
Give him a little, and he'll endure it willingly, suffering endlessly.
"He'll live until the money in his account runs out."
"Yes, and if Shan Jian doesn't show up next month, he'll definitely go crazy."
Give him hope, then shatter it.
In addition, there was physical torment.
This is worse than death.
"Was it enjoyable?"
"I deserve it, but I don't feel it."
"But you are now tainted."
"I am now a stain on my record."
"You shouldn't be with Zhou Chong anymore."
"I shouldn't be with Zhou Chong anymore."
My phone vibrated.
"The doctor messaged you again, saying you should go pick up your medication. Are you still taking it?"
"No, I threw it in the toilet and flushed it down."
"Going to get the medicine?"
"I'm not going."
"You should go and keep your mother company; she's been lonely for a long time."
Shan Qingshan did not answer the other self.
He then asked, "Is there anything else to do?"
"No."
After a long silence, Shan Qingshan saw the flower shop outside the window, with a potted plant just like the one at home displayed at the entrance.
In recent days, a knife, a wall, and a deep pool of water have all attracted another side of Shan Qingshan.
This was the only thing that attracted him besides these things.
He told another version of himself, "I need to go home and water the plants."
"Brother Qingshan".
When the car pulled up downstairs, Lingling leaned out of the car window and handed over a small bottle containing two beautiful guppies.
“I noticed you haven’t been very happy lately, and you haven’t been going to the supermarket to look at fish, so I bought you two as a gift.”
Shan Qingshan watched the two small fish swimming back and forth.
I felt nothing.
My heart is calm and undisturbed.
"Keep it for yourself, I already have a potted plant at home."
Lingling reluctantly withdrew her hand.
Shan Qingshan returned home.
They bumped right into the housekeeper who came to clean the house.
They don't see each other often. The nanny was surprised to see him, then asked him what he wanted to eat for lunch while she went to buy groceries.
Shan Qingshan said it was fine, and then went to the balcony to tend to the potted plant.
When the nanny returned, Shan Qingshan stared at the potted plant like a statue. She couldn't help but go over and ask if there was something wrong with the plant.
"Mr. Zhou cherishes this potted plant very much."
Shan Qingshan told her about the precautions for growing green plants and also told her that he had changed the soil underneath.
"Okay, Mr. Shan, I will be careful."
"Um."
Shan Qingshan touched the green plant, then withdrew his hand after a moment.
Instead of having lunch at home, he went straight to the company and transferred Lingling to a better-tempered artist in the same company.
Lingling didn't understand, "Brother, why did you give me to someone else?"
"Zhou Chong is going to assign me someone."
"So it really is President Zhou?! How can he be so petty?! Damn it! I'm so angry!"
"Here's a red envelope, don't be angry."
Lingling happily accepted it, saying, "Thank you, brother."
Shan Qingshan watched her leave, then returned home and sat down at his desk.
After a long while, he spread out a piece of paper, picked up a pen, and wrote down the words "suicide note".
The memories of the past four years flashed by like a slideshow in just two short lines. He recalled his first meeting with Zhou Chong.
That sweltering summer, a boy appeared out of nowhere, like a divine soldier.
When he first entered the film studio, Brother Sha asked him what kind of person he would like.
He replied, "I would like someone who is already a good person."
Sha Ge asked, "Is there?"
Dan Qingshan was startled, and Zhou Chong's face flashed through his mind.
It was only then that I realized I had liked him so early.
Later, Zhou Chong confessed his feelings to him, but was rejected. Zhou Chong looked unhappy and sullen.
"I can wait."
Shan Qingshan remembers that his reply at the time was, "You want to wait? Your heart can wait, but your steps cannot stop. Otherwise, don't appear in front of me again."
Actually, he didn't want Zhou Chong to wait at all.
He always seems to make Zhou Chong wait.
When Zhou Chong asked him, "Don't you like me?"
That idiot has no idea how much he loves him.
The pen tip paused.
Shan Qingshan looked at the two short lines he had written.
I gripped the pen tightly and drew a clean line.
It's best that Zhou Chong doesn't know.
After he leaves, Zhou Chong can move on from this unrequited and unworthy relationship and embrace a clean, gentle, and loving partner.
The suicide note was torn into pieces and thrown into the trash can.
The morning of August 16th was no different from any other day.
The only difference was that he was waiting for Zhou Chong's kiss, but Zhou Chong didn't give it to him.
For a moment, his heart skipped a beat.
This change is subtle and fleeting.
After leaving home, Shan Qingshan visited the school where he met Zhou Chong during a break from work, and went to the film and television city, intending to take a walk around.
Yet, my heart remained unmoved.
The car didn't stop.
On August 23, someone in the city used drones to put on a light show to propose.
Shan Qingshan suddenly remembered the LED strip Zhou Chong had given him.
He looked towards the bridge.
It was pitch black.
His light went out.
With his eyes closed, he could hear his mother's mournful cries in the depths of the night, like some kind of guide leading him to the abandoned high-rise building.
There was no hesitation, no madness, and no one noticed anything amiss.
He walked over calmly.
When I reached the rooftop, I looked up and saw a waning moon.
The wind blew through my clothes, as if trying to push me back.
Shan Qingshan did not linger and walked into the wind.
The wind blew the clothes off the balcony into the living room.
Zhou Chong looked up as if sensing something, only to see a lonely green plant on the balcony bathed in moonlight.
Now it stands tall and majestic.
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