Chapter 105 That's all there is to it, we can't eat it anymore.
Her eyes were filled with agitation and pain as she broke down, saying, "If you want pleasure, aren't the famous courtesans in brothels enough for you? How could you... how could you ruin her!"
With tears in his eyes, Li Xunhuan gritted his teeth, lowered his head, and forcefully suppressed the muffled, intermittent sobs escaping his throat.
He and Niannian were like tangled threads, already knotted into a dead end, which they themselves couldn't untangle, so how could they explain it to outsiders?
He clenched his knuckles, gave a bitter smile, and his bloodless lips parted slightly: "Who taught me to be an incorrigible prodigal son?"
Lin Shiyin clutched her clothes tightly, her voice trembling as she said, "I misjudged you. How could you do such a despicable thing...?"
How can I face the Li family? How can I face myself? How can I face... the feelings I've given you?
Aren't you most concerned about your reputation in the underworld? You even gave up your fiancée to your good brother, so why are you doing something like this now?
She sobbed uncontrollably, choked up and unable to speak, unable to utter a word.
Li Xunhuan's heart was spasming and convulsing, and scalding tears streamed into his collar, soaking a large patch. The wet, sticky liquid clung to his flesh like maggots to bone, yet he opened his mouth, as if he could finally breathe again.
The boulder that had been pressing down on his shoulders finally came down, even if it broke him and crushed him.
He no longer had to live in constant fear of being known by outsiders, despised by poetry, or cursed by the world.
So... it's nothing special after all.
That's all there is to it.
Let everyone in the world come and curse me, this rotten person.
Two lines of blood-soaked tears fell to the ground. He clutched his chest, his heart pounding with suspicion. Otherwise, why would he have thought it was nothing special?
Lin Shiyin's voice was hoarse from shouting, and her throat was filled with the taste of rust. Seeing his silence, she felt a deep sorrow that was more profound than the death of her heart.
She collapsed to the ground, unable to defend him in her heart any longer.
Li Xunhuan's eyes trembled, and his hands, with knuckles turning white, tightened. He took a step forward, but Lin Shiyin shrank back and cried out, "Don't touch me!"
A spasm ran through her stomach, and she curled up and began to dry heave. Her stomach was empty, and she couldn't vomit anything; only the acidic, bitter taste burning her throat, making her tears stream down her face.
Her appearance is truly heartbreaking.
Li Xunhuan felt as if his spine had pierced his chest, the pain causing his body to convulse. After a long while, he managed to gasp for breath and say, "Niannian... is not my biological daughter. I only rescued her on the way..."
If he hadn't appeared in front of everyone in the martial arts world... there wouldn't have been so many ethical and moral constraints between them.
Wouldn't that make it less intolerable to the world?
Is it also...?
Why couldn't Lin Shiyin understand his implied meaning?
Two lines of tears fell down her cheeks. She clenched her sleeves weakly and said stiffly, "Go away. I never want to see you again. In this life, never appear before me again. I will consider the Li Xunhuan of the past to be dead."
Lin Shiyin only realized at this moment that 'he' had died twelve years ago.
He died the moment he decided to succumb to depravity, distance himself from her, and become a libertine.
Why is she only realizing this now?
If he truly loved her, how could he bear to give her up to someone else? This wasn't the love she longed for, and he was no longer the person he once was. Things had changed drastically ten years ago.
Ten years have passed, and her heart has finally died. But how could it not have been reborn?
She took a deep breath, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at his blurry figure, and said coldly, "Let her go, don't hurt her anymore. If you have any conscience at all, you'll know that you'll only ruin her."
She lowered her eyes, and blue veins appeared on the back of her hand. She said, word by word, "You, your love will only kill people."
Li Xunhuan stood frozen in place.
He had always told himself this, and he said the same thing to Niannian. But now, when Lin Shiyin made the same demand in a harsh tone, he felt as if those words were sharp knives piercing straight into his heart.
The handle of the knife hummed and vibrated, and it could no longer be pulled out.
Li Xunhuan arched his back, his muscles taut to the point of almost breaking, yet he still couldn't escape the ever-present, piercing pain.
Seeing his silence, Lin Shiyin's voice trembled: "Promise me."
Li Xunhuan opened and closed his lips for a long time, until his jaw ached, but he still couldn't make a sound. The promise pressed under his tongue, he couldn't utter a single word even if he ground his throat to dust.
He barely managed to utter a sound before his heart clenched violently, as if the throwing knife was about to pierce him.
It turns out she also took his voice with her.
He closed his eyes and said bitterly, "Do you really think I would bother with a child?"
Lin Shiyin interrupted him: "I want you to promise me."
Li Xunhuan looked at the red thread on his wrist, remained silent for a long time, swallowed the blood in his mouth, and smiled, "...I promise you."
As soon as he uttered those four words, his face turned completely ashen, like a withered tree cut off from the sun and water, its color fading into darkness.
Lin Shiyin finally softened, at least—
At least he never breaks his promises.
Li Xunhuan took a couple of deep breaths and dragged his empty skeleton outside.
The dust and ash had stopped completely sometime during the day, and with the sky bright, he could finally go anywhere.
But he didn't know where he was going.
All he knew was that if he stayed in that room any longer, he would suffocate and be unable to breathe.
He walked aimlessly along the bluestone path, the rustling of lantern tassels filling his ears.
One by one, the blood-red lanterns on the long street transformed into people, their bodies covered with marks of varying severity. Realizing they had survived a catastrophe, they all huddled together, tears streaming down their faces, sobbing uncontrollably.
There are so few people in this world who have never done anything wrong.
Li Xunhuan coughed again, almost coughing up pieces of flesh from his lungs. He walked alone through the crowd, only resembling a person when he coughed.
The stench of blood in the wind grew stronger. He was lost in thought, seemingly oblivious to the gruesome wounds, his mind preoccupied only with Nian Nian.
How is her injury?
Will that person take good care of her? Niannian has a stubborn personality, will he always indulge her? What will Niannian do if he gets tired of her or angry?
That person is eccentric and ruthless; he might very well do something to harm Nian Nian.
Li Xunhuan's heart felt as if it were being roasted by charcoal fire, constantly writhing and struggling, tormented by unreasonable worries.
Like they've gone mad.
He knew perfectly well that he was her senior, yet he couldn't stop his heart from churning, and he couldn't help but repeatedly ponder these worries, trying to find a reasonable, plausible excuse to look at her one more time.
But he couldn't hurt her anymore, nor could he deceive his cousin any longer.
He instantly lost his strength and murmured to himself: Li Xunhuan, it's been ten years, shouldn't you have gotten used to the pain by now?
/
The pale, slender fingertips wrapped around the red thread and then completely pulled it away.
Xi Rao grasped her slender wrist, stroking it as he murmured, "Why is the Heavenly Way never on my side?"
Why can't he ever get what he wants?
He curled his lip slightly, "Since we've already made a mistake, we can only continue making the same mistake step by step."
The bronze-blue silk thread wrapped around the back of her neck, tearing through flesh and blood, and meandering upwards.
His gaze grew deeper and deeper.
I won't allow you to have anyone else in your heart, I won't allow them to stir your heart, even if it's not your intention.
I will not allow even the slightest trace of it.
His eyes were red at the corners, and he gently and slowly placed the back of her hand on his cheek, his voice fading: "Lingxing, just remember your senior brother."
As he moved, his wide sleeves fell naturally, cascading down to his elbows. In an instant, the snow-white skin hidden beneath his sleeves was exposed to the air without reservation.
The soft snow was covered in mud and crushed ripe fruit. Deep and shallow kiss marks were sewn into her skin, as if burned into her flesh and bone, impossible to remove.
Xi Rao's eyes trembled. The dense red marks cut deep into his lungs, leaving gaping wounds. He clenched his knuckles, suppressing the raging pain in his heart, and suddenly lifted Ling Xing's clothes.
Her slender, supple waist was covered with pinch marks, finger marks and kiss marks intertwined in the dimples of her waist, drifting downwards and winding into the waistband of her skirt.
Xi Rao's eyes were sinister. He clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. A thin layer of skin stretched taut over his joints, and the green veins seemed about to break free and crawl out.
The cracking sound of finger bones shattering inch by inch was like a sharp knife grazing the eardrum.
That piece of trash, how dare he—
Broken finger bones were embedded in his palm, and thick blood dripped onto the ground. He chuckled softly, his voice cold and mocking: "Li Xunhuan..."
/
"Young Master—" Tie Chuanjia's sharp, hawk-like eyes softened instantly.
His neck was covered in brands, the skin and flesh torn open, dried scabs mixed with indistinct flesh piled on his skin. Even so, there was no trace of unbearable pain on his face, only the joy of seeing him safe and sound.
He thought he would never see the young master again.
He took a deep breath, suppressed the tears in his eyes, and called out loudly, "Having survived this ordeal, and now being able to see the young master again, we should drink to our hearts' content!"
"Today, I will accompany you, young master, until we're both drunk!"
He had just shouted out and walked to the table when he realized that the young master was not drinking.
To get someone who can't live without wine, who puts life before death and drinking before even touching a drop, to sit in a tavern and not drink a single drop is probably harder than taking his life.
Moreover, this person is Li Xunhuan.
His expression changed. Seeing Li Xunhuan's pale face and bloodshot eyes, he couldn't help but blurt out, "Young Master, is it that woman Lin Shiyin again...?"
He didn't continue speaking. In the past, the young master would have already scolded him and told him to shut up. But now he seemed to have lost his soul and could not be called back. He just choked and ate one green plum after another until his eyes were bloodshot, his throat constricted, and his stomach churned with acid.
Just like back then.
Fresh plums are no longer available at this time of year; these are green plums soaked in plum wine. These roadside taverns usually use cheap, unripe plums to make wine—how can you eat them like this?
Tie Chuanjia said urgently, "Young Master, these green plums are too sour. Eating them like this will harm your spleen and stomach!"
Li Xunhuan gripped the green plum tightly between his fingers, the sharp edge of the plum pit piercing his fingertip, causing a sharp pain.
His voice was hoarse from the acid rising in his stomach: "Not sour enough."
The hoarse words had barely left her lips when scalding tears streamed down her face.
He will never taste those sour green plums again.
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