Your hair is messy (14)
Naoki travels to a parallel universe where Kotoko doesn't love him. (2013 Japanese TV series)
28
Kotoko and Chris had a blast in Hawaii. They had countless itineraries every day. They went to various scenic spots to take photos and check in during the day, chatting and laughing as they walked through the streets and alleys of Hawaii. Everything they saw was new and interesting. They didn't return to the hotel until late at night, and after washing up, they would make plans for tomorrow's trip together.
Chris likes to call Jin during this segment to share his life today with him. Kotoko also tried to call Irie. Although she knew Irie would definitely not answer before dialing, she still had to put in a show of effort.
"Look, I've been trying to reconcile with Irie-kun. He's the one who ignored me, it's not my fault."
Kotoko easily forgave herself. She didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt for abandoning Irie again—she felt a little bit last time, but this time, she felt absolutely nothing.
Because the one who ruined the mood has always been Irie, and all the problems lie with Irie, so what does it have to do with her?
Kotoko had always been someone she couldn't afford to offend, but she could avoid him. Since the situation wasn't right, she had to stay away. Otherwise, why would she go up to him and ask for a scolding, letting him vent his anger? She was Irie's girlfriend, not the emperor's eunuch.
Thinking this way, Kotoko felt more at ease enjoying her two-person trip with her best friend.
However, the people in the nursing department obviously didn't think so. They ignored the soaring cross-border call charges and angrily denounced Kotoko on the other end of the phone.
"Kotoko! We let you go because we hoped you and Irie could reconcile soon! Why did you go out with Chris?! You've completely wasted all our efforts!"
Kotoko frowned, "But Irie-kun is ignoring me, and there's nothing I can do. Besides, wouldn't it be nice to just be apart and have some time to relax? It won't make him upset when he sees me, and I won't be scared when I see him."
"You can't just abandon him, can you? We get up early and work late every day to finish our homework, not to see you like this. How about this, you hurry back home, and we'll go find Irie-kun first and get some information for you."
"Forget it, he won't pay any attention to you."
Kotoko knew Irie well. His stubborn temper had left even his mother helpless, but she had given up anyway, and wouldn't advise anyone else to waste their time. But hearing her friends say they were "working from dawn to dusk to finish their homework," Kotoko felt embarrassed to continue enjoying herself. She definitely had to return home as soon as possible.
"How about this, when I get back, I'll immediately join the group and work hard with you guys from dawn to dusk on our homework!"
Agan wailed in despair, "You'd rather come back and do your homework than spend more time with Irie? It seems like you don't even love Irie."
Ah Gan said it casually. She didn't believe that Kotoko didn't love Irie. No one in the world could not love Irie. However, Kotoko thought about it seriously for a long time. She felt that she loved Irie, otherwise she would not be with Irie. But what is love? She still doesn't understand it.
Everyone says she possesses Irie's love, and she feels it. It's precisely because of Irie's love that such a cold person would do so many heartwarming things for her. Irie loves her, yet he hurts her for no reason, unwilling to open his heart to her, preferring to endlessly ignore her, sometimes blurting out derogatory remarks to defame her. Is Irie's unintentional harshness and the cold violence he could unleash also part of his love for her?
Irie's "love" is as elusive as the "reason" why he fell in love with Kotoko. It is the exclusive secret of a genius.
After returning home, Kotoko kept the promise she made to her friends in Hawaii and worked hard with them to finish her homework. She had to go to school very early and come back late at night with a large stack of materials. Usually, she would not meet Irie.
Even if they met, she would greet him with a bright smile, but Irie ignored her and didn't even bother to glance at her. Fortunately, Kotoko was devoted to her studies and had no time to be sad.
The stalemate lasted until school started, and Kotoko finally escaped from her nightmare homework. She felt refreshed and light, and felt that life had hope again. So she made an appointment with Rimi Niko and Chris Akin, whom she hadn't seen for a long time, and played together until late at night before going home.
Kotoko drank a little wine, just a little bit. She imagined herself as a free dandelion, blown to the empty mountains by the breeze. Dandelion Kotoko floated lightly all the way back home. The moment she opened the door, the joy in her heart came to an abrupt end, because she saw Irie sitting on the sofa, apparently waiting for her.
"Would you like to chat?" Irie asked her sarcastically, "Or should we find another time so as not to ruin your good mood?"
The impact has been felt, stop talking nonsense.
She didn't know if it was because of the drastic emotional swings or the alcohol that paralyzed her brain nerves, but Kotoko was unable to think for a moment, and a nameless fire suddenly rose in her chest. She forced herself to endure it, not wanting to pay for her irrationality tonight tomorrow morning.
"That's convenient. What do you want to talk about, Irie-kun?"
Kotoko also sat on the sofa. She looked more exhausted than gentle and calm.
She was tired from playing and now she was feeling drowsy due to the aftereffects of her play.
Irie placed a photo in front of her. "Agan told me that you were very excited when you first saw this photo. She said you looked at it for a long time because you were missing me in high school. Is it really me that you miss?"
Qinzi understood everything at once.
She has been a kind and upright person since she was a child. She never does anything wrong and has no bad intentions. During her relationship with Irie, she still couldn't let go of Sano, which was the only dark side of her heart. Kotoko knew that she was wrong and she was trying to change. Unexpectedly, before she could accomplish her goal, Irie noticed it first. What a sin.
Kotoko slapped her face, trying to sober herself up: "Irie-kun, I was confused when I saw the photo. I didn't expect to see Sano in this way, so I was very surprised."
"Just surprised." Irie smiled.
Kotoko was very familiar with this kind of smile of his. When he gave her the button in public at school, Irie also had a smile on his face and spoke softly. Those who didn't know thought he was so gentle and affectionate. Only Kotoko, who looked into his eyes, could feel the biting chill in those gloomy eyes.
When Irie changed from a cold war state to a calm state, it didn't mean that he had thought it through or calmed down, but that he was mad.
"I'm actually quite curious, Kotoko, since you like Sano so much and you're still obsessed with him even after you got a new boyfriend, why don't you just follow him and live in Hokkaido?"
Kotoko clasped her hands together. Feeling guilty, she was extremely nervous at the moment. "I understand why you're angry, Irie-kun, but I... I'm not obsessed with Sano. I've almost forgotten him. It was just that when I saw the photo, I remembered the past... I can promise you, moments like this won't happen again."
Irie shrugged off her assurance. How could such moments ever happen again? The only way they could happen again was if they didn't happen so blatantly.
Irie knew Kotoko was kind, and that Kotoko couldn't bear to hurt him. But he didn't want Kotoko's kindness, nor did he simply want to erase Sano from Kotoko's future. He wanted to love his Kotoko wholeheartedly, without giving any of his feelings to others. No surprise! Nostalgia! No almost forgetting! Sano Hidekazu must disappear completely, as if he had never existed!
But Sano has already appeared. He lives in Kotoko's past and is sealed in a corner of Kotoko's heart. Kotoko can look through the memories of Sano at any time and miss him secretly without telling anyone. Even if one day Kotoko completely forgets Sano Hidekazu, she cannot change the fact that she once loved him.
Sano and Kotoko were not meant to be together, but Irie and Kotoko were deeply connected. Heaven even gave him a second chance to make up for the regrets in his story, but the result? This is the situation. Irie didn't know what to do.
During this period of his cold war with Kotoko, Irie even began to reflect on himself. It seemed that every time he and Kotoko clashed, he was the one who ended up unable to sleep or eat, while Kotoko remained calm and unfazed by his emotions. Was it because his frequent temper tantrums had already worn out Kotoko's patience?
Would Kotoko repeatedly compare him with Sano in her mind, feeling that he was inferior to Sano in every way, and therefore find it difficult to give up Sano?
Kotoko would not really cross the line. Her morals would not allow her to do something like having a two-timing. Even if she wanted to contact Sano and simply say a few words to him, Kotoko would not do it.
In that case, what's wrong with letting her keep some memories of Sano? Everyone has a past, present, and future. There's no need to erase the past just to enjoy the present.
So is he making too much of a fuss?
Irie comforted himself over and over again, but he was still in pain, because Kotoko's past, present and future should all belong to him. He made countless efforts for their future, but Sano easily occupied Kotoko's past. That past should have belonged to him, but Kotoko gave it to Sano. Sano took away his and Kotoko's past!
Rujiang had a splitting headache. He could neither get angry nor complain, and gradually became weaker under the influence of the headache.
Kotoko was sobered up by the shock and hurriedly poured him a glass of water, hoping it would make him feel better. But Irie didn't want to drink the water, so he grabbed Kotoko's wrist.
Why didn't Kotoko follow Sano to Hokkaido? Because her love for him wasn't strong enough to warrant a long journey for him. Love can overcome any obstacle. Irie had long understood that Kotoko wasn't that in love with Sano, but simply loved him more than she loved him.
So what Irie was really curious about was actually another question.
"If Sano hadn't left Tokyo, would you still choose to be with me?"
Kotoko was stunned. "Why would you ask that? You know Sano and I aren't familiar with each other. Maybe if we really get to know each other, we'll just be friends like Jin. But we're different. We're already very familiar with each other, and we're still together."
Kotoko thought that Irie might want to hear her say, "Irie-kun, I love you," or some other simple and corny love words, but when she looked into Irie's eyes, she could only say, "Irie-kun, I care about you."
You are like my family. We are together. I am grateful for all the good things you have done for me and am willing to forgive all the bad things you have done for me. I care about you.
Hearing this, Irie closed his eyes wearily. He, too, was exhausted.
29
Kotoko didn't know whether she and Irie had reconciled.
Irie still treated her coldly and only started talking to her, though he couldn't say much. But Kotoko was already satisfied. She was thankful if Irie could be a little more normal. As for their sweet and loving life, it all depended on Irie's extraordinary performance.
Once Irie and Kotoko reconciled, everyone around them followed suit. When they were at odds, everyone kept trying to mediate, but it was useless. No one could interfere with Kotoko and Irie's relationship. As she herself said, Irie's erratic temper was unchangeable, and unless he figured it out, everything others did would be a waste of time.
In fact, Irie didn't think it through, or he thought too much, so that he temporarily lost the ability to "think". He could only clear his brain temporarily and become a walking corpse without any emotions.
On the university campus, loving couples can be seen everywhere. When Irie passed by them alone, he couldn't help but think of Kotoko. However, Kotoko was playing with her friends and definitely didn't think of him.
In Kotoko's bustling and unrestrained life, the silent Irie can easily become an ignored part. The more silent he is and the more he avoids, the less Kotoko sees him.
Irie walked alone to the cafeteria. Ikezawa and Chris were playing around. Although they hadn't confirmed their relationship, they already had the tacit understanding and intimacy of a couple. Irie couldn't help but envy them.
Ikezawa sensed something else in his words, and his alarm bells immediately went off: "Are you and Kotoko fighting again?! You guys fought for months last time! Another time?! Can you please just calm down!"
Irie was depressed all day long, and it was "quiet" enough. He said: "We didn't quarrel, but I feel that there are still some problems between Kotoko and I."
"You mean Sano?"
Irie looked at Ikezawa in surprise, not expecting him to be so smart.
"Tsk, have you forgotten? We're in the same boat." Ikezawa patted his chest exaggeratedly, pretending to be heartbroken. "I saw how much Kotoko loved Sano. Even I was jealous of that guy. As Kotoko's boyfriend and Sano's classmate, you must have felt even more resentful."
“…”
Irie wanted to utter his old saying, "I'm different from you," but he finally realized that he and Ikezawa were the same, both defeated by Sano Hidekazu, suppressed by him forever.
"You should be more open-minded. Sano Hidekazu won't be coming back. At least Kotoko has chosen you now. I'm jealous of Sano and you too. I'm the one who's having a hard time. Don't be so ungrateful. You don't know how to appreciate what you have."
Chris pulled up Chi Ze's sleeve in dissatisfaction: "I want you to be jealous of me too!"
Looking at the two people making a mess, Irie decided to digest his unspoken worries on his own. He could feel that the problems between him and Kotoko were probably caused by more than just Sano Hidekazu.
But Sano is undoubtedly a thorn in his heart. It is unknown when this thorn will be removed, or perhaps it will never be removed. It is sinking deeper and deeper into his flesh and blood, rotting and festering.
———————
Rimi is pregnant and is planning to marry her boyfriend. She teases Kotoko that she will become Mrs. Irie and give birth to a little Irie who will inherit her father's brains and beauty.
Kotoko was very excited when she celebrated for her friend, but when Satomi turned the topic to her, she felt uncomfortable: "What? I'm clumsy and can't be qualified as a wife or mother yet..."
Renzi and Satomi thought she was feeling inferior and kept trying to comfort her to have confidence. Renzi then went ahead and said, "It doesn't matter if you're clumsy. Irie loves you so much anyway, he won't care."
When Irie's mother learned that Satomi was pregnant, she expressed her hope that Kotoko and her brother would get married soon and have a cute baby for her to play with.
Kotoko used the same rhetoric to deal with her. Like Riko and Rimi, Irie's mother encouraged Kotoko and told her not to worry, that everyone was willing to believe in her, and she had to believe in herself too.
However, the person Kotoko really didn't trust was Irie.
She and Irie have lived together in Irie's house since they met. Irie moved out halfway through, but moved back after dating her. In the eyes of outsiders, they are already a family.
But Kotoko couldn't imagine what it would be like to start a new family with Irie. If there was no loving father Irie and no gentle mother Irie in Irie's family, and it was just her and Irie living together day and night, she couldn't imagine what life would be like.
From this argument, it was clear that neither she nor Irie was mature enough. How could they support each other and have children? Would their children also have to live in a constant cold war?
Qinzi didn't want to do that, and as a student, she had more important things to do.
She will be going to the hospital for internship next month, but many of her grades are unsatisfactory, which makes Qinzi sigh.
There was no other way. Without Irie's guidance, her learning system would immediately collapse, and she would end up working aimlessly and blindly.
Kotoko was ready to ask Irie for help. Of course, if Irie wasn't willing, that was fine. She hadn't thought about Sano recently, but judging by Irie's half-hearted attitude, he probably hadn't forgotten, so maybe he would erupt again at some random time. Kotoko was already annoyed, but she didn't have the energy to comfort him.
Fortunately, Irie did not refuse to tutor her, and Kotoko finally passed the supplementary exam successfully and was able to go to the hospital for internship with her friends.
I heard that at the graduation ceremony, the medical students would give bouquets to the nursing students they liked. Marina was looking forward to it with a mixture of jealousy: "Kotoko, don't worry about not getting any flowers. Irie will definitely give you a big bouquet of roses. How many people will be envious of you?"
Kotoko said she was overthinking it. On the day of the hat-wearing ceremony, Irie had to go to Nagoya with the professor to attend a medical conference and had no time to give her flowers.
"No way, Kotoko, this is the only hat-wearing ceremony in your life, and Irie actually left you to go to a meeting? As Irie's girlfriend, you were dumped?!" Agan couldn't help but gloat: "Kotoko, do you feel that Irie doesn't like you as much as before? You should have a sense of crisis!"
Qinzi acted as if it had nothing to do with her and said perfunctorily, "Okay, okay, I understand."
The hat-wearing ceremony came as scheduled. On this big day recognized by the nursing department, some memorable good things also happened. For example, with the help of his classmates, Agan finally wore the nurse's hat as he wished, and Funatsu finally caught up with his beloved Marina.
Kotoko was happy for her friends, but for her, it was just another ordinary day. Kan and Keita gave her a bouquet of flowers, comforting her not to be sad, and Irie must have wanted to celebrate with her too.
Kotoko thanked them for their kindness.
Although it didn't comfort me at all, I'm still very grateful.
After everyone left, Kotoko sat alone in the dark auditorium, with only the candlelight in front of her emitting a faint, warm light, isolating her from the darkness.
Kotoko is confused about her future. It was Irie who pushed her through all the obstacles and brought her to where she is today. She doesn't want to rely on Irie all her life, but if she relies on herself alone, can she still become a good nurse and do what she said in her oath: "Assist doctors with loyalty and bring happiness to caregivers"?
Kotoko was not good at thinking and soon got tired of it. Her eyelids drooped heavily and she was distracted by the candlelight. Her consciousness was about to sink into the darkness and all around her was quiet.
Suddenly, there was a slight noise at the door, as if someone opened the door and walked in. Qinzi suspected that it was a thief who came to steal something. She was scared, but her body did not react in time. She just turned her head slowly.
Kotoko saw a tall, slender figure, facing the backlight, so she couldn't see his face clearly. He looked a bit like Irie, but it couldn't be Irie. Irie was in Nagoya and wouldn't be back tonight.
Kotoko blinked and realized that she might have fallen asleep and was in a dream. Dreams are wild and unrealistic, and can fulfill all wishes that cannot be realized in reality.
The figure before her instantly merged into the same person as the boy she had seen from afar at the cultural festival in her second year of high school.
It's Sano.
Kotoko walked forward excitedly. She didn't dare to say a word, for fear that the sound would wake her from her sweet dream, and then Sano would be swallowed up by the darkness again and disappear without a trace.
Her steps became faster and faster, and finally she was jogging. She wanted to see Sano again, wanted to hear him say one more word. As if she was possessed by a nightmare, Kotoko's thoughts became more and more crazy. At this moment, she forgot everything and only knew that she was about to meet Sano again.
Sano is back!
This thought echoed in her mind again and again, stirring her soul and shaking the world.
Until "Sano" slowly took a few steps forward and asked her, "How long do you plan to stay here?"
It wasn't Sano's voice.
Irie's face slowly emerged from the darkness, his eyes and expression were as cold as ever, which made Kotoko's blood run cold. Her Sano finally disappeared into thin air, and it turned out that it was not a dream.
Irie looked at Kotoko strangely, not understanding why she had been so excited to greet him before, but suddenly fell still, like the ashes that would never rekindle after a raging fire was extinguished.
"I came back by Shinkansen, but it was still late, and the flower shops were closed, so I missed your hat-wearing ceremony...Are you unhappy?"
Kotoko ignored him and didn't look at him. She stood there alone and dejectedly, stunned for a long time.
Then she forced a weak smile, still not wanting to look at Irie: "I'm happy. I guess I'm just... too tired."
tbc
The more I write about Zha Qin, the more she looks like Academic Daji. Irie's only role in her is to give her extra lessons.
Irie, don't be curious about why Kotoko is so strange. I will let you know later. Face the wind, my dear Irie.
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