Xiao Che's menacing declaration, "I want to eat beggar's chicken," ultimately failed to materialize.
The reason was simple: when he tried to hunt down the hen that had "deceived him" with an "imperial air," a spectacular, chaotic battle between man and chicken ensued. In the end, he ended up disheveled and covered in dirt, while the chicken was unharmed and even proudly pooped in front of him, a miserable end for him.
Old General Zhang from next door stood by the fence with his arms crossed, watching the entire "dragon and phoenix fight" from beginning to end, laughing so hard he almost collapsed on the spot.
So, instead of beggar's chicken, the dinner table that evening was filled with a large basket of fresh, green, and plump vegetables that General Zhang had specially sent "out of sympathy".
The atmosphere at dinner was strangely oppressive from the very beginning.
Xiao Che sat at the table with a dark expression, exuding an aura of "keep away." The rice in front of him was almost poked through with his chopsticks. Clearly, the afternoon's double humiliation in both farming and chicken-catching had dealt a devastating blow to his imperial pride.
Seeing his "baby's unhappy, baby's having a little tantrum" look, Lin Wanwan was secretly delighted and decided to add fuel to the fire in his already turbulent sea of jealousy.
She picked up a piece of the bright green bok choy that Old Zhang had grown, stir-fried until it shone brightly, put it in her mouth, chewed it carefully, and then a look of utter amazement appeared on her face.
"Wow!" she exclaimed dramatically, her eyes sparkling as she looked at General Zhang sitting opposite her. "General, the vegetables you grow are truly amazing! They're sweet, refreshing, crisp, and tender without any fibrous residue. The taste is even better than the tribute vegetables that the imperial kitchen painstakingly cultivated back then!"
General Zhang was overjoyed by the praise, his old face beaming with happiness. He waved his hands repeatedly, saying, "Your Majesty is too kind! Too kind! These are just some homegrown vegetables, nothing to compare with precious things."
"How can this be considered coarse food? This is true delicacy!" Lin Wanwan picked up another bite with her chopsticks, eating with great relish. "As the saying goes, 'follow the way of nature.' These vegetables have absorbed the essence of heaven and earth, carrying the fragrance of the soil. This is the most authentic taste. Look at the appearance and the taste; it's clear that the old general is a true expert in the way of farming!"
"Hahaha, Your Majesty, you flatter me, you flatter me!" Old Zhang was so pleased by the flattery that his beard stood on end.
Xiao Che, sitting next to Lin Wanwan, poked at the rice even more vigorously.
Out of the corner of his eye, he coldly glanced at the plate of vegetables that had been praised to the skies, then at the old scoundrel Zhang who was grinning from ear to ear, and let out a barely audible snort.
Lin Wanwan pretended not to see it and continued to add fuel to the fire.
As she ate, she remarked meaningfully, "Practice makes perfect! This kind of farming isn't something you can just talk about. Unlike some people," she said, deliberately nudging Xiao Che beside her with her elbow, "they spout all sorts of theories, like the Bagua Formation and the Bewitching Formation, talking a good game, but the seedlings they grow aren't even enough to fill the teeth of your magnificent chicken."
"Pfft—cough cough!"
General Zhang, who was sitting across from me, had just taken a sip of wine when he heard this. He spat out the entire sip, choking so badly that his face turned bright red, but he still couldn't help but laugh.
A majestic and powerful rooster... that adjective is so... accurate!
Xiao Che's knuckles were already turning white as he held the chopsticks.
He could feel the jar of aged vinegar inside him beginning to churn and bubble violently, about to burst through the jar and flood the entire dining table.
Lin Wanwan continued to recklessly "stir up trouble."
"General, are you free tomorrow? Could you teach my clumsy husband how to take care of these fields? Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll never be able to eat vegetables grown by myself in my entire life."
"I'm free! Your Majesty, please rest assured, this old minister has it all covered!" Old Zhang patted his chest and assured her.
"Thank you very much! Here, I'll toast you with tea instead of wine!"
"I don't deserve it, I don't deserve it!"
Seeing the two people in front of him chatting and laughing happily, Xiao Che's jealousy finally erupted at this moment!
"Bang!"
He slammed the bowl and chopsticks down on the table with a loud bang, successfully drawing everyone's attention to him.
He turned his head, his deep eyes burning with intense jealousy as he stared intently at Lin Wanwan. His internalized, instinctive "artificial voice" now resonated with extreme displeasure, unleashing its full force:
"Wanwan! You praised him eight times today! A full eight times! From his dishes to his chicken, and even his body! You haven't praised me even once!"
His voice was filled with the resentment of being ignored and a powerful, possessive, imperial urge. The way he complained was just like a naive child who had discovered that his beloved toy had been taken away by another child.
The entire dining table fell into a deathly silence instantly.
General Zhang's smile froze. He glanced at the furious Emperor Emeritus, then at the mischievous Empress Dowager, and only one thought crossed his mind: "Oh no, the fire at the city gate has spread to the moat." Should he make an excuse to pee?
Lin Wanwan looked at Xiao Che's adorable, jealous expression and suppressed a laugh, blinking in feigned surprise: "Praising you?"
“That’s right!” Xiao Che said confidently.
"But..." Lin Wanwan tilted her head, thinking seriously, as if she was really trying to find something to praise about the other person, "What should I praise you for? I can't exactly lie and praise you for growing vegetables, can I?"
Xiao Che's face darkened.
"I can't really praise you for your clever planning, can I?"
Xiao Che's face darkened even more.
"Well..." Lin Wanwan pretended to suddenly realize something, clapped her hands, and said with bright eyes, "Oh! I've got it! I can praise you... praise your chicken-catching posture this afternoon, it was very impressive!"
"puff--"
This time, General Zhang could no longer hold back. The second sip of wine he had just taken a sip of sprayed out in an even more dramatic way, splashing everywhere.
The way he catches the chicken... is quite imposing?!
Your Majesty, are you praising someone or rubbing salt into their wounds? This is the ultimate way to destroy someone's spirit!
Xiao Che was so flustered by Lin Wanwan's "counterattack" that he blushed and couldn't utter a word for a long time. He could imagine himself chasing chickens all over the yard that afternoon, looking utterly pathetic—a far cry from being "majestic"!
He felt a burning pain in his face.
Seeing his frustrated expression, as if he was about to burst into flames but unable to refute her, Lin Wanwan finally couldn't help but laugh out loud.
She knew she had won this sweet banter.
Looking at her smug, smiling face, Xiao Che's anger and jealousy gradually dissipated, replaced by a helpless feeling that was both amusing and exasperating.
He had absolutely no way to deal with her.
He took a deep breath, transforming all his resentment and frustration into renewed fighting spirit.
He angrily picked up his chopsticks, pointed to the plate of vegetables on the table, then to the pond outside the window, and, addressing Lin Wanwan, Old Zhang, and himself, made a new pledge:
"Growing vegetables won't work... so I'll go fishing! Tomorrow, I'll make sure you have a 'whole fish feast'! I'll show you my true skills!"
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