Chapter 252 I'm Not Happy
It was already noon when Ning Yan woke up the next day. When he saw that he was at home, he was stunned for a long time.
I stared at the ceiling for ten minutes before I remembered that I went drinking with Kevin and Jiang Wei after get off work last night, and was taken away by Yu Chengbai halfway through the drink.
Yu Chengbai didn't take him back to the hotel, but took him home directly.
I'll have to call Kevin and ask.
Ning Yan found his charging phone at the bedside, found Kevin's number and called him.
Kevin was probably eating at the moment. His voice was quite fuzzy when he answered the phone, accompanied by the sound of chewing. "We've already returned to the unit, Ning Yan, you don't have to worry. Also, Mr. Yu called his superior last night and said he needed your help with something, so he's taking you back to the capital first."
"So I don't have to go to work today?"
"Are you done helping?"
Ning Yan didn't even think twice and immediately went into the bathroom to wash up. While taking out his toothbrush, he said, "I'm done. I'll be back to work in an hour."
Kevin was already used to his love for work, so he didn't say anything. He just said he would pack a meal for him from the cafeteria and put it on his table, then hung up the phone.
After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Ning Yan took a quick shower, then went naked to the cloakroom to find a clean uniform to change into.
Looked in the mirror.
Very good, not a bit tired from a hangover, feeling very energetic.
He grabbed his hat and hurried downstairs. He vaguely saw someone sitting in the garden outside the terrace. Thinking it was Aya basking in the sun, he shouted, "Aya, I'm going to work. If Yu Chengbai asks, just tell him! I'm leaving!"
Without waiting for a response, Ning Yan, who was in a hurry to go to work, opened the door and went out.
clang.
The door closed and the empty house returned to silence.
It took no more than 30 seconds from going downstairs to riding away on the electric scooter outside. It was so fast that there was no need to say a word to stop him.
The man didn't even notice whether the person sitting in the garden was a man or a woman.
Yu Chengbai closed the book he had only read a few pages of and put it on the small table. After sighing softly, he took off his glasses and lowered his head to rub his brow.
I had a terrible headache after not getting any rest for a whole night.
Ning Yan is too energetic, and Yu Chengbai really feels inferior to him.
Ning Yan had been "busy" in the hotel for most of the night, but the next day he didn't feel any discomfort at all and was able to wake up instantly when he received the call.
Then I wash, get dressed and rush to work.
Ten minutes later, Yu Chengbai felt around but didn't find anyone, so he woke up in shock.
Worried that he would go to work before she woke up again today, Yu Chengbai insisted on sitting downstairs all night.
I want to wait for him to wake up and talk to him.
As a result, when Ning Yan woke up, he showed no intention of looking for him.
Without even a glance, he left a hurried word, opened the door and went to work.
"Hello? Jiujing, are you busy?" After rubbing his eyebrows and thinking for a long time, Yu Chengbai finally called Gu Jiujing, whom he thought was the most reliable.
"I'm not busy. If you have anything to say, just tell me."
Yu Chengbai was a person who was always polite to everyone and would never allow others to be embarrassed by the topic being interrupted. However, after Gu Jiujing finished speaking, he remained silent for a long time.
Although he is not as eloquent as Gu Jiujing, he is definitely not tongue-tied.
But now Yu Chengbai didn't know where to start.
I don’t even know how to describe the stuffy feeling in my heart.
That feeling was like a stone, weighing heavily on his heart, making it hard for him to breathe.
The feeling of suffocation was not fatal, but it made every breath of air inhaled and exhaled carry a dull pain.
"Have you ever…" Yu Chengbai paused, frowned, and then continued, "the feeling and worry that Shi Ming might not love you?"
Gu Jiujing said: "Yes, many times."
Yu Chengbai asked: "What is your solution?"
"Deal with the potential 'threat' first, then yourself. If that doesn't work, start with those around him. If that doesn't work, then start with him."
If someone else heard this overly concise language, they probably wouldn't understand what it meant.
However, Yu Chengbai had been his friend for many years and had been his classmate, so he was able to understand it completely.
So he sighed softly, propped up his head with his hands, closed his eyes and said slowly: "It's useless. I don't think it has anything to do with any of that. It's not because of my rival, it's not because of me, and it's not because of the people around him."
Even because of my preference for Ning Yan, I feel that it is not his fault.
His tone was filled with deep powerlessness. "It's like I'm solving a problem. The question is fine, the process is fine, everything is fine, but when I look at the answer, the result is wrong."
And at the end of the book there is only the correct answer, no process.
So I can never find where the mistake is.
"It's impossible that there are no problems everywhere." Gu Jiujing said.
"I know, but I can't find it." Yu Chengbai opened his eyes and said blankly.
"It's not that you can't find it, it's that you don't want to admit it."
“…”
Except for Shi Ming and Gu Chenyu, Gu Jiujing was never tactful with anyone. Sometimes his words could even be described as sharp, hurting people beyond recognition.
He didn't hold back just because the other person was Yu Chengbai. He said directly, "You're afraid, you're conflicted, you're unwilling, you're greedy, but you don't want to admit it."
"Because you are so generous to everyone, never fighting or competing, and never asking for anything, everyone sees you as a noble, tolerant, and generous gentleman."
"In Ning Yan's eyes, you are especially so."
"You know very well that the reason he fell in love with you and not someone else is most likely because of your noble character. Because you are different from those people who are indifferent to the world, he doesn't love you."
"He loves the part of himself that is missing and longing for."
Yu Chengbai neither admitted nor refuted, but just listened in silence.
Calm yet desperate.
Gu Jiujing's tone was flat, without criticism or comfort. He stated the facts in a cold and rational manner: "But your reluctance to fight or compete is not because you are generous, nor is it because you have no desires or demands. It's because you don't care."
"Fame? Power? Money? Sensual pleasures? You don't care about any of these. You don't care about occasional losses, being fooled by others, or right or wrong."
"So for a while, I suspected that you would become a monk like my father in the future."
"You are indeed suitable to become a monk."
"——If you hadn't met Ning Yan."
Yu Chengbai's brows were furrowed, his eyes dark and deep. He propped up his head, his tone heavier than anyone had ever heard before: "But it just happened to happen. What should I do?"
"Go on."
“…”
"You play whatever he likes."
"Are you going to act like this for the rest of your life?" After a moment of silence, Yu Chengbai suddenly smiled lightly.
After taking a deep breath, he slowly leaned back in his chair, looked up at the blue sky and said absentmindedly, "If some things can really be acted out and hidden, why should I still be with him?"
He smiled and said, "Jiujing, you are better than me, but how long have you been acting in front of Shi Ming?"
Now it was Gu Jiujing's turn to be silent.
Yu Chengbai said slowly, "You can always easily grasp everyone's psychology. You know countless people and have a knack for judging them. But even for you, it's hard to act like one to the person you love forever. Some things can be faked for a while, but not forever."
"For example, jealousy, nature, possessiveness, greed, and insatiable greed..."
"The other party will find out one day."
It’s better to speak out boldly than to hide it.
Ning Yan returned home in the evening and the lights in the living room were off. He thought everyone was asleep, so he tiptoed in and was about to turn on the lights.
Suddenly a voice came: "Are you back?"
Ning Yan was startled. He turned on the light and turned around to see Yu Chengbai sitting on the sofa.
He looked tired and haggard, as if he had been overworked and had just finished a day's work.
Ning Yan was puzzled: "What's wrong with you?"
Yu Chengbai said: "I'm not happy."
Ning Yan was surprised: "Why?"
Yu Chengbai sighed and closed his eyes tiredly: "Because when you left this morning, you didn't recognize that it was me sitting outside, and you called out Aya's name."
"..." Ning Yan said, "That's it?"
"Also, last night you were drunk and I went to pick you up. You were teasing Jiang Wei and were about to touch his face, but I stopped you. I don't like you being like that. Maybe you can't change it right away, but I want to tell you that I'm not very happy. I hope you can slowly change."
“…”
"After we got home, you hugged me and kept asking me to hit you and scold you. Don't do that next time. When you said that, I couldn't help but think about whether you had been hit or scolded by others in the same way. It would hurt me."
“…”
"Finally, when are you going to tell your colleagues and friends that I'm your future marriage partner? I'm feeling insecure right now and I'm anxious every day, always worried that you won't like me and will leave me in a few years."
“…”
Ning Yan looked at him in shock, and for a moment, he was speechless.
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