ending
It was the night before they left Zhoushan. After taking medicine for three days, Zhou Ji'an, who had suffered from heatstroke, finally recovered some of his energy.
She woke up in bed and found Deng Yi wasn't on the other side. She panicked instantly.
They came here for tourism, but because of her, they couldn't go anywhere, and she was afraid that Deng Yi would get annoyed with her because of this.
I've heard that many couples break up after traveling together.
Did Deng Yi decide to break up with her before the trip was even over, leaving her alone in the hotel and leaving on his own?
Zhou Ji'an was startled and sat up abruptly.
She stepped barefoot onto the floor, anxiously turned on the light, and only felt relieved when she saw Deng Yi's luggage on the luggage rack.
There was a gap between the curtains, as if moonlight had been split open.
Zhou Ji'an drew back the curtains and saw Deng Yi leaning against the railing. She grabbed the metal frame of the sliding door and gently moved the door.
Her movements weren't quiet enough, and Deng Yi, who was originally facing the sea and the moon, looked at her.
The sound of the waves came and went, and the moonlight, like flowing water, gently wafted over Deng Yi, who was wearing black pajamas.
He was holding a camera, the lens pointed at her, and his left elbow was resting on the railing.
His smile was clear in the bright moonlight, and the movement of his lips was also very clear.
Zhou Ji'an couldn't hear anything.
Everything seemed to be being swallowed up by quicksand, but the quicksand seemed to bypass Deng Yi, as if he were different from everyone else.
He is indeed different from others.
He simply stood there motionless, yet he was a long and lingering film in himself.
Zhou Ji'an was a hundred, a thousand, even ten thousand times more panicked than when he first woke up and found no one in bed.
Her anxiety and impatience led her to pull open the glass door with unusually rough movements.
Deng Yi's lips moved again, and he walked towards her.
She became increasingly out of control, unable to hear Deng Yi's voice, and had no time to listen to it, as she opened her mouth to vent the anger that arose from her panic.
It was less anger and more a threat.
"I'm awake, I'm already awake, don't you even care if I'm feeling any better? You're still outside looking at the sea and the moon."
"Are you thinking of breaking up with me? Everyone says I'm just average and not good enough for you. Do you think so too? So you're getting impatient now, aren't you?"
“Even if you want to break up with me, I won’t. If you’re determined to break up with me, I will take revenge on you. I will spread rumors that you cheated on me and that you had an affair. I will also go to your studio and your school to wait for you every day. If I see that you have a new girlfriend, I will try my best to break you up.”
“I will bombard you with phone calls and text messages and harass you. If you change your phone number, I will ask Wei Jinglin for it.”
Anyway, you'd better not break up with me.
Recalling the past, Zhou Ji'an was so ashamed that he covered his head and screamed silently.
No wonder she has kept this memory almost sealed away all these years; it's a complete black history.
She probably started brainwashing herself relentlessly after the effects of the heatstroke medication wore off, reminding herself to forget the nonsense she had spouted that night.
Is this the thing Deng Yi has been trying to remind her of? But what does it mean for him to remind her of this?
Isn't he afraid that she's still so reckless and will try to get revenge on him after he asks for a divorce?
The sound of light footsteps interrupted Zhou Ji'an's thoughts.
Feeling inexplicably guilty, she immediately shrank back into bed, pulling the blanket up to her chin and pretending to be asleep.
Deng Yi gently put down the camera, returned to the bedside, and lay down, lifting the corner of the blanket.
He moved very quietly and lay down quite far from Zhou Ji'an.
Before this, he always slept with his arms around her...
Zhou Ji pretended to turn over and peeked at the person next to him by slightly lifting his eyelids.
He touched his face with the back of his hand, then moved it to the area below his neck, a very strange action.
Zhou Ji'an suddenly wanted to scare him, so she slowly moved her body, and the next moment, she was pulled into someone's arms.
So he was just testing whether he was cold enough to hug her.
"Can't you sleep?" Zhou Ji'an felt weak and sore all over, and gently snuggled up to him.
"Mmm," Deng Yi asked softly, cradling the back of her head in his palm and burying his face in her mouth to kiss her. "I missed you a little."
He still misses his ex.
He planned this trip because of his ex-girlfriend.
But she is indeed different from before, and it's impossible for her to go back to the way she was before, so she can't satisfy his longing.
If she cannot fulfill his longing, this journey will end, and their fate will likely be the same as before.
Zhou Ji'an pretended to be unable to resist sleepiness, turned over and turned his back to him, and did not respond to him.
She can do the same thing this time as last time.
On the way back to Jishi, Zhou Ji'an kept thinking about how to bring up divorce with Deng Yi, and she even had some wonderful ideas in mind.
She thought that maybe this time, after hearing her mention divorce, Deng Yi would try to keep her, or maybe he would get angry and not agree to the divorce.
In short, she wanted Deng Yi to react differently than he did last time.
Thinking about this, she realized that she was no different from before, so naive as to want to test someone's true feelings.
Back home, the moment Zhou Ji'an stepped inside, he knew he was about to hesitate.
The house was warm and cozy, and the floor was spotless.
If she still lives in a rented apartment, after being away for a week, she has to spend a lot of time cleaning before she can finally lie down and rest comfortably.
Now she can take a comfortable hot shower and immediately have a delicious meal afterward.
It's really hard for people to go from extravagance to frugality.
Deng Yi said, "I'm going to a premiere this afternoon."
Zhou Ji'an snapped out of his daze and turned to look at him, who was disinfecting his suitcase with alcohol.
Afternoon? It's almost one o'clock now.
"Are you leaving soon?"
"Um."
The conversation abruptly ended.
Some strange premonitions were brewing.
The cool, refreshing alcohol spray eased Zhou Ji'an's hesitation.
She took a deep breath and said, "Should we..."
"Still can't remember what you said before?"
Zhou Ji'an stared at him, watching him slowly straighten up, push the two suitcases against the wall, and wait motionless for her answer.
At this moment, Zhou Ji'an suddenly realized another reason why he had been so persistent in reminding her of what he had said before.
He might want a divorce, but he's afraid she'll retaliate as she's said before, so he tries to make her remember the past and get her to promise not to destroy everything he has now.
If that's the case, and she doesn't admit that she's remembered what she said before, he might not have this unnecessary worry.
Zhou Ji'an jokingly said, "I can't even remember what I ate yesterday."
Deep disappointment was evident in Deng Yi's eyes; this was not what Zhou Ji'an wanted to see.
She wanted to say something more, but Deng Yi spoke first.
"It seems that no matter what I do, you can't go back to the way things were before," Deng Yi said with a helpless self-deprecating laugh. "You can't even treat me like you used to."
Zhou Ji'an was anxious, but what Deng Yi said was true. Her mind was in turmoil, and just at this critical moment, Deng Yi's phone rang.
Moreover, he did not consider this moment a turning point in their relationship, answering the phone as if nothing had happened, and his tone of voice remained unchanged.
Deng Yi checked the time and replied, "Okay, I'll leave in twenty minutes."
He hung up the phone, glanced at Zhou Ji'an who remained silent and offered no words of comfort, and hardened his heart to push her to the edge: "If you can't be happy staying with me, we can draft the divorce agreement today, and I'll sign it when I get back tonight."
Before turning around and leaving his suitcase and Zhou Ji'an behind, he carefully instructed, "There's a printer in the study. You don't need to consult a lawyer. Just write down what you want. I told you you can have whatever you want."
When he brought up divorce first, Zhou Ji'an felt a sense of relief for some reason.
She thought she would be so sad that she couldn't even stand up.
She broke up with him when he was caught off guard, and now he's given her plenty of advance notice before bringing up divorce, which is quite considerate of him.
That's good; her worries can stop now.
Zhou Ji'an turned on his computer, and faint conversations could be heard outside the study. It was probably the two aunts reporting something to Deng Yi, or Deng Yi giving instructions.
After a while, the surrounding air became quiet.
Zhou Ji'an searched for divorce agreement templates online, but after looking at them repeatedly, she still didn't know how to do it. Almost three hours had passed, and she still hadn't made any progress.
She leaned back wearily in her chair, slowly reflecting on the days since her reunion with Deng Yi.
It feels like another dream.
Now, the only way she could alleviate the distress rising in her heart was to think of Deng Yi's motives for marrying her in a negative light.
Deng Yi's fake marriage with her, followed by his divorce proposal when she started to depend on him, must have been an act of revenge for her breaking up with him years ago.
If that's the case, he should have just thrown the divorce agreement he had already prepared in her face. Why did he have to go through the trouble of letting her draft the terms of the divorce agreement?
He really wasn't afraid that she would try to extort a huge sum of money from him.
As Zhou Ji'an pondered this, he moved to the other end of the desk and took out the divorce agreement that had been lying in the drawer for who knows how long.
Deng Yi isn't a petty person; if she copies his divorce agreement, she shouldn't lose out.
Zhou Ji'an opened the cover; the second page had the screenwriter's name and a list of characters printed on it.
Zhou Ji'an doubted his eyesight and carefully searched the drawer, but besides a stapler, a few rarely used pens, there was only this "divorce agreement".
Why did he put this script in the drawer?
Zhou Ji'an glanced at the stacks of scripts on the desk, as well as the scripts on the movable table next to the desk.
Was he afraid she might accidentally see the script and misunderstand?
Now it seems his worries were not unfounded.
So, is it really true, as he said, that he doesn't want to divorce her?
He asked her to draft a divorce agreement today, but he also set conditions.
He thought she was unhappy being with him.
Zhou Ji'an excitedly took out his notebook and planner, which he had hidden in his computer bag.
She had just opened her notebook, ready to make a phone call, when the doorbell rang.
The footsteps moved quickly to the doorway.
Having lived here for so long, Zhou Ji'an had never heard the doorbell ring. She feared that Deng Wencheng's troubles had affected her and Deng Yi, causing someone to come knocking on their door.
She dropped what she was holding and walked out of the study.
Two women's voices drifted to my ears from the doorway.
"Ah..." Zhou Ji'an opened his mouth to call out, but seeing Aunt Yang's expression, he quickly changed his words, "Mom, what brings you here?"
Shen Ruoheng carried several exquisite bags in each hand. After changing into slippers, she walked inside and replied, "I heard from Deng Yi that you were coming back today, so I brought you some things while I still had time."
Zhou Ji'an stepped forward to take the things from her hands and asked, "Are you leaving?"
“Yes, it won’t be long.” Shen Ruoheng walked to the living room. “These are the sweaters, vests, woolen hats, and two scarves I knitted for you.”
Before Zhou Ji'an could refuse or thank her, Shen Ruoheng took out a pair of red gloves and a blue and white hat from a blue paper bag and said with a smile, "These gloves and this hat were knitted by me many years ago, when you had just started dating Deng Yi."
Zhou Ji'an looked at Shen Ruoheng in surprise.
When she was dating Deng Yi, Deng Yi rarely mentioned Shen Ruoheng, and she had never met Shen Ruoheng.
Shen Ruoheng placed the basin hat on Zhou Ji'an's head and smoothed the hair by her ear. "It suits you very well. The thread and style were designed by Deng Yiding. I just didn't expect it to be delivered to you today."
Zhou Ji'an took off his hat and held it in his hand, not knowing what to say, and unable to say anything at all.
“Deng Yi was more sensitive and kinder than other children from a young age. He would rather suffer himself than let others suffer.” Shen Ruoheng tidied up the other gifts. “But it is precisely this kind of personality that has enabled him to have everything he has now.”
“You’ve already given me so much, there’s no need to give me anything more,” Zhou Ji’an said, taking advantage of her moment of reminiscing about the past.
Ignoring her refusals, Shen Ruoheng continued to take out more things and gesture on her body, saying, "I probably don't want to come back after I leave. When you see or use these things, please take good care of Deng Yi for me."
Zhou Ji'an felt uncomfortable hearing her words. He stroked the brim of his bucket hat and said unhappily, "You're his mother. You don't care about him, but you ask me to care about him. How can our care be the same?"
Shen Ruoheng laughed out loud, a sense of relief rising in her heart, and sighed, "I knew you were different."
Zhou Ji'an's face flushed from her laughter, and he looked around to ease the embarrassment of his careless remark.
Shen Ruoheng glanced at the incoming call and tentatively asked, "Do you want me to go out?"
Zhou Ji'an didn't understand what she meant at first.
Shen Ruoheng explained, "My friend parked his car outside the community. You can take me there."
This means she carried all these things home by hand.
Zhou Ji'an realized his rudeness and replied, "Okay."
“If I weren’t in a hurry to take care of other things, I would have waited for Deng Yi to come back so the three of us could have a meal together,” Shen Ruoheng said as she walked.
Recalling the recent incident, Zhou Ji'an asked with slight concern, "What if that person keeps dragging their feet on divorcing you?"
Shen Ruoheng said confidently, "How dare he? I've been preparing for this for decades; he has no chance to delay."
Shen Ruoheng took her hand and patted it gently, saying, "In this respect, Deng Yi is like me. We are used to eliminating all kinds of risks before making a decision."
So, is Deng Yi asking her to draft a divorce agreement today also to eliminate risks?
This eliminates the risk that she might be unhappy living with him, suffering grievances but having no choice but to endure them.
Shen Ruoheng seemed to be thinking of something, her loud laughter fading into the late winter air, her hand still holding Zhou Ji'an's.
"Deng Yi made up his mind to date you before, but he had already eliminated all kinds of risks."
After she finished speaking, as if afraid that Zhou Ji'an would overthink it, she quickly added, "What I'm ruling out is the risk that might be detrimental to you."
She emphasized the word "you," and Zhou Ji'an didn't interrupt, quietly waiting for her to continue.
“He clearly never cared about having antisocial personality disorder, but one day he suddenly took the initiative to talk to me and contact me, asking me to use my connections to find him the best psychologist.”
“Before this, he hadn’t initiated any communication with me for many years.” Shen Ruoheng still had a warm smile on her face. “When I asked him why, he frankly said that he was afraid. He was afraid that he was really antisocial, he was afraid that he had violent tendencies, and he was afraid that he would hurt you.”
“A few days after he received his diagnosis that he did not have antisocial personality disorder, he took the initiative to tell me that he was in a relationship. After that, our relationship eased up a bit.”
Zhou Ji'an was a little out of breath. She realized she hadn't taken her phone and panicked. Seeing that she was about to leave the residential area, she suppressed her panic and regret and stared blankly at the road ahead.
Shen Ruoheng's friend's car was parked about 100 meters away from the gate of the community. Zhou Ji'an restrained the urge to run home immediately to make a phone call and walked her to the car.
"When you have time in the future, come visit me in America with Deng Yi," Shen Ruoheng said before getting into the car.
According to Zhou Ji'an, she was just being polite and didn't genuinely want them to bother her.
Zhou Ji'an replied politely, "You can come back to China and visit us sometime in the future."
Shen Ruoheng raised an eyebrow with amusement, and after a few seconds said, "Let's go back, it's cold outside."
Zhou Ji'an left decisively, completely ignoring Shen Ruoheng's conversation with her friend.
Zhou Ji'an discovered that she had always been swayed by other people's opinions, entirely because she lacked basic trust in Deng Yi, or perhaps her inferiority complex made it difficult for her to believe in Deng Yi, even though Deng Yi had clearly done nothing wrong.
Even Deng Yi's statement back then, "What's wrong with being ordinary?" would be hard for most people to find fault with, and he might have been responding to what she said that night in Zhoushan.
Yu Xi's directorial debut, "Pain and Suppression," had already received extensive publicity before the premiere, and the audience at the event today reacted enthusiastically.
Deng Yi had something on his mind. After speaking as a guest and saying some heartfelt and polite things, he planned to leave.
"Director Deng Yi, could you give me your autograph?" Someone called out to Deng Yi in a low voice as he walked down the aisle.
The girl who called him was walking towards the aisle, and she was walking with difficulty, probably because she was afraid of disturbing others.
Deng Yi took a few steps toward the girl and asked, "Where should I sign?"
"Sign here." The girl turned around, revealing her back. She wore a loose white T-shirt over her leather jacket, which already had several people's signatures on it.
Deng Yi lowered his head and wrote down his name, when someone called his name from not far away.
He had to go down a few more steps.
On stage, Yu Xi was holding a microphone and thanking the audience and guests. Her tone was more confident and poised than before, and Deng Yi couldn't help but look up at her.
Deng Yi was now much closer to Yu Xi and realized that she wasn't wearing any makeup and looked much lighter.
Even though they were only a meter or two closer than before, the creators on stage looked like they were in much higher definition.
Deng Yi paused as he handed over the pen, then hurriedly ran out of the cinema.
People who enjoy art and literature may be somewhat superstitious about certain divine moments, and different people have different understandings of what constitutes a divine moment.
The divine moments in Deng Yi's superstition are related to being seen, sudden enlightenment, and awareness.
The first time he felt completely seen was when he secretly took pictures of Zhou Ji'an on the subway.
That day he walked around several routes, but still couldn't capture the ideal shot.
Just when he was about to give up, Zhou Ji'an entered his carriage.
She carried a black suitcase and a brown backpack, her jet-black hair tied in a low ponytail hanging down her back.
Her eyes were fixed on the electronic circuit diagram above the car door, only occasionally relaxing when someone bumped into or jostled her.
He raised his camera to take a picture of her profile, but at that moment, she turned her head and looked straight at his lens, her brows furrowed slightly as if she were confused or puzzled, but she quickly fixed her gaze on the route map.
There were at least thirty people between them, yet she noticed precisely that his camera was pointed at her.
Later, she taught him how to choose fruits, vegetables, and grains, and taught him cooking tips. Later still, she stole a kiss from him, and she threatened him in the moonlight and sea breeze, all of which were related to enlightenment and awareness.
In countless moments like these, he confirmed the authenticity of the feelings the person in front of him had for him.
Deng Yi flipped through the open notebook on the table, looking at one photo after another, one line after another, and the previous conversations came vividly to life.
"You miss me a lot?"
"Um."
How much do you want to?
"Sometimes it's two or three meters, sometimes seven or eight meters, sometimes more than ten meters, and most of the time we don't know how many meters it is."
Zhou Ji'an stood at the door, hesitating.
She didn't know what to say or what she could say after getting the phone and calling Deng Yi.
The answer is clear, but putting it into practice remains difficult.
Besides, his phone might be on silent right now.
After dawdling for a while, Zhou Ji'an finally mustered up the courage to go inside, walked heavily towards the study, and pushed open the study door.
"I haven't finished writing it yet, I don't know how to write it." Zhou Ji'an didn't expect that when she saw Deng Yi standing in front of her computer, her first words would be to admit her mistake.
Deng Yi pressed his fingertips against the two characters "Deng Yi" written in thick fluorescent pen on the ledger, looked up and asked, "Because you don't want to divorce me, you don't know how to write it?"
Zhou Ji'an walked over to him, pondered his question for a moment, and asked in return, "You want to divorce me, that's why you made me draft the divorce agreement myself?"
As Zhou Ji'an spoke, he walked around behind the desk. When he looked up, he saw the colorful notebook in Deng Yi's hand and realized that he hadn't had time to put the notebook and planner away.
She was both anxious and embarrassed, and immediately lunged to snatch the ledger, but Deng Yi picked it up and held it in the air.
Deng Yi looked down at her and smiled, "Didn't you write 'Happy Birthday to me' on the title page? Isn't this mine? Why are you trying to take it?"
Zhou Ji'an didn't argue with him about this, but just kept jumping up to take back what belonged to him, only to be grabbed by the waist with one hand and pulled to sit on the desk.
He braced his hands on the desk, their eyes level.
"When I came back and didn't see you, I almost thought you had packed your things and run away." Deng Yi gently rubbed his nose against her cool cheek.
"I'm not unhappy, so why should I run away?" Zhou Ji'an couldn't be sentimental anymore when he thought about all the years they had missed.
"That's good." Deng Yi felt completely at ease and kissed her earlobe and lips.
Zhou Ji'an pursed his lips, which were wet from his kiss, leaned closer to his lips, opened his mouth and bit down. After seeing the deep teeth marks, he said, "Aren't you afraid that I'll actually write up the divorce agreement and make you sign it, and you still have the mind to go to the event?"
Deng Yi grabbed her and deepened the kiss she had initiated, saying between kisses, "I'm scared, of course I'm scared, but what I'm most afraid of is that you're not happy."
"If I weren't happy, would I agree to your fake marriage proposal? I'm not stupid." Zhou Ji'an was breathless from the kiss, and the inside of his knee rubbed against his waist through the fabric.
"Hmm...uh..." Deng Yi gradually lost control, picked up the person on the table and walked towards the bedroom, not forgetting to emphasize again as he walked, "We are really getting married."
Under his various attempts to provoke Zhou Ji'an, he was forced to say again and again, "Marriage is wonderful."
Finally, unable to bear it any longer, she rambled on through tears.
"Deng Yi is really good."
"No more... um... I want more... I want more."
"I'm so... happy, so... happy to death to marry you."
Zhou Ji'an did almost die, but he was almost killed by something he did.
When she was trembling uncontrollably, she suddenly realized that Deng Yi had been holding back his strength until they had reached a mutual understanding.
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