Chapter 67
Like a maddened beast, Sheng Xuan, with bloodshot eyes and a violently heaving chest, ignored the guards at the door and slammed open the heavy carved wooden door of Sheng Chi's study!
"Bang--!"
The door slammed heavily against the wall with a deafening crash!
Inside the study, Sheng Chi was sitting behind a large desk, reviewing military reports.
The sudden loud noise made his wrist pause, and the ink splattered on the paper, leaving a smudge.
He looked up and saw Sheng Xuan standing at the door, exuding a violent aura, his face ashen, his eyes burning with rage and immense pain. His brows furrowed instantly, and a hint of understanding and... heavy helplessness flashed deep in his eyes.
“Brother—!!!” Sheng Xuan’s voice was hoarse and distorted, filled with sobs and overwhelming anger. He rushed to the desk and slammed his hands heavily on the hard rosewood table, making the wolf-hair brushes on the brush holder rattle loudly!
He leaned forward, staring intently at Sheng Chi, each word seemingly squeezed out from between his teeth, a tearful accusation laced with blood:
"Why?! Tell me why?! Why did you imprison Su Zhelan?! Why did you take his blood?! Why did you use his blood to make medicine to save me?! Why?!"
Sheng Xuan's chest heaved violently, tears streaming uncontrollably down his face, a mixture of immense pain and rage at being betrayed by his loved one: "He's Su Zhelan! He's mine! Mine... mine..." He choked, the rest of the words stuck in his throat, turning into a broken sob, "...How could you?! How could you use him as a catalyst?! How could you watch him... watch him bleed from his heart?! How could you keep it from me?! Treating me like a fool, keeping me in the dark?! Huh?!"
Looking at his younger brother's near-collapse, at the surging pain, anger, and bottomless despair in his eyes, all the prepared words and explanations seemed pale and powerless.
He slowly put down his pen, leaning back in his chair as if all his strength had been drained. His usually dignified and composed face now bore only a deep weariness and...unconcealable pain.
The study was deathly silent, save for Sheng Xuan's heavy breathing and the soft sound of tears hitting the table.
After a long silence, Sheng Chi finally spoke, his voice low and hoarse, carrying an unprecedented weariness and desolation:
"Shengxuan... Brother... is really scared."
He raised his eyes, his gaze passing over the desk and landing on Sheng Xuan's face, contorted with pain. His eyes were filled with lingering fear and an indescribable terror:
"At Black Wind Pass," Sheng Chi's voice trembled slightly, "when I gave the order... to pour oil into the valley and set it on fire..."
He took a deep breath, as if to suppress the sob in his throat, his voice even more hoarse: "...Back then...brother...pretend...you're already dead."
These words struck Sheng Xuan's heart like a heavy hammer! He was jolted and looked at Sheng Chi in disbelief.
Sheng Chi's gaze became extremely complex, filled with pain, relief, and an unfathomable fear: "Looking at that towering fire... my heart... was burned to ashes too... I thought... I had personally... sent my own brother away..."
He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again, his eyes churning with immense pain: "Later... the guards said that when you emerged from the pile of corpses... you were covered in blood... barely clinging to life... I felt so incredibly fortunate... God... thankfully, He wasn't so cruel to our Shengxuan family..."
His voice suddenly rose, filled with an uncontrollable panic and despair: "But! But then! I watched you being tormented by the Gu poison! I watched you suffer a fate worse than death! I watched you grow thinner day by day! I watched you convulse in pain! Unable to even scream! My heart... was also gnawed at by the Gu worms! Torn to pieces! I was truly... driven mad with worry! Driven mad with fear!"
Sheng Chi suddenly stood up, his hands braced on the desk, his body leaning slightly forward. His usually sharp and steady eyes were now bloodshot and filled with a near-collapse of madness: "I have no choice! I really have no choice! Watching you being eaten away bit by bit... watching you get closer and closer to the gates of hell... I don't care about anything else! As long as I can save you! As long as I can snatch you back from the clutches of the King of Hell! I'll do anything! Even if it means going to hell! I'll accept it!"
He stared intently at Sheng Xuan, his voice hoarse with excitement: "So... when Su Yan took out that bowl of medicine that could save you... when all the clues pointed to Su Zhelan... when the only hope was right in front of us... I couldn't hesitate any longer! I dared not hesitate any longer!"
Sheng Chi's voice carried a desperate resolve and an unfathomable fear: "I only know that it's the only thing that can save you! The only thing that can keep you here! I can't gamble! I can't afford to gamble! I just want to save you! As long as I can save you... I don't care about anything else..."
As he finished speaking, Sheng Chi's voice lowered, filled with deep exhaustion and a profound sense of powerlessness.
He slowly released his grip on the table, his body seemingly drained of all strength, and slumped back into his chair. He raised his hand and pressed it hard against his forehead, his knuckles turning white from the force, as if he were enduring immense pain and torment.
The study fell silent once more. Only Sheng Chi's heavy breathing and Sheng Xuan's suppressed, choked gasps could be heard.
After a long while, Sheng Chi slowly lowered his hand, raised his head, and looked at Sheng Xuan, who was still standing stiffly in front of the desk, tears streaming down his face, his eyes filled with complex and unreadable emotions. The previous majesty and sharpness were gone from Sheng Chi's face, leaving only a deep weariness and... an overwhelming sense of regret and guilt.
"Sheng Xuan..." Sheng Chi's voice was terribly hoarse, carrying an unprecedented weakness and sincerity, "I'm sorry..."
He uttered those three words with difficulty, as if he had used up all his strength.
"This matter... was my fault."
He looked intently at Sheng Xuan, his eyes filled with pain and self-reproach: "Brother... I didn't think things through... I only cared about saving you... but... I neglected his feelings... and... I hurt you too..."
Sheng Chi's voice grew softer and softer, filled with an indescribable heaviness and regret: "Brother... I'm sorry... and... I'm sorry to Su Zhelan..."
He lowered his eyelids, no longer looking at Sheng Xuan, and simply leaned back in his chair, as if a mountain had collapsed, leaving only exhaustion and irreparable wounds.
In the study, only the heavy breathing of the two brothers and the silent tears of regret remained. The air was so heavy it was almost suffocating.
Sheng Xuan stood frozen in front of the desk, tears silently streaming down his pale cheeks, dripping onto the rosewood table and spreading into dark spots.
Looking at his brother's face, which was filled with exhaustion, self-blame, and pain, and listening to his honest fear and desperate choice, he felt a surge of complex emotions.
Angry? Of course! Angry that his brother concealed the truth and used Su Zhelan!
Does it hurt? It's excruciating! I feel pain for the inhuman torture Su Zhelan endured!
Do you understand? ...Yes, he understood his brother's fear and desperate act of grasping at a straw in despair! Because he himself...had also been willing to be bait and step into a death trap for Su Zhelan!
However, this understanding could not quell the immense, almost tearing pain in his heart! Especially when he thought of Su Zhelan's eyes, so calm they were almost lifeless, and her light, casual words, "It's alright, as long as you get better..."
Sheng Xuan clenched his fist tightly, his nails digging deep into his palms, bringing a sharp pain, but he could not suppress the deeper, more intense pain in his heart called "powerlessness"!
He slowly raised his head, his crimson eyes staring directly at Sheng Chi. Those eyes, which always carried the spirit of youth or reckless impulsiveness, were now burning with an unprecedented, almost tragic determination and... a resolute determination that disregarded everything!
“Brother…” Sheng Xuan’s voice was hoarse, yet exceptionally clear. Each word seemed to come from all his strength, landing with an undeniable weight in the silent study. “Su Zhelan… he…”
He took a deep breath, as if to break free of all shackles, his voice suddenly rising, carrying a desperate courage and an unmistakable deep affection:
"Su Zhelan... is someone I would protect even at the cost of my life!"
He paused, his gaze intense and unwavering, meeting Sheng Chi's shocked gaze directly, and spoke each word clearly and distinctly:
"I... like him!"
These four words, like a thunderclap, exploded in Sheng Chi's ears! He sat up abruptly, his pupils shrinking, staring incredulously at his younger brother's resolute expression! He had never imagined... that Sheng Xuan's feelings for Su Zhelan could be so profound!
However, the determination in Sheng Xuan's eyes lasted only a moment. Immense pain and helplessness surged back like a tidal wave, instantly extinguishing the flame of courage that had just been ignited.
The light in his eyes quickly dimmed, replaced by a bottomless, almost desperate self-mockery and... a deep sense of self-loathing.
“But…” Sheng Xuan’s voice suddenly dropped, thick with nasal congestion and trembling uncontrollably. He slowly lowered his head, looking at his tightly clenched, slightly trembling fist, as if it were stained with Su Zhelan’s blood, “…But…I…I can’t do anything…”
An overwhelming sense of powerlessness, like cold vines, coiled around his heart, almost suffocating him.
“I thought…I thought that this time, I…I was going to be the bait…” His voice choked, broken and intermittent, filled with bitterness and self-mockery, “I thought…if I risked everything…I could…help him…help him get rid of those entanglements…help him…gain some…space to survive…”
He abruptly raised his head, tears streaming down his face, a mixture of immense pain and overwhelming self-denial, his voice broken and shattered:
"And then?! I almost died! And I dragged him down with me... I made him suffer terribly trying to save me!!"
He pointed to his heart, his voice hoarse and desperate, every word dripping with blood and tears: "Brother... tell me... am I... utterly useless?!"
Sheng Xuan's body trembled violently. He bit his lower lip hard, trying to suppress the surging tears and sobs in his throat, but it was all in vain.
The immense pain and the hatred for his own powerlessness were like two heavy mountains that crushed him completely! He could no longer hold on; his body hunched slightly, his hands braced on the cold table, his shoulders heaving violently, emitting suppressed whimpers like those of a wounded young animal.
"I can't even protect the people I care about... what am I?"
He sobbed uncontrollably, his broken words filled with self-loathing and a bottomless despair.
Sheng Chi watched his younger brother break down in tears in front of him, listening to his heart-wrenching self-questioning, and his heart ached! He suddenly stood up, walked around the desk, and rushed to Sheng Xuan in a few steps!
He reached out, wanting to embrace and comfort his younger brother, who was always causing trouble but always made him feel sorry for him, just like when they were children. But his hand froze halfway through the movement.
Sheng Xuan's words, "The person I would risk my life to protect," and his current breakdown, "Am I particularly useless?", are like two red-hot irons, burning Sheng Chi's heart!
Sobbing echoed in the silent study, a lament filled with despair and self-loathing. He was hunched over, his hands gripping the table tightly, his shoulders trembling violently, as if crushed by an invisible burden, unable to bear it any longer.
Sheng Chi stood in front of him, his outstretched hand frozen in mid-air, before finally falling limply to the ground.
He knew better than anyone that Sheng Xuan's courage was genuine, and his feelings for Su Zhelan were real! But it was precisely this genuine affection and courageous sacrifice that brought Su Zhelan even deeper suffering and Sheng Xuan's overwhelming pain and self-blame at this moment!
All of this... traced back to the source... was because of him! Because of him, the older brother! To save his younger brother, he used the cruelest method, sacrificing the person his brother wanted to protect most! He also personally... destroyed his brother's pride and beliefs!
Overwhelmed by pain and self-reproach, Sheng Chi nearly collapsed. He took a deep breath, forcefully suppressing his surging emotions, his eyes hardening with sorrow and determination. He couldn't bear to see Sheng Xuan succumb to such self-blame!
Sheng Chi stepped forward again, this time without hesitation.
He extended his broad palm, with an irresistible force yet gentle touch, and placed it on Sheng Xuan's violently trembling shoulder!
The hand was warm and steady, carrying a unique strength and comforting quality characteristic of an elder brother.
Shengxuan's body stiffened abruptly, and her sobbing stopped abruptly, but the trembling in her shoulders did not cease.
“Sheng Xuan,” Sheng Chi’s voice was low and hoarse, yet it carried an unprecedented, heavy strength that pierced through Sheng Xuan’s sobs, “Raise your head and look at your brother!”
His tone carried a commanding air, but it no longer possessed its former authority; instead, it was filled with unquestionable concern and an almost pleading tone.
Sheng Xuan's body remained stiff, but perhaps it was the warmth from that hand, or perhaps it was the unprecedented heaviness in his brother's voice, that made him subconsciously and very slowly raise his head.
Through his teary eyes, he saw Sheng Chi's face, which was also etched with exhaustion and pain. But at this moment, those usually sharp and deep eyes held no anger, no scheming, only a bottomless regret and an... incredibly solemn, mountain-like sense of responsibility!
"Brother was wrong." Sheng Chi's voice was deep, each word as clear as if it had struck solid ground.
He looked directly into Sheng Xuan's tear-filled eyes without flinching: "I was only focused on saving your life, but I forgot... you've grown up. You have people you want to protect, and paths you want to walk. I... shouldn't have made decisions for you, and I shouldn't have... saved you by hurting Su Zhelan."
He paused, his gaze becoming even more complex, carrying a hint of barely perceptible pain and... a trace of deeply hidden pride: "You say you're useless? Bullshit!"
Sheng Chi's voice suddenly rose, carrying a resolute denial!
"You knew it was a dead end, yet you still dared to act as bait! How many people could have such a determination to die for someone they care about?! Huh?!"
Sheng Chi's gaze burned fiercely, like a torch, trying to ignite the extinguished light in Sheng Xuan's eyes: "I was watching from the shadows! Watching you being entangled by the Gu worms! Watching you hang on by a thread! My heart... broke too! But I also saw it! I saw your courage! Your fearlessness! Your determination to risk everything to protect..."
His voice carried an undeniable certainty and... a deep respect: "You are stronger than me! Shengxuan! I... only dared to hide in the back, using the most despicable and hurtful methods to save people! Brother... is the... useless coward!"
Sheng Chi's words struck Sheng Xuan's heart like a heavy hammer! He suddenly opened his eyes wide, tears still streaming down his face, but the despair and self-loathing in his eyes were overwhelmed by this sudden, straightforward and heavy affirmation from his brother and... self-deprecation!
He never imagined that... in his brother's heart, his "recklessness" that time would be seen as... courage and responsibility?!
Seeing the complex emotions surging in Sheng Xuan's eyes, Sheng Chi knew his words had worked. He tightened his grip on Sheng Xuan's shoulder slightly, his voice softening, carrying an unprecedented gentleness and firmness:
"As for Su Zhelan..."
Mentioning this name, Sheng Chi's eyes became more complex, filled with guilt and regret, but even more so with a sense of determination.
"You've done enough for him. You risked your life as bait for him. You... like him, you want to protect him, I... understand."
He paused, his voice deepening, yet carrying an undeniable promise:
"This time... I'm sorry to him. I'm sorry to you."
"But I assure you! I will take full responsibility for this!"
"I will find a way to make up for the suffering Su Zhelan has endured! I will find a way to repay the blood he shed!"
"You want to protect him... Brother... I'll help you!"
The last two words, "I'll help you," were spoken by Sheng Chi with unwavering resolve and conviction! It was no longer a general's command from above, but a brother's most solemn promise to his younger brother and... belated support!
Sheng Xuan stared blankly at Sheng Chi, at the deep remorse, heavy responsibility, and determination in his brother's eyes... to make amends, to take on the burden, and even to "help" him protect another person!
The enormous shock left Shengxuan's mind blank.
Anger, resentment, pain, self-blame... all sorts of emotions began to melt away slowly in the face of Sheng Chi's heavy and honest words, like ice and snow meeting the blazing sun.
This sudden understanding and support was like a faint but warm light, piercing through the heavy gloom and the ice of despair in his heart.
“Brother…” Sheng Xuan’s lips trembled, uttering a broken syllable. Tears welled up in his eyes again, but this time, they were no longer pure pain and self-loathing, but mixed with grievance, relief, and an indescribable bittersweet feeling of finding someone to rely on.
He took a sudden step forward, no longer in a questioning posture, but like a weary child who had finally found a harbor, he crashed into Sheng Chi's arms! He gripped Sheng Chi's shirt tightly with both hands and buried his face in it!
The long-suppressed cries, a mixture of immense pain, grievance, and a sliver of hope, finally erupted without reservation!
No longer suppressed sobs, but a wailing like a bursting dam! It was as if she wanted to cry out all the fear, all the grievances, all the self-blame of these past days, and the belated understanding and support she had finally received!
Sheng Chi's body stiffened slightly, then relaxed. He felt his younger brother's body trembling violently in his arms and his clothes soaked with hot tears, and his heart was filled with mixed emotions.
He didn't push Shengxuan away, nor did he speak. He simply raised his arm slowly, with an unprecedented, clumsy yet incredibly solemn tenderness, and gently embraced his younger brother's trembling back.
A large, warm hand patted Shengxuan's back slowly but firmly. The movements were clumsy, yet full of silent comfort and protection.
Inside the study, the heavy atmosphere seemed to be slightly eased by the wailing cries and the silent embrace.
Sheng Chi pursed his lips, his jawline was tense, and his eyes were fixed on the blinding sunlight outside the window. Deep in his eyes, complex emotions surged—regret, heartache, determination, and a trace of...relief and exhaustion.
He knew the rift remained, the wounds unhealed. Su Zhelan's suffering and Sheng Xuan's inner turmoil both needed time to heal. But at least for now, he had caught his collapsing brother, giving him a haven to vent and rely on. And his promise to "help you" was far more than just empty words.
For his younger brother, and to make up for what he owed Su Zhelan, Sheng Chi was willing to do anything.
The crying gradually subsided, turning into intermittent sobs.
Sheng Xuan still clung tightly to Sheng Chi's clothes, as if they were a piece of driftwood for a drowning man. Neither of the brothers spoke again, simply maintaining this belated embrace, tinged with tears and wounds.
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