Chapter 7: Screw It Up
"Yuzuru, have you...ever thought about...retiring?"
Yuzuru Hanyu never imagined that when he was about to confess his feelings to a girl for the first time in his life, not only would he be interrupted, but she would actually ask him to retire. For a moment, he suspected he had misheard, and his expression control completely failed. He stared at the person in front of him with wide eyes.
Seeing his reaction, Le suddenly felt he had been too hasty. He was a man who carefully considered his actions, but he didn't know why he had acted so impulsively, daring to talk about retirement to someone who considered figure skating his life.
But she suddenly felt very scared.
Whether it's all-out practice or pain, physical hardship is just a daily part of his life. It's not just him, it's every athlete, including dancers like Le. The fear of hard work isn't in the effort itself; the fear is in the people telling you your efforts are misguided and unrewarded. Even scarier than no reward is facing malice after failure.
After COP2.0 in 2018, although Hanyu only failed to win the championship in the Saitama competition in March, something was wrong, as if the game was suddenly updated and there was no way to pass it, which was scary.
If one day, the proud Yuzuru Hanyu finds out that his efforts are not rewarded, how disappointed will he be?
But will there ever be a day when this is the reality he has to face? She is afraid.
So, if possible, she hoped he would avoid her now.
"What did you just say?" Yuzuru asked Le in disbelief, "Did I hear it wrong?"
Taking a deep breath, Le calmed himself down. Since he had spoken impulsively, perhaps this really was an opportunity.
"I said, have you ever considered retiring?"
"Of course, but that's a long time in the future. I..." He reacted for a moment, wanting to avoid Le's question, not wanting to discuss it with her at this moment. Besides, he really didn't want to hear Le ask him to retire. But this time, Le seemed to have turned off the tacit understanding between them, ignoring his attempt to evade her and interrupting him.
"I didn't mean much later."
“…” Yuzuru Hanyu fell silent. His clever brain was really confused as to how things had turned out like this.
He took Le out for a walk because he had thought clearly about his feelings. He liked Suginohara Le and didn't want to see other men around her, so he wanted to confess his feelings to her before she went back.
How did things get to this point? What went wrong?
He tried to recall what had happened today; everything was normal. If there was anything unusual, it was probably that she had found the ugly cabbage he had hidden among the other mascots.
The injured tail was discovered.
"Do you think my condition has declined? My ability can't keep up? Or do you think there are younger people coming up and I can't compete with them? I just didn't win the gold medal once, so you think I will never win a gold medal again?" He turned his head to look at me, his narrow eyes full of anger and disappointment.
"I didn't mean that. I think you've already won two consecutive Olympic gold medals, and you have so many gold medals and world records. You're already the best figure skater."
"So you think I should quit?"
Le didn't say anything, and Hanyu Yuzuru took her silence as consent.
"You think that, as an athlete, my Olympic double crown is my peak, and this World Championship failure means my peak is over. I will get worse and worse, and up-and-coming athletes will surpass me one by one, stepping on my shoulders to climb to the top. And I will be like a pathetic wretch who refuses to admit defeat but cannot change the status quo, struggling on the ice, right?"
"I haven't thought of it that way."
"But the media thinks so, and many people think so, I know. But," Hanyu paused, looking into Le's eyes, "Suginohara Le, I never thought you would think this way."
"I've never felt your form decline, but whether you're at your peak doesn't depend entirely on you, don't you know that?" Le's voice was a little louder and more rapid due to her anxiety. She looked at the serious-looking man in front of her. She knew he was angry, but why did he think she was doubting his abilities?
Le's words were suggestive. Hanyu lowered his head, rubbing his fingers together, and sneered. He knew whether the ice was clean or not, but clearing the challenge mode with a perfect score was a source of accomplishment and a goal for him. He always wanted an overwhelming victory, an undisputed victory.
"I don't want your efforts to go to waste."
"So you want me to stop now and not waste time?"
Silence fell again. Hanyu suddenly smiled, leaning back against the bench and rubbing his face with his hands. There was no joy in his laughter. "Don't waste time. That's really your style."
"What's the meaning?"
"Haven't you always been like this? You always consider the effort and reward, and always consider the cost-effectiveness before doing anything. It was the same thing when you switched from ballet to backstage work. When you were little, you told me it was because you didn't have enough talent. But I've seen you dance, and I've heard other people's comments about you. You're very talented, even more talented than you are as a choreographer. But you still changed careers. What was the reason?"
Le didn't expect that this matter would involve her and didn't know how to answer, but Hanyu didn't seem to care about her answer at all.
"Is it because the career of a ballet dancer isn't long enough? Being a choreographer or director offers a longer career and there's no risk of injury, right? What a bargain."
"No!" Le stood up from the bench.
Hanyu remained seated, motionless, his hands on his knees, coldly watching Le, who had stood up excitedly. "Isn't that so? That's how I see it. Isn't that the same logic you're using to persuade me to retire now? Stop competing, and go on ice shows with the aura of two consecutive Olympic championships. Your career will be much longer. Le is truly a smart man."
He smiled again. Everyone in the world said Yuzuru Hanyu had a beautiful smile, and under normal circumstances, no one would have disputed that statement. But now, Le Shen felt deeply that this was not the case. Yuzuru Hanyu's smile was terrifying.
"Ah~ I remember you were the same way even with boyfriends. You felt like there was no future with them, so you just..." He held out his clenched fist, turned it over and opened his palm, "throw it away, right?"
Le's hands and feet began to feel cold. She took deep breaths to suppress her emotions. "Is this how you see me?"
There was no answer, only the three words "what else" seemed to be conveyed from those slender eyes and eyebrows.
"I understand." She took a half step back to steady herself. "I'm sorry, I overstepped my bounds. As a realist, I shouldn't have told Hanyu what to do." She tried her best to control herself, but her voice still trembled as she spoke. "Then I'll be leaving now. I wish you all the best."
Watching her walk away, Hanyu clenched his fist and hit the back of the chair hard.
He messed up.
Yuzuru Hanyu, who is known for his flawless speech, messed up.
When he used the ballet thing to ridicule Le, he kept shouting in his heart, "Stop it!" but he still said it out loud. When he heard Le's voice, which was still trembling despite her efforts to control it, he regretted it, but for some reason he didn't move and just watched her walk away.
“Ahhhhhhhh——” He rubbed his face fiercely and stood up.
Anyway, let’s go home first.
Yumi Hanyu, who had been waiting at home for a long time, was still wondering why the two hadn't returned yet. When she heard the door open, she stood up and went to the door. "Why are you back so late? Xiaole has to rush to the airport tonight. Will you make it in time?"
Yuzuru Hanyu was the only one at the entrance.
"Where's Xiaole?"
"She left first." He took off his shoes, changed them, nodded to his mother, and went into the house, all in one go. He didn't give his mother a chance to ask more questions.
Did they have a fight? Yumi Hanyu turned around and looked at her bag still on the cabinet at the entrance. She didn't even take her bag. Was the fight that intense?
Le was standing in front of the subway ticket machine when he realized he'd left his bag at Hanyu's. Even though he knew mobile payments weren't an option on the Toronto subway system, he still tapped randomly on the machine's screen. The screen wasn't responsive, and the lag was making him even more annoyed. He tapped harder and harder, until he was practically slapping the machine.
"Hey! Hey! Miss! You can't do this." The subway security guard came over and scolded her. When he saw the girl looking up at him with tears on her face, he softened his tone. "What's wrong with you? Is there anything I can help you with?"
Le quickly wiped the tears from his face. When he spoke, he realized his voice was full of tears and he felt very aggrieved. "I'm sorry, Sir, I... I lost my wallet and can't buy a ticket."
A young lady behind her came over and handed her a tissue. "I have a few coins here. I'll lend them to you. You can buy the ticket."
She shook her head and took out her cell phone to say that she could ask a friend to pick her up, but the young lady patted her shoulder and stuffed a tissue and a coin into Le's hand.
The kindness of strangers is often a catalyst for emotional outbursts, so when Kate opened the door and saw Le crying, she thought for a moment that she had been robbed.
"Oh my God, honey, what's wrong with you?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, I lost your key. I'll give you another one."
How could anyone lose their temper with someone sobbing and crying? Not only could they not lose their temper, they had to comfort her. But no matter how much they tried to comfort her, she refused to tell them what was wrong. Kate had no choice but to give up and sit on the sofa, watching her pack her luggage.
Looking at her suitcase, Le felt that it was a wise decision to only bring some cash and keys with her when she went to Hanyu's house today. The important documents were all in her packed bag together with her luggage.
Yuzuru Hanyu looked at the bag his mother had just knocked on the door and brought in. The bag didn't reveal anything about its contents, including a passport or other documents. Could this really affect her ability to return to China, as his mother had suggested? But logically, if that were the case, she should have contacted him...
He checked the time. It had been an hour since the fight. Hadn't she noticed she didn't have her bag? There probably wasn't anything important in it, Hanyu thought, scratching his head in frustration. Mom obviously had the contact information, so why did she give him the bag? Wasn't it obvious they'd had a fight?
bite--
The phone on the sofa lit up. Kate took a look and saw a small green icon flipping out with "new message" written next to it.
"There's a message on your phone." He handed the phone to the person who was sitting on the floor staring at the suitcase in a daze.
He took the phone, swiped it open with a click, and saw who had sent the message. He choked with joy.
【Yuzu: I didn’t take your bag.】
Yuzuru Hanyu looked at the Line chat interface. A small gray "read" appeared next to the message. Three flashing ellipsis marks appeared next to Le's profile picture, indicating that she was typing. Soon, with a "pop," it became a new message.
【Raku: There's nothing important in there, so you can do whatever you want with it. 】
Yumi Hanyu, who was reading in the room, heard a muffled sound of something hitting the wall in the next room and sighed.
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