Chapter 79 P-Cobalt Blue

They walked for an unknown amount of time, until they reached their limit and had no strength left, before finally stopping.

The road was deserted, as quiet as the end of the world, with only Chu Beiling and Xing Yu standing under the national highway sign indicating that Shaoxing was 25 kilometers away, breathing lightly.

They walked over 20 kilometers, a full four hours of strenuous walking, until they were exhausted and needed to catch their breath.

Chu Beiling was so tired that she sat down on the ground, but Xing Yu pulled her up: "Don't sit down right away, do you want to lose your legs?"

Chu Beiling: "..."

Xing Yu glanced at his watch and said, "It's about time to go back." With that, he took out his phone and called a ride-hailing service.

There aren't many people in the suburbs, and it takes about half an hour for the ride-hailing car I called to get here.

In their world, even emotions become more real.

Feeling guilty, Chu Beiling casually broke the silence by asking, "Where are we going back to?"

Xing Yu, who was looking down at his phone while texting, looked up at him and said, "I'll take you home first."

Chu Beiling: "Is it okay to go back late?"

Xing Yu: "I asked the teacher for leave."

Chu Beiling nodded.

The empty streets fell silent once again. Stray cats were probably fighting deep in the bushes, their heart-wrenching cries piercing the still air and sending chills down one's spine.

Chu Beiling glanced down at her phone as it vibrated.

After Sheng Xia said something to Li Dong, she immediately launched into a tirade in their small group chat of five: 【@Is your style no good? Are you sick? You think you have too much money to spend? Treat us to more meals, what are you doing?】

Completely bewildered, Xu Tunan asked, "What happened?!"

Chu Beiling couldn't bring herself to say it, and no one in the group responded to Xu Tunan.

In fact, he regretted stepping in the moment he was surrounded by people. No, he regretted his blind pursuit of answers the moment he learned that the place was for homosexual correction.

After seeing Xing Yu, my regret multiplied. I felt extremely guilty and ashamed. I had never felt so speechless and embarrassed before. I also felt a little sad.

He wanted to ask others what he should do. Chu Beiling thought he could get the answer himself, but he didn't want to make things worse, nor did he want to treat so-called homosexuality.

Chu Beiling glanced at Xing Yu beside her. He was aimlessly and stiffly refreshing his phone. Just like Grandma Chen said, when he was unhappy, sad, or upset, he didn't lose his temper or question her. He simply turned into a human-machine, repeating the same actions.

Chu Beiling felt a tightness in his chest and wanted to hug Xing Yu, but he couldn't find a reason to.

He, the culprit who displeased Xing Yu, seemed to have no moral high ground.

"Xing Yu." Having walked for too long and been dehydrated for too long, their lips were stuck together. Chu Beiling opened her mouth and used a little effort to separate them.

The tearing pain made him speechless for a moment. After a pause, Chu Beiling continued, "Xing Yu, it's not what you think. I just... wanted to know what to do. I didn't know that place was a scam."

Xing Yu turned his head slightly, his face showing no extra expression.

Chu Beiling reached out and took his hand: "Don't be angry."

Xing Yu's gaze lingered on his face for a moment before shifting away: "I'm not angry."

Chu Beiling thought to herself, "But you look very sad."

He knew that he had caused this sadness.

After a moment of silence, Chu Beiling pursed her lips: "Xing Yu, I..."

Before he could finish speaking, Xing Yu raised his chin and interrupted, "The car is here."

The ride-hailing car stopped in front of them. Xing Yu checked the license plate, opened the back door, and let Chu Beiling get in first.

Xing Yu stood by the car door, pondering whether he should get in with Chu Beiling or pry Chu Beiling's hand away and go around to the passenger seat. Sensing his intention, Chu Beiling tightened his grip, holding onto Xing Yu's wrist and refusing to let go.

When Xing Yu raised his eyelids and met Chu Beiling's bloodless face, he chose to bend down and sit in the back seat.

As soon as he got in the car, Xing Yu took a bottle of mineral water from the car, unscrewed it, and handed it to him.

Chu Beiling reached out and took it, then asked again, "You don't want it?"

Xing Yu shook his head and didn't say anything more.

We arrived at Zhalongkou in silence.

It was late at night, and the entire neighborhood was fast asleep, with only a few indoor lights still on, making it seem particularly lonely in the quiet night.

The two carefully went upstairs, and when they reached the fifth-floor platform, Chu Beiling had to let go of his hand.

Xing Yu handed the painting tube back to him: "Get some rest."

After saying that, Xing Yu turned and went upstairs. Chu Beiling threw the painting tube in the corner and quickly followed, hugging him from behind.

Xing Yu was already half a head taller than him, and Chu Beiling, who was much shorter than him, could only rub against his sturdy back across the steps: "Brother Ayu, I'm a little worried and scared. I don't know what to do. I don't think I'm sick."

Xing Yu's back stiffened for a moment, then began to rise and fall again: "Yes, I know."

Chu Beiling spoke up from behind him and assured Xing Yu, "I will manage my emotions and state of mind, and I won't transfer my bad emotions to you like I have during this period. I will stay with you until the day you get annoyed with me, then I will leave."

A moment of silence—

Chu Beiling asked, "So, can we just stay the same as before we went to the training camp?"

Chu Beiling didn't want it to be short-lived, and he didn't want to end up with Xing Yu on different paths. If he, Chu Beiling, liked someone, he would love them for a lifetime. He wanted to include Xing Yu in his future, until he could think of a better way.

This was the best solution he could think of.

Nevertheless, Chu Beiling still felt she had gone too far and wanted to do better: "Xing Yu, do you have any requests for me? Tell me and I'll do them."

Xing Yu took a deep breath, closed his eyes briefly, and then opened them again: "No, you can do whatever you want, I'll do as you say."

After that, the two remained silent. Chu Beiling held Xing Yu in his arms for a long time until the clock struck midnight at Zhalongkou, at which point he finally released Xing Yu.

Chu Beiling released his grip, took a step back, and smiled nonchalantly: "Xing Yu, goodnight."

Xing Yu raised his hand, held it in mid-air for a moment, and then lowered it: "Good night, Chu Fanfan."

After saying goodnight, the two troubled teenagers parted ways on the fifth-floor platform.

The next morning, Chu Beiling received a message from Xing Yu: [I'm back at the winter camp. Don't skimp on meals; if you can't, go eat at Grandma Chen's.]

Chu Beiling: [I'll eat out. Grandma Chen is too old; I don't want to trouble her.]

Xing Yu: [Okay.]

Chu Beiling was surprised by Xing Yu's instant reply: "Aren't there classes at winter camp?"

Xing Yu: [Go ahead, don't confiscate your phones, use them freely.]

Chu Beiling: [That teacher is pretty carefree; he's not afraid you guys will search for the answers online.]

Xing Yu: [Searching didn't help; I still can't write it.]

Chu Beiling: "..." [Mathematics is humanity's public enemy.]

Xing Yu asked, "What are you planning to do today?"

Chu Beiling: [I've been lacking inspiration lately for painting Picasso competition pieces.]

For some reason, Chu Beiling recalled Xing Yu's lonely figure as he went upstairs that day. Perhaps feeling guilty and afraid that others would discover his feelings and that it would reach Li Shuying, causing unnecessary trouble, he directly rejected the plan.

Xing Yu: [No ideas or creative themes?]

A concept suddenly popped into Chu Beiling's mind: 'The more desirable something is, the more afraid you are of obtaining it.' He replied: [Got it.]

He plans to rework the family of three from last year's Zhalongkou.

At this moment, Chu Beiling realized that although he could imitate, sketch, and be a talented art student in the eyes of his classmates and teachers, his design and creative inspiration mostly came from Xing Yu.

Xing Yu: [Now that we have a theme, figuring out how to draw it is just a matter of time, don't rush it.]

Chu Beiling: [I'm going to draw.]

Xing Yu: [Hmm.]

Chu Beiling put down his phone, having already completed the composition in his mind. He picked up his pen and began to sketch on the canvas.

In the picture:

He positioned his back to the window in the lower right corner, behind him the lonely, empty living room. Outside the glass window, the silhouettes of a happy family of three opposite were faintly visible, and Xing Yu's indistinct figure overlapped with the family of three on the other side, Xing Yu hidden within.

Others thought he was looking at a family of three, but only Chu Beiling himself knew that he was looking at Xing Yu through the glass window.

After roughly completing the draft, Chu Beiling sent it to Lin Tingdao. He explained the story outline of the work to her, and then Lin Tingdao asked him to color it.

Of course, Chu Beiling omitted Xing Yu's part.

Around noon, there was a knock on the door. Chu Beiling went to open it and was surprised to see Grandma Chen standing there. "Grandma Chen, why did you come down? You can just call me if you need anything."

Grandma Chen: "I was looking for you to come to my place for a meal. You haven't come in a long time. You don't even miss Grandma Chen."

"Yes, I did." Chu Beiling asked, "Did Xing Yu send you to find me?"

Grandma Chen: "Knowing you were home, I came here by myself."

Chu Beiling didn't go to the sixth floor to dine with Grandma Chen and the others because he was avoiding Xing Yu. Now that things are clear, he doesn't need to hide so much anymore. However, since Xing Yu isn't around, he won't cook, and it would be a hassle for Grandma Chen, an elderly woman, to cook for him. So, he didn't go to find her.

Now that Grandma Chen had come to see him in person, Chu Beiling was afraid of upsetting the old lady, so he had no choice but to go to the sixth floor with Grandma Chen.

He was really bad at cooking; at most, he could only cook instant noodles with an egg. Chu Beiling didn't want Grandma Chen to work too hard, but he was powerless to help, so he could only help her out.

After Grandma Chen finished cooking, Chu Beiling served the dishes one by one to the table.

The grandfather and grandson sat down at the dining table. The old man placed a large chicken leg on his plate and said, "You and Xiaoyu have been having a falling out lately. What's the reason?"

Chu Beiling said, "Grandma Chen, we're fine, don't worry."

Grandma Chen nodded and didn't ask any more questions. Instead, she said, "Even if there are any problems, we should communicate more. Don't not communicate. Many people and many things have been ruined because of a lack of communication. People always leave very quickly. Sometimes, words that are not spoken can become a lifelong regret because they become awkward. So say what you want to say and do what you want to do. Don't leave yourself with any regrets."

Perhaps because of what Grandma Chen said, Chu Beiling suddenly wanted to talk to her about Xing Yu.

"Grandma Chen, I have a friend who has fallen in love with a boy. He is a boy himself, and he doesn't really mind being gay. But everyone and everything around him tells him that this is not right or correct."

That friend was also afraid that if he really made things clear with the boy he liked and they got together, he would end up like everyone else, with a bad ending and being talked about by those around him. He himself wasn't afraid, but he was afraid that the other person would be talked about by those around them.

So, that friend has been hesitant to take the next step, wanting to maintain the status quo or preserve how they used to be, but she's afraid of hurting the boy she likes. Even if the boy agreed to maintain the status quo, that friend clearly understands that this isn't a solution, and their current situation really isn't suitable for them to remain just friends.

Chu Beiling paused for a moment and continued, "That friend is really conflicted, but is there any way to break this deadlock? Grandma Chen, what do you think we should do in this situation?"

He was genuinely confused and at a loss, and needed guidance from others.

After listening, Grandma Chen said, "There's nothing wrong with liking someone, whether you're male or female, same-sex or opposite-sex. Your friend's worries are also valid. But has your friend asked the person they like if they're willing to share the burden? Maybe the other person isn't afraid at all? Don't be so wishful and presumptuous."

As for concerns about a bad outcome, everyone is different. Personality and communication skills determine most things. If they want to, they can be different from others.

Chu Beiling: "Different?"

Grandma Chen said, "Yes, everyone is different. Even similar things will be different. Personality determines everything. Even if everyone thinks it's wrong, as long as you like each other and communicate well, you don't have to be afraid of any difficulties. That will make a difference."

Chu Beiling seemed to understand but not quite: "Is it really okay not to worry or be afraid?"

Grandma Chen explained: "As long as the other person shares your feelings and is willing to share the burden, then there is nothing to be afraid of. There are often no standard answers, and there is no need to worry about how to do it. Just do what you want to do. There is no 100% perfection in this world, only the regret of not doing it."

After listening to Grandma Chen's words, Chu Beiling, though still worried and afraid, felt more determined than before.

He still needs time.

—At least until he breaks free from Li Shuying's control, he cannot act recklessly and blindly.

Two days before Lunar New Year's Eve, Xing Yu returned to Zhalongkou after finishing his math winter camp, while Chu Beiling was also in DDL these past few days, participating in the final touches on Picasso's competition piece "Gaze".

Upstairs, Xing Yu started playing the cello again, and the low, deep melody drew Chu Beiling into it.

When he came to his senses, the vibrant colors of the painting "Gazing" were now completely covered by a deep blue, the other colors having faded into obscurity.

Only the striking diamond-blue portrait of Xing Yu in the very center becomes the main subject of the image.

"..."

Chu Beiling looked down and saw that he was holding an old-fashioned blue pigment tube. The gold German label "Ewig" on the tube shone brightly in the dim light.

I don't know when it started, but he hasn't changed any colors.

Chu Beiling hadn't expected that being so engrossed in his work would ruin a piece he'd spent almost half a month creating. He was stunned for a moment before he began to salvage the situation.

Fortunately, it can still be salvaged.

He went out of the bedroom, rummaged through the small storage room in the living room, found a jar of lead white, and sat down in front of the easel again.

Chu Beiling scooped up a large spoonful of lead white, attempting to cover the striking cobalt blue portrait with it, suppressing the dazzling Xing Yu from the picture to prevent him from overshadowing the main subject.

Upstairs, the cello, the scraping of a scraper, and the sound of rain outside the window mingled together as he earnestly began his repair work.

Lead white is supposed to be the thickest covering color, but the paste mixed with too much linseed oil started to slip. Chu Beiling's knuckles turned white from the force he applied. The more he scraped, the more frustrated and impatient he became, and the heavier his strokes became, as he used more and more pigment.

Each cut made the blue color even more vivid.

Ultimately, the entire canvas became a chaotic vortex, with lead white and diamond blue tearing at each other and turning into a muddy gray-blue.

A complete mess.

"Hold--"

Overwrite failed.

Chu Beiling not only failed to cover it up, but also ruined the painting. He had no choice but to repaint it.

Chu Beiling wasn't really sure he could complete an oil painting in two days. He took a deep breath, tore the canvas off and put it in the storage room, then took the canvas out again and nailed it to the wooden board.

Rewrite "Gazing".

The painting that overshadowed the main subject, "Gazing," was covered by Chu Beiling with titanium white, turning Xing Yu's image into a chaotic gray-blue.

It wasn't until later that Chu Beiling understood—

Some cobalt blue in portraits, the more you try to cover it up, the deeper it penetrates.

It can never disappear.