10 ignite

"If I wanted Feiyu, would you stop me?" the person next to me asked late at night.

“Of course.” I looked at him. “You want to marry Fei Yu?” I didn’t understand. I hadn’t sensed that he had ever considered this possibility.

"Just asking." He reached out and stroked my hair. "Have you thought it through? Will you come with me in early spring?"

"Could we wait until the start of summer?" I asked. "I have some books I want to get rid of and take with me."

"Okay." He held me close and quickly fell asleep. We had gotten used to sharing a bed, and I had gradually gotten used to his embrace. However, he could only be a friend, I told myself, forever. Even though my feelings for him had reached a point where they couldn't be taken back.

In early spring, Fei Yu suddenly fell ill. I didn't know if it was the sudden change of seasons that gave him a cold, or if he had overexerted himself playing during the winter. In any case, Fei Yu's villa was always brightly lit, with maids bustling in and out taking care of the ailing Fei Yu. I was often dragged along by his affectionate manner, either to tell him stories or to cuddle with him to sleep. It kept me quite busy myself. Han Yitian finally got used to the fact that Fei Yu would cry and fuss if he left me, and no longer tried to stop us from sleeping in the same bed but dreaming different dreams. Han Beiming, however, didn't look too good. He was probably worried that we wouldn't be able to leave. I didn't ask, but I always felt that he was in a bad mood lately, as if he was wondering about something.

My second brother was sent by our father to Jiangnan to inspect the family business. He's been gone for a month, and I occasionally receive a letter telling me to take care of myself and not to live too much according to other people's wishes. My second brother even mentioned my eldest brother, whom I hadn't heard from in six years. My second brother said that my eldest brother had his reasons for leaving us back then, and he didn't abandon us.

In spring, the house became lively again, with more diners and flower admirers. The back hill was no longer quiet; many literati and scholars gathered there, enjoying the picnics provided by the Mo family, composing poems and painting—a truly delightful experience.

However, I became even busier. Feiyu's condition hadn't improved; in fact, it had worsened. Even Dad made me responsible for everyone's meals. I was constantly busy in the kitchen, like a little bee, afraid of accidentally messing up the menu and offending the guests. Dad would then make me kneel before the ancestral tablets for days and nights without eating or drinking. Before, my second brother or Feiyu would sometimes sneak me some food, but now, no one could take care of me. I had to be careful.

I yawned and rubbed my legs; I'd been kneeling for another day and night. I was completely exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, looking up at the gradually brightening sky, I knew I had to go to the kitchen to serve again. There was no time to sleep. I hoped my second brother would come back soon and rescue me from this dire situation.

"Young Master Fei, the Master is looking for you." A maidservant rushed in. "The Master is in a bad mood, please be careful." All the servants felt more sympathy than fear for me. I had no status, nor did I put on airs. I was more amiable than my second brother and easier to serve than Fei Yu. Therefore, they still cared for me.

"Father, why did you call for me?" I didn't understand why my father was summoning me from Fei Yu's room.

Fei Yu was half asleep. He rubbed his eyes, looked at me, and smiled.

"Kneel down!" Father suddenly said.

I knelt down respectfully.

"Father, please don't punish my brother." Fei Yu pleaded softly for me.

Han Yitian, on the other hand, was quite happy.

Han Beiming didn't speak, he just looked at me.

"You unfilial son!" Father looked at me. "You should have left long ago. If it weren't for you, would Fei Yu's illness have gotten to this point?" As he spoke, he swung his hand, the gathered true energy in his palm sweeping towards me. I couldn't dodge it and had to take the hit head-on. A tightness gripped my chest, I felt terrible, and I felt like vomiting. But there was nothing I could do; I could only helplessly watch Fei Yu. Fei Yu burst into tears.

"Father, please spare my brother! Please, Father, don't hurt him!"

"Hmph!" Father didn't answer. "Feiyu, take good care of yourself. I'll come see you again tonight." Then he turned to me. "You kneel down properly." The contrast between his gentleness and fierceness made it hard for me to believe that Father was the same person.

"Feiyu, don't cry." I smiled and then fainted.

"elder brother?"

"Fei Yu?" I opened my eyes and found myself lying in Fei Yu's bed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Not long after, brother. How are you?" Fei Yu hugged me. "You fainted, you scared me to death."

"What time is it? I need to get up. If Dad sees I'm not kneeling, he'll punish me again. I can't take another beating." I got up, rubbed my eyes, and struggled to my feet.

"Brother?" Fei Yu tried to stop me, but I pulled her to the ground.

"Feiyu, lie down quickly. Your illness hasn't gotten better. Don't move around." I helped him lie down.

"Brother, please don't kneel, okay? Anyway, Father won't be here anytime soon."

"That won't do. Uncle Mo asked us to keep an eye on him to prevent him from slacking off," Han Yitian said with a gloating tone.

"Brother Han, please, my brother is so weak, he needs to rest," Fei Yu pleaded softly.

"Never mind, Fei Yu. At least I'm a martial artist, nothing will happen to me." With that, I knelt down again.

“Brother.” Fei Yu looked at me, then at Han Yitian, her eyes red. “Why does Father always bully you, brother? Why? You were a little better when eldest brother was around, but now even second brother is gone, Father…” Fei Yu looked up.

"Dad," I called softly.

"Hmph." Father didn't answer me. He walked straight to Feiyu. "How are you? Is Feiyu feeling any better?"

"Much better, Father. Let my brother get up."

My father gave me a disdainful look, without answering. "You unfilial son," he said.

I sneered.

"You still dare to laugh?"

Okay, I won't laugh. I didn't look up.

"Look at me!" Dad said, clearly in a bad mood and wanting to take it out on me.

I looked up and met his eyes without fear.

“You show no remorse,” Dad said.

“That’s because I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said.

"You?" Dad didn't believe I would contradict him.

“You gave birth to me, you raised me, you're the one who doesn't like me, and you're the one who punishes me all the time. What have I done wrong? Even if I have, why am I always the only one who gets punished?” I looked at him.

"How dare you defy me?" Father was angry.

"That's because you're unreasonable. What high moral standing? You just like to use vigilante justice on your own children. If others knew, they'd laugh at you to death." This is probably the meaning of "trouble comes from the mouth." I never thought I'd end up like my older brother. But I'm tired. If I'm going to leave this place, I want to leave cleanly.

"You bastard!" My father slapped me, but I dodged it.

"You dare to dodge?" Dad was angry. He swept his hand across, and I didn't dodge. The heavy palm struck my chest, making the pent-up frustration even more painful.

"Dad, am I your biological son?" I laughed, looking at the terrified Fei Yu. "Why am I treated so differently?"

"You?" Dad didn't speak, but looked at his palm, then at me. I seemed to see some worry in his deep eyes. I must be seeing things. He wouldn't be worried about me.