Chapter 88 Please Don’t Be Afraid of the Hotel Curtains Covering…

The hotel curtains had good light-blocking properties, but the room was still dim, with only a small lamp by the bed emitting a faint white light.

Gu Xingjue's eyes were as red as red lanterns, and thick tears gradually filled his eye sockets. He kept silent with a stern face, as if he had suffered a great injustice.

Gu Xingjue was about to cry again. No, he was already crying. Chen Song saw his tears falling and felt that he looked like a giant furry dog ​​again.

Someone stole his bone, and he felt wronged and sad because the thief was Chen Song. Chen Song felt like he was the dog's owner, and since it was the owner who took his bone, he had to hold back his grievances.

"You... please don't be like this." Gu Xingjue choked softly and pulled Chen Song's sleeve.

Chen Song's heart trembled, and he lowered his eyes to look at the hand that was holding the corner of his clothes. It seemed that what Gu Xingjue was holding was not the corner of his clothes, but his heart.

Chen Song's mind was in a mess now, and he deeply condemned his own drunken behavior.

But it had already happened, and no amount of regret would help. Right now, he could only rethink his relationship with Gu Xingjue.

"Then what do you want?" Chen Song raised his hands to cover his eyes and rubbed his sore eyelids.

Gu Xingjue made him cry so hard yesterday that his eyes were swollen, sore and hot.

Gu Xingjue was somewhat pleased to see Chen Song soften his stance. He actually wanted to reconcile. However, he knew it wouldn't be a good idea. Chen Song wouldn't be willing to do so. There was still a deep barrier between Chen Song and him. Even if he forced Chen Song to reconcile, he wouldn't be genuinely happy.

After a moment of surprise, Gu Xingjue fell into disappointment.

Chen Song put his hand down, his eyes clear again, and looked at Gu Xingjue: "Look, you know it too. We can't go back to the way it was before."

"I know." Gu Xingjue loosened the corner of his clothes and stared at Chen Song. "I know we can't go back to the past. The past is the past. Let's embrace the future, Chen Song."

"Let's start over and give me a chance to pursue you again, okay?"

The persistence and sincerity in Gu Xingjue's eyes shone like the stars in the sky, slowly illuminating the endless darkness that Chen Song saw. Chen Song's heartbeat slowed down a little, and he lowered his eyes and said nothing, quietly thinking.

He still has feelings for Gu Xingjue, otherwise he wouldn't have been so impulsive yesterday.

only.......

"Gu Xingjue." Chen Song raised his eyes and looked at him again, his eyes filled with a sad and quiet stasis. The corners of his mouth curled up into a faint bitter smile, "But I don't know how to love anymore. I don't know how to love anymore. I don't have the courage anymore."

"I can't be happy. I'm like that."

Gu Xingjue frowned slightly, his eyes filled with heartache and a thick layer of sadness. He pulled Chen Song into his arms and gently stroked his thin back.

"You will be happy. I will make you happy. Don't be afraid. It doesn't matter if you don't know how to love. I will give you all my love. When you feel a lot of love, I will slowly teach you how to give love to me."

"Not just for me, you can start by giving me a flower, a piece of cake, the sun, spring, the four seasons, the world, your friends, and yourself. It doesn't matter if it's me in the end."

"It doesn't matter if you don't have courage. I have endless courage. No matter how many times you push me away, I will come to you."

"If I block and delete you, you will never be able to contact me again, and then I will run away to a place where you will never be able to find me."

Gu Xingjue smiled and said, "If you block and delete me, I will change my number to find you. If you delete me again, I will change my number again. As long as you are still in this world, I will find you no matter where you are. If you are no longer in this world, my soul will follow you all the way. If you want to go to heaven, I will go with you to heaven. If you want to go to hell, I will accompany you to hell."

"Really?"

"Really." Gu Xingjue kissed his forehead devoutly, "Really. Really."

"So please don't be afraid, little wimp."

Chen Song frowned and came out of Gu Xingjue's arms: "I'm not."

Gu Xingjue smiled and said, "Yes, you are not, I am. I am a coward. I am scared to death of you. I am afraid that you will just pull up your pants and run away, afraid that you will just pat your butt and leave, afraid that you will sleep with me and not be responsible for me."

Chen Song turned his head away, his ears slightly red: "I'm sorry, I still..."

"Give me some time to think it over."

"Okay, you can take your time to think about it, no matter how long it takes, but you can't be so cold to me. Otherwise, my heart will be broken into powder again."

"Okay. Got it." Chen Song suppressed his heartbeat and responded lightly.

Chen Song moved his feet and tried to get out of bed again, but Gu Xingjue held him back and said with lingering fear, "Where are you going?"

Chen Song looked back at him, saw the uneasiness in his eyes, sighed and said, "Look for your phone."

Chen Song's intuition, based on his past experiences with Gu Xingjue, suggested it must be late. He still had to go to work today, but with his body in such a state, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to go. Even if he couldn't go, he would have to take a leave. And yesterday, he missed Ye Wenzhou's wedding, and he felt really bad about it.

"I'll find it for you. Just lie here." Gu Xingjue pushed Chen Song back onto the bed. "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something? And is your lower body inflamed? I'll get you some medicine."

Chen Song blushed and said, "Shut up. Go get me my phone."

"Are you really okay?"

"Yeah." Chen Song turned over and faced away from him, saying in a muffled voice.

"Then tell me if you feel uncomfortable."

Gu Xingjue looked at Chen Song's edgy back and smiled. He stood up and walked a few steps to the coffee table, took Chen Song's phone and handed it to him: "What do you want to eat?"

"Whatever." Chen Song took the phone and saw many messages and missed calls on the lock screen.

Chen Song's heart tightened. He really couldn't drink this wine. It would cause trouble. He opened WeChat and was bombarded with messages from Dong Jingming and Ye Wenzhou. Chen Song quickly replied and apologized.

Gu Xingjue lowered his eyes and looked at him with a smile: "Then I'll give you a bowl of porridge and some food. If you don't have a good appetite, drink some porridge. If you are fine, eat some food."

Chen Song had no time to pay attention to Gu Xingjue. He didn't reply to him, but was typing. Chen Song rarely used his phone and was very slow in typing, having to use his index finger to poke each word one by one.

"Please pay attention to me." Gu Xingjue pinched his ear.

Chen Song shrank back and responded casually: "Yeah, all is fine."

Only then did Gu Xingjue leave with satisfaction and call someone to deliver food.

Dong Jingming was worried about Chen Song's safety, and he sent him a message last night, asking if he had arrived home and if he was feeling better. If not, he would help him take leave tomorrow.

Chen Song apologized to him and said that he was not well yet and would take a leave of absence today.

Ye Wenzhou's top message was asking him where he had been and that he had gone to bring him clean pants but couldn't find him in the restroom.

Ye Wenzhou called him many times, and after a long time he asked him where he was and whether he would come since the wedding was about to start.

The next one was sent the next morning, probably because he was too busy with the wedding yesterday. Ye Wenzhou had already heard Dong Jingming's story and asked him if he was feeling better.

Chen Song sincerely apologized to him, sent a long message, and offered to prepare another wedding gift for him as compensation. Finally, he replied that he was fine, but he drank too much and had a stomachache, so he took the day off.

After sending all the messages, Chen Song went to the HR department to ask for leave. After dealing with the aftermath, he threw his phone aside exhausted. He closed his eyes and wanted to take a nap, but he felt someone was watching him. He opened his eyes and saw Gu Xingjue squatting in front of him, smiling at him.

Chen Song: “…”

"Get up and eat something before going back to sleep."

Chen Song didn't stay in bed this time because he was sober. He ate his meal obediently and then asked to leave. Gu Xingjue couldn't stop him and had to send him back.

Gu Xingjue stood at the door of Chen Song's dormitory and said, "You will still pay attention to me next time we meet, right?"

Chen Song pulled the door handle but couldn't close it. He looked at Gu Xingjue for a while, then lowered his eyes and said, "Didn't we agree to give me some time?"

"That's not the same thing. Didn't we agree that I'll wait for you slowly, but you can't be cold to me?"

Chen Song fell silent. Gu Xingjue was most afraid of his silence. Chen Song's silence was a profound dividing line between them, representing alienation, past hurts, an unresolved knot in his heart, and stubbornness and timidity.

Gu Xingjue didn't know how to help Chen Song cross this gap, he could only grope slowly and wait quietly.

"Okay. I understand." Gu Xingjue said softly, letting go of the door. "Then you have a good rest. Bye."

"Um."

October passed in the blink of an eye, and the coldness of the end of the month quietly set in. Autumn had arrived, and the ginkgo trees in Yile's courtyard had all turned yellow. The autumn wind was so strong that the leaves slowly fell.

Chen Song wore a cashmere sweater when he went out that morning, which was just enough to withstand the low temperature. This was thanks to the weather forecast that Gu Xingjue sent him before he went to bed last night.

News about Gu Xingjue never stopped from August to the end of October, from midsummer to early autumn.

Even though Chen Song never responded to him during this period, he still kept sending messages, giving Chen Song the impression that Gu Xingjue would send him messages until the end of his life.

【Decision】: Early, early

【Decision】: Didn’t you remember to eat breakfast, baby?

【Decision】: I drank porridge this morning, but it wasn’t as good as the one you made.

【Decision】：【Picture】

【Decision】: There is a meeting in the morning that will last until 12 noon

【Decision】: If I don’t reply you, it means I’m still in the meeting. I’ll reply you as soon as the meeting is over.

Chen Song's fingertips tapped the typing bar, and the keyboard slid upwards. His fingertips rested on the keyboard but did not fall down for a long time, watching the vertical line in the typing bar flashing.

He had the urge to reply to Gu Xingjue many times, but he held back. But desire always seemed to grow stronger the more it was suppressed.

Just as Chen Song's fingertips were about to touch the z key, a message came from the other side.

[Decision]: Wife? Are you typing? Are you finally paying attention to me? Poor emoji

Chen Song's heart sank. He turned off his phone and put it back in his pocket. For some reason, he felt guilty as if he had been caught doing something bad.

He walked a few steps in the autumn wind, then stopped and took out his cell phone again.

Gu Xingjue, who was in a meeting in the office, waited for a long time, eagerly anticipating what message Chen Song would send him. Finally, Chen Song replied! Finally!

Then the other side threw an evil orange long box: Transfer 50000

Gu Xingjue: “….”

The director who was making a report on the stage turned around and saw that his boss, Gu Xingjue, who had seemed in a good mood a second ago, had a dark face. The director shuddered with fear, and all the directors in the room looked at Gu Xingjue, then immediately lowered their heads and dared not speak.

After a long time, the director in the backstage asked tentatively: "Gu, Mr. Gu, is there something wrong?"

"It's okay," Gu Xingjue said after collecting the payment, "Continue."

The director then breathed a sigh of relief, brought his wandering spirit back, and continued his report.

October is a very special month. Chen Song remembered that it would be Gu Xingjue's birthday in a few days. Thinking of Gu Xingjue's birthday, he would think of the night he had carefully prepared for Gu Xingjue.

Chen Song thought that the pain and scars would gradually fade away with the passage of time. However, the scars could never be erased and remained, and the pain would not fade either, but would be temporarily buried.

Gu Xingjue is very good now, so good that he is exactly the image of He Ge's lover in Chen Song's mind, but he still feels resentful. Whenever he tries to accept this relationship again, he always thinks of the past.

Time passed, events passed, but he hadn't moved on. Those past events remained a constant pain in his heart. He tossed and turned between light and darkness, the past a shackle he couldn't escape, a cage he couldn't break free of.

Chen Song felt that he was sick, suffering from a fear of happiness.

Ever since they last had sex, Gu Xingjue had become even more clingy, sending him more messages. Sometimes he even began to expect a response from Chen Song. Chen Song sometimes wanted to reply, but he couldn't.

Too much contradiction. Too much struggle. He was stuck in a cage of his own making, unable to escape.

It was another late night as he pondered these questions over and over again. Late nights always took over people's emotions. Chen Song sat up in bed and looked at the empty, dark room.

He started to suffer from insomnia again.

"Ding-ling-ling—ding-ling-ling—" The sudden ringing of the doorbell stopped his messy thoughts.

Then there was another familiar knock on the door.

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The author has something to say: I was locked up for doing something bad in the last chapter [melted] I tried my best to get out

Hahahaha, there are still two babies who came early and saw it