Chapter 148 "Heart-wrenching Pain (Part 2)"

I was a little surprised that he actually believed me.

"Do you want to go back?" he asked, looking at me.

Do I want to go back? I don't think I've ever considered that question. From the beginning until now, I've been trying to get used to surviving in this strange world. I've always considered myself a cockroach, the kind of cockroach that can reclaim fertile land even if thrown into the desert.

Now, when someone asks me, "Do you want to go back?" I don't know how to answer for a moment.

"I can't go back." I raised my hand, rolled up my sleeve, and showed him the bracelet on my left wrist, the heart-breaking buckle that Cao Cao had given me.

When I don't know how to answer a question, I stubbornly attribute it to force majeure.

"Centrifugal clasp?"

He actually knew this.

"I've only heard of it, I never imagined it would happen to you." Zhou Yu was slightly surprised. "Do you know about the Battle of Red Cliffs?"

I nodded. The Battle of Red Cliffs, famous in history, was where the allied forces of Sun Quan and Liu Bei inflicted their first defeat on the warlord Cao Cao, thus laying the foundation for the tripartite division of the Three Kingdoms. It also made this young general famous throughout the Three Kingdoms, and he became the Grand General of six counties and eighty-one prefectures.

"It is said that this 'heart-breaking buckle' was originally a pair of anklets," Zhou Yu said. "The original owner of the anklets was a 'lone star of misfortune,' and the anklets were used to lock away evil energy."

"Yes, I know. Later, that man died, and Cao Cao got the anklet. He asked a reclusive master to remake this bracelet, which is called the 'Centrifugal Knot'." I suddenly remembered the fortune teller. He helped me escape my arranged marriage that time, and he was the one who told me the origin of the Centrifugal Knot.

"You know?" Zhou Yu asked, somewhat surprised. "Then why are you still willing to wear it?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "You didn't know when you were wearing it, and by the time you found out, it was too late."

"This is a lock, a chain, locking my body and my spirit. In other words, I am locked in this era and can never go back."

At that time, Guo Jia gave me two words: "Never return."

"Then do you know where the materials of those anklets and bracelets come from?" Zhou Yu suddenly asked again.

"Could it be..." I widened my eyes, remembering his inexplicable question earlier, "Red Cliff?"

He nodded with a smile, "Yes, it's Chibi."

I blinked and suddenly understood what he was trying to say.

"There is a strange rock on Red Cliff, which is said to be formed from the stars in the sky," Zhou Yu said slowly.

"Could it be a meteorite?"

"What is a meteorite?" Zhou Yu had an extremely strong thirst for knowledge.

I waved my hand and said, "Never mind, you can continue."

“Those strange rocks are the raw materials for the Heart-Breaking Knot,” Zhou Yu said, looking at me. “In other words, if you want to go back, the key is at Chibi.”

"That's just your speculation," I scoffed.

"Believe it or not." Zhou Yu stood up, flicked his robes, and left.

The fortune teller once told me that the reason Cao Cao put the heart-wrenching knot on me was perhaps because he was afraid. He was afraid that I would disappear mysteriously like Ruoruo, and that I would return to where I came from. But that place was beyond his reach. Even if he held absolute power and ascended to the throne, he would still be powerless to stop it. From then on, they would never see each other again, not even in death...

That day, Hua Yingxiong and I were at Guo Jia's house. I said to the fortune teller, "Even if you want to die for love, even if you really die, you won't see her in the afterlife, because she's still alive and well, living in another dimension. Perhaps she's in the same place as you, even under the same sky, but... it's two different timelines, separated by a thousand years..."

Even if we are worlds apart, as long as we exist in the same time and space, there is hope for us to meet again. The same place, the same sky, but if we are in different times and different spaces, then… even if we search the highest heavens and the deepest hells, we will find each other nowhere…

How painful must it be?

How painful is it?

Cao Cao...would he feel pain because of me?

Will he?

When he tied the knot of separation between us, I resented him. Because what he wanted to keep was another Xiaoxiao, not me. He couldn't keep the one he wanted, so why should he hold me back…

Now... after more than ten years of getting along...

If I leave, will he feel pain because of me?

At the entrance of the orphanage, Ah Man, the man whose mind is forever stuck at the age of ten, is he still waiting for his mother?

"Xiaoxiao, are you going on a long trip? Then Aman will wait for you at the door, and wait for Mom to pick me up."

Ah Man's voice sounds so distant...

Is that fool still waiting for me to come back?

And steamed buns... My child, can I take him back with me?

It was late at night and a bit chilly, so I finally got up and went back to my room, trying not to think about that annoying problem.

Baozi grew weaker day by day, and my heart pounded with anxiety. If he survived his thirteenth birthday, would he be able to escape the fate ordained by history?

Baozi lay on the bed, pale and thin, only her obsidian-like eyes remained beautiful.

I brought him breakfast with a smile; it was porridge that I had cooked.

I fed him bite by bite myself.

Baozi licked his lips. "Mom's cooking skills have improved."

My heart ached. It was just plain porridge, plain porridge with no flavor at all... because that was all he could eat.

"It's really delicious, look, I've finished it all," Baozi said with a smile and a coquettish tone.

"It's your birthday tomorrow, what gift do you want?" I asked with a smile, recalling the past birthdays when this little guy always tried to make money from everything he could.

Baozi chuckled, "Let me think about it, I'll tell you when I've made up my mind."

In the evening, as usual, I was brewing medicine in the kitchen when Baozi suddenly developed a high fever.

"I will prescribe some medicine for him. If he can make it through tonight, the young master will be fine. If he can't make it..." After taking his pulse, the old doctor shook his head.

"What will happen if he doesn't make it?" I was shocked. Baozi's condition was that serious?!

The old doctor shook his head and sighed.

"Is this the only hope?" I clenched my fist so hard that my fingertips dug into my palm.

"Well, this is the only method we can try right now, but..." the old doctor hesitated for a moment.

"But what?" I snapped, jumping up and grabbing the old doctor's beard. "Can you just say it all at once!"

"However, the medicine is extremely potent. Once ingested, one must endure twelve hours of pain. If one cannot endure it... there is no hope of recovery..." The old doctor was startled and quickly replied in a smooth voice.

"You said twelve hours?" I gritted my teeth and glared at him intently.

"Yes...yes." My ferocious face was reflected in the old doctor's cloudy pupils, and he trembled with fear.

"Mom..." came a very faint voice from behind.

I noticed it immediately and turned around to see Baozi standing at the doorway, wearing an outer robe.

"What are you doing out here! The wind is so strong! What if you catch a cold! What if you catch a cold!" My heart ached, and I roared, my voice so loud that even I was startled.

Baozi slightly curved her dry, pale lips, slowly walked up to me, and hugged me tightly. "Mom, let me try."

"Try what?" My voice trembled slightly.

Baozi tightened her grip on my arms slightly. "Try that medicine."

"It will hurt a lot..." I felt like something was stuck in my throat.

“It’s okay,” he said, hugging me and looking up at me. “Mom, don’t be afraid.”

I smiled and nodded. "Okay, we're not afraid."

The voice sounded almost hypnotic. It turned out that Baozi was braver than me; I was just trying to hypnotize myself.

"Madam Pei, I'm going to prepare the medicine." Rouge turned and left.

I helped Baozi back to her room.

"Mom, I'm a little cold," Baozi said, lying in bed.

I took off my shoes, sat on the bed, and hugged Baozi to my chest. "How about this?"

Baozi laughed, "Yeah, it's much better now."

I held him, speechless.

"Mom, I'll be fine, don't be afraid." Seeing that I didn't speak, Baozi looked at me anxiously and said.

"Yeah, I'm not afraid." I patted his head and smiled.

After a while, Rouge brought the medicine.

I turned my head and looked at the bowl of dark medicine, which seemed like a bottomless black hole. My eyes widened suddenly, and I hugged the steamed bun tightly. "Take it away!"

"Madam!" Rouge stepped forward to persuade me.

"Take it away!" I screamed somewhat nervously.

“Mom…” Baozi tugged at my hand.

I froze and looked down at the steamed bun.

"I'll die if I don't take my medicine," Baozi said with a smile.

"Don't eat it, don't eat it, what if... what if... you'll die from the pain... I don't want to... I don't want to..." I shook my head incoherently.

"Just get through this," Baozi laughed. "Mom's a coward, but I'm the invincible Baozi!"

"Just get through this?" I repeated blankly.

"Hmm," Baozi nodded, looking at Yanzhi, "Beautiful sister, please bring the medicine over."

Rouge nodded and handed the medicine bowl to Baozi.

Baozi reached out and took it, then tilted his head back and drank it all in one gulp.

I could only watch him drink his medicine, my whole body trembling uncontrollably.

"It looks bitter, doesn't it?" Baozi put down his bowl, licked his lips as if he hadn't had enough, and smiled slyly. "Actually, it's not bitter at all."

"Mmm." I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Mom, don't be afraid, I won't leave you alone." Baozi leaned against me, smiling like an angel.

"Um."

"Uncle Hua said that I am my mother's only relative, and that she risked her life to give birth to me, so... I will never abandon my mother..."

"Um."

"Uncle Hua said that even if everyone in the world abandons Mom, I can't..."

"Um."

It was the first time I realized how limited my vocabulary was; all I could say was nod.

"Being sick is nothing serious; you'll get better after taking medicine."

"Mmm." I nodded, nodding vigorously.

Sweat gradually seeped from Baozi's forehead, each drop like a glistening pearl.

I gritted my teeth, unable to stop the slight trembling.

"Mom, I'm just a little hot."

"I know." I nodded and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead.

Baozi's body was trembling slightly, fluctuating between hot and cold.

"Actually... it hurts a little bit..." Baozi grinned, and the smile on his pale face was particularly shocking.

I held him close, my face pressed against his, without saying a word.

Suddenly, Baozi began to tremble violently, its whole body convulsing.

I held him tightly, biting my lip.

It took him a long time to calm down.

“Mom…” His voice was extremely soft, like air.

I lowered my head, my hair covering my face.

"I'm sorry... I scared you..." Baozi chuckled softly, her voice barely audible.

"No, I'm fine." I looked up, pinched his cheek, and smiled.

“It really does sound better to call him Baozi…” Baozi snuggled against me and spoke softly.

"Why? Haven't you always disliked it?"

"If I weren't Cao Chong, and I were just my mother's dumpling, then I wouldn't have had to die in the thirteenth year of Jian'an..."

So he knew all along. He probably already knew when he saw that copy of "Records of the Three Kingdoms"...

“It’s okay, we’re not afraid. You’re only nine years old, everything will be alright…we’re not afraid.” I murmured, holding the steamed bun.

"Hmm..." Baozi smiled, "I want lots and lots of birthday presents..."

"Okay, as many as you want."

"If Uncle Hua and the fortune teller were here, how wonderful that would be..."

"Okay, it's okay. Mom will celebrate your birthday with you tomorrow."

"Hmm..." Baozi clenched his teeth, his face flushed, and he began to feel cold again.

I held him tightly, as if I were in purgatory.

He's only nine years old... Why must he endure such suffering...?

I'd rather...it be me...it be me in pain...

If I am in pain, no one will worry, no one will feel sorry for me... But God, why must you torment my only flesh and blood, my only family...

Are you going to tear my heart apart like this?!

"Mom, is it dawn yet?" Baozi nestled in my arms, trembling slightly.

I nodded. "Soon, very soon."

Baozi hugged me weakly, and said, "Mmm."

Soon after, Baozi's hands and feet began to twitch violently, his body spasmed in waves, and he felt as cold as if he were in an ice cellar.

I panicked and didn't know what to do, all I could do was hold him tightly, hold him tight...

"Mom, is it light yet... is it light yet..."

"It'll be soon, it'll be soon..." I've never longed for dawn as much as I do now. When will this hellish night finally end...?

"I can't leave Mom alone... Mom..."

"Mom...it hurts so much...it hurts so much..."

"Actually...it only hurts a little bit...just a little bit..."

"Mom, is it light yet...? Is it light yet...?"

Baozi's whole body was convulsing, and she was alternating between hot and cold.

"It's dawn!" The moment the morning star appeared through the window, my eyes lit up, and I shouted like a madman, waving my arms and legs excitedly.

"It's dawn! It's dawn! Baozi! It's dawn!" I shouted incoherently, holding Baozi in my arms. "It's alright, it's alright..."

"Madam Pei! Madam Pei!" Rouge rushed in.

“Baozi, do you see? It’s dawn…” I looked down at Baozi in my arms.

That child, curled up in my arms, had an angelic smile on his face... so well-behaved...

However, his limbs were ice cold.

However, he was completely lifeless.

But... it's already dawn!

I was completely lost and at a loss...

"Baozi, Baozi, wake up." I pinched his cheek.

He remained motionless.

"Rouge made a sweet soup. If you don't get up, I'll drink it all."

He remained motionless.

"I'm going to make you a birthday cake, Mommy made it herself, won't you get up and try it?"

He remained motionless.

He didn't move...

"Madam, the young master has passed away." Rouge's weeping voice seemed to come from the depths of the clouds, so distant that I could not hear it clearly.

"Silly child, why are you being so obedient... The medicine is so bitter, you could have refused to take it... You're usually so good at being cute..."

I chuckled softly.

Tears, however, seemed to burst forth like a broken dam.