Chapter 25

ten years.

What should she do?

Forgive his belated "seeing"? Accept the "desire" that comes with great regret?

Or... continue to retreat into that safe shell called "classmate"?

My thoughts were in a tangle of confusion, with no clear direction. A profound sense of exhaustion washed over me, not just my body, but a deep weariness in my soul.

The car came to a steady stop downstairs of the apartment building. The engine shut off, and the interior fell into a deeper silence.

"We're here." Jiang Yu's voice was low and hoarse, breaking the suffocating silence. He didn't get out of the car immediately, nor did he look at her. He just kept his hands on the steering wheel, staring at the dim streetlights ahead.

Xia Wan seemed to be startled awake, her body trembling slightly. She took a deep breath, the cool air piercing her lungs, bringing a brief moment of clarity. She didn't look at him, but simply replied with a low, nasal murmur, "Hmm."

She reached for her seatbelt, her fingertips cold and stiff, her movements clumsy. After unbuckling it, she fumbled with the door handle and pushed it open. A biting cold wind suddenly rushed in, giving her a shiver. She instinctively wrapped her coat, which belonged to him, tightly around her, as if trying to absorb the last shred of illusory warmth, and then she got out of the car, almost as if fleeing.

"Xia Wan." Jiang Yu's voice came again from behind.

Xia Wan paused, but didn't turn back. With her back to him, her thin figure stretched out under the dim streetlight, looking frail and vulnerable.

Jiang Yu pushed open the car door and stepped out, standing in the cold night air. He stared at her stiff back, watching her wrap her coat tightly around him. His heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly by countless tiny needles. The overwhelming guilt and heartache threatened to consume him. He knew how much his words had impacted her, and that she needed space and time.

"You should wear your coat..." He finally said this in a dry voice, "It's cold outside."

Xia Wan still didn't turn around or respond. She simply nodded ever so slightly, then walked quickly towards the entrance of the apartment building. She swiped her card, pushed the door open, and quickly disappeared into the shadows of the doorway, as if pursued by a monstrous beast.

Jiang Yu stood there, watching the cold glass door close, watching the sensor lights flicker on and off, one by one, until a faint light appeared in her window. A cold wind whirled the dead leaves from the ground, swirling past his feet. His tall figure seemed particularly lonely on the empty street.

He didn't leave immediately. Instead, he leaned against the cold car and lit a cigarette. The crimson flame flickered in the darkness, illuminating his sharply defined profile and the unspeakable pain and depression swirling in his deep eyes. Smoke curled upward, quickly blown away by the cold wind.

He knew he had opened Pandora's box, unleashing a decade of pent-up, a monstrous emotional storm. This storm engulfed Xia Wan, and it also backfired on him. He didn't know what lay ahead, reconstruction amidst the ruins, or utter destruction. But he knew he had to take this step. For the "sight" that had been delayed for a decade, and also to... not miss out again.

He stood downstairs for a long time, until the light in the window went out and the entire building sank into darkness, until the cigarette burned out between his fingers, the cold butt burning his fingertips. He then stubbed out the cigarette, opened the car door, and got in. The sound of the engine starting up was particularly abrupt in the silent night. The black sedan slowly glided into the night, finally disappearing at the end of the street.

The apartment was cold and silent.

Xia Wan slid down to the floor, her back against the cold door, and remained motionless for a long time. Still wrapped in Jiang Yu's coat, the crisp scent of fir trees, mixed with a faint hint of tobacco, seeped into her nostrils, reminding her that what had just happened was not a dream.

She was enveloped by immense fatigue and a near-fainting numbness. She didn't want to turn on the light, didn't want to think, she just wanted to bury herself in the darkness and let time stop.

After an unknown amount of time, her body numb from the cold floor, she struggled to stand, holding onto the door. She fumbled to turn on the hallway light, the glare causing her to squint subconsciously. She took off her heavy coat, hesitating for a moment as if it were a hot potato, before finally hanging it on the hallway coat rack. The dark gray wool blend, shimmering coldly under the warm yellow light, was out of place in this small, cozy apartment.

She walked into the living room and poured herself a glass of cold water. The cool liquid slid down her throat, bringing a false sense of clarity. Her eyes unconsciously swept over and landed on the backpack she had brought back from Jincheng, which was placed on the corner of the desk.

What was contained in that backpack was not drawings or reports.

It was that locked diary, a Pandora's box that held all the secret thoughts, humble aspirations, and hopeless loves of her entire girlhood.

An intense, almost masochistic urge instantly seized her. She set down her water cup, walked to her desk, and, almost trembling, pulled the light blue-covered, locked diary from its file bag. What was the password? Time had forgotten it. She found a pair of small scissors and pried hard at the fragile, old lock.

There was a soft "click" sound.

The lock opened with a click.

The smell of old paper and faint ink hit her face. Xia Wan took a deep breath, as if gathering courage, and then turned to the first page.

Childish yet neat handwriting caught the eye, the date was the first day of high school ten years ago.

"September 1st, sunny.

My new roommate, Lin Wei, was a very cute and cheerful girl. She took me to see the "campus hunk" from their junior high school. I wasn't really interested in such things, but he was different. He stood in the corridor packed with students, the sunlight falling on his drooping eyelashes like dancing gold. His name was Jiang Yu. It was such a beautiful name, like a distant island. I fell in love at first sight. New class, it was him! He sat right in front of me. He didn't seem to notice me, but it didn't matter; just being in the same classroom was great.

My heart felt like it was being violently gripped by an icy hand. Those deliberately sealed fragments of memories, tinged with the bitter sweetness of youth, surged back at me, along with those childish words.

She turned the pages one by one. The handwriting gradually became more elegant from childish, but the content of the record always revolved around one theme - Jiang Yu.

"October 15th, cloudy.

He fell at the basketball game today and scraped his knee. I wanted to give him a Band-Aid, but Lin Wei said it was too deliberate. I could only watch from afar as he tended to the wound, my heart aching.

"December 24th, snow.

On Christmas Eve, I slipped an apple and an unsigned card into his desk, just "Merry Christmas." Seeing his slightly puzzled expression as he took the apple, I felt both happy and disappointed. "He'll never know it was me, right?"

“March 8th, cloudy.

The physics test was so difficult. He got a perfect score, and the teacher asked him to come up to the podium to explain the last big question. He was so focused, his voice clear, and his logic so articulate. I listened more attentively than the teacher himself, even though... I didn't quite understand what he was saying. (crying face) But it was nice to be able to see him openly like this.

"May 20th, sunny.

The school radio station played a lot of love songs today. Many girls in the hallway were discussing '520'. Weiwei asked me when I planned to confess my feelings. "I missed the opportunity at the beginning of the school year, and Shen Zhiyao got there first... But you really love challenging difficult tasks, always picking the tough ones. I admire you!" She angrily defended me, but I just shook my head. Inside, I was thinking: Jiang Yu, do you know? There's someone, hidden from you, who has secretly loved you for a long, long time..."

"May 23rd, sunny.

I had a dream, a dream about you... Oh my god, I fell asleep with my diary open (crying). Did someone come over just now? Why did I hear Jiang Yu's voice?

"June 18th, rain.

Graduation. Everyone was busy filling out the yearbook. My hands were shaking as I handed him the completed one. He took it, said "thank you," and lowered his head to write seriously. The message he wrote to me was so ordinary, no different from the ones he wrote to everyone else. "A bright future"... or so. At least, his future wouldn't be shadowed by me. I posted my best-looking photo, in a blue and white school uniform, with bangs. I hope... if, long, long from now, he happens to flip through this yearbook and thinks of the name "Xia Wan," he'll still remember me as this clean, untouched person. So, goodbye, my high school days. Goodbye, Jiang Yu.

Without warning, tears burst forth once again, blurring her vision. The scalding liquid dripped onto the yellowed pages, quickly leaving a small, dark, wet mark. Xia Wan bit her lower lip hard, trying to stifle her tears. Those details she had deliberately forgotten, tinged with youthful sweetness and immense bitterness, now unfolded before her with uncanny clarity. Every word was like a knife, precisely slicing at a heart she had thought was numb.

It turned out that during those years, she had loved him so humbly and stubbornly, like a plant growing in the shade, desperately absorbing the occasional light that belonged to him.

She continued to flip through the pages. The last page of her diary stopped on the rainy day after graduation. There were no more words, only a blank space, as if all the stories about Jiang Yu in her youth had come to an abrupt end on that day.

Xia Wan closed the diary and clutched it tightly in her arms, as if embracing her eighteen-year-old self, whose heart and eyes were filled with Jiang Yu, yet whose heart was humbled to the dust. Silent tears streamed down, soaking the light blue cover. A profound sadness and a belated, self-pity washed over her like a tide. She cried for her hopeless ten-year secret love, for the girl who had never been truly "seen," and for herself now, shattered by the devastating truth.

She didn't know how long she cried, until her tears dried up, leaving only a dry ache. A crushing feeling of exhaustion washed over her once again, and she curled up on the cold sofa, clutching the heavy diary, before drifting off to a deep sleep. Her dreams were filled with bizarre images: Jiang Yu's thin silhouette in a high school classroom, dressed in a blue and white school uniform; his furious eyes from the night of the class reunion; and the way he said, "I've waited ten years," in the dining hall, with such sorrow... Finally, everything faded into a cold darkness.

The first glimmer of morning light shone obliquely onto Xia Wan's face through the gap in the undrawn curtains. Her eyelashes fluttered a few times, and she struggled to open her red, swollen, and sore eyes. Her mind slowly cleared, and the overwhelming fatigue and dull pain in her heart became clear again.

She shifted her stiff body, the light blue diary still clutched tightly in her arms, cold as a stone. She sat up, her gaze vacantly scanning the deserted living room, finally settling on the dark gray men's coat on the coat rack in the hallway.

Reality was like an icy tide, instantly pulling her back to the center of last night's storm.

She stood up, the diary clattering to the floor, along with dozens of folded pages. She didn't pick it up, nor did she look at it. She shuffled to the window, seeking fresh air. Her fingertips touched the cold glass, and she instinctively lifted a corner of the curtain, her gaze casting downstairs.

It was a winter morning, the sky was gray and gloomy, with a lingering chill. The streets were sparsely populated.

However, just across the street from her apartment building, under a bare sycamore tree, a black sedan was parked quietly.

The car windows were closed, so she couldn't see the people inside clearly. But Xia Wan recognized the familiar lines of the car almost instantly.

Jiang Yu’s car.

He...didn't leave?

Or... again?

Xia Wan's heart sank, and then a wave of indescribable emotions surged. Was it irritation? Resistance? Or... a faint throbbing that even she herself refused to acknowledge?

She lowered the curtains and stepped back, as if burned, leaning against the cold wall. Her chaotic thoughts surged again. What was he doing here? Was he silently expressing his persistence and guilt? Or was he trying to take advantage of her when she was most vulnerable?

The immense exhaustion and the suffocating feeling of being pressed on made her irritable. She didn't want to see him. At least not yet. She needed space, time, someone to lick her wounds and sort out this mess.

She turned and walked into the bedroom, pulled the thick blackout curtains, and buried herself in the quilt again, trying to block out everything outside and the silent presence downstairs.

However, the car parked quietly downstairs was like a heavy magnet, firmly adhering to the edge of her chaotic thoughts. Even through the thick curtains and walls, its invisible presence made it impossible for her to truly calm down.

Time slipped slowly in the oppressive silence. Xia Wan curled up in bed, her consciousness drifting between sleep and wakefulness. The words in the diary and Jiang Yu's heartbreaking words from last night mingled and collided in her mind.

After an unknown amount of time, the phone on the bedside table vibrated, breaking the dead silence. It was Lin Wei.

Xia Wan hesitated for a moment, but finally answered the call. She needed a familiar voice, even if it was just to hear Lin Wei's clamorous concern.

"Wanwan! How are you? Yesterday I was thinking of going to your workplace to celebrate with you after work, but you didn't answer my call!" Lin Wei's loud voice was filled with undisguised worry.

"I'm... fine, Weiwei." Xia Wan's voice was very hoarse. "I was a little tired yesterday, so I went to sleep as soon as I got home."

"Why do you sound like that? Do you have a cold?" Lin Wei keenly noticed her abnormality, "No! Something must be wrong with you! Is it...Jiang Yu looking for you again? Did he bully you?"

Hearing that name, Xia Wan felt a sharp pain in her heart. She was silent for a few seconds, and did not answer Lin Wei's question. She just whispered, "Weiwei... tell me, can we get back what we lost?"

Lin Wei on the other end of the phone was obviously stunned, and then her voice became serious: "Wanwan, what happened? Don't scare me! What did you miss? What did that bastard Jiang Yu say to you?"

Xia Wan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to talk, to vent. She couldn't tell Lin Wei the earth-shattering words she'd said in the restaurant last night, "I've waited ten years." That was too heavy, too personal. She just said vaguely, "Nothing... I just feel that some things, once missed, are lost. No matter how hard you try, you can't go back to the starting point. Right?"

Lin Wei was silent for a moment, as if digesting the heaviness and confusion in her words. Then, her voice became unusually serious, "Wanwan, I don't know exactly what happened between you. But the past is the past. We cherish the past, but we can't live in it. What's important is the present and the future. If someone truly wants to make up for past mistakes and proves through their actions that they are willing to take responsibility for the present and the future, then... give him a chance, and give yourself a chance, too. Of course, the premise is that you think he's worthy and you're willing to do so."

Lin Wei's words were like a faint ray of light, illuminating Xia Wan's troubled heart. She thought of Jiang Yu's transformation, his silent support, his poignant confession last night, and the possibility that he was waiting downstairs right now...

Is it worth it?

Are you willing?

She had no answer.

"Weiwei... I understand. Let me think about it." Xia Wan whispered.

"Okay, have a good rest and don't think too much. If you have anything, just call me anytime. I'm always here for you!" Lin Wei gave a few instructions and hung up the phone.

The room fell silent again. Xia Wan leaned against the bed, her phone in hand. Lin Wei's words lingered in her mind. She threw back the covers, walked to the window again, carefully lifted a corner of the curtain, and peeked down.

The black car was still parked quietly under the sycamore tree across the road, like a silent watchman.

Just then, the driver's door was pushed open.

Xia Wan's heart instantly rose to her throat.

Jiang Yu got out of the car. He was wearing the same dark grey coat he wore yesterday. He stood tall and straight, but fatigue was evident between his brows, and his eyes were a deep blue. He had clearly not slept all night.

He didn't look toward the apartment building, nor did he try to contact her. He simply walked to the back of the car, opened the trunk, and pulled out a...long-handled black umbrella.

Then, he did something that Xia Wan completely unexpected.

Holding the umbrella, he strode across the silent morning street to the door of Xia Wan's apartment building. He didn't ring the doorbell or knock. He simply bent down slightly and, with extremely gentle movements, placed the brand new, plastic-wrapped, long-handled umbrella gently and steadily against the inside of the door frame.

After doing all this, he stood up, his eyes seemingly raised for a very brief moment, passing in the direction of Xia Wan's window, so fast that it was impossible to catch them. Then, without hesitation, he turned around, strode back across the street, opened the car door, and got in.

The black car didn't stop, started its engine, and soon merged into the sparse traffic in the early morning and disappeared into the gray street corner.

Xia Wan froze by the window, her fingers tightly gripping the cold curtains, her fingertips turning white.

She looked at the brand new, long-handled black umbrella leaning quietly against the inside of the unit door. It stood there like a silent symbol, without words or demands, yet it was more powerful than any words.

The weather forecast says it will rain this evening.

He remembers.

He brought an umbrella.

It’s not a gorgeous rose, nor an expensive gift, but just the most ordinary and practical umbrella.

In this silent, yet thoughtful way, he told her that he knew she needed space and that he wouldn't disturb her. But he remembered every word she said, and he cared about her most subtle needs. He was there, within her sight or out of her sight, guarding her in his own way.

This silent protection, this consideration with respect and distance, was like a stone thrown into the lake of the heart, stirring up a circle of subtle ripples in Xia Wan's already turbulent emotions.

She slowly lowered the curtains, leaned her back against the cold wall, and slid down to sit on the floor.

The faint light of dawn filtered through the gaps in the curtains, casting a thin strip of light on the floor. Dust particles danced silently in the strip of light.

Behind the door of the heart, above the ruins swept by the storm of ten years, the first ray of real, warm light seemed to be quietly passing through the thick haze and falling silently.