Chapter 117 Extra 2: Gap

The gas alarm sounded suddenly, and the sharp beeping sound pierced through the smoke and the darkness of the dream.

Ye Kai's whole body shook violently, and the photo album fell to the ground from his hands.

How could he fall asleep at a time like this?

The kitchen was already filled with smoke. He rushed in. The milk pot had burned dry, and the boiling milk foam had charred the edge of the pot. He turned off the gas, turned off the alarm, and threw the milk pot into the sink in a panic. The water rushed down, stirring up boiling steam and water droplets. In the misty steam with a burnt smell, all the hasty movements stopped. Ye Kai watched expressionlessly as the water overflowed the edge of the pot and poured into the outlet, his heart beating. He thought of the two photos.

One is an official photo of Chen Youhan attending the Ningtong Annual Meeting in a certain year, and the other is a group photo of them on vacation in Australia last year.

Why did it appear in the dream? Why did Chen Youhan in the dream see it?

The dream, which had always been orderly and logically progressed, was on the verge of collapse. Reality invaded the dream, the order was distorted, and it was out of the control of his subconscious mind.

He threw down the milk pot and ran back to the study room, flipping through the photo album in his hands, page by page, one by one, like a slideshow, alternating in front of his eyes, and finally located one of the photos - it was a training match with No. 1 Middle School. The other side was wearing yellow and blue uniforms. He couldn't remember it wrong. In the picture, Chen Youhan jumped up to grab a rebound, and his right arm was stretched out. The lines of the muscles looked smooth and powerful because of the force. On his wrist - there was a white wrist guard.

·

Today's morning rush hour was particularly long. I didn't know there was a rear-end collision until the car passed by. Chen Youhan entered the GC building after nine o'clock. Before he entered the elevator, he received a call from Ye Kai. He was breathing inexplicably quickly on the other end of the line, and his tone was trembling with a neurosis.

"Baby?" Chen Youhan slowed down his pace unconsciously, motioned for the other passengers in the elevator to get on first, and turned to the rest area, "What's wrong?"

"Brother Youhan, do you still remember what color wristband you wore for the city youth training?"

"I don't remember, black?" Chen Youhan tried intuitively, "There are photos, you can go and have a look."

Ye Kai clenched his fists and pinched his palms, and said in a very empty tone: "The photo is white."

"That's the white one." Chen Youhan raised his wrist and looked at his watch. There was a high-level business reception at the group headquarters at ten o'clock. Although it was urgent, he still asked, "Any questions?"

"The last time we watched it together, it was clearly black, wasn't it?"

Perhaps it was because Ye Kai's tone was too tense and earnest, as if he was asking him to give a positive answer. Chen Youhan actually calmed down and thought carefully about it. "It's white. You remembered it wrong."

Ye Kai's chest suffocated for a moment, and a huge panic overwhelmed him.

"Really?" He squeezed the phone tightly and pressed it against his ear. "But," he tried to find a logical reason, "haven't you always liked black?"

Chen Youhan really couldn't remember why he wore the white wristband during that period, "Maybe the original one was lost." The youth training match was what Ye Kai had dreamed about, and when he asked this, Chen Youhan guessed that he had confused dreams with reality again. "Baby," he pinched his eyebrows, "After I'm done with these few days, I'll take you out to relax, okay?"

Ye Kai responded and hung up the phone.

He ran back to the study and opened the thick photo album that was turned upside down. Because he had been flipping through it too frequently during this period, he almost immediately found the page about the training match with No. 1 Middle School. Pinching the corner of the page, it took him three seconds to muster up the courage to turn to the previous page.

On the court, young boy Chen Youhan was running towards the free throw line, holding a black wrist guard.

The training match with No. 1 Middle School was after the fight with No. 12 Middle School. In other words, it was after the fight with No. 12 Middle School that Chen Youhan wore the white wristband he had exchanged for the first time in the match with No. 1 Middle School.

With a loud bang, a gray-white mist swept everything. Ye Kai held the corner of the table and slowly sat down on the chair.

How could this happen? How could there be such a coincidence? Why would reality echo dreams? Is he crazy? Or is he suffering from Alzheimer's disease and can't distinguish between reality and illusion? !

When Chen Youhan was injured while doing something righteous, he dreamed that he was saved by him; when Chen Youhan was alone in a fight, he dreamed that he risked his life to fight with him. Are these just coincidences between dreams and reality?

He wanted so badly to meet the eighteen-year-old Chen Youhan.

And Brother Youhan, have you ever thought: What if you were there at that time? What if it was you at that time?

These thoughts, like tenacious cattails, grow little by little in the cracks of each other's regretful memories.

He wanted to see Chen Youhan... He wanted to see the eighteen-year-old Chen Youhan, he wanted to see him - he had to see him right away.

Ye Kai knelt on the ground, his fingers trembling as he opened the medicine cabinet. Because he was repeatedly troubled by jet lag and dreams, he asked the doctor to prescribe some sleeping pills. He unscrewed the white medicine bottle, and a white pill trembled and fell into his palm. Someone must think he was crazy. The hand holding the pill clenched into a fist, and Ye Kai seriously calmed himself for two seconds. When he opened his eyes again, he twisted half of the sleeping pill, tilted his head back and swallowed it with water, thought about it, and swallowed the other half in the blink of an eye.

The medicine bottle was thrown on the ground casually, and the medicine cabinet door was not closed yet. Ye Kai walked towards the living room with one foot deep and one foot shallow, and fell headfirst onto the sofa.

·

Chen Youhan's desk is piled with test papers and exercise books.

He sat alone in the last row of the classroom. Because the desk had not been cleaned for a long time, there was no trace of his personal belongings on the messy desk.

"Chen Youhan is not here." said the classmate who came out from the back door to get some fresh air.

After school, Ye Kai came again. This time, the classroom was empty except for Du Tang. Ye Kai knocked on the door and walked in. Du Tang just looked up at him, then lowered his eyes to help Chen Youhan sort out the test papers.

"He's been away for a while." Du Tang's hands were constantly moving, flattening and folding the papers, and stacking the exercise books into a tall pile. He was patient and meticulous in doing all this, and Ye Kai could understand why Chen Youhan liked him. Du Tang was the only real friend he had in his youth.

"Where did he go?"

"Russia." Du Tang thought for a moment, then took out his phone from his schoolbag and handed it to Ye Kai, "Can you take a look for yourself?"

Ye Kai took the phone and entered the text box. There were several MMS messages. He opened them and saw Chen Youhan in hunting clothes, holding a double-barreled shotgun in his hand, with a sturdy male deer crawling at his feet. Beside him, two tall and luxurious white and brown Russian wolfhounds were sitting majestically. He held a cigarette in his other hand, and his posture and expression were cold and calm.

Chen Youhan wrote in a text message: "Kamchatka's winter is damn cold."

Chen Youhan added, "Today we let a doe run away. The guide said we could shoot it. It was about five meters away from me. When I pulled the trigger, it suddenly turned its head and looked at me. Its eyes were very beautiful."

Ye Kai didn’t know whether Du Tang replied or not.

After a long time, Chen Youhan sent another message, asking: "Has he come to see me?"

It was late at night in Russia. The river had frozen in the cold winter. A bonfire was lit in the deep blue woods. The prey was crossed by sharpened branches, making crackling sounds. The tall-faced, deep-eyed Russians were drinking cold vodka and reveling, while Chen Youhan was alienated from the crowd.

Ye Kai clicked on the next text message, and Chen Youhan said stubbornly, "It's better if you didn't come."

"Russia has been here for a week. He asked me every day if I had come to see him." Du Tang tidied up his desk and looked at Ye Kai. "I'm fed up with it."

Ye Kai said "I'm sorry" for some reason.

Du Tang smiled, which was rare for him: "Tell him yourself."

·

When Chen Youhan received the text message, he was drowsy from the bumpy ride of the off-road vehicle. The tall four-wheel drive vehicle passed through the jungle and mountains, heading for another denser forest. The fir trees on both sides were bleak and covered with white snow. On the vast road, there were only the crisscrossing tracks of two jeeps.

He opened his inbox and saw a strange text message asking, "Do you smoke?"

Chen Youhan asked, "Who are you?"

The other party did not answer directly, but asked: "When will you return home?"

Chen Youhan sat up straight from his swaying posture. The car made a sharp turn. Everyone exclaimed, but he held the car window with one hand and stared at his phone without moving. His heart was beating so fast that it was about to jump out of his chest. His frozen thumb typed a short line of words on the full-keyboard phone: "One week."

Inbox, unread messages +1

The hound barked, and Chen Youhan took out a piece of jerky from his bag and threw it over. He suppressed his pounding heart and pressed the "open" button. The other party said simply: "Don't smoke."

The Russian guide snapped his fingers at him and spoke fluent Chinese with an accent: "Hey, Chen, what are you so happy about?" Then he put two fingers at the corners of his mouth and made an upward pull: "your s/mile, hah."

He put his elbow on his knee and covered his mouth, then turned his head to look out the window. But no matter how hard he pressed, the corner of his mouth was still curled up. Several hunters laughed, and the guide handed him a bottle of vodka: "Drink!"

He took the wine but didn't drink it. He replied to the text message and explained seriously: "I didn't smoke it, I just tried two sips."

The smoke was so choking that I almost coughed out my lungs after taking the first puff.

"Do you know who I am? You report so well."

The teasing failed and Chen Youhan didn't say a word in response.

Ye Kai smiled and said, "Don't be angry with me. I can help you with your homework."

The mountain road wound through the forest, and Chen Youhan never looked up or typed. The guide was talkative and asked, "Aren't you dizzy?"

Dizzy, how could he not be dizzy? He felt dizzy, his breathing was shallow, his heartbeat was accelerated, his pulse was out of control, his blood pressure was high, it was all because of the alcohol, but when he looked down, damn, he actually didn't drink a single sip.

He didn't reply, so Ye Kai stopped talking to himself. Chen Youhan held the phone tightly, and the scenery outside the window lost its appeal. He checked his inbox every minute, and when it vibrated again, although he knew it shouldn't, he still felt like a hound smelling reindeer, like opening a super prize, like peeling off the candy coating of a chocolate, full of inappropriate, shameless, and uncontrollable expectations.

"Brother Youhan, is the winter in Russia beautiful? I actually miss you a little."

Chen Youhan took a deep breath, and the white air he exhaled dissipated in the cold air. He lowered his head and looked at the hound, who tilted his head and saw him curl his lips in self-mockery and raise his hand wearing a half-finger glove.

He moved his lips and whispered, "I miss you too." But he didn't say these four words.

No one knew that he drew a heart on the broken window in a foreign country.

When he returned to Ning City later, he was not used to it for a while. Even the humid and hot air seemed heavy to him. Fortunately, the cemetery on the outskirts of the city was not so stuffy. When the wind occasionally blew in the afternoon, he felt a long-lost sense of relief.

The photo on the tombstone has faded, but you can still see the beauty and calmness of her youth. Chen Youhan swept the dust away, bent down and placed a bunch of sunflowers in front of the tombstone.

"How should I put it? It's quite embarrassing." He smiled, sat cross-legged on the lawn, and spoke to Ning Shu, "I fell in love with a man, but he seems to like someone else."

No one answered, only the wind blowing through the pine forest behind the mountain.

"I'm sorry to have worried you so much. I went to Russia to hunt for half a month to escape. Don't scold me. I didn't break any laws. I just almost got eaten by a wolf. Do you know how tall the gray wolves in Russia are?" Because he was talking to his mother, his tone was relaxed and a bit nonchalant, as if he was acting like a spoiled child. "The teeth of that wolf were also very beautiful. I got a lot of trophies, but that tooth was the best. I made a wolf tooth necklace and wanted to give it to him as a gift. I wonder if he will like it."

After a dozen seconds of silence, Chen Youhan laughed at himself and shook his head: "There's really no hope."

"Do you think he'll like it? I know we shouldn't have any more interactions, but this is the last time, okay? After all, it's my first love, and I didn't give him any gifts... It doesn't seem right."

"Actually, you should like him too. You know that kind of boy who has a very innocent smile and good grades. He's so smart, why does he study so hard? When I skipped class and passed by his classroom, I saw him listening intently, and he was so cute. He is number one in the grade in science, isn't that amazing? He likes to play tennis and sometimes calls me 'Brother Youhan'." Chen Youhan lowered his head, unconsciously pulling the thin tips of grass. His voice lowered and he finally fell silent.

"Sometimes I wish you were still here. Liking boys is natural. Chen Fei always asks me, 'Don't you like girls too?' If you were here, you would teach me at this time. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

A few white pigeons landed at his feet. Chen Youhan stretched out his hand towards them, and the pigeons fluttered into the sky.

"Let's go. Let's talk next time." He stood up with his hands.

When he turned around, he found Ye Kai standing behind him at some point. He was not far away and could probably hear every word he said clearly.

"Why are you here?" he was surprised.

This is a private cemetery, not many people know about it, and entry and exit are strictly managed.

"I wanted to see you, so I'm here." Ye Kai said this, as if he was trying to coax someone. Only he knew that every word in this sentence, including the logic, was true.

Chen Youhan's stiff body slowly relaxed, "Let's go." He motioned to Ye Kai.

Ye Kai said: "Wait a moment."

He walked towards the tombstone and bowed deeply: "Aunt Ning."

"You..." Chen Youhan was stunned. How did Ye Kai know that his mother's last name was Ning? Then he was relieved. Perhaps he had just seen the words "I love Ning Shu" written on the tombstone.

The two of them walked down the mountain one after the other along the stairs.

"Did you hear everything?"

Ye Kai responded and asked him, "Where is my gift?"

Chen Youhan didn't reply him, but said: "I'm actually very reluctant to return to China. Do you know why?" He laughed self-deprecatingly, "Because as long as I'm in Russia, I don't have to face you, and I don't have to face the fact that you treat me as someone's substitute. I can text you every day and listen to you say you miss me without having to reflect on whether I am willing to be a lowly person. I admit that the ambiguity makes me very excited, and even makes me want to be an ostrich. I tell myself every day that as long as I don't return to China, I can continue to be with you like this."

Ye opened her lips.

"You don't need to explain anything." Chen Youhan didn't look at him, but his voice was gentle, "Ye Kai, I really like you. Because I really like you, I can't be willing to be used as a substitute for another person by you. You are so smart, you will definitely be able to figure it out."

"I don't--"

"Don't lie to me." Chen Youhan interrupted him gently, "You've already lied to me once."

Ye Kai stopped and said, "You want to break up with me."

Chen Youhan curled the corners of his lips: "Yeah."

Ye Kai stopped talking, and the two of them walked down the mountain road in silence for more than ten minutes. They startled countless white pigeons along the way, and the park's battery tour bus was waiting at the foot of the mountain. Chen Youhan signaled them to leave first.

After everyone left, Ye Kai spoke again: "You clearly said that day that you would never say such things to me, that you would never break up with me, that dreams are the opposite of reality, and that what you actually want is to be with me forever."

Suddenly, his heart was stung, and Chen Youhan laughed out of anger, "Baby, don't be so unreasonable."

"Why don't you call me baby? Is it because he used that word on me?"

No answer is the default.

The wind was very loud, and it messed up Ye Kai's hair, making her look a little childish and cute. Chen Youhan looked at her a few more times and heard him say, "It's too late, he has used my baby too."

Chen Youhan cursed "Fuck" and turned away.

Facing his back, Ye Kai said in a low but clear voice: "You can't stand this? All your dreams are true! He and I went hiking in Hong Kong, vacationed in Fiji, got married in Chile, and honeymooned in South America. It was all true! He and I fell in love at the same age you liked me. We were together at 18 and broke up at 19. We kissed, had sex, and quarreled more fiercely than we do now. We did everything. Chen Youhan, all the sweetness and pain you dreamed of were real. It was real that I cried outside the door and begged him not to let go. It was real that he said those words to me while enduring the pain. It was real that he kissed me secretly and that we agreed to stay until we were 80 years old."

The hand hanging at his side was clenched into a fist, and his nails were almost pinching his palm to bleed. Chen Youhan stopped and said, "That's enough."

Ye Kai walked behind him step by step, looking deeply at his back, "Not enough, Brother Youhan, it's because it's not enough that I met you. He said that he liked Du Tang when he was eighteen, he said that he came out alone in high school and no one even stood with him in a fight, he said he also dreamed that it would be great if the eighteen-year-old Chen Youhan also had Ye Kai - why do I know that Aunt Ning's grave is here, why do I know that you will come here to talk to her when you are in a bad mood? Brother Youhan, that day you held my hand and celebrated Aunt Ning's birthday together, I gave her a big bunch of sunflowers and made a cake by myself, you thought my cake was too sweet and unpalatable, you don't know, I will tell you everything."

Chen Youhan said coldly: "You are crazy."

"I'm not crazy. You are him and he is you. From beginning to end, there is only you. All of you, at the age of eighteen, thirty-four, thirty-six, and the next fifty or sixty years, are you."

Chen Youhan finally turned around and looked at him with a look as if he was facing a fantasy.

But Ye Kai knew and he believed it.

He said gently but firmly, "Brother Youhan, I know you believe it. You knew when you saw the photo, how could there be two people who look so alike? Not only that, he has all the expectations you had for the future. Brother Youhan, you will never let yourself down. This is how you looked when you were twenty or thirty years old, the way you once imagined yourself to be. You said that Chen Youhan had a life full of regrets, right? That was what you wrote in a letter to Aunt Ning Shu when you were fifteen. The letter was burned, and you only told me."

Chen Youhan took a step back, his face pale: "Who are you?"

"I'm Ye Kai, I'm 23 years old. Although I say I don't care, in my heart I still want to snatch the 18-year-old you from Teacher Du Tang."

He wanted to go over, but Chen Youhan raised his hand to stop him: "——Don't come over!"

He took a deep breath, turned around and walked forward, his steps getting faster and faster, and then suddenly stopped - Ye Kai's footsteps also braked sharply, and saw Chen Youhan walking towards him with red eyes, holding his shoulders tightly and asked: "Are you and I together well?"

Ye Kai was stunned. Chen Youhan repeated it again, using rapid breathing and a tight voice, red eyes and burning breath, asking: "Are you and I together well?"

Ye Kai nodded vigorously. For some reason, his eyes also felt burning and red. "We were together, and we have always been together. I studied in the United States, and you worked at GC. We saw each other every two weeks. You would cook for me, and I would take you around the school, and we would ride bikes and walk by the lake together. When we got married, we wore a suit made by grandma. Uncle Chen was very happy. Really, he cried at the wedding, you know. We are fine, and nothing can separate us."

Ye Kai talked on and on, in confusion and without any clue, crying and laughing at the same time.

"Really?" Chen Youhan nodded. "That's good." He repeated "That's good" and then hugged Ye Kai tightly in his arms.

"You know," he whispered in his ear, "I really envy him."

Ye Kai didn't understand: "Who?"

Chen Youhan stroked his hair, trying hard to see him clearly and remember his appearance. She said softly with a smile that seemed forced but also seemed sincere: "Your brother Youhan, sometimes when I think about it, I really envy him."

"You are he—"

"Shh," Chen Youhan covered his lips, "I'm not him, baby - Ye Kai, I'm not him. He has all of you, but I only have the present." He whispered, not knowing whether he was coaxing Ye Kai or himself, laughing as he said, "Eighteen-year-old Chen Youhan only has the present."

Ye Kai blinked hard.

"Don't cry."

The author has something to say:

Sorry, I forgot that today is the day for vaccination. I went to the hospital to get a vaccination in the afternoon.

...So I haven't finished it yet (Mao Mao sighs

I’ll post 4, and this extra chapter will really be finished tomorrow!