Chapter 48 Abandonment and Demand: She didn't want to deceive herself, nor did she like it...

On the way home, it seemed as if there was a thin veil separating the two.

Sang Li sat in the passenger seat, her fingers tightly gripping the seatbelt, her eyes constantly glancing at Lu Jin beside her.

Feeling uneasy.

She even felt a sense of despair, feeling like a lamb to the slaughter.

He didn't say anything.

They didn't say a word the whole way.

The fingers resting on the steering wheel look casual, but the cold, hard lines of the joints are always intimidating.

It felt like I was being held back from a distance.

Even though the car wasn't going fast, the entire carriage exuded an extremely restrained tension.

What is he suppressing?

Sang Li is not an insensitive person; on the contrary, she is overly sensitive.

Now, it's something like this.

At this moment, Lu Jin remained silent.

I won't look at her.

He didn't even glance at her once.

He was enduring it.

He was forcing himself to calm down.

Was it because of that last moment?

Sang Li bit her lip nervously, her eyes filled with panic.

She didn't do it on purpose, she really didn't do it on purpose.

That was just an unexpected angle, a moment when I happened to wake up.

It was just an unintentional mistake.

She couldn't stand the cold atmosphere.

But did he misunderstand something?

Do you think she's ungrateful?

Do you think she lacks self-respect and has no sense of shame?

He probably hates being touched by women, or rather, being touched by abnormal individuals.

Sang Li's face paled, her mind in turmoil.

Is he angry right now?

Or is it worse? Are you feeling nauseous?

Thinking of this, Sang Li suddenly felt a pang of panic, and even her breathing became lighter.

She was never good at handling such complex and subtle emotions, and she thought she could just laugh it off. After leaving the movie theater, she tried to make a joke for a while, but Lu Jin didn't respond.

She deliberately turned her head sharply to steal a glance at him.

Yet his eyes remained indifferent, his facial features sharply defined under the car lights, but devoid of any warmth.

At this moment, Lu Jin gripped the steering wheel, remaining silent.

He felt like he was going crazy.

Her scent still lingered on him, like a wisp of smoke, seeping into his very bones from his lips and nostrils.

Just now, it felt like half of his soul had left his body; he felt as if he had been choked, and his mind went completely blank.

In the movie theater, she tilted her head back and pressed her lips to his. He could clearly sense that in that instant, his reason was as if it had been violently cleaved apart, his whole being ignited, and then crackling and burning.

He did it unintentionally, but he was glad he did it unintentionally. He inexplicably lowered his head to respond to her kiss, and even though it was just a light touch, it almost pushed him to the brink of collapse.

It's like being poisoned.

He dared not look at her again.

Right now, he felt like some wild torrent was being forcibly suppressed within him. He knew he had lost control; his muscles were as hard as red-hot irons, and he could feel, even overtly so, the burning, swelling, and pain. He dared not move, nor could he move; he had to forcefully restrain even the slightest impulse to turn his head to glance at her.

He was afraid.

I was afraid that if I turned my head, I would see her eyes.

Lu Jin always thought that Sang Li had the most beautiful eyes in the world—watery, soft, bright, with a hint of drowsiness and shyness, like a pond full of lotus flowers.

Whenever Sang Li spoke to him, he always felt that she was too unguarded.

He wasn't a good person himself, and having opened a sweet Pandora's box, he would kiss her and caress her.

Bite her neck, tear her apart.

I want her.

That desire was undisguised and naked.

Like a wildfire, it burned from the spine to the back of the head, crackling and popping.

He had never felt the separation between reason and desire so intensely.

So, he had been keeping himself in the dark all along, things that couldn't be brought into the light.

But she's still looking at him, like a soft candy, obediently sticking to him. Little does she know that her dirty, filthy, and despicable thoughts will be like a long-lasting, devastating sandstorm, burying her completely.

In silence.

Sang Li opened her mouth, and finally spoke. "...Did I do something wrong?"

She asked the question with some trepidation.

Lu Jin's hand tightened, and he almost stepped on the wrong accelerator.

He closed his eyes, his voice hoarse like burning tinder, as if it were just ashes flying everywhere.

“No,” he said, trying to keep his tone calm. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

"oh."

There's been no sound again.

It was very late when I got home.

bath.

Go to bed.

sleep.

They sleep in the same bed but dream different dreams.

Sang Li didn't know what to say, and neither did Lu Jin.

Once the lights are turned off, darkness ensues.

Sang Li couldn't fall asleep, the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears. She turned over; the lamp beside her pillow was already off, but she still couldn't sleep.

The darkness was like a giant curtain, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

She had been silent the whole way, as if she were frozen in ice. She bit her lip, and her eyes stung with tears.

So, you still don't want to talk to her?

When she was a child, her biggest fear was disappointing people.

It's annoying.

It's infuriating.

She knew that something was wrong with Lu Jin right now.

Although, nothing was said.

but.

He must be resentful towards her.

I feel disgusted.

I feel offended.

When Sang Li was a child, her grades dropped, and her mother locked her in her room for an entire afternoon without lunch. No one even heard her cry. Another time, it seemed that she wanted to eat a lollipop, which angered her father. Although he didn't say anything, Sang Li still remembers the feeling of the atmosphere turning cold, stiff, and eerie.

She's too sensitive.

Therefore, one can only pretend to be insensitive in daily life.

From the time she could remember, Sang Li learned to read people's expressions and to avoid upsetting them.

She thought that this way, others wouldn't leave her.

But they eventually left.

Each one is faster than the last.

Abandon yourself.

divorce.

Go abroad.

He went far away from home.

Later, one by one, my friends drifted away.

She knew all too well that other people's affection for her had its limits. If they became uncomfortable, they would leave without hesitation.

However, she didn't expect Lu Jin to do the same.

Sang Li bit her lip, her eyes welled up with tears, and her chest ached as if she had crushed an unripe lemon.

“Lu Jin…”

She didn't want to deceive herself, nor did she like to lie to herself.

Sang Li's voice was so thin it was like a thread, pulling at my heart, causing a slight pain in my chest.

There was no response in the darkness.

Are you asleep?

"Please don't be angry, okay?"

"I really didn't mean to."

The sound was so soft it was almost inaudible, like mist seeping from a dream.

Once it melts, it's gone.

She knew Lu Jin wasn't asleep, but he didn't speak, or perhaps he simply didn't want to respond to her.

"Hmm."

Sang Li huddled in bed, hugging her knees, her thoughts a jumbled mess. She was increasingly afraid of this silence, even feeling that he might pack his bags and leave the next morning without saying another word to her.

She didn't want that.

Sang Li bit her lip and finally quietly turned around.

The bed was large, and on ordinary nights, they were always a short distance apart.

She crossed the empty space, reached out, and slowly, tentatively touched his back, wanting to give him a hug.

No, it's being given a hug.

Even the slightest bit of temperature.

She wasn't actually as resolute as she seemed.

She habitually lowered her head.

She froze the moment her fingertips touched him.

Lu Jin was burning up with an alarming heat!

That wasn't a normal body temperature, or even a fever. It was more like a scorching flame, suppressed to the point of almost exploding, enveloping the bones and blood, burning every inch of muscle taut.

Sang Li's pupils contracted slightly, and she quickly looked up at him.

Lu Jin had his eyes closed, but fine beads of sweat were seeping from his forehead.

It's not a fever.

She knew where his disgust came from.

That kiss just now made him lose control.

Ah, I am an abnormal being.

BEAM-071 also has a significant attraction for some individuals, especially those with unstable psychological states or strong emotional needs.

This is her file.

Significant effect...

As the captain of the Ecological Management Bureau, he has to control himself every day and not let his emotions interfere. He should be calm, clear-headed, and rational.

But now, just one kiss has made him lose his breath.

How could someone like him allow himself to lose control?

This is a major taboo.

It was as if he had been stripped of what he was most proud of.

Sang Li felt as if something was squeezing her tightly, and she felt as if she was about to drown.

No wonder.

How could someone like him allow himself to make such a mistake?

Sang Li's temples throbbed with pain.

“Sang Li”.

Suddenly, Lu Jin spoke.

Her voice sounded strangely gentle, with a hint of haste, as if it were deliberately forced out of her throat: "I'm going to take a shower, you go to sleep first."

As soon as he finished speaking, he rolled off the bed, his movements so swift they were almost an escape.

The footsteps landed steadily on the floor.

Soon, the bathroom door clicked shut.

The bedroom was now completely dark.

The darkness reminded Sang Li of the month she had been detained at the Ecological Administration Bureau.

She didn't have her own room at that time; she lived in a house with cement walls.

There are no windows.

There is a bed and a toilet.

Food was passed in through a stainless steel door.

It doesn't distinguish between day and night.

Fortunately, it's a little better than prison; there's a clock that turns off the lights from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. every night, and the lights are on the rest of the time.

Every night, darkness, like a lake, slowly engulfed her hair, shoulders, and eyes. The almost desolate silence of the darkness tormented her, driving her to a state of mental turmoil. Everyone looked at her as if she were a monster.

She remembers that at that time, she would dream every night in the middle of the night that someone would come to save her, but when she woke up, all she saw was a blindingly white ceiling and the silent sound of machines.

She began refusing to eat and becoming silent. Doctors diagnosed her with depressive tendencies, and it was only later that she met Bai Heng.

Sang Li's throat tightened, her eyes reddened, and her heart suddenly ached with an emptiness, just like it had many years ago.

Numb.

Suffocation.

She suddenly felt very lonely.

Looking into the darkness, she wasn't even sure if Lu Jin would come back to bed.

The sound of running water was still coming from the bathroom.

If she had a choice, she wouldn't want to be left behind.

She no longer has a home.

They didn't even know where they should go.

Where belongs to oneself.

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

It's getting worse and worse.

Sang Li sat up and looked at the light coming into the bathroom.

Light seems to be salvation.

She couldn't wait any longer.

I want to get to the bottom of this.

Sang Li stood at the bathroom door and took a deep breath.

The door opened.

For a moment, she was almost blinded by the glaring white light in the bathroom.

There is no steam because it is not hot water.

Lu Jin was wearing pajama bottoms, which were already soaked and clung to his body. Water poured down from above, dripping down his sharp jawline to his collarbone, then over his taut abdomen, and finally into his already wet, dark blue pajama bottoms.

With his left hand on the faucet and his right hand holding a half-finished cigarette, the burning red glow of the cigarette was particularly glaring in the dampness.

Their eyes met as they fell into the water.

Lu Jin was clearly surprised that she would suddenly barge in, and his pupils contracted slightly.

The next second, he stubbed out the cigarette.

He hadn't spoken yet.

Sang Li rushed over like a madwoman, her nightgown soaked with cold sweat of fear, clinging to her body, so thin it was almost transparent.

The temperature of the skin seemed to cause the moisture to evaporate.

He saw the panic and stubbornness in her eyes.

What's wrong?

Then.

The next second.

Sang Li hugged him.