Dreams on a Spring Night (Part 2)

When Zhong Mianqing took the cat bed, Bai Shunan gave Zhong Mianqing another ride home. After the trip, Bai Shunan didn't go home immediately. Instead, he drove to a lake he had stumbled upon. He got out of the car, picked up the first stone he saw, and ran. As he ran, he threw the stone with all his might, and it landed in the lake with a "plop."

Everything seemed to stop. Bai Shunan stood there for a long moment, awkwardly reaching for a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and brought it to his lips, thinking about those things. He unknowingly cried as he smoked, his exhaled smoke so weak. Finally, he came up with an impulsive idea, a way to end it all.

Whenever Bai Shunan stumbled upon that idea during his free time, he thought it was a good one. His previous success with similar methods undoubtedly gave him immense confidence, a confidence that made him eagerly anticipate the day it would come. Now, having implemented that method, Bai Shunan found himself trapped in his own logical dilemma, instantly reshaping what he had taken for granted.

Lu Jinfeng smiled, disrupting the spread of coldness. He loosened his hand on Bai Shunan's shoulder and said, "Okay, I know. You must have liked me before. You can distinguish your own feelings, right?"

Bai Shunan's mind went blank at this moment and he fell silent again.

"Tell me," Lu Jinfeng discovered what he had been deceiving himself about. He had been avoiding asking this question that he was extremely curious about. The increasingly awkward atmosphere around him forced him to stop thinking. He subconsciously confessed his true feelings, "How did you fall in love with me?"

"Yes, I saw you." Bai Shunan spoke frankly, unable to hide his true feelings. He said the answer that was superficial but what he believed to be the truth. "You were so beautiful back then. I can't forget it."

He watched Lu Jinfeng's expression change again and again, his entanglement and confusion clearly visible. Bai Shunan recalled the moment when Lu Jinfeng was destined to occupy an important position in his life. He thought about it over and over again, and it was true that Lu Jinfeng was too handsome at that time.

For this reason, he always remembered the last time he met his brother, and the memories left behind always had some bad colors. It was a sunny day similar to today.

When he returned to the house, bright, gentle sunlight streamed in through the open windows. The warmth left by yesterday's celebration of Bai Shunnian's birthday lingered, and even the air resonated with a quiet, ordinary silence after the clamor. Bai Shunan walked to the window. To prevent summer insects from invading, he had closed it, leaving the light dim. He felt a gentle warmth from within, and couldn't help but smile with satisfaction.

He glanced down at the table, feeling that something was missing. When he reached the door, he suddenly remembered.

The dusty glasses case that Bai Shunnian had placed on the table disappeared.

Bai Shunnian often left home, but every time he left, he never took anything with him, and always left Bai Shunan with the thought of returning.

After less than a second of thought, Bai Shunan hurried to the refrigerator. He touched the top of the refrigerator, but felt nothing except a handful of warm ash. Bai Shunan's heart skipped a beat, but he hadn't completely given up on the possibility. In a rare misjudgment, he didn't assume the worst. He moved a chair and stepped on it, very slowly, as if a little slower could change the outcome.

He opened his eyes and looked at the dust on the refrigerator.

"Bang!"

He fell off the chair and fell to the ground. Ignoring the pain in his body, Bai Shunan ran out almost immediately before he could even stand firmly. He accidentally fell again, but soon he stood up and ran out again.

Faster, faster, he kept running, sweat soaking his clothes, his breath coming incessantly. He ran to the end of the street, along a road he'd walked countless times, through countless smells, countless noises, and kept running. The wind rustled in his ears, and he recalled the crimson sky, a scene he'd seen as a child. He finally saw the tracks.

He couldn't rest yet. Bai Shunan looked around, thinking that maybe everything was still in time. A picture emerged in his mind: Bai Shunnian bought a ticket at the ticket office, walked to the front of the train, looked back into the distance, and thought of him.

When Bai Shunan saw that figure after going through several setbacks, he really felt that God still favored him.

Each step he took became heavier than the last, as if a stick was stirring in his brain. He tried to shout loudly, but his throat was burning and he was hoarse.

He tried to jog, but the air penetrated into his body like a silk thread, pulling at his skin, and the figure in front of him, which was sometimes blurry and sometimes clear, began to move.

Bai Shunan's eyes suddenly became anxious and frightened. He ran so fast that he fell to the ground again. He crossed the obstacle and saw with his own eyes that his brother got on the train.

He clearly saw it, he clearly turned around and saw him.

But why, after seeing him, I left even faster?

For a long time afterwards, Bai Shunan couldn't forgive Bai Shunnian. But every time his anger subsided, he would sometimes understand why his brother did what he did. Until later, when he saw Zhang Wei constantly pushing him forward but refusing to look at him, and until he saw Amian crying as she walked away from him, every time he thought about it, the answer he had guessed at the beginning became the only answer, and it never changed in the slightest. He understood it countless times.

What remains is often a burden.

Bai Shunan fell to the ground, unable to get up no matter how hard he tried. He felt so uncomfortable that he squeezed his eyes shut, but tears still found a way to flow out, until Bai Shunan gave in and let the tears flow.

There were passers-by coming and going, and their gazes made him look strange.

He was becoming increasingly miserable, and for a moment, he simply wanted to die right here. Perhaps that would be the only way they would come back.

Bai Shunan finally got up and tried to warn himself not to cry, but he couldn't stop.

He walked outside, clenching his hands tightly, and the thought of wanting to grab something flashed through his mind. Under the erosion of sadness, thoughts unrelated to sadness were temporarily forgotten, and the beautiful moments of everyday life retreated to the edge of oblivion. He was immersed in a vortex that he could not understand.

Bai Shunan walked among the crowd coming and going. He wanted to hide, but at the same time he found that he had no way to escape.

Every opportunity to help him breathe almost suffocated him.

None of this matters, he thought, slowly making his way to the curb, waiting for the red light to turn green. As if his spirit had left his body, he stared blankly at the large screen on a distant building. Suddenly, the screen shifted, revealing a strikingly familiar face. Bai Shunan's chaotic mind, a tangled mess, made it difficult for him to discern the source of this familiarity; he simply lost himself in it. That moment, looking at that face, it surpassed his imagination of beauty, freezing him in place. The soul he'd carried throughout his life until now felt grounded, resonating with a moment he'd longed for. In an instant, it hit the bull's eye. In an instant, he found a place to escape. He felt his heart beat again, a beating that moment that momentarily made him forget the emptiness left by decay, and the desire to live was reborn.

At the same time, that night, he selfishly let out his emotions and found comfort for himself.

When he dragged his heavy body back home, the spot on the table was dazzlingly clean. In his aching mind, he realized who that person was: Lu Jinfeng, a classmate he hadn't paid much attention to before. He was the arrogant man, and he had once disliked him.

For a moment, Bai Shunan felt a little absurd. He waited for Bai Shunnian, perhaps because he always needed something to look forward to in a hopeless life. He looked at the few hundred yuan he had left and dropped out of school at a time that seemed perfectly appropriate.

From the moment he began to stare at Lu Jinfeng uncontrollably, the focus of his life naturally shifted. He no longer looked forward to Bai Shunnian's return. At the same time, he began to make plans for his future life.

Neighbors began to sympathize with Bai Shunnian by insulting him, casting him in a pitiful frame and using him as gossip. Hearing these negative comments about Bai Shunnian, Bai Shunan gradually began to blame him less and less. Whenever he returned to that house, he would always think of him, and this occupied his fragile imagination of his parents. All the imbalances of the past were balanced. Moving out early was also on Bai Shunan's agenda.

At that time, Bai Shunan hadn't yet realized how wrong it was to place all his feelings on someone he didn't truly know. He could recognize him simply by hearing a voice, no matter how gentle a sigh, a figure running in his field of vision, no matter how far away, by seeing his hair occasionally lift, or by seeing him stand startled in front of the door. Later, the difficulty of withdrawing his feelings was far greater than he had imagined...

"Is that it? So you like me. I can understand." Lu Jinfeng frowned slightly, his eyes filled with doubt and confusion. "Then, am I not good-looking now?"

"It will definitely look good." Bai Shunan added silently, "There is no doubt about that."

Lu Jinfeng chuckled, "So now, you understand me and therefore hate me."