After asking Zhong Xuyang, he felt a pang of sadness in his heart. He wanted to reach out and hug her, but after moving his fingers, he ultimately didn't dare.
Xiao Yao was quite calm, because she had asked herself the same question before. "Is it because I always seem to run into you? I see you at the inter-school basketball game, at the school party, when you rejected other girls and said you only liked your girlfriend, I see you when you fed stray cats. Every time I see you, I feel like you're radiating light. Isn't that like something out of an idol drama?"
Zhong Xuyang couldn't help himself and reached out to hold her hand. "And now? How do you feel about me now?"
Xiao Yao looked at their clasped hands. She didn't struggle. His hands were large and not rough or calloused. Being held by him was a very comfortable thing, and also a thing that made her heart flutter and feel at ease.
She answered softly, "A feeling of uncertainty."
Zhong Xuyang was taken aback.
Xiao Yao looked up to meet his gaze. She had always wanted to have a proper talk with him, so she no longer hesitated. "I'm not sure. Can you really forget those 10 years of feelings so easily? Do you really have no feelings for Lin Wenwen at all? Or is it just because you're tired and want to find someone suitable to marry? We've only been together for a little over a year. How can you be sure you want to be with me for the rest of your life? I'm not sure about any of these things."
He had said he loved her, but she didn't know why he loved her, what he loved about her, whether he truly loved her, or if it was just a passing emotion, or perhaps he was just saying it casually to appease her.
Perhaps she wouldn't be so demanding and suspicious of someone else, but because she witnessed the passionate and intense relationship between him and Lin Wenwen, the relationship between Zhong Xuyang and her seemed too bland in comparison. Like a trickle of water that cannot extinguish a raging fire, could their gentle and enduring love really compare to the ten years he and Lin Wenwen had been together?
She wasn't sure, not at all.
Zhong Xuyang was stunned for a moment and didn't know how to explain, because he hadn't thought that Xiao Yao thought that way. He thought that Lin Wenwen's sudden intervention had made her sad and upset. He thought that as long as he drew a line and had no more ties with Lin Wenwen, she would not be angry and would forgive him. He didn't expect that her breakup was because she doubted his feelings for her.
He lowered his eyes and recalled the year or so they had been together. He and Xiao Yao had a natural affinity for each other. Whenever they had free time, they would meet up to eat, watch movies, go hiking, and travel. They did all sorts of things that they shared similar interests. But whenever they were busy, they understood each other and didn't bother each other. The work-relationship balance issues that had once existed between him and Lin Wenwen simply didn't exist between him and Xiao Yao. They almost never argued. They were so happy together that he had forgotten all the happy and unhappy moments with Lin Wenwen.
He assumed Xiao Yao felt the same way. Even though she minded his past with Lin Wenwen, she understood his feelings for her. So even if she suggested breaking up, he thought that as long as he explained things about him and Lin Wenwen to her properly, they could reconcile.
However, he now realizes that although they have been dating for over a year, their personalities are compatible, and they are physically intimate, they have never opened up to each other or understood each other's true thoughts.
Zhong Xuyang turned to face Xiao Yao and held her hands in his. "It's my fault. I didn't explain things clearly to you about Lin Wenwen and me, which made you doubt our relationship. Actually, I've thought about talking to you about Lin Wenwen and me many times, but I was afraid. I was afraid that you would be unhappy if you heard it, so I chose to avoid talking about it."
“Lin Wenwen and I actually had many problems before Liu Yang appeared. We had broken up several times before. But when I found out that she was flirting with Liu Yang, the anger of being betrayed made me lose my mind. The subsequent entanglement was more about resentment, hatred and revenge. So on the day I broke up with her completely, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was a relief after being trapped in a bad relationship for so long.”
As you know, our meeting was accidental, not because I was in a rush to get married. Being with you makes me feel more relaxed and happy than ever before. You're a wonderful partner; you're cheerful and sincere, not stubborn or prone to emotional abuse. We communicate and resolve any problems. I can comfortably be myself around you, and I also love the playful yet adorable side of you that makes me smile genuinely every time we meet.
Zhong Xuyang looked into Xiao Yao's eyes with an extremely serious and earnest attitude, "I do want to marry you, but not because of various considerations about suitability. It's because I like you, I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. You can be sure of that."
Xiao Yao listened quietly. The music and voices around her were noisy, but she could hear every word Zhong Xuyang said clearly. This was the first time he had said these words to her. Not only men have their white moonlight, but women do too, and Zhong Xuyang was the white moonlight in Xiao Yao's heart. Therefore, the power of his words to her was unmatched.
Xiao Yao's eyes welled up with tears as she struggled internally. She leaned forward and rested her head against Zhong Xuyang's chest.
"I just want you to pursue me a little longer, until I'm more certain, before I say yes, okay?"
"Can you please coax me a little longer?"
Zhong Xuyang felt as if her heart had been squeezed hard. This wasn't a rejection; it was clearly pleading and coaxing.
He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Don't ask me if it's okay. I'll coax you for as long as it takes. Don't feel pressured to agree to me. Take your time to observe me and get to know me. I'll wait for you for a lifetime."
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