Chapter 43: Walk and Walk Again (1) Agree.
Her ankles grew cold and hot, rising against the current of blood, climbing up Meng Xuanli's calves. She couldn't actually walk back into the house, so she stopped, both voluntarily and under duress.
Lu Guanque's cheek was pressed against her earlobe, his hot breath spraying on her neck. He repeated, "I'm not trying to tie myself up in knots. I believe you, and you believe me, okay?"
Meng Xuanli shrugged and pushed back. Lu Guanque was so strong that she couldn't resist. She looked up and the sunlight pierced her eyes. She closed them subconsciously.
After a moment, she stood there, motionless: "No more."
"I won't do that again."
Meng Xuanli closed her eyes, feeling that facing Lu Guanque was like facing a stinging light on the top of her head. She could wear a long veil, and feel it silently, but she couldn't look directly at him, or her eyes would burst.
She used to believe in him and care about him, but he was still domineering and tried to control her.
She didn't want to recall those days, let alone continue them.
After Meng Xuanli thought it through, he heaved a sigh of relief and whispered, "I'm a little unsteady."
Lu Guanque's face turned pale. After hearing what she said, he smiled and said, "Okay."
As he spoke, he carefully held her waist, put his arm around her legs, and held her up steadily.
Meng Xuanli leaned on his chest, thinking about how to let him go.
Although the house is old, Meng Xuan Liping cleans it daily, and with sunlight shining in, it looks exceptionally clean and tidy.
Lu Guanque put her on the chair, brought a bench, and let her put her legs on it to make her as comfortable as possible.
Meng Xuanli observed his every move. When she saw him stop and sit across from her, she slowly spoke, "Lu Guanque, I once believed in you and lied to you. Conversely, you did the same."
"I've made it very clear between us. If you really want to do good for me, take care of yourself, go back to Dongdu, and never come to see me again."
Meng Xuanli didn't look at him the whole time. He paused, poured a cup of rough tea, took a sip, supported his chin with his hand, and looked towards the window.
She said calmly: "You can see that I can live well no matter who I leave."
Lu Guanque's eyes were always on her, never leaving her. But when she said this, he lowered his eyes.
"But I'm not living well without you." His throat was choked.
"Really?" Meng Xuanli smiled slightly, "Then you still have the strength to break someone's legs?"
At this point, she burst out laughing. "That's right. For the Duke, if you want to, what's impossible? It's just a human life."
Lu Guanque's eyes grew darker as he stared at her and said slowly, "As long as I want..."
"I want you to come back with me, can you?"
Meng Xuanli picked up the teacup with one hand and poured it towards him. The tea was not hot, but it was enough to wake Lu Guanque up: "Stop dreaming."
Drops of water and tea leaves dripped down his forehead and hair onto the table, leaving deep marks, just like his heart, which suddenly dimmed.
"Can't we talk nicely?" Lu Guanque raised his hand and wiped the tea leaves from his forehead.
Meng Xuanli was stunned. She didn't expect him to not hide, but she didn't feel ashamed. "Of course you can, but the relationship between us really doesn't allow for a proper conversation."
"The divorce papers are in the treasure chest in your study." She reminded him specifically.
Lu Guanque's face darkened. "So? Do you think a divorce letter can sever our relationship?"
Meng Xuanli brushed the water droplets off his hands, narrowed his eyes, and said judgmentally, "The divorce letter is a symbol, a symbol that we have separated. If outsiders knew, they would also think in this direction."
"But to me, it's not just a symbol, it's also... I have no feelings for you right now."
She wiped her hands with a handkerchief and said slowly, "Go back."
Lu Guanque was silent for a moment, then suddenly stood up, walked to her side, raised his hand to hold her chin, and stared into her eyes: "When I came here, I was thinking..."
"After I go back this time, how about I try a different approach, treat you well, make it up to you, and make you love me a little bit."
"But now it seems that there is no need for this."
Lu Guanque leaned over, blew a breath on her cheek, and said softly, "Ali, I said before, you will be my medicine for the rest of my life."
"so……"
"If you are caught by me, don't even think about escaping."
Meng Xuanli's eyes widened, his nose felt sore, and he shook his head: "You are wrong, I have legs and feet, hands and brains, I can go anywhere."
"Wait, you've been pretending since you walked in?"
Lu Guanque lowered his head and kissed her lips: "You found out."
Meng Xuanli put his hands on him and smiled sadly: "Aren't you afraid that I will kill you directly?"
"Don't be afraid." Lu Guanque tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled slightly. "I'm willing to die in your hands."
"Besides, it's only seven years at most."
"Seven years later, the sky will be high and the sea will be vast, allowing you to roam freely."
Meng Xuanli's eyes held not only fear but also sadness. It was a sunny day, yet her body felt so cold. Even though some misunderstandings had faded, she would still stiffen when Lu Guanque spoke those words again.
Lu Guanque lowered his eyes to find her lips. Meng Xuanli turned her face away, smashed the teacup, held the porcelain pieces, and pressed them against Lu Guanque's neck.
Lu Guanque's eyes were cold, like the surface of a frozen lake in winter, smooth and sharp. He tempted her: "Come on, kill me now, and you can get rid of me completely."
"Closer, it's easier to kill here." He held her wrist and moved the porcelain shard closer to the blood vessel.
Meng Xuanli's words stopped in her throat, and her hand stopped in his. She shook her head, realizing that they couldn't change their personalities, couldn't accommodate each other, and couldn't blend in.
One is in heaven, the other is in hell.
One in summer and the other in winter.
She and he are two extremes.
Meng Xuanli's eyes were red, but she didn't cry. Seeing that she was hesitant to make a move, Lu Guanque smiled, snatched the porcelain piece away, and took her into his arms.
"Death is the easiest thing." She choked, "You knew I couldn't do it, yet you deliberately put the choice in my hands."
"You want to use this incident to force me back."
Lu Guanque stroked her thin back and said calmly, "After we go back, I'll make a few booklets for you. Every day, you'll tear off one. When I've finished tearing them, you can leave."
"Okay?"
Meng Xuanli said in a low voice, "When you're done, if you're dead, I can leave, right?"
"yes."
Meng Xuanli said nothing, his mind filled with the anticipation of his own death and his morbid past.
She understood that if she didn't agree, Lu Guanque would continue to do this, using bloody actions to force her again and again, forcing her to resist, to struggle, and to become someone like him.
In the end, both sides suffer.
Rather than fighting like this, she should count the days until he's completely dead. That way, she won't become like him, nor will she be the person others talk about. She can leave peacefully and live a peaceful life.
The wind blew in and Meng Xuanli felt a little cold. She shivered. Lu Guanque picked her up with one hand and placed her next to the bed.
There were still "scars" left by the medicine on Meng Xuanli's face. Lu Guanque frowned, found a clean cotton cloth, soaked it in water, and wrung it half dry.
He held her waist while wiping her wounds. "Where did you find this potion? This wound looks just like the real thing."
Meng Xuanli didn't resist. She closed her eyes and raised her face slightly: "On the street."
"I'll buy some some other day and apply it on myself to make you feel sorry for me." Lu Guanque lowered his brows, and her original face gradually revealed itself.
It could have been done quickly, but he wiped for ten thousand years. His fingertips were like a spring, flowing through every part of her skin, causing ripples in her skin.
Finally, Meng Xuanli frowned, opened his eyes and looked at him: "Have you seen enough?"
Lu Guanque put the cotton cloth aside, held her chin with both hands, and carefully traced her outline with his eyes: "Not enough."
"You can never see enough of it in your lifetime."
"It's not a lifetime, it's seven years, and the fastest is only three years." Meng Xuanli corrected indifferently, and suddenly thought of something, "I don't live in the Duke's Mansion."
"Then we'll move to Puyuan and still live in Chengju."
Lu Guanque's breath was filled with her scent. He took a greedy deep breath and said, "As for the rest, it's up to you."
Meng Xuanli shook her head. She just didn't want to dream about his ferocious look in the Duke's Mansion anymore. She was afraid that if she went back, she would think about the past endlessly.
Chengju, it will be better.
There was a knock on the door. Meng Xuanli couldn't guess who it was, so he spoke in a stagnant voice and looked at Lu Guanque: "Go open the door."
Lu Guanque scratched her chin with his fingertips, stood up, and after opening the door, he saw Liu Lian and the man in official uniform behind him.
Liu Lian stepped down the steps, bowed to the people in the yamen, and pointed at Lu Guanque: "Sir, this is the person who slandered someone's innocence."
Lu Guanque stared at the group of people outside the door, his eyes seemed to be able to pierce through them: "Defaming someone's innocence?"
As he spoke, he smiled with an ambiguous smile: "If I remember correctly, I seem to have warned this young master not to come to her again."
"I didn't expect you to be so ungrateful and actually report it to the authorities. In that case, I don't need to..."
"etc."
Meng Xuanli heard what was said outside and walked out tremblingly. Lu Guanque turned around and looked a little unhappy: "What are you doing out here?"
Meng Xuanli ignored him and said calmly to the people outside the door: "Master Liu, thank you for thinking of me and inviting all the gentlemen. But he is not someone else, he is..."
Meng Xuanli paused and narrated calmly, "He's a friend I met in the countryside. He's now mentally ill and confused, and he can't remember people. That's why he said such funny things."
"I hope you will understand."
Liu Lian tilted his head and looked at Lu Guanque, noticing that his eyes were bloodshot, practically dripping blood. Everyone looked at each other, then, seemingly understanding what was going on, waved their hands and left.
Liu Lian refused to leave. He rushed forward, leaned over to Meng Xuanli's ear, and whispered softly, "Miss Li, don't be fooled by him. He doesn't look like a good person."
"Besides, he even threatened me, saying he would break my legs."
Lu Guanque, who was standing next to him, had been enduring it all the time. He had never expected that Liu Lian would dare to come up to him with such a flattering attitude.
Meng Xuanli didn't refuse and just listened to him seriously.
That’s good. I can listen to others talk so much, but I can’t listen to myself say a word.
Lu Guanque stared at Liu Lian's face. Seeing him so close to Meng Xuanli, his cheeks flushed with shyness. If he was really good, then his cheeks would turn even redder.
The next moment, Lu Guanque pulled Meng Xuanli away, rushed forward, grabbed Liu Lian's collar, and punched him in the face: "How dare you get so close to her? Do you think you're going to die?"
Liu Lian's eyes widened, and he was stunned for a moment before he realized that the corner of his lips was bleeding. He looked at Lu Guanque in shock and stammered, "You...you actually dared to hit someone?!"
"Is there a problem?" Lu Guanque was about to punch him a second time.
Meng Xuanli was obviously frightened. She hurriedly came to her senses, grabbed his arm, and said in a trembling voice, "Lu Guanque... I beg you, I beg you not to hurt innocent people like this anymore."
"He really doesn't know anything."
When Lu Guanque witnessed someone's death, he felt only silence and suppressed pain. But now, his scalp tingled, and he was at a loss. It was like walking on the edge of a knife, with blood, tears, and trembling.
After meeting Meng Xuanli, he naturally thought that she was the reason for his life, the rare joy in his life, and the only one he had been striving for.
Later, he got her, saw her joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness, and saw that he was the only thing in her vision. He knew that she liked him like this, and if he continued to pretend to be gentle, they could spend their lives together.
But he didn't expect that she discovered the real him, the evil and unbearable him.
That time, she stabbed him in the back and fled into the house, refusing to come out. He was furious and forced her to come out, but she pretended to have lost her memory and planned to leave again. But he knew that no matter what she became, no matter how she tried to hide it from him, she still fascinated and obsessed him.
Later, she struggled to escape to Lingnan. He was furious, and all he could think about was bringing her back. But what would happen after she came back? She still refused to confide in him, refused to say a word to him, and even refused to stay by his side.
And now, she had fled to Yanjing and was actually begging him to let him go for a stranger on the street.
Why?
Why can strangers have it but he can’t?
Why does everyone get her pity but he doesn't?
He loved her so much, why couldn't she bear to give him love? Even if it was just a little bit.
He suddenly wanted to kill her. If he couldn't, at least let her stay by his side, so that she would be his forever.
Every part of her was his.
After a moment, Lu Guanque let go of Liu Lian and said to him calmly, "Go away."
Liu Lian landed abruptly, glanced up at the two of them, and even if he was a fool, he realized their true relationship. He tugged at his collar and hurried away.
Lu Guanque grabbed her wrist and pulled it down hard. Meng Xuanli felt pain and couldn't help but want to curse, but before she could open her mouth, Lu Guanque picked her up and closed the door.
He pressed her against the door, kissed her lips, slid in, and violently entangled with her.
The temperature rose and Meng Xuanli almost suffocated. Her tongue and cheeks were hot, and her eyes were covered with a layer of pink mist, making it impossible for her to see Lu Guanque's true face.
Immediately, Meng Xuanli was carried back to the lounge chair in the courtyard.
This feeling was distant, strange yet familiar. She took a breath and explained simply, "I don't want to live with guilt."
Lu Guanque asked: "Guilt?"
Meng Xuanli had always felt immense guilt over Su He's death, and even after learning the truth, it didn't ease much. Just now, when Lu Guanque tried to repeat his mistake, she had no choice but to beg him, begging him not to make her feel guilty again, not to let her wear invisible shackles because of her guilt.
Lu Guanque lifted her face, stroked her lip with his thumb, and said calmly: "Don't feel guilty."
He pronounced her not guilty, and at the same time, put another shackle on her.
Lu Guanque placed her on his lap, Meng Xuanli's body stiffened, hanging on either side. He put one arm around her waist, breathed hotly, and kissed her lips closely.
Meng Xuanli closed her eyes, expecting to feel bitter and depressed because of what had just happened, but his kiss was seductive, step by step, putting her in chains, making her long for freedom while also expressing her struggle. [1]
In an instant, her hair fluttered, like springtime mountain blossoms in full bloom, gently blown by the wind, scattering across the starry sky. Lu Guanque gave her a fulcrum, the distance was unified, and slowly, the chimera released.
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The author has something to say: [References]
[1] Quoted from Thirty Years of Modern Chinese Literature, p332
【Some words】
While writing this chapter, I kept playing the song "Blue Dragon" on loop.
The hero's illness and the heroine's determination and compassion were actually foreshadowed long ago. The current relationship between the two is more like two patients in the same ward, looking at the ceiling at the same time, thinking about beauty and yearning for freedom.
But their definitions of beauty and freedom are different.
In the eyes of the heroine, leaving the hero and finding herself is beautiful and free.
In the eyes of the male protagonist, finding the female protagonist and being close to her is beautiful and free.
Therefore, the approaches they take are also different.
The heroine will struggle, remain silent, and persist.
The hero will be lost, twisted, and crazy.
Also, the female protagonist will not forgive the male protagonist at the moment, just as she cannot accept the male protagonist's inherent evil and darkness. (Currently, the body is the emotional connection between the two people. If this is missing, one may die and the other may die.)
Thank you all little angels for coming to read, I will continue to update daily.
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