Reunion
Gu Sidu found an excuse to stay at Chenxiang Temple. Chenxiang Temple has a rule that as long as a worshipper offers incense, he can stay in the temple for a few days. Gu Sidu continued to offer incense, so even if Jiang Yufan wanted to drive Gu Sidu away, he couldn't.
Daoyun looked at the hundred taels that Gu Sidu had lost and then found again. She put it into the box for Jiang Yufan and said to her, "Buddha, I've kept this money for you. If Master Gu doesn't want it, you shouldn't take it out."
Jiang Yufan knew that Gu Sidu would not accept the money. When Gu Sidu left, he told Jiang Yufan that if she took out another hundred taels, he would spend several thousand or even tens of thousands of taels on her.
Although she didn't know where the money would come from, Gu Sidu was capable of doing it, so Jiang Yufan stopped insisting. In Gu Sidu's eyes, this amount of money was nothing; he didn't lack it.
Living under the same roof, there will always be times when they meet. Gu Sidu will not seize such an opportunity. Instead, he will go directly to Jiang Yufan's house. He has many reasons, such as having troubles that day and needing to sit quietly with the Bodhisattva. He wants the Bodhisattva to chant sutras for him to forget worldly troubles.
Honestly, even at Chenxiang Temple, she couldn't get rid of Gu Sidu. Daoyun had mentioned this to Jiang Yufan many times, saying, "Buddha, Gu Sidu has no worries in his heart. He only wants to see you. Why don't you expose him?"
But Jiang Yufan said, "No, he has something on his mind."
Dao Yun couldn't believe what she had just heard: "Buddha, Gu Sidu is rushing to Chenxiang Temple as soon as he finishes his duty at the Hanlin Academy. What could he possibly be worried about?"
"Can't I catch up with your sorrow?"
Jiang Yufan shook her head. She wasn't just making things up; Gu Sidu really did come to meditate and relieve his worries. He recited those scriptures even more earnestly than Jiang Yufan, and his mind was always full of questions he wanted to ask her for advice. Although Gu Sidu said he had no hope of being promoted, he still had a lingering desire in his heart.
What Gu Sidu cared about was why his talent couldn't be recognized.
Although he didn't show it on the surface, he still felt sadness when he was alone at night. He hadn't forgotten the pain of those beatings, nor the ridicule and sarcasm of those people. Every day when he went to work, he was mocked for his wishful thinking.
Many people even came up to Gu Sidu and asked him with a smile when he would be promoted: "Lord Gu is incorruptible and arrogant, looking down on everyone. The Hanlin Academy can't accommodate you."
"When will you be able to find someone better?"
"Oh, we forgot, the high branch that Lord Gu climbed up to has been pulled down by Lord Gu himself. Who will dare to give Lord Gu an important position in the future?"
They blamed Gu Sidu for Jiang Yaoguang's fall into the abyss, and everyone worried that if they helped Gu Sidu, they would be punished.
Gu Sidu also had doubts. Had he done something wrong? If he hadn't written that letter and hadn't underestimated his reputation, would he have ended up being disliked like this?
Jiang Yufan didn't answer Gu Sidu's questions; she simply asked him, "If you could do it all over again, would you do the same thing?"
Gu Sidu thought for a moment, then nodded solemnly to Jiang Yufan: "I might still write that letter."
That was Gu Sidu's outburst, Gu Sidu's argument; Gu Sidu didn't want to be misunderstood by the world. So Jiang Yufan said to Gu Sidu, "Then, don't doubt yourself."
Just keep going on your own path.
Jiang Yufan said, "You are just you."
"Perhaps this is how my life will be, unfulfilled and without purpose. Everyone's destiny is predetermined, and there's no point in struggling." Gu Sidu tried to find a smooth path to convince himself. He closed his eyes and murmured scriptures.
In Buddhism, it is said that all things arise from illusion, and the four elements are all empty. These troubles are merely caused by one's own desires. If there were no desires, there would be no troubles. Gu Sidu had never thought about these words in detail before, but at this moment he felt that they made some sense.
If you don't care about your own talent or bother to prove how great you are, then you won't have these troubles.
Gu Sidu calmed down a lot while reciting the scriptures, but when the moon rose, he would start to have wild thoughts again, and he would regret why he could not use his talents.
He had the desire to let go, but truly letting go was too difficult. Gu Sidu couldn't do it yet. He thought he should spend more time with the Bodhisattva and look at the Bodhisattva more often, so he could let go more quickly and be liberated.
He couldn't let go of it, and neither could Jiang Yufan.
The Jiang family had been staying for a few days when they ran into Jiang Yufan. They shouldn't have met, but Jiang Yufan had come to see the abbot and they bumped into each other by accident.
At first, someone bumped into Jiang Yufan and seemed very anxious. He had just said "I'm sorry" when their eyes met and the first one to be stunned was Jiang's wife.
"Yu Fan?" Madam Jiang couldn't believe her eyes. She looked closely and realized that the woman with the face of Guanyin standing in front of her was her daughter.
Her voice trembled as she stepped forward and grasped Jiang Yufan's hand: "Is it you? Do you remember me? I am your mother."
Jiang Yufan frowned. She recognized her mother, but she wasn't used to her mother holding her so intimately. She wanted to escape, to resist. In her memory, her mother, though reluctant, hadn't insisted on keeping her.
Her mother was reluctant to part with her, but she couldn't go against her father's wishes.
In Jiang Yufan's eyes, this reluctance was a cruel knife, and it would have been better if it hadn't existed at all.
“You’ve mistaken me for someone else. We Buddhist nuns have been in Chenxiang Temple since childhood and have no worldly ties,” Daoyun stepped forward to ease the awkwardness for Jiang Yufan. “Madam Jiang, please let go.”
If this continues, it will only attract more people, more people that Jiang Yufan doesn't want to see.
How can you bear to let go of someone you haven't seen in so long?
Jiang Yufan said helplessly, "Madam Jiang, please let go of her hand first."
"You are Yu Fan," Madam Jiang recognized her, her eyes filled with tears, and she went over to hug Jiang Yu Fan. "Do you know how much your mother missed you!"
The scent that wafted into Jiang Yufan's nostrils was the herbal aroma emanating from Madam Jiang, the smell of the medicinal soup she had prepared for Jiang Yufan's younger brother.
Jiang Yufan frowned. Before she could push them away, another force intervened, pulling them apart. An angry voice was imminent: "What are you wasting time here? Is the medicine ready yet?"
The sudden dizziness from being pulled away caught Jiang Yufan off guard. Her head hit the wall, and the pain and the shouts from the surroundings followed, yet seemed far away. She heard many voices: Madam Jiang's, Daoyun's, Jiang Yaoguang's, and it seemed like Gu Sidu's as well.
Gu Sidu?
Why is he here?
Jiang Yufan felt as if she had returned to eight years ago, when she was still a child. Her parents brought her to Chenxiang Temple to pray for blessings from heaven. Full of expectations, she followed behind her parents, clasping her hands together and sincerely hoping that the Bodhisattva and Buddha could fulfill her parents' wishes so that they would have no worries.
Her parents seemed to have no more worries, their wishes fulfilled, but she had fallen into an abyss. Jiang Yufan was in a daze, and just as she was about to fall to the deepest point, a pair of hands grabbed her.
"Bodhisattva, are you alright?"
It was Gu Sidu's voice, mixed with those sarcastic doubts, that came to Jiang Yufan's ears. Jiang Yufan also vaguely heard a harsh voice.
"Why is it that plague god again!"
A piercing sound is always the most hurtful, the most likely to make one ignore everything else, leaving only that sound. Jiang Yufan heard it clearly; the sound came from her father, Jiang Yaoguang.
Jiang Yaoguang still saw it, and things spiraled out of control.
This is the worst-case scenario, the one that Jiang Yufan least wants to see.
After a long while, Jiang Yufan finally stopped feeling dizzy. She opened her eyes, rubbing her forehead, and looked around. She was still in the corridor, still in the backyard. She sat by the railing, leaning on Gu Sidu's shoulder. She was exhausted and about to fall asleep again, but Daoyun held her hand, gently squeezing it and calling to her.
"Buddha, you can't sleep! Wake up!"
Daoyun needed her, so she had to open her eyes. She struggled to lift her head, and this time she finally saw clearly that there were many people standing in front of her, including the Jiang family couple, Daoyun, Gu Sidu, and the abbot.
She tried to get up, but Gu Sidu quickly pulled her into his arms. Gu Sidu's voice was full of concern: "Bodhisattva, please don't get up yet. You hit your head and you're easily dizzy. Take a break before raising your head."
Jiang Yufan was able to hit her head thanks to Jiang Yaoguang, who later distanced herself from Madam Jiang. When Madam Jiang saw her daughter like this, tears welled up in her eyes, and she was about to step forward when Gu Sidu raised his sleeve and shielded Jiang Yufan in his arms.
“Madam Jiang, the Bodhisattva is alright, please step back for a moment.”
Gu Sidu knew Jiang Yufan was resistant, but Jiang Yufan didn't resist him. Gu Sidu's lips kept curving upwards. This time, he truly and firmly hugged Jiang Yufan, and of course he wanted to protect her.
This was his Bodhisattva; he wouldn't allow anyone to get close to her, let alone the person Jiang Yufan had bumped their head on.
This time, even the Bodhisattva should be grateful and favor him. Gu Sidu has won completely. Gu Sidu thought proudly to himself, but before he could think further, Jiang Yaoguang's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Gu Sidu, you're still protecting him? So this is how you two were in cahoots!" Jiang Yaoguang suddenly realized something. He squinted at Jiang Yufan. "So it was you all along. You were the one who refused to treat my son's illness!"
"You still want to harm me!"
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