-1-
"I am pregnant."
-2-
Mr. P: “Oh.”
After squeezing out some time from his busy schedule to chat, he quickly got back to work.
There are a total of 78 maintenance commissions today. Because of his low level, his boss pushed them all to him.
After these commissions were processed, there were still 45 fierce complaints, all from the Love Maintenance Department.
There is a cross-country bicycle race at six o'clock in the MN18 area of the system world, and Mr. P does not plan to work overtime today.
-3-
I'm not going to pay any attention to my crazy boss.
-4-
Ms. M: “…”
Ms. M: "Hey, I just announced that I'm pregnant."
Mr. P: “As long as you are happy.”
"I said I was pregnant—"
"oh."
"Xiao P, are you planning to abandon me after having an affair with me——"
Mr. P stopped typing commands, and the densely packed data streams from different spaces in the air went out.
He turned his head to look at his boss who was lying on the sofa.
Miss M was placing her hands on her belly, her bangs resting softly on her forehead, and her dark eyes were slightly moist.
He looks aggrieved and quite harmless.
Combined with the "I'm pregnant" statement, this makes Mr. P, who is calm and composed, seem extremely cruel.
-5-
"Since your stomach is so full and you're lying here wanting to throw up, you shouldn't have finished showing off that Chuan Chuan Xiang hot pot in 30 minutes in the first place."
Mr. P said very calmly, "Also, let me remind you that employees are infertile. Neither you nor I are."
How can a dead soul give birth to a child? Can it make one out of the mud in the coffin?
Ms. M: "I don't care, wuwuwuwu—I want to vomit, I feel so uncomfortable—I'm just pregnant! Xiao P, comfort me! You scumbag who cheated on me and then abandoned me!"
……well.
-6-
Mr. P was a little troubled. If he had known earlier, he should not have helped her choose movie discs a few days ago.
Ever since Mr. P filled Miss M's video rack with dozens of newly released movie discs, Miss M has been addicted to watching movies.
He watched movies at get off work and after work. In the early morning, he would hold a pillow and knock on his subordinate's bedroom door, order him to make popcorn for himself, and then continue watching the movie.
-7-
Mr. P, who was woken up in the early morning, did not have many complaints, because his recent hobby happened to be making popcorn.
It was the old-fashioned kind of popcorn, the kind that required a bellows, a stove, and a hand-cranked one. Mr. P particularly liked the moment when the explosion sounded in the stove.
However, the popcorn Mr. P made for fun tasted so strange that his colleagues didn't seem to want to eat it...
Seriously, isn't celery-flavored popcorn a novelty?
Why is he the only one willing to eat it?
Originally, Mr. P was planning to give up this hobby in order to avoid wasting food, but Ms. M, who went to the movies, happened to become a channel for not wasting popcorn.
Miss M, who is obsessed with movies, can even finish a bucket of pepper-flavored popcorn. Anyway, her eyes are busy staring at the screen and she doesn't really care what she eats.
And even if you take the trouble to make authentic butter popcorn for your boss, you will still get the comment of "It's just so-so, not even as good as the semi-finished products in the convenience store, yue".
Mr. P simply followed his own hobbies.
-8-
But after indulging her boss in a few days of movie-binging (and using up all the popcorn no one wanted to eat), she began to enjoy acting out the film's plot.
And they always play those extremely bloody plots.
"I'm pregnant...but you abandoned me..."
"Your stomach is uncomfortable and you want to vomit. It's just because you ate too much in the Chuan Chuan Xiang hot pot. Just take some stomach-strengthening and digestion-promoting tablets."
"Little P is so cold—so much—wuwuwu!"
"Digestive tablets are sold at the convenience store downstairs."
"Wuwuwu—I can't move—I'm in pain—and you won't even buy me a pregnancy test!"
"You don't need a pregnancy test. You need a digestive tablet."
"A shameless and heartless man like you... If I had known earlier, I should have given the love letter to the squad leader... under that bloody moon..."
“…”
-9-
Seriously, what kind of movies are you in?
I don't remember renting a movie about teenage pain.
I can't remember any youth pain movie that had a blood moon.
And who is the squad leader?
-10-
Mr. P was speechless for a moment, then turned around and continued to focus on his heavy work.
After a long while, there was a rustling sound from the sofa behind him, as if the girl lying on it curled up.
She spoke in a small, weak voice, "Xiao P, my stomach really hurts. I want to vomit."
-11-
"...I'll go downstairs and buy you some digestive tablets. Wait a moment."
-12-
Although the boss really just ate too much Chuan Chuan Xiang hotpot.
Although the boss finished showing off the Chuan Chuan Xiang hotpot that he planned to eat himself within 30 minutes.
Although the boss was very contemptuous after showing off first, he was picky about Chuan Chuan Xiang and him, and made comments such as "Who would put cauliflower-flavored shrimp fillets in Chuan Chuan Xiang? Is there something wrong with Xiao P's tongue and brain?"
...From the beginning, don't suddenly show up at that newly opened Chuan Chuan Xiang hotpot restaurant and steal his lunch again.
It was obvious that he was looking forward to the new flavor of Chuan Chuan Xiang, so he made a reservation and ran over as soon as his lunch break came.
But the boss suddenly emerged from his backpack, suddenly added a jerk to sit next to him, and confidently said, "It's all because Xiao P didn't invite me"...
Who would invite their boss to eat skewers during lunch break?
Besides, lunch break was so short, and he just wanted to try some new skewers by himself.
-13-
If Mr. P knew that his boss would come to grab the food, he would definitely not order skewers like "Cauliflower Shrimp Steak" or "Coffee Beef Meatballs".
He is more or less aware of his hobbies...knowing that not everyone likes to try something too unique and novel.
As a result, I didn't get to eat the new skewers I was looking forward to. I spent the entire lunch break listening to my boss rant about his food taste. When the lunch break was finally over and I tried to get back to work, my boss was whining in the back about a stomachache.
In order to grab food, you throw so many strange skewers into the super spicy red oil dish and eat them all in one go. It would be strange if you don’t have a stomachache.
-14-
Oh, yes, she didn't say directly that she had a stomachache. Even if she was full, she still acted like a spoiled child with him and insisted that she was pregnant.
...So, when the child is born, will he look like cauliflower and shrimp fillet or like a spicy red oil dish?
Just don't inherit your boss's mental illness.
After buying some digestive tablets, pouring a glass of lemon water, and preparing a basin and hot towel for inducing vomiting, Mr. P opened the office door again with the tray in his hand.
In the office, a little girl was sitting on the belly of a fierce boss.
They were pulling each other's hair and looked over at the same time when they heard the door open.
Two pairs of dark, round eyes.
Long, straight black hair with smooth black ends.
-15-
Mr. P: "...Given? So soon?"
-16-
Miss M picked up the sofa pillow and gave it to her subordinate's big pussy.
-17-
Five minutes later.
The little girl with black hair and black eyes had been completely defeated in the hand-to-hand combat. She was lifted up by her boss and kicked her feet in vain in mid-air.
"Don't do this to me—M, I'm warning you—woo woo woo—P, P, what are you doing? Come and save me!"
Miss M sneered: "Don't call me your subordinate. That's mine, it's none of your business."
Little girl: "Wuwuwu——Let me go——Let me go, M——Help me, P, help——"
Mr. P, looking down at the sliding data points, said expressionlessly, "Please wait a moment. I'm searching the system world for a robust early childhood education system and looking up housing prices in school districts. By the way, Ms. M, do you accept marriage registration? It's just paperwork to officially register the child's household registration; it doesn't constitute a marriage. Don't worry."
Ms. M: “…”
Miss M raised her hand and threw another sofa pillow at him.
-18-
"System employees can't have children! The undead are infertile! Are you stupid?"
Mr. P: "Ah, because you just said you were pregnant..."
"That's just acting! It's just acting! And even if I was pregnant, I wouldn't be able to give birth to a baby this big in just 20 minutes! Do you think I could give birth to a baby this big in the time it takes me to go downstairs to a convenience store?"
"Because it's you, everything is possible?"
"...Impossible! No matter how possible it is, this is impossible!! Are you seriously crazy?!"
Miss M, speechless, picked up the struggling little girl and shook her vigorously in front of her subordinates, who were concentrating on finding school district housing. "Look closely! Do you think this thing is related to you?!"
The little girl had black hair and black eyes, and her facial features resembled her boss's, practically a tiny M.
...Indeed, this appearance has nothing to do with him at all, and is more like a young clone of his boss.
Mr. P pondered for a moment.
"Do you need me to help you establish a communication with the black-haired owner of the Chuan Chuan Xiang Hotpot restaurant? After all, he's the father of the child, and he needs to be informed... If he's unwilling to provide support, I can provide..."
-19-
Miss M raised her hand and grabbed the third big pussy.
She said coldly, "Wake up. You won't get pregnant by eating Chuan Chuan Xiang."
He must be sick.
-20-
...Finally, after three big pussies, the three pillows on the sofa were completely used up.
Mr. P's strange train of thought finally came back to normal.
"So it's you. No wonder I found such a familiar algorithm when I was looking up the data just now."
He reached out and took the crying little girl away from his boss's claws. "You used this appearance to mimic Miss M... I didn't recognize her at first. I'm sorry."
"Good afternoon, Master System."
-twenty one-
The main system, which had been tormented for a long time, sniffed.
"Woo-woo-woo—Little P!"
Miss M sneered, "Don't call me Little P. You're such a stupid piece of data garbage. How come you haven't died in the space vortex yet?"
Main System: "Wuwuwuwuwa——P, she's so scary——"
It sobbed and leaned into Mr. P's arms, hugging his neck tightly.
-twenty two-
Mr. P should have pushed it away, just like he did every time they met before, pushing away the little ball of light that had been persecuted by Miss M for too long and came towards him crying as soon as it saw him.
But at this moment, it had a cute little face, its soft black hair trembled over its shoulders as it cried, and its round black eyes were wet.
Really, they look so similar.
It's just a mini boss.
Mr. P... Mr. P couldn't help but hug the crying baby tightly, and put his hand on its back, patting it gently to comfort it.
"Don't cry... Miss M, please don't scare the child."
Ms. M: "...That's the main system! A main system that's probably existed hundreds or thousands of times longer than you!"
"Please keep your voice down...you're scaring her."
Ms. M: “…”
-twenty three-
Tsk.
This data is garbage.
-twenty four-
Feeling the dark murderous aura behind him, the main system trembled and burrowed deeper into Mr. P's arms.
"I didn't want to appear in front of you in the first place... Damn M..." It sobbed, "I came here to see P... And I chose lunch break on purpose..."
"Then you suddenly emerged from his backpack, forcing me to panic and shrink into the oil dish! I was trying to sneak away, but you slashed down with a chopstick... taking me and my tripe with you... wuwuwuwu!!"
Ms. M: “…”
Mr. P: “…”
I ate it.
It turns out that the main system was eaten up.
...No wonder I have a stomachache.
-25-
Mr. P gave his boss a warm smile. "So, after I left just now, did you vomit the main system because of a stomachache..."
Ms. M: "Shut up. Don't talk about vomiting in front of a lady."
Will the lady emerge from her subordinate's backpack?
Can a lady finish a pot of Chuan Chuan Xiang hotpot in thirty minutes?
When a lady picks up tripe from a dipping dish, doesn’t she even check carefully to see if there is anything else stuck in her chopsticks?
-26-
Mr. P said nothing more, he remained silent considerately.
But everything was written in his smiling eyes.
-27-
Miss M stared at his smile.
Finally, she took a deep breath and lowered her head to avoid the shining smile.
"... Main System! Come here! Get out of Little P's arms—come here so I can teach you a lesson in ladylike etiquette!!"
Main System: "A guy who can eat his system while eating tripe has no right to talk about ladylike etiquette! Wait, don't, don't come over here - save me P - save me aa ...
-28-
There are some things I know but cannot say, main system.
Mr. P still did not warn them. He just ran around the office holding the screaming main system. The boss, angry and embarrassed, drew his sickle behind them.
...holding a crying little boss, and behind him is a fierce big boss.
Um.
It seems he is lucky today.
-29-
However, as the main system screamed and dodged, the mission data stream that Mr. P had previously suspended in mid-air also began to tremble.
The sickles slashed down at the same time.
So, Miss M’s stomachache should be gone, right?
——This was Mr. P’s last thought before he lost consciousness.
-30-
...After a long time.
Mr. P opened his eyes again.
"So, if your stomach doesn't hurt anymore, you don't need to take the digestive tablets, but just in case, it's better to drink the lemon water..."
"Ah, he finally woke up!"
"Tsk, you're talking nonsense, your mental state is really poor."
"He's a new guy... He's quite handsome..."
……Um?
Mr. P sat up.
What came into view was not the familiar office and boss.
-31-
They are a group of humans dressed in strange clothes.
Living, real, human beings.
This group of humans were standing on a small hill, behind which was a town shrouded in thick fog.
Mr. P half sat up: "..."
Mr. P thought for a while, then lay back calmly and closed his eyes.
-32-
It definitely wasn't an accidental entry into the small world, right?
It definitely wasn't an accidental entry into some scary little world, right?
It definitely wasn't some damaged, terrifying little world that needed his repair today, still sitting in the air in his office, presenting its original data and still unprocessed, right?
-33-
But no one answered Mr. P. Seeing him close his eyes peacefully, a man with a scar on his face spat and kicked him.
"Hey, new guy, introduce yourself. We don't have time for you to be stunned."
Mr. P, who was not stunned but just wanted to go back to work: "..."
A stylishly dressed woman said, "Don't be so rude... Hey, hey, young man, you might not understand this, but this is a horror game where you can't log out... Everything you experience is real. If you make the slightest mistake, you'll actually die here..."
Mr. P, who had long since died and only wanted to go back to work: “…”
"But if you complete this horror game, you can achieve eternal life! That's why we signed up to come here..."
Mr. P, who doesn't want eternal life and just wants to go back to work: "..."
-34-
"Alright, stop wasting time with him. Even if you're a newbie, you should have been prepared before signing up. A coward lying here pretending to be stupid shouldn't have participated in the game in the first place."
"Be patient. The game can't even begin until the newcomer finishes introducing himself..."
At this point, Mr. P had no choice but to open his eyes again.
"Hello everyone, I..."
I'm just an ordinary office worker who was unexpectedly brought here by my resentful boss. Anyway, just ignore me and play games.
But suddenly, his arm was pulled.
"dad."
-35-
Mr. P looked down and saw a little face with tearful eyes.
Main System: "Dad signed up for this game to cure my terminal illness! Right, Dad! Dad, I'm not data garbage, I'm very useful, please don't abandon me, ah ah ah ah!"
Mr. P: “…”
-36-
Why are you here, Master System?
Why would even you be hacked out of the system world by your own employees?
...And except for M, other employees won't call you data garbage and abandon you, so you can feel a little safer, okay?
-37-
Telling such an indefensible lie to keep me here is really troublesome...
Mr. P caught a glimpse of the humans' eyes from the corner of his eye, but still reached out and took the main system into his arms.
In this place, does the child's appearance need to find support?
"Hello everyone. I'm a single dad. I just couldn't calm down for a moment..."
"Stop talking nonsense," a boy who looked like a high school student interrupted him impatiently, "What is your ability? What are you good at? Psychic reading or curses? Or physical enhancement? Quickly introduce yourself."
Mr. P: “…”
Clerk, good at writing reports.
Does it count?
-38-
Mr. P kept smiling and carefully choosing his words, but at the same time, the main system proudly raised its head high—
"My dad and I are both good at data processing! We're great hackers!"
Everyone exchanged glances immediately, and Mr. P immediately felt the atmosphere around him turn cold.
The high school boy cursed out loud.
-39-
"Are you guys crazy? This game is set in the Middle Ages, there's no electricity, how can there be any computer data?!"
-40-
The main system raised its head proudly: "..."
The main system lowered its head.
Trembling and shivering.
Snuggle back into Mr. P's arms.
A choked sob: "Dad..."
Mr. P: Okay, I won’t abandon you.
You still have to pay me.
-41-
But Mr. P did not express his comfort because the surrounding environment was not safe.
Also because the main system looks like a childish boss.
I can't believe I can see my boss crying so pitifully...his shoulders are shaking...
Let her cry for another five minutes?
-42-
Mr. P forced himself into a slightly panicked smile, befitting an ordinary human. "That's it, everyone. I'm sorry, I probably can't help you... Anyway, please start the game."
The author has something to say: Miss M: I am a lady! A super cute lady!
Mr. P: Okay.
Ms. M: Say "yes." What does "OK" mean when it's so unclear? Say "yes"! ...And don't try to contact the black-haired Chuan Chuan Xiang owner anymore!
PS:
What could clerical workers and data junk do in the Middle Ages without electricity?
Mr. P: Don't panic. First, find a time machine and send a distress signal to your boss.
(The second half was missing when I first posted it, so I’ve added it back.)
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