Chapter Nine
Xu Weiwei wholeheartedly agreed, saying, "This is indeed the most beautiful form of love, but very few people experience love like this. It's so beautiful, almost unreal, and so rare."
Li Nan smiled and said, "It's alright, I've seen it before. It's just that I can't understand why my parents love each other so much. It's like how I love eating watermelon, but if I eat too much, I get tired of it."
Then there will be a period of time when I don't like eating watermelon. I feel the same way when I'm acting; there was a time when I didn't film anything for a year because I was just tired of it.
I feel like I'm always playing someone else's life, not being my true self. I'm always pretending, it's exhausting, and I feel so hypocritical.
I didn't want to become that kind of person anymore, so I gave up acting and started doing variety shows. I also saw my die-hard fans urging me to join a production team online.
I don't do any fan management, but there are still fans who really love me and are very loyal. They haven't changed their minds, switched to supporting other people, and have continued to follow me.
But during that time, I didn't want to join a film crew or film. Just like the seven-year itch that many couples experience, many couples can't make it through this period and choose to break up.
I get tired of many things I used to like, and sometimes I don't even change my mind about things I like later on; instead, I just keep disliking them.
And some things, I'll fall in love with again. But my parents have always been so sweet and loving, always so devoted to each other. I don't know why they're like this, it's so amazing, so incredible, it really makes me admire them.
Human hearts are so fickle, and so am I, so I never think it's wrong to change one's mind in love. It's human nature, normal, and understandable.
What is the secret to maintaining a long-lasting love? I think there is probably no answer. This unknown thing is something that even the people involved do not know the right answer for.
Just like reading comprehension questions in Chinese, even if the original author came, they might not be able to answer the questions correctly. Yes, as the author, I can't understand the article I wrote.
The person who set the question understands my writing better than I do. It seems absurd, but it's actually quite logical. It's like a girl falling in love with a boy who's particularly good at raising fish, and the girl is one of his fish.
The girl was very good to the boy, spending almost all her money on him, but the boy kept her hanging on and didn't accept her confession.
Those around them realized that the boy was only after the girl's money, so they explained this to her. However, the girl didn't believe them and thought that the boy was just trying to test her.
Is the girl involved? Yes. Does she really know the truth? No. She chooses to deceive herself, forcing herself to believe that the boy is a good person and didn't mean to cheat her out of money.
I've been pondering what love truly is, what it's based on, and how it differs from friendship and family affection. Is family affection truly determined entirely by blood ties?
If children are switched at birth, and you have raised a child for thirty years with a very good relationship with him, can you simply abandon this debt of gratitude even if you find out the truth one day?
And what about those families who adopt children? The woman shows maternal love to the child, and the man shows paternal love to the child, but they are not related by blood. Does that mean their feelings for each other are not considered kinship?
Is the line between friendship and love really that clear? If you have a very good friend, you will also feel jealous, possessive, and want to have some intimate behavior.
Does love have to be linked to desire? Does having strong feelings for someone mean you're in love with them? That's far too superficial.
Don't you feel anything when you watch those explicit videos? You can feel sexually aroused, but do you really think you've fallen in love with the person in the video?
I think desire and love are not entirely linked. You may have desire for someone, but you don't necessarily love that person. However, if you love someone, you definitely have desire for that person, a physiological liking.
I think the biggest difference between love and friendship is the confidence that comes with it. If it's friendship, I don't think you would feel comfortable letting your friend entrust their money to you to manage, but if it's love, then you would.
You might want your boyfriend or husband to hand over his salary and give him pocket money. It's not that you love money so much, it's just that you need the act of him giving you money to make you feel secure.
You're worried that if he has too much money, he might do bad things. If he has less money, the chances of him making a mistake are smaller, because without money, he won't be able to get into many bad places.
People are easily influenced by their environment. If a guy with a girlfriend or husband hangs out in bars every day, do you believe he won't do anything bad? Do you dare to believe it? I certainly wouldn't.
What you really need is money. What you truly need is his love. Just like if someone I don't love is incredibly kind to me and constantly gives me gifts, no matter how expensive, I won't accept them.
Because I would feel guilty. I know I don't love him, so no matter how good he is to me, I can't reciprocate. But if a guy I have even a slight crush on gives me a gift, I might accept it.
I can understand why girls always like to use hints in relationships. It's like I'm sure I like this guy a little, but I don't think I love him that much. But maybe we'll end up together in the future.
I accepted the gift because I didn't want to sever any potential future connection between us. It was a choice I made willingly, but I won't tell you the full story behind it.
Does love require guessing? If I were a guy pursuing a girl, would I enjoy guessing? I definitely wouldn't; I think it's too much trouble.
But there's nothing I can do. I'm a girl, and I like to play with hints. I hope you understand me, but not everything. Just the right amount of hints.
My tests in love are probably about seeing how far you're willing to go for me. For example, I might be afraid of heights, but if you really like riding drop towers, then if I love you very much, I'm willing to go on drop towers with you.
But if you feel that my companionship doesn't bring you a good feeling, then I might not continue to create such surprises for you next time, even if I love you.
I feel that people need feedback, especially in love. They need to be responded to. If I overcome my fear to do things for you, and there is no feedback at all, or even if you feel that I bring you a bad experience and stress, then I need to be reciprocated.
Then I'd think we might really not be able to go on together, even if we truly love each other. Loving each other doesn't seem to be a guarantee of being together.
Sometimes, I wish I could fall in love with someone who is a perfect match for me, so that we could live together without any worries.
But I know I won't be so lucky as to fall in love with someone who also happens to love me back. I accept the unknown, I accept the uncontrollable.
I'm single now, and I think it's highly unlikely I'll ever experience love in my life. But what if? Maybe one day I'll suddenly see a shooting star streak across the sky, no more than ten meters away from me.
Xu Weiwei tilted her head back and said, "What exactly is love like? I think that's a difficult question to answer. If I fall in love with someone and know beforehand that the ending won't be good, would I still choose to be with them?"
I will. Even if I know beforehand that the outcome won't be good, I will still choose to go for it as always. But I think some people won't.
I've also been thinking, if someone is very poor, can't even afford to eat, and has huge debts, if I love him and he pursues me, would I say yes?
If I had a good job, was an only child, and was responsible for supporting my parents, then if I agreed, I would inevitably have to share the debt.
What will happen to my parents then? Even if I love him very much, I might not be with him. But making this choice made me realize that love requires weighing values and making decisions.
How cruel, not beautiful at all, it shattered my illusions. Actually, I know that if a person is too filial, it might not be good for their wife and children.
After all, a person can only earn so much money. If they spend a lot on their parents, there won't be much money left. Even if they leave some for their wife and children, it will be much less.
However, such behavior cannot be criticized; you can't say it's wrong, since it's only right for people to be filial to their parents.
Love has become a game that only those with good material conditions can freely choose. Those who are poor naturally lose many opportunities to have love.
I once read a story about an old man who, at the age of seventy, went into the mountains to fight a tiger, and no one could stop him.
I find it so tragic that people seem to live their entire lives for others, and are afraid of becoming a burden to them. Poor families can't afford serious illnesses because they can't afford the treatment.
There are also children who live in the mountains and have to walk for two hours each day across a suspension bridge to get to school. Going to school is incredibly difficult; even the slightest mistake could be fatal.
So I know that becoming a streamer is very lucky. I make money easily, and the work is not hard at all. It mainly involves providing emotional value to the viewers who watch my live streams. If I provide it well, people will send me gifts.
I don't need to risk my life at all, and I won't try to gain sympathy. Besides, I don't even have any sympathy to offer; my life is far too comfortable right now.
I did go through a tough time for a while, but ever since my livestreaming career went very well, my income has increased, and life has become much easier with little worry.
I used to think the sun was too bright, but now I think it's lovely, providing us with so much warmth. It's wonderful.
Since I became wealthy, my mindset has changed a lot. Even if I fail at something, my emotions remain stable because I can find suitable ways to make amends.
I'm already living a good enough life, so I can accept that I had a relationship that was destined to have a bad ending. As long as it leaves behind some beautiful memories, I feel I've already gained something, and it was worth it.
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