When I was very young, my parents had a very good relationship.
I remember the atmosphere at home was really nice back then.
I spend every day with my older brother Xiaochen, and he plays with me.
My uncles, aunts, and grandfather all love me very much.
So I lived a carefree life every day and never knew what sadness, sorrow, or grief were.
As I grew older, I realized that there seemed to be problems between my parents.
They slowly began to drift apart. They started arguing. They started giving each other the silent treatment.
As a child, I didn't understand why, but I was very scared at that time.
Every time they argued, I would secretly hide away, finding a place where no one could find me.
When my parents made up, I secretly went out and pretended that I hadn't seen anything.
I thought that if I did this, my parents would stop arguing.
Because I am a sensible child, my teacher said that parents will like sensible children.
I thought that if they liked me, they wouldn't argue anymore.
But I was wrong. Just because I'm more sensible doesn't mean they won't argue. On the contrary, they argue more and more fiercely, and sometimes they even fight.
At that moment, I suddenly heard someone say something.
“This couple fights like this every day, they’re bound to get divorced sooner or later. If they do, what will happen to their young child? Children without parents are the most pitiful.”
So I became even more afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn't have parents, and I lived in constant anxiety every day.
I even asked my aunt if my parents would separate.
My aunt told me, "My parents will never separate. They are husband and wife and will live together forever."
And I will find a girl in the future and live happily ever after with her.
I believed it because my aunt would never lie, and what she said must be true.
I went to elementary school, and then I went to junior high school.
Then I gradually grew up and understood the meaning of my aunt's words.
My aunt said that the premise for a couple to stay together forever is that they love each other and want to live together forever.
That's why they've stayed together.
I understand now; it's normal for couples to have disagreements.
Some families, like mine, are constantly arguing and having conflicts.
Some families are like my aunt's house—happy, harmonious, and warm, making everyone envious.
That was the first time I felt it so clearly.
It turns out that happy families are all the same, filled with warmth.
But unhappy families have all sorts of misfortunes.
I understand now; there's a problem in my parents' relationship.
I never ask them questions, nor do I get involved in their problems.
Like a turtle hiding in its shell, I timidly hid away, thinking that by doing so, I could pretend that nothing had happened.
My parents did not divorce, nor did they make me a single-parent family.
But the conflicts in my family are increasing.
Seeing my dad so busy with work, yet still having to take time out of his schedule to take care of my sister and me every day, makes me feel heartbroken.
Because other people at home are always taken care of by their mothers.
But in my family, it seems there has never been a mother figure; my father played the role of my mother.
So from a very young age, I learned to help my father.
I help my father take care of my younger sister and do housework, trying my best to reduce his burden so he can focus on his work.
I don't ask my mother to care about us. I'm already satisfied as long as she doesn't vent her anger from outside on the three of us.
At that time, I actually supported their divorce.
At that time, I thought about it all the time: when would my parents get divorced?
I would rather live in a single-parent family, in a broken home, than live in such a devastated family.
Because this kind of pain is even harder to bear.
Perhaps single-parent families are actually happier?
But I can't say these words, I can't bring myself to say them.
I could only watch as my mother tormented our family of three all by herself.
Every time I see it, I feel sadder, and I feel my heart harden and become more indifferent.
Just when I thought my life would continue to be cold and indifferent, there were always people who would come to warm me and break through my hardened heart.
My uncle, aunt, and grandfather probably found out about what happened between my parents.
So every now and then, they would invite my sister and me to their home for dinner, to the alley where I felt especially happy when I was a child.
There, I will feel a warm atmosphere.
My uncle, aunt, and grandfather took meticulous care of my sister and me.
They cared for and greeted us like their own children. Sometimes they were even better to us than to Xiao Chen.
With comparison, I feel even more strongly that my family is incomplete, that it is abnormal.
But this is also the only warmth in my heart.
Let me know that I am cared for, that I am loved, and that I am worthy of being loved.
So I always loved going to my uncle and aunt's house, and they never got annoyed with me.
This gave me a tiny bit of hope for the future.
Perhaps I can find a woman like my aunt and live a happy, ordinary life with her.
Together we strive for this family and for raising our children, and I can live such a warm and happy life.
Because this world is not just about arguments and indifference.
After my parents divorced, I felt as if all the shackles binding me had suddenly disappeared.
I felt much more relaxed.
Because I no longer have to suffer in that kind of family, and I will never hear arguments again.
Even if I can only live with my father, I will be content.
Because my father can play both the roles of father and mother. I only need him.
After graduating from university, I went directly to my aunt's company and followed behind my brother Xiaochen.
I work hard because I want my family to be happier and happier.
During holidays, I would go to my aunt's house for meals.
My aunt told me that it was my home too, and I could go back whenever I wanted.
It was from that moment that I rediscovered the warmth of family.
And my heart, which had almost been frozen, gradually warmed up again.
It also suddenly piqued my interest, making me want to see the world.
I want to explore what else exists in this world.
I want to communicate and interact with other people; I want to see a different world.
I owe it all to my aunt; she was the one who kept me from despairing of the world.
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