I have been hiding a secret in my heart since I was a child. The adults didn't take it seriously when they knew about it, so I buried this secret even deeper.
But one person saw it.
Pei Hehui, the person I have envied since I was a child.
He lives a wanton and heartless life. His parents support him in whatever he does. Even his fourth uncle admires him and praises him for his great potential when he grows up.
I am not envious at all when my fourth uncle praises him, because my fourth uncle is the man I have regarded as my love rival since I was a child.
Since I was a child, I have been thinking that as long as I get along better with Teacher Ruan and have more common topics with Teacher Ruan, I will definitely be able to surpass Fourth Uncle's position beside Teacher Ruan and replace him.
When I grew up a little, I began to understand what it meant to get married and the relationship between my fourth uncle and my fourth aunt. I felt lost for a long time.
It was at that time that Pei Hehui saw through my little thoughts.
He joked with me, "I can't tell. You said you liked Teacher Ruan when you were little. You've been in love with her for so many years. But you better give up. If you really dare to pursue Teacher Ruan as a man, not only will your fourth uncle not let you go, but who among the elders in our family will let you go? Maybe your mother will even sever the mother-son relationship with you."
I was really hit.
We were fifteen years old that year.
It was the first time I dreamed about someone. I bullied her in the dream, and the next morning I washed her pants behind my mother's back.
That person was Teacher Ruan, the one who held my hand and taught me how to write.
I was avoiding her during that time, and I didn't even dare to look at her when I saw her. The elders also joked that I was the closest to her when I was a child, but why did we become distant as I grew up.
She would gently help me out, "Maybe I have been too strict with these children over the years, so they don't like to get close to me."
It's not because of this reason, I just wish I could spend more time with her.
After this incident, I worked hard on my own thinking, treating her as an elder and communicating with her, and slowly forgot this kind of alternative relationship. We can still be relatives.
But I can't do it at all.
Whenever I see her, I will have a dream about her at night and wake up consciously to wash my underwear in the morning.
Because of this reason, I suppressed my desire to get close to her and didn't dare to have a relationship with her, for fear of being discovered.
There are actually many reasons why I am not in a relationship. For example, if a girl pursues me, I feel that she is too proactive and not reserved enough.
I always feel that girls who are too pretty are too aggressive, which is different from the gentle temperament I like.
I find girls who are too timid quite annoying. They are not independent at all and have no personality.
I don’t really dislike them…
I just have someone living in my heart. Everyone else seems a little bit worse than her and not like her. If I am destined not to fall in love with her, then I shouldn't waste my time on others.
When I was sixteen, I went to see Teacher Ruan to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival and asked her to help me with my article. She refused me for the first time and said that my instructor should not write about her in the future.
At that time, I felt empty inside and thought it was time to let it go. After a while of quietness, I couldn't help but run to their house again.
Later, Uncle Gouzi saw through my thoughts.
I was already sixteen years old, but he still caught me and beat me up.
He didn't feel relieved until I promised him that I would keep my love for him to myself and never show it at all.
He told me a lot about the loving stories of my fourth uncle and aunt.
When Fourth Aunt fell ill, Fourth Uncle dropped everything and went back to take care of her at a crucial time in the expansion of the business.
When Fourth Uncle's capital chain couldn't keep up, Fourth Aunt mobilized all the branches to raise funds to help Fourth Uncle with the turnover.
If the couple haven't seen each other for more than ten days, they will immediately put down their work and get together to play or rest.
I know all these stories, and I like their love stories very much, but I cannot control my heart.
Uncle Gouzi helped me a lot.
He even went to Teacher Ruan's house more and more frequently, probably just to keep an eye on me.
In order not to cause trouble to them, I didn't go there for a while.
It wasn't until I heard that Uncle Gouzi was dating Xingxing's class teacher that I felt relieved. I was also a little amused and embarrassed about my own sensitivity. It turned out that it wasn't for me.
It's been quiet for these days, and I've been able to hide my feelings pretty well. When I saw Uncle Gouzi again, he asked me if I had let it go.
I said calmly, "Yes, I let it go. I have no choice. Since I was a child, I wanted to marry my teacher Ruan as my wife."
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