Chapter 39 The boy squinted his eyes, looked up at me, and revealed a frivolous yet innocent smile.
Fingertips brushed against the five-colored tassels.
I placed the jade pendant close to me and looked at it for a long time, watching the knot in the rope sway slowly in mid-air, like a red fish swimming in a clear pool.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of bubbles bubbling in the deep water.
Glug, glug-glug—
For a moment, I seemed to see that door in the void and darkness of the fourteenth level of hell.
I stood inside the door, watching the red, dark river of blood and flesh surging and intertwining outside, and was suddenly pulled into it.
Then, the door slowly closed behind me, and the endless, blood-red river suddenly swallowed me up...
Just as my vision was being submerged by the river of blood, I suddenly struggled out of the hallucination, my chest heaving as I gasped for breath, just like someone who had actually been rescued from drowning.
Why did I suddenly remember that dream?
I sat there for a while, feeling somewhat uneasy.
Then she glanced at the jade pendant adorned with a red knot, lowered her eyes, and gently brought the pendant into her palm, feeling its slightly cool touch.
It is evident that this jade not only looks extremely similar to Li Xiao's eyes in color and texture, but its temperature is also just like the feeling of touching this person—icy cold, enough to make one shiver in the dead of winter.
Maybe... keeping it on your body and warming it up will make it feel much better?
That's what I thought, but in the end I just straightened the knot and put the jade pendant back exactly as I had seen it before.
This time, I carefully closed the lid and placed the box steadily on the small cabinet next to the bed, in a place where it could be seen at a glance.
Thinking to myself that this way, I wouldn't forget to return the item to the other person in person the next time we met.
Then, I groped my way out of bed and walked to the windowsill. I bent down and picked up what looked like scraps of paper from the ground. Sure enough, it was a dried orchid.
I don't know when it fell or how long it had been lying on the ground, but as soon as I picked it up, it crumbled into tiny powdery fragments in my hand.
I watched in astonishment as the fragments scattered between my fingers, leaving behind a fine, sandy texture.
Just like—
Just as the young man in my dream once described to me.
The last flowers delivered withered silently in the dark room, finally falling to the floor and crumbling into powder right before my eyes…yes, much like what you see now.
Lan's voice suddenly rang in my ears, then turned into a soft chuckle.
I suddenly turned around and saw that there was no one else in the quiet room except me.
But the laughter just now was so real, and I could almost feel the lingering tickle behind my ears from the breath that had brushed past.
I reached out and touched that ear, and found that the skin along the edge of the ear and the back of the neck was slightly warm.
I've heard before that if your ears suddenly get hot, it might mean someone is secretly thinking about you; they might be longing for you, or they might be cursing you.
—I don't know if it's true or not.
If it's true, who would think of me at this time, and for what reason?
It's really... I just can't think of anything.
I sat on the edge of the bed, watching the light of day gradually fade away. I collapsed onto the thickly made bed, then slowly rolled over, burying most of my face in it.
The quilt, lacking sunlight exposure, was not as fluffy as before. The cool quilt cover pressed against my cheek. Taking a deep breath, I could still faintly smell the same incense scent as that on Young Master Lan.
Extremely faint yet extremely distant, it always evokes images of mountains after the rain, deserted valleys, and orchids that bloom and wither alone.
—It really suits Lan Gongzi's taste perfectly.
Thinking about this, I suddenly burst out laughing for some reason.
With a slight tremor in my shoulders, I slowly curled up until I was curled into a small white cocoon.
After absorbing enough nutrients, silkworms will begin to spin silk and form cocoons. They will then sleep peacefully in the white cocoon until they have gathered enough strength to break free of the cocoon.
But I haven't done anything, I'm just lying here, yet I feel like a silkworm that has spun its last thread of silk, and I'm exhausted to the extreme.
The cheek that was buried in the blanket was suddenly enveloped by a surge of heat.
In the end, she still cried.
As time passed and the tears gradually cooled down, the wetness on my face was quite uncomfortable, but I didn't have the slightest strength to turn over, or even just to raise my hand and wipe them away casually.
Soon, the half of her face that was soaked with tears felt taut as if covered by a thin shell, somewhat numb and unresponsive.
My eyes blinked repeatedly, the rhythm slowing down and becoming more and more involuntary. My gaze finally settled on the small box on the bedside table, which seemed familiar.
Not just now, but even earlier—
"...In other words, it's just a tattered hair tie, a cheap trick for little girls. I don't care for it."
The voice came from afar, and I looked up in the direction of the sound.
A pale blue figure of a boy gradually emerged from the haze. The boy sat on a high tree branch with his back to him, his hands folded behind his head.
Standing under the tree, I couldn't see the boy's face clearly, but I could glimpse a thin twig in his mouth, swaying back and forth as he spoke.
[Is celebrating a birthday such a big deal? If lifespans weren't limited, why would anyone meticulously count the years, calculating how many birthdays they've had and how many years they've grown? It's utterly pathetic, laughable, and tragic... Hmph, I wouldn't stoop to associating with a bunch of short-sighted, short-lived fools like you!]
The boy grumbled and complained to himself, completely unaware that someone was coming.
As he got emotional, the twig in his mouth accidentally fell down. He instinctively looked down and immediately saw me standing silently under the tree.
Suddenly, his eyes widened slightly, and his body swayed as if he were about to fall from the tree.
My heart skipped a beat as the boy swayed, and I almost instinctively wanted to step forward and catch him.
Unexpectedly, the boy moved with surprising agility. Just as he was about to fall, he bent his knees and hung face down on the tree branch where he had been sitting.
Her thick, black hair cascaded down in layers like a tangled spiderweb, revealing a flawless, white face. Yet her features were strikingly bold and flamboyant, like the most dazzling and extravagant flower in a garden bursting with blooms in May, vying for attention with its myriad beauty.
However, the most captivating feature of her face was her eyes—beneath her delicate, lacquered eyebrows were two eyes of strikingly different colors: one light gray, the other emerald green.
Two eyes of different shades were set in a face that was already excessively beautiful.
...It was so beautiful it was almost dazzling.
I only glanced at it before silently looking away, afraid that I would lose myself in those heterochromatic eyes.
"Oh, it's you. When did you—" the boy muttered, arms crossed, but then suddenly stopped talking as if he sensed something.
Then I heard two cracking sounds, like something breaking off from the inside.
The once sturdy tree branch, as if it could no longer withstand the boy's torment, suddenly snapped in response.
I watched as the boy fell to the ground with a thud before he could even utter a complete curse, disappearing into the bushes beneath the tree.
After a while, with a rustling sound, a head suddenly popped out from the bushes.
With jet-black hair, heterochromatic eyes, and a light blue robe, he was the boy who had fallen earlier.
However, at this moment, his clothes were disheveled, his face was dirty, and a few green leaves were stuck to the top of his head, making him look disheveled—and that captivating and strange magic seemed to have disappeared in an instant.
Although... that face was still beautiful, even if you stared at it for a long time, you wouldn't feel the same awkwardness you had before, the urge to look away.
I simply think that he is a very rare and handsome young man.
As I sized up the boy, he glared at me with those heterochromatic eyes, looking displeased, as if I owed him a lot of money and hadn't paid it back.
Just as he was wondering what was going on, he saw the boy suddenly turn his head and coldly snort through his nose.
"What, you're smug about seeing me make a fool of myself?"
"..."
I didn't answer because I had absolutely no idea where to begin.
Seeing that I remained silent, the boy seemed to grow even angrier.
"I should have known... I should have known that you so-called humans are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites, big liars! If I hadn't taken that wrong step and fallen into your clutches, things wouldn't be like this now..."
The boy didn't continue explaining what was going on, but his voice suddenly lowered, sounding as if he was extremely aggrieved: "Hmph, he calls himself a cultivator seeking the Dao, but in the end he's just a shallow person who values appearances. He's really... incredibly stupid."
After finishing his accusations, which seemed to cover a wide range of people but were actually directed at me alone, the boy crossed his arms, rested his chin between his knees, and curled himself into a ball.
Looking at the fan-shaped shadow cast by the boy's lowered eyelids and his tightly pursed, bright red lips, I couldn't help but feel both amused and helpless at the sight of his childish refusal to communicate.
—If I value appearance as much as he says, then in terms of looks alone, it would be hard to find someone with a greater advantage than the boy in front of me.
But he made it sound like he had suffered a great injustice because of it, which didn't make sense.
"When have I ever acted as you described?" I asked.
"..."
The boy didn't answer, but twitched his ears and let out a soft hum through his nose, probably indicating his strong disapproval.
I stopped dwelling on the question and instead asked the boy if he wanted to get up from the ground first.
"Look at you, you've only had a new outfit for a short time and it's already turned into this mess," I said, reaching out to help the boy remove the leaves from his hair.
The latter reacted extremely, clutching his head and taking a large step back while shouting, "What...what are you trying to do to me now?!"
She looked... just like a respectable woman being forced into a compromising situation by a villain.
"What do you think I'm going to do to you?" I looked at the boy with a headache.
The latter seemed taken aback by my question, stammering for a while before finally uttering with a slightly embarrassed expression, "How would I know about the filthy thoughts of you humans? Anyway, since I met you, nothing good has ever happened to me."
"I see. So that's what you were thinking."
Hearing the boy's words, I nodded, deciding not to force him any further.
Silently, I withdrew my outstretched hand and turned to leave without hesitation. After taking a few steps, I suddenly remembered that I still had things to do.
Turning around abruptly, she was suddenly met with the boy's unwavering gaze.
I was taken aback. The other person seemed a little flustered, but only for a moment. He quickly dropped his flustered look and suddenly became very confident.
"What, weren't you leaving? It's only been a short while, and you're back already?"
Before he even spoke, the boy had already turned his face to the side, and now he was glancing at me with his eyes, which were varying in depth, as he spoke.
I nodded in agreement with him: "I do have to go, but there are some things I forgot to give you."
When the boy heard that I had something for him, his gaze shifted for a moment: "Even if you try to bribe me with something of the highest quality, I will never easily bow down to anyone."
The boy spoke repeatedly, but his voice didn't sound as firm as he claimed. His eyes kept glancing at me with curiosity, as if he wanted to find out what was going on beforehand.
I laughed: "That's quite a coincidence, since I don't need anyone to bow down to me."
I paused for a moment, then added, "However, if you really don't want it, I can't force you to take it." With that, I turned to leave.
The boy called out to him from behind.
"etc!"
He said to wait, so I stopped and turned around to look at him with a leisurely air.
"What's wrong?" I said, in a normal tone, as if I had no idea what the boy was feeling at that moment.
The boy pursed his lips, seemingly unwilling and indignant, before finally speaking reluctantly: "Didn't you just... want to give me something?"
I raised my eyebrows and nodded in feigned surprise: "Yes, but I just heard you seem to be reluctant, so I don't intend to force you."
Upon hearing this, the boy's handsome brows instantly furrowed into a knot, and he blurted out, "Who said I don't want to—"
He was halfway through his sentence when he met my probing gaze, and he immediately deflated, finally just looking at me weakly and saying, "Can't you have any perseverance and willpower? You're like this, yet you're trying to cultivate Taoism. I'm afraid you'll be cultivating for ages and still not see the end."
"Yes, you're right about that. I'm definitely not cut out for cultivation, nor do I have the determination to do so."
I admit it too readily.
The boy didn't react at first, until I handed him the prepared oil paper package.
He barely came to his senses, sniffed the paper package suspiciously, and then looked up at me and asked, "Is it candy inside?"
“Just open it and you’ll find out,” I said. “But don’t worry, it’s not some cheap hair tie you use to fool girls.”
The boy was taken aback by my sudden remark and coughed several times.
"...You heard what I just said."
"Um."
"So you're not angry at all, or don't you have anything else you want to say to me?"
I didn't have any particular thoughts at first, but since the boy asked, I thought about it for a moment.
If I absolutely have to say something—
I met the boy's face, which seemed a little nervous for some reason, and smiled calmly.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said. If you don't like celebrating your birthday, then don't celebrate it. After all, you don't only receive gifts on your birthday."
"..."
As he spoke, I noticed the boy's expression changing several times, from bewilderment and disappointment to thoughtfulness, and finally settling on a somewhat awkward expression.
"It's as if you'd specially prepare a gift for me."
The boy emphasized the word "specially": "When the time comes, don't let all your senior brothers, junior sisters, and so on have already been distributed, and then you give me the rest. I don't care for that."
I nodded to show that I remembered: "So you won't eat the snacks or maltose that the kitchen makes in the future?"
Upon hearing that there would be no snacks, the boy's resolute expression wavered, and he hesitated as if unsure how to speak.
"Should I do it, or not?" I asked again.
The boy hesitated for a long time before finally lowering his beautiful head.
"Well... I still want it."
He answered somewhat listlessly, seemingly ashamed of his compromise, but quickly rallied.
“But I can’t take the leftovers, so you have to set aside a portion for me before you distribute the rest to them. Mine and theirs must be kept separate with you.”
"What if I don't get a share of the stuff?"
"Then..."
The boy's delicate brows furrowed and relaxed. After a long while, he finally slumped against the tree trunk beside him as if he had given up, closed his eyes, and looked utterly dejected: "Why do you ask so many questions? People say that old monks chant sutras, but you're neither old nor a monk. Don't you get tired of asking so many questions?"
“If you ask about things clearly from the beginning, you won’t have any unnecessary trouble later,” I said. “I always do things this way, so I never feel tired.”
The boy waved his hand: "Trouble can wait until it comes before we figure out how to deal with it."
He paused for a moment and then said, "Furthermore, there are countless accidents and changes in the world. No matter how well you plan, in the end it will all be for nothing. If I had to choose, I would rather seize the moment and enjoy life than live a life of worry and caution."
At this point, the boy suddenly seemed to remember something, and abruptly opened his unique heterochromatic eyes, looking at me with varying degrees of intensity.
After scanning me up and down, left and right, the boy finally turned his gaze back to my face, then revealed a somewhat mischievous expression.
"Speaking of which, Daoist Master, you're always either cultivating or teaching your bunch of stupid junior brothers and sisters. After being trapped in this deep mountain forest for so long, do you really know what it means to enjoy life to the fullest?"
The boy squinted, looked up at me, and gave me a frivolous yet innocent smile.
I admit that face was really beautiful, so I reached out and, under the boy's expectant gaze, flicked his finger on his fair forehead.
Seeing the boy clutch his forehead in pain and mutter curses under his breath, the faint tremor in my heart subsided, and I breathed a slight sigh of relief.
"Hey, Yu, why did you hit me for no reason?! Are you feeling guilty because I hit a nerve?" The boy rubbed his forehead and said irritably, "Sure enough, a blockhead is a blockhead. They say you don't hit a smiling face, are you even human?"
“Of course I’m a person,” I replied seriously, ignoring the other person’s increasingly unpleasant expression. “Besides, my surname is Yu, not Yu. You’ve got it wrong.”
"You...you're really going to drive me crazy."
Hearing this, I corrected him again: "People aren't so easily angered to death. If it happens, it only means that person is too narrow-minded or in poor health. At most, you're only half a person. Compared to short-sighted and short-lived people like us, you should be even less likely to be angered to death."
I was telling the truth, and not only that, I used the boy's exact words, but for some reason he seemed very dissatisfied.
"You say you're not angry, but you clearly hold a grudge."
Do you hold grudges?
—Perhaps, there is a little bit.
I thought to myself.
On the other end, the boy muttered to himself as he opened the oil paper package he had been clutching in his hand, revealing a string of bright red candied hawthorns inside. The hawthorns were plump and the sugar frosting was crystal clear, making them look very appetizing.
The boy frowned upon seeing this.
"Don't you like it?" I asked, seeing this.
The boy didn't directly answer whether he liked it or not, but he seemed to find it hard to bring himself to eat it.
"If you don't want to eat it, I'll take it back. Anyway—"
Before he could finish speaking, there was a snapping sound.
The boy had already opened his mouth to eat a hawthorn covered in syrup, his face bearing an expression of heroic defiance as he chewed, his cheeks puffed out, while staring intently at me, as if trying to prove something.
Only after chewing and swallowing the whole thing did the boy speak, saying, "What's given to me is mine. Even if I don't like it, I can't take it back or give it to someone else."
His voice was a little hoarse, I couldn't tell if it was from soreness or choking.
I looked at him, unsure of what to think. I've always been indifferent and have no desire to take advantage of people or things, but the young man in front of me seemed to be the exact opposite.
“Why bother?” I said. “You’re just forcing yourself. To put it bluntly, you’re just asking for trouble.”
But the boy answered clearly, word by word, saying that if it was done willingly, then it couldn't be considered forced. He added, "If you have no hopes or dreams in this world, what's the point of living?"
He looked into my eyes, his pupils, varying in depth, gleaming with a strange light.
He asked me, "Yu Qingzhou, is there really no one or anything in this world that you dream of, that you try every means to obtain, and that you are willing to pay any price to fight for and seize, and that you must hold onto?"
As the words fell, a gentle breeze suddenly blew in from nowhere, making the branches overhead and the grass at their feet rustle.
I suddenly realized that I was in a dream—I was the one dreaming, but what I was dreaming about was Yu Qingzhou's past.
This has happened more than once; I should be used to it by now.
But... strangely enough, it wasn't until I heard the name Yu Qingzhou that I suddenly realized I was dreaming.
—I think I'm getting deeper and deeper into this mess without even realizing it.
"Yu Qingzhou? Daoist Yu?"
A slightly impatient voice suddenly rang out, and I stared in astonishment at the face that seemed both familiar and strange.
The eye and hair colors were somewhat unfamiliar. Although the age didn't match, the face looked remarkably like Li Xiao's. If Li Xiao had a full brother, or if Li Xiao were to grow up a bit more, he would probably look like this.
But I am not Yu Qingzhou.
So he... probably can't be Li Xiao either.
Oh right, it was just a dream. Just a dream of mine, so it doesn't count.
"It doesn't count..."
What are you muttering to yourself over there?
When the boy's voice came, I realized that I had unconsciously murmured something.
But that shouldn't be the case.
So far, in every dream from Yu Qingzhou's perspective, I have been an observer, merely a pair of eyes, a soul residing in the former's body.
Why can I suddenly speak?
Or is there... some change that I haven't noticed yet?
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