Chapter 58 Looking Back "I'll give you my whole life, okay? ...
It was like a bolt from the blue.
Tao Shuran's grip loosened, and the soda bottle he was holding rolled to the ground.
The pigmented drink spilled all over the floor. She bent down and clumsily wiped the splashed water stains off her skirt, her heart pounding wildly.
What is he saying.
She heard something again.
Tao Shuran struggled to suppress the huge waves in her heart and tried her best to look at him calmly.
"You...are you kidding me?"
"I never joke about matters of the heart."
Fu Changpei took out a tissue box and handed it to her. As soon as he took a step forward, she immediately took a step back.
He smiled bitterly and said softly, "I don't need any answers from you. Just like I haven't taken any action all these years, I just want to love you silently."
"But Tao Shuran, you can understand this kind of feeling, right?"
"This kind of suffocation that is hidden in my heart and cannot be expressed."
Tao Shuran opened his mouth, but felt that all words seemed pale.
"I never thought..." she said, "that one day I would be liked by someone else."
"You are very good. It is not impossible for me to like you."
Fu Changpei smiled and said, "It's just that you are always used to focusing on others."
In an instant, many images emerged in Tao Shuran's mind.
In the many times of setbacks in her life, Fu Changpei always stood by her side silently to encourage her. When she first arrived in Fuqing and was not used to life in Fuqing, he was the first person to hand her a notebook.
It turns out that everything has a traceable path.
She said guiltily, "I'm sorry."
"But over the years, I have never been able to like anyone else."
"I know."
Fu Changpei looked at her gently and said, "I understand the choices you made."
"Because I, like you, have a heart that longs for light in the darkness."
Waiting and silence are the innate talents of every secret admirer.
Maybe you will never get the answer in your lifetime.
In fact, it was a psychological expectation that had already been made.
Thinking of this, Tao Shuran suddenly felt relieved.
Even if her love affair with Liang Yuanjing was fake, it clearly fulfilled her dream at the time.
"Fu Changpei, look back."
Tao Shuran said softly: "Someone has been waiting for you."
*
I couldn't fall asleep when I got back. The clock pointed to ten o'clock. An hour ago, Zhao Yanyun sent me a message saying that he had an appointment and couldn't come back tonight.
Tao Shuran has become accustomed to her busyness.
She got up and planned to cook some porridge, but she was in a hurry and felt uneasy.
Sighing, Tao Shuran called Fang Qingyi.
"Xiao Yi."
"What's wrong?" Fang Qingyi said slurredly while lying on the bed with a facial mask on, "I'm putting on a facial mask, Ranran."
"Why don't you speak?"
Tao Shuran really couldn't say it.
"Forget it." She pursed her lips and asked softly, "Do you know where Liang Yuanjing lives now?"
"He must have moved out of Zhongshan Mansion. I need to ask someone for the specific address for you."
Fang Qingyi sat up from the bed and asked with a smile, "Why, do you want to see him?"
"……No."
Tao Shuran: "It's just that I heard Fu Changpei say today that he had a fever. After all, we are still friends."
"At least we can't just stand by and watch someone die."
"What? You met Fu Changpei?"
Fang Qingyi's voice was slightly excited: "Has he returned from Shanghai?"
"right."
Tao Shuran asked slowly: "Do you still like him now?"
"I've always liked him."
Fang Qingyi on the other end of the phone answered without hesitation. Just the mention of him filled her voice with sweet anticipation.
"You have no idea how astonished I was when I first saw him in high school. He was different from other boys in my eyes. He was quiet, considerate, and knew his limits. When he smiled, I was completely immersed in that gentleness."
Tao Shuran understood all the emotions she expressed.
Because I understand everything, I can understand even more clearly how much harm the next words will cause her.
Tao Shuran considered carefully and said slowly: "What if you knew that Fu Changpei liked other girls?"
There was a long silence over there.
The room is dim without the lights on, and the feeling of liking someone is like seeing flowers in the fog, you can't grasp anything.
After about five minutes, Fang Qingyi took off the mask and threw it into the trash can, smiling relaxedly.
"Then like him. It's his right to like others. I can't selfishly not allow him to like others just because I like him, right?"
"What if..."
Tao Shuran's speech speed became very slow. When she was about to say something but hesitated, Fang Qingyi suddenly interrupted her.
Her voice didn't sound unusual, and she even said with a hint of a smile -
"Actually, I know everything you want to say."
Tao Shuran's eyelashes trembled slightly, and she stammered, suddenly not knowing what to say.
"I've known for a long time that Fu Changpei likes you."
Fang Qingyi sighed bitterly, "Come to think of it, I knew him earlier than you did. Even if we started from the same starting line, it's obvious that I lost."
"He doesn't like me. It's his fault, it's mine, but of course, it's not your fault."
Fang Qingyi rarely spoke in such a serious tone, and told her seriously, "Don't blame yourself for all the bad things that happen, just like when Liang Yuanjing had problems with his flight status before, you blamed yourself."
Tao Shuran opened his lips and whispered "Okay".
She was born into a "sacrificial" family.
Her father gave up his job to take care of her, and her mother switched jobs and came to Fuqing to work day and night to give her better educational resources.
In the end, the two of them broke up because of her.
She broke up with Liang Yuanjing because she realized that her secret love for him was causing him trouble.
In the end, Tao Shuran couldn't help but ask about his recent situation.
"Xiaoyi, do you know why Liang Yuanjing moved out?"
"It seems to be a family problem. I heard from Zhao Zhengnian that there was a period of time when he and his family were at odds."
"His family is not short of money, and his mother is an entrepreneur. She thinks he doesn't need to endure the hardship of flying."
Fang Qingyi has been in contact with Zhao Zhengnian, and occasionally hears a few words from him about Liang Yuanjing.
She sighed, thinking of Liang Yuanjing, who was full of vigor and vitality in high school, but suffered setbacks in family and love in the following years.
"By the way, did you know that Liang Yuanjing was almost grounded once?"
One word can cause a thousand ripples.
Tao Shuran's breath was held for a moment: "Why?"
"I'm not sure about that. I just heard Zhao Zhengnian say it casually."
Fang Qingyi said softly, "After graduation, it seems like everyone's life isn't going so well. Zhao Zheng injured his leg playing football two days before the New Year, and when I came home yesterday, I saw that my parents had a lot of white hair."
"I probably won't travel so far in the future. I want to stay home and spend more time with them."
When he walked downstairs to get a taxi, Tao Shuran was still thinking about Fang Qingyi's words.
She looked up at the densely packed stars in the night sky, then turned back to glance at the residential building shrouded in darkness.
So where is her way home?
Her home had long been shattered and no longer existed.
Ten minutes later, Zhao Zhengnian sent Liang Yuanjing's address.
The two of them shared this apartment, and because of the nature of their work, the house was empty most of the time.
So Zhao Zhengnian sent a message saying, "Sister Tao, don't come empty-handed. Bring some medicine."
Fang Qingyi quickly replied, "How dare you order us around like that? Give me money."
Zhao Zhengnian was generous and immediately sent a red envelope to the group.
It was only when Tao Shuran reached the door that he discovered that Zhao Zhengnian had created a new WeChat group for them. The group name was just chosen, "Liang Yuanjing's Condition Exchange Conference."
She couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"A stranger's face detected."
The password lock's prompt sound rang, Tao Shuran pressed the doorbell twice and waited for about two minutes, but no one answered.
She became anxious and sent a message to Zhao Zhengnian asking what the password was.
It took a long five minutes before they responded.
Zhao Zhengnian: "...Can I say I forgot too? I never use a password to open the door."
"Can you enter a password for this lock?"
Fang Qingyi: "You useless piece of shit, get out of here!"
"Of course, how about you try two passwords?"
"If all else fails, chop off Zhao Zhengnian's hand and send him over to unlock it."
Zhao Zhengnian: "Sister, are you human?"
The phone in his pocket kept vibrating as the two enemies started arguing in the group.
Tao Shuran sighed, half squatted down, and concentrated on studying the combination lock.
She tried to enter Liang Yuanjing's birthday, and the cold "Wrong Password" prompt sounded.
Tao Shuran frowned and tentatively entered his birthday again.
...The password is incorrect.
She was a little unhappy, and stretched out her hand and counted 6 6s, 6 8s, and all kinds of wild combinations from 1 to 6.
The endless stream of "wrong passwords" will exhaust your patience.
The noise attracted stray cats in the community. An orange cat wearing white gloves sat there and looked at her with its head tilted.
Tao Shuran suddenly thought of 0713, whom they had raised together.
0713 has now begun to enter the aging stage. The five years that she and Liang Yuanjing were separated were the most active adolescence of her entire cat life.
Her eyes were slightly moist, and at this moment, an idea suddenly came to her mind, and she tentatively entered the string of numbers.
The door opened.
Tao Shuran stood up in disbelief.
As she walked inside in the dark, leaning against the wall, she felt a mixture of emotions.
0713 was the day she met him for the first time.
0713 is the name of a cat they feed together.
0713 is the ID he used on Tieba to speak up for her.
So Liang Yuanjing, in your mind, what does 0713 represent?
After feeling along the wall for a long time, Tao Shuran still couldn't find the light switch in Liang Yuanjing's house. She turned on the flashlight and walked to the living room.
But he did turn on the floor lamp.
The dim light is like moonlight pouring down on a corner of the sofa, dust in the air is floating and scattering, and all the tiny emotions become clearly visible.
Tao Shuran stood quietly beside the sofa, looking down at the shadow cast by Liang Yuanjing's long eyelashes on the sofa.
The moment she saw him, she found that all the turbulent emotions she had experienced before had strangely disappeared.
Seeing the black and blue spots under his eyes and his brows slightly wrinkled due to the fever, even though he was in pain, he just curled up and tried his best to endure it.
Has he been living like this all these years?
She took a step forward and accidentally stepped on a glass on the carpet, which rolled under the sofa.
Tao Shuran sighed softly, leaned on the edge of the sofa and squatted down to pick it up.
Her wrist was suddenly grabbed by someone, and a scorching heat suddenly touched her wrist. She tried to struggle and move, but was held tighter without any explanation, with a strong possessiveness.
Tao Shuran slowly stood up and looked at him helplessly.
Under the dim light, Liang Yuanjing raised his pale face, and his dark eyes stared at her without blinking in the night.
Because of the force, the dry and pale lips turned a little red.
He didn't say anything, just looked at her silently. After a while, he slowly and lightly stroked her cheek with his fingertips, as if to confirm whether she was an illusion or a real person in front of him at this moment.
Tao Shuran turned his head slightly, took the opportunity to stand up, and walked to the dark place without light.
Liang Yuanjing raised his head and sat up on the sofa.
His hoarse voice was like gravel grinding through the air. He squinted his eyes and asked her in the corner, "Who are you?"
For a moment, Tao Shuran thought Liang Yuanjing didn't recognize him.
Maybe she was really afraid of being misunderstood by him.
At this moment, he unexpectedly said:
"Oh, I'm Fang Qingyi."
A sneer came from Liang Yuanjing's mouth.
He straightened the blanket covering him, propped up his chin and looked at her slowly.
"Lying to children?"
"Are you afraid that I'll depend on you?"
Tao Shuran didn't say anything.
She walked around to the water bar and poured him a glass of warm water in the dim light. In the darkness, Liang Yuanjing's eyes were fixed on her, and his presence was impossible to ignore.
He put the tip of his tongue against her cheek, breathing heavily, and suddenly laughed as he watched her busying herself for him.
The rogue said, "Although I really intend to do so."
"Take one of these, and wait until the powder cools down a bit before drinking it."
Tao Shuran lowered her head and said to him in a voice as neutral as possible, "Zhao Zhengnian is out of town and can't make it back. Please ask me to come see you."
"So obedient?"
Liang Yuanjing snorted and laughed: "Don't worry about me, let me die here, and no one will bother you."
Tonight, her softness revealed too much.
Liang Yuanjing was a very sensitive person. In the past, he would notice any hint of her liking him.
Same today.
Her cheeks felt hot from his gaze, and Tao Shuran could no longer bear it. She took two deep breaths and reached out to cover his eyes in panic.
He urged, "After taking the medicine, close your eyes and go to sleep."
The moment his vision was blocked, Liang Yuanjing's mind was filled with the scene of her just approaching him.
The light purple knitted sweater fit her figure tightly, and her collarbone was clearly visible under the light. His eyes kept measuring her waist, and he felt that she seemed to have become thinner over the years.
All visible light was blocked by her, as if she had handed over all her power of domination.
Liang Yuanjing tilted his head back, his Adam's apple rolled, and he chuckled as if enjoying it.
"No."
He took the initiative and pressed his fingertips against her palm, so that the distance between their skin became more seamless.
It was so close that Tao Shuran could hardly breathe.
She opened her lips and felt his scent flowing in the air, sweet yet sour, like a lemon slice soaked in honey water.
In the dark night, Liang Yuanjing raised his head slightly, smiled with his lips pulled, then slowly lowered his head under her gaze and bit her fingertips.
The subtle pain flowed through his body like a weak electric current. Tao Shuran had no way to avoid it. He lowered his head and saw the wound at the corner of his lip that had not yet healed.
"I want to keep looking at you."
The effect of the medicine started to take effect, and Liang Yuanjing felt a little sleepy. His head was so dizzy that he couldn't lift it up.
He opened his eyes, unable to conceal the tiredness in them, and raised his hands laboriously to touch her face in mid-air.
He whispered, "If I close my eyes you'll be gone."
Tao Shuran, it's time for you to leave.
Unable to bear his closeness, she repeatedly reminded herself in her heart.
Tao Shuran stood up suddenly, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, suppressed her mixed emotions, picked up the bag in her hand and turned to leave.
She finally reminded him, "The medicine is on the coffee table, there's warm water in the thermos, and next time, take good care of yourself."
Liang Yuanjing didn't say anything.
Just as he turned around, he suddenly reached out and grabbed her.
Like a last resort.
He lost his usual pride and looked at her back in disappointment, muttering:
"Tao Shuran, for so many years, I could only see you in my dreams."
Hearing this, Tao Shuran felt a lump in his throat.
At the same time, she felt her held hand slowly falling into a hot drop.
She turned back in disbelief.
In the darkness, Liang Yuanjing casually turned on the floor lamp switch, and the room fell into complete darkness. Nothing could be seen clearly, only the raging emotions.
Her throat was dry and she licked her lips several times before slowly pulling her hand away.
He said to him, “It’s all over.”
Liang Yuanjing looked at her steadily and asked, "You still want to leave?"
Tao Shuran hesitated for a moment as he left.
She felt her tightly closed heart being struck again and again. In front of Liang Yuanjing, she could easily become a person without principles.
Having lost the infinite courage she had in her teenage years, Tao Shuran no longer has the courage to accept a relationship without the certainty of 100% happiness.
When leaving for the last time, Tao Shuran stood at the door and looked back at Liang Yuanjing from afar.
He was bathed in the darkness of the night, with a little light seeping in from the thousands of lights outside the window, completing the composition of his loneliness.
The pair of eyebrows that had always been full of vigor and vitality were now slightly drooping, showing an unprecedented decadence.
Everything is on the verge of getting out of control.
After closing the door, Tao Shuran leaned against the wall, her mind full of the last frame of her and Liang Yuanjing.
Their foreheads touched, their eyes looked at each other, his palm pressed deeply into the back of her neck, and his whole body pressed against her.
A low, deep voice fell into her ears, and said to her with a bewitching tenderness:
"I'll give you my whole life in return for your five years of secret love, okay?"
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
