After suffering a major setback in "learning to hold a baby," Emperor Xiao Che's self-esteem suffered an unprecedented blow.
For two days in a row, he kept a sullen face, watching Lin Wanwan and the midwives easily hold "Tuanzi" in their arms and coax the little guy to giggle. As for himself, as soon as he reached out, the little thing seemed to sense something and immediately pouted, assuming a posture ready to "flood the Jinshan Temple" at any moment.
This made Xiao Che realize that a serious and irreconcilable rift had appeared in his relationship with his biological son.
He, the emperor of Daliang, must not be a complete failure in the "way of being a father"!
Holding a baby is about an indescribable feeling and tenderness, and perhaps... perhaps it's not really suitable for someone like him who's used to control and power. But that doesn't mean he's helpless!
After a night of deep "strategic analysis," Xiao Che set his sights on a brand new, more challenging project that would also test logic and skills more—changing diapers.
In his view, holding a baby is "emotional," while changing diapers is "rational." It has a fixed procedure, a clear goal, and breakable steps. It's clearly a technical skill! And there's no technical skill that Xiao Che can't learn!
So, on a sunny afternoon, when "Tuanzi" once again announced her need for "service" with a loud cry, Xiao Che dismissed all the palace maids and midwives who were about to step forward and personally went to the crib covered with a soft brocade cushion.
He stood with his hands behind his back, looking down at his son on the bed, who was kicking his chubby little legs, with a solemn and resolute look on his face, as if he were about to lead an army into battle.
"Today, I will personally change the swaddling clothes for the Crown Prince."
Upon hearing this, the air in the entire nursery seemed to freeze. All the palace servants exchanged bewildered glances, their faces filled with shock.
Lin Wanwan was sitting to the side reading a book when she heard this and almost dropped it. She looked up at Xiao Che's serious expression, as if he were trying to solve some ancient puzzle, and suppressed a laugh as she kindly suggested, "Your Majesty, perhaps this matter... should be left to them?"
"No need." Xiao Che refused resolutely, his eyes firm. "How can my crown prince rely on others for everything? Today, I will conquer this challenge!"
With that, he waved his hand and ordered in an unquestionable tone: "All of you, stand back! No one is to enter without my decree!"
The palace servants dared not disobey. They could only look at the young prince with a mixture of sympathy and worry before retreating in unison, thoughtfully closing the door behind them.
Seeing his enthusiasm, Lin Wanwan decided not to try to persuade him anymore. Instead, she rested her chin on her hand with interest and decided to be a quiet observer, to witness firsthand how far this emperor's "first attempt at parenting" would go.
The large nursery was now empty except for the family of three.
Xiao Che took a deep breath, stepped forward, but did not act immediately. He first picked up a clean, neatly folded diaper, placed it in front of him, and began a meticulous "pre-battle reconnaissance".
To him, this diaper, made of the softest cotton cloth, seemed like a complex and precise instrument. He carefully studied the texture of the fabric, analyzed its folding method, and pondered how to tie the thin straps used to secure the baby so that they would be both firm and not constricting.
His brows were furrowed, his eyes focused, as if he were reviewing a military defense map that concerned the lifeline of the nation.
Lin Wanwan could clearly see that above his head, a cartoon figure wearing a monocle and a craftsman's uniform was holding a ruler and gesturing on the diaper, with a line of small text appearing next to it—【This mechanism...is ingeniously designed.jpg】.
After studying it for the time it takes to drink half a cup of tea, Xiao Che finally believed that he had figured out all the "secrets". He nodded confidently, put the clean diaper aside, and then reached out his hands, which had once reviewed thousands of memorials and held the power of the world, to "Tuanzi" who was lying on the bed, innocently gnawing on his little fist.
The moment of decisive battle has arrived!
Xiao Che held his breath and carefully picked up a corner of the soiled diaper with two fingers. The look of disgust on his face made it seem as if he were picking up a red-hot iron, not a cloth.
The process of untying the ties was akin to a heart-stopping bomb disposal operation. His movements were slow and stiff, as if he were afraid of accidentally "detonating" some unpredictable consequences.
Fortunately, "Tuanzi" was in a good mood at the moment, and only kicked its legs curiously without causing any trouble.
Finally, after Xiao Che broke out in a light sweat, the "dangerous item" was successfully removed and, with an extremely elegant gesture, tossed it far away into the sludge bin in the corner.
Step one, success!
Xiao Che was overjoyed, feeling that he had grasped seven or eight tenths of the essence. He was about to press his advantage, pick up the clean diaper he had thoroughly studied, change his son's diaper, and demonstrate his amazing learning ability to Lin Wanwan.
However, he ultimately underestimated his opponent's "unconventional approach".
During this brief lull between the old and the new, the usually well-behaved Prince "Tuanzi" seemed to feel a cool sensation in his lower abdomen, which brought him some comfort. He stretched contentedly, his chubby little legs kicking happily in the air a couple of times.
Then, a "major event" that was recorded in the annals of the Liang Dynasty and left later historians scratching their heads in bewilderment occurred.
A stream of warm water gushed out from the crib without warning.
Under the bright candlelight, the water line drew a precise and graceful parabola, transcending the distance between ruler and subject, ignoring the boundaries of rank and status, and with a free and unrestrained attitude, accurately and precisely landed on the chest of His Majesty the Emperor, who was bending down to take a new diaper.
Hit the bullseye.
The bright yellow dragon robe, embroidered with a five-clawed golden dragon with bared fangs and claws, quickly spread a dark, damp stain at a speed visible to the naked eye.
The air froze in that instant.
Time seemed to stand still at that moment.
Xiao Che's body froze on the spot.
Slowly, very slowly, he lowered his head, staring in disbelief at the ever-expanding wet patch on his chest. A warm sensation, through several layers of clothing, was clearly transmitted to his skin, accompanied by an indescribable, unique scent, tinged with milk.
His brain, the most powerful brain that had once strategized and won battles from afar, defeating even the Regent, completely shut down at this moment.
who I am?
Where am I?
what happened?
A series of philosophical questions swirled in his mind, but he could find no answers.
He froze, like a statue struck by lightning, remaining motionless in that bent-over posture.
Lin Wanwan clearly saw that all the emojis above his head disappeared at that moment. In their place was a huge black and white television screen that kept flickering with static. In the center of the screen was a cartoon figure being violently impacted by a jet of water falling from the sky, constantly emitting black smoke and convulsing. Next to it was a line of cold and merciless red text—【System Crash.gif】.
"puff……"
A suppressed laugh, which was ultimately unable to be contained, broke the long silence.
Lin Wanwan finally couldn't hold back anymore. She first buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking violently, and finally, unable to contain herself any longer, she collapsed onto the soft couch, letting out a clear, unrestrained laugh like a silver bell.
"Hahahaha... Xiao Che... you... you were..." She laughed until tears streamed down her face, and she couldn't even finish her sentence.
The laughter, like a restart command, finally made the petrified Xiao Che slowly move in an extremely stiff posture.
He raised his head, and for the first time, a blank expression appeared on his incomparably handsome face, a mixture of shock, bewilderment, humiliation, and existential doubt. He didn't look at Lin Wanwan, nor at the culprit who had already completed his "precision strike" and was now happily blowing bubbles.
His gaze was empty and distant, as if he were pondering a serious question concerning the rise and fall of a dynasty.
For a long, long time.
An unnamed fire, mixed with overwhelming shame and indignation, suddenly ignited!
"You unfilial son!"
He finally managed to squeeze out two words through gritted teeth, his face as black as the bottom of a pot.
The emperor's dignity was completely washed away by a child's urine at this moment!
He gritted his teeth and began to clean up the "battlefield" that had made him lose face. He grabbed a clean diaper and roughly tried to wrap it around "Tuanzi," but because he used too much force, he only made it more messy.
"Be gentle!" Lin Wanwan, having finished laughing, quickly got up to instruct him, "You're hurting him like that!"
Xiao Che's face darkened, and he finally softened his movements a bit, but he was still clumsy. He frantically tried to put a diaper on "Tuanzi," but because he moved too much, his elbow swung and "bang!" he accidentally knocked over the box of baby powder that had just been opened and was used to wipe the baby's body on the small table next to the bed.
The exquisite white porcelain box overturned on the ground, and the fine, smoke-like powder instantly burst open like a white cloud, enveloping the flustered Emperor!
"Cough...cough cough cough!"
Caught off guard, Xiao Che was choked and instantly covered in a layer of white frost from head to toe, even his eyebrows and eyelashes turned snow-white.
At this moment, his dragon robe was stained with a suspicious puddle of water, and his face and hair were covered in white powder. He was coughing in a disheveled state. Where was the slightest trace of imperial majesty? He looked more like a cook who had just come out of a fight in a flour mill.
Seeing this scene, Lin Wanwan's laughter, which she had just stopped, burst out again uncontrollably. This time, she laughed so hard that she couldn't straighten up.
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