-1-
The atmosphere in the maintenance department is heavy today. Abnormally heavy.
The air was filled with painful moans of "ugh, ugh, ahhh", as if it was some kind of low resurrection spell.
...Because almost all the employees went to attend Angel's anniversary party yesterday, and because almost all the employees drank all night yesterday.
-2-
Angel was a kind and good boy, but as kind as he was, he just placed an opened box of hangover medicine and a large thermos in the lobby of the headquarters, with a small note next to it saying "Please drink if you have a headache."
Ms. U: "Is this what he calls kindness? This is kindness? This is as vile and hypocritical as putting a pair of high-end leather shoes next to a barefoot homeless person with a sign saying 'Please Try Them On'!"
Colleagues: “Ah, it’s U.”
"U is slandering the angels again."
"It's U. Targeting the angels."
"Ah, people like U."
"Ugh, U."
-3-
Miss U: “…”
The first part is fine! What do you mean by "Uh, U"? It's as if "U" itself is a bad adjective! Don't equate my name with a bad adjective!
…She originally wanted to yell out the above paragraph, but her head hurt too much from the hangover, so she could only suppress it in her heart and rolled her eyes hard.
Moreover, although she felt that the angel's "kindness" was hypocritical and mean, she still needed boiled water and hangover medicine.
Even a barefoot homeless person will still wear that pair of high-end leather shoes.
No matter how much she complained, every time Mr. P helped her fix the coffee machine, reinstall the system, or analyze problems at work... Ms. U could accept it all without batting an eyelid.
She thought the angel was a hypocritical and disgusting bastard, but that didn't stop her from accepting the angel's help.
Anyway, angels will not give up helping people, nor will they beat people.
-4-
Incidentally, for some reason, Angel is very good at the Love Maintenance Department.
He had helped Miss U remotely deal with several of Aquaman's failures, and had also helped her conquer several extremely difficult guys. After the dazzling backstage operations that even Aquaman was dazzled, his calm and gentle face did not reveal the thousands of tricks he had.
——Mr. P is really not the type with exploding hormones. He is so well restrained that even Miss U thinks he is "ordinary-looking" and equates the appearance of an angel with those clerical workers in plaid shirts.
Sometimes she could come to her senses and think that he was deliberately restraining himself; sometimes she couldn't.
After all, Miss U would not focus on the angel all the time. She did not really care about him. Her heart had been divided into 9999 parts, each containing at least 9999 handsome guys with different styles, and it was continuing to split every moment.
-5-
Only Miss M cares about him, watches him, and is attracted to him.
So much so that she would pull his tie and threaten him to go out for the night.
...In a sense, this really is special attention from my boss.
-6-
Therefore, from Miss U's perspective (most of the time), it is really terrifying that a man like Angel with ordinary appearance and low-quality charm can give various strategies for a certain target without changing his expression.
He could even tell which kind of people could play with her and which kind of people couldn't be touched——
Honestly, even the experienced Miss U couldn't have guessed that the polite man in a suit would be so obsessed with his girlfriend that upon discovering she was cheating on him, he would take out a knife and swallow her eyeballs before jumping off a building to commit suicide?
Mr. P at the time said: "Yes, this kind of man will definitely do this kind of thing. Senior, it would be better for you to cross him off your list, for your own safety and mental health."
Ms. U said at the time: "...I don't believe it! I just looked up some handsome guy's background information and you came up with such a terrifying story. No matter how you think about it, you're the scarier one! And you must be jealous that he's more handsome than you! Right? You're jealous of the sexy butt crack that he can show in his low-rise jeans, and you're jealous of his perfect mermaid line!"
Mr. P at that time: “…”
Mr. P hesitated to speak at that time.
-7-
Why should I be jealous of ordinary things that I have myself?
——The boss doesn’t like these parts either. If the boss doesn’t like them, it means that these are not sexy parts worth focusing on and cultivating. The boss always goes straight to his face, Adam’s apple and ears... oh, and pink.
-8-
Moreover, even if I were to feel jealous, I would only be jealous of the type of person my boss is most interested in.
But I am very sure that I have now made myself the type that my boss is most interested in, so I won't be jealous.
-9-
"Okay. Please do as you please. If you are in danger, you can send me a message."
——As a result, later on, Miss U, who was found to be cheating on eight men, was locked up by the handsome guy. He took a knife with an expressionless face and said that he would dig out her eyeballs and eat them, and then jump off the building, so that they could be together forever.
Miss U: “…”
Miss U had no choice but to cry and beg all night to summon an angel to save her life. She also summoned a devil who followed the angel, his pajamas were messy, and his hair was sticking up, revealing his impatience.
The Devil himself, M: "Do you know that you just disturbed my nightlife? U?"
Miss U: "Wuwuwuwuwu——Help——Help——I don't want to lose my eyeballs——Wuwuwuwu——"
Ms. M: "You're making so much noise, shut up. Xiao P, go make this woman stop crying, and then bring her back to the system world for me to repair."
Mr. P: "Okay, Ms. M. Button your clothes first. It's going to be exposed."
Ms. M: “…U is a woman.”
Mr. P: "That's not the boyfriend number N who was holding a knife and about to dig out her eyes and is now unconscious on the ground."
Ms. M: “…He’s unconscious.”
-10-
Mr. P smiled at the time, reached out and gently buttoned Miss M's half-open pajamas, and said something that Miss U still remembers vividly.
"He was unconscious, but his eyes weren't gouged out."
-11-
——At that moment, Miss U broke out in a cold sweat.
Even when she was chained to the floor of a room by a psychopath and had just been threatened with having her eyes gouged out, she had never been so, so scared.
As for why... that guy was just a task she needed to complete as an undead employee... This guy over here...
He was in the same department as her, and they met in the tea room every morning. He smiled and said "good morning" while pouring coffee.
Not to mention whether she had ever had contact with him, she had offended him thousands of times through sexual harassment, verbal abuse, and stalking!
-12-
Miss U was successfully rescued and returned to the system world that night, but she was so frightened that she couldn't sleep and most of her rationality was scared away.
So much so that when she was being scolded, she hugged Miss M's legs and begged to sleep with her.
Ms. M: “…”
It was the first time for Miss M to see a female colleague crying bitterly due to reasons beyond her control. It was also the first time for her to see a female colleague crying bitterly and dare to come close to her and ask to share a quilt with her.
She looked down at Miss U with curiosity, her mascara smudged from crying.
...Wow, a giant panda.
-13-
She has never slept with a giant panda before, and it feels very interesting.
-14-
However, Miss M thought about what she was doing before coming to rescue this guy, and she looked up at her subordinates with regret.
It turned out that the person who was dressed neatly just now had three buttons of his pajamas buttoned incorrectly, and the scattered shadows contrasted with the white skin below the throat.
Ms. M: “…”
-15-
Miss M immediately lowered her head and reached out to wipe off Miss U's smudged mascara.
Miss U's eyes immediately went dark: "Wuwuwu - what's wrong - what are you doing - M - I'm blind! I have no eyeballs!"
Ms. M: "Yes. You are blind. You'd better not look at anything."
Miss U shook her head: "What—"
Miss M pressed hard: "Don't look up."
-16-
So, that night, both Ms. M and Ms. U had a question that they still haven't figured out.
-17-
Miss M was very confused. She wondered if the neatly dressed subordinate she had seen out of the corner of her eye was an illusion. If not, could it be that he had adjusted those three buttons in a matter of seconds and buttoned them incorrectly on purpose? But it didn't seem like he did it on purpose at all.
That night, even when her pushed the subordinate back onto the bed an hour later and broke three of his pajamas buttons that were buttoned incorrectly, his expression was as innocent and honest as ever.
-18-
Miss U was also very confused. She wondered whether the words that almost scared her to tears came from the angel's mouth. If so, why didn't he show any clues to her afterwards and still accepted her occasional verbal attacks?
Mr. P is still her angelic colleague, and he will still provide all the help when she asks for it. He uses his somewhat overly precise judgment to help her distinguish between conquest targets and mental patients, and uses his extremely meticulous thinking to formulate thousands of layered strategies.
...Why can he identify a stubborn psychopath at a glance, and why is he so familiar with the strategy routines?
He can even teach you the skill of "unbuttoning your chest within three seconds, adjusting your posture and starting to exude charm inadvertently without the other person noticing"!
What kind of magical skill is this that Aquaman must have!
...Why would such a magical skill be taught by an ordinary man with an unremarkable appearance!
-19-
Miss U doesn't like Mr. P. She thinks he is hypocritical and mean. Her sensitive Poseidon radar also makes her feel a sense of crisis that "the throne will be snatched away". It's simply like repels like.
It is common sense that there cannot be two high-level Aquamans in a department at the same time.
...And this guy never admits he's Aquaman! He firmly denies it every time! "No, even if I know a little bit about the tactics, I wouldn't frivolously target multiple people. I only want to seduce one"—
What nonsense is this guy who is so proficient in seduction tactics saying!
If you only want to pursue one person and target only one person, why do you need to study all the routines so thoroughly?
Who needs so much effort to seduce someone?
This guy's knowledge and skills are enough to get a doctorate in Neptune Studies, okay?
And she is regarded as an angel of pure love by all her colleagues!
He's obviously a scary person inside... How can he be innocent... Even gorillas are more innocent than him! !
-20-
However, what is even more terrifying is...
Every time Miss U becomes wary of Mr. P.
They will all be put off guard by his next free help, his unperturbed smile when being followed, and his cowardice of only reporting everything to his superiors...
"What, angels, angels are easy to bully" and "I think there must be something wrong with angels, angels are hypocritical, okay, wake up" were repeated in Miss U's mouth.
After all, no matter how your intuition warns you, no matter what abnormalities you notice.
The angel is real and has never done anything bad to her, right?
So, what is so scary about angels who don’t do bad things?
-twenty one-
...Preparing hangover medicine in the lobby today was also...Although it was hypocritical, she really needed it...
Ms. U supported her throbbing head and walked over—as she did so, she inadvertently dispersed all the colleagues who were gathered around the kettle and medicine praising the angels—
She leaned dejectedly on the table, picked up the kettle, and took a hangover pill.
“…Hmm. My head hurts…”
Not only was there pain from the hangover, she also felt as if her head had been hit.
I felt it when I woke up this morning and there was a swelling on my forehead.
-twenty two-
"Good morning, U."
Suddenly, a similarly gloomy greeting came from the side. Miss X said, "So you didn't get hit to death last night."
Miss U: “…”
Ms. U: "Why are you cursing me so early in the morning—"
Miss X picked up the kettle, poured herself a glass of warm water, and swallowed the hangover medicine.
She leaned on Miss U's shoulder and reported weakly: "Last night when I went to the door to vomit, I saw you got hit by a car."
"...Ah, is this true? Whose car is this? Who has the guts to—"
"I didn't see clearly, I didn't see clearly, I was vomiting..."
-twenty three-
Miss X swallowed the warm water languidly. "Oh, but the driver's hair was shiny. Blonde. It shone in the dark."
Miss U: "Blond driver, right... I see... I want to see what kind of guy he is... I want to imagine those guys' faces..."
"Yes. Do you remember the blond driver in our department... I don't remember..."
The two of them put their heads together and thought for a while.
-twenty four-
"...No way. How could there be a blond driver in our department who would hit someone?"
"The angel has blonde hair... and a car... haha..."
"Hahaha... U... you're still hungover..."
“Hahaha… hehehe…”
-25-
Not far away, Miss M stopped.
...I originally wanted to consult about my emotional abnormalities. After all, U is the ace of the love maintenance department.
In the end, forget it.
They are all fools.
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