Latest Dark Comedy Novel

Mr. P is a good employee. Ms. M is a bad boss.

So, for ten years, she has said to him day after day: "Little P, nail polish, do my nails for me." "Little P, high heels, help me match them." "Little P, salary card, buy me a bag."

Later, she simplified it to: "Little P, hands." "Little P, shoes." "Little P, bag."

Mr. P felt she was training a dog. But he had no proof, so he could only obey. Moreover...

"Ms. M, please get off my lap." "Hehehe, no, not unless you give me a kiss." "Allow me to refuse." "Ah, then, Little P, do you prefer a French kiss or formaldehyde?"

...Moreover, he had never seen such a lunatic train a dog.

"No, Ms. M." The good employee gently told his bad boss, his tone as soft and harmless as it had been hundreds of times before: "I would rather soak in formaldehyde than touch your lips."

Note:

1. The female lead's brain is a bit problematic; please do not project this onto reality.2. The male lead isn't exactly normal either, but overall he's a good person (probably).3. This is a strange love story between two lunatics, leaning towards a lighthearted daily style. Aside from the protagonists' mental state, it's an absolute sweet treat; feel free to enjoy it.4. It's a pseudo-horror style that is absolutely not scary! Cowards can watch without worry!

Cthulhu Synopsis:

In the deep sea, fish-men sing decadent tunes that no one can understand around an ancient structure from distant antiquity.

Beneath the only pure human base, 17,000 meters deep in the abyss, an unspeakable, terrifying behemoth slumbers.

A crimson sky rains down scarlet blood, instantly spanning tens of millions of years of evolution; that is the menstrual blood of an Outer God, the gift of the Progenitor.

"So it is... so it is... I gradually understand everything!!!"

A blood-soaked girl covers her face, laughing maniacally as she tears off her own head.

Harmonious Version Synopsis (Suitable for the Chinese Audience):

You are reborn before the apocalypse breaks out.

You transform into a girl.

Your best friend also transforms into a girl.

Your dead love rival also transforms into a girl.

Your girlfriend transforms into an unspeakable entity.

Quick, say, "Thank you, Sister Nai~"

Shen Lanzhou expressionlessly gives the middle finger to the evil god who is condescendingly looking down at her with a smirk.

An Rou had just transmigrated into the game when her NPC father told her to sell their abandoned farm. An Rou: ? The world was so chaotic; she had always dreamt of having a self-sufficient, isolated farm! Selling it was impossible. An Rou decided to reopen the farm. As for the money her father wanted, she would find other ways to get it.

In the holographic game, which focused on monster slaying, there was only one way to earn money: kill "喰鬼" (flesh-eating demons/ghouls) for gold rewards. An Rou was physically weak, unable to lift heavy things, and was just an NPC who couldn't learn skills or even access a game panel. Killing "喰鬼"? That would be suicide. But An Rou discovered that she could see all players' game panels, and to some extent, even hear the "喰鬼"'s thoughts? An Rou understood: compared to players, the "喰鬼" were her true comrades-in-arms.

As An Rou ventured in and out of mission sites repeatedly, a small burial ground appeared on the farm. From time to time, dull thumping sounds emanated from underground. Every time An Rou heard them, her lips would curve up in a happy smile. Players dying also dropped gold and items; the person who designed this game was a genius! Hundreds of millions of players equaled hundreds of millions of money trees. An Rou would wake up laughing from her dreams.

A group of miserable players quietly appeared on the game forums. Whether they used revival cards or waited for natural resurrection, the outcome was the same: reviving meant instant death, until they were completely offline and could no longer log into the game. Players cried out, finding no recourse, and help-seeking posts flooded the forums. "Someone please, help me find my corpse!" "Which bastard is so evil that they buried my body?!" "Despair, how can even the guild not find my corpse!!!"

As major guilds began to investigate, a mysterious farm gradually became the center of attention. Grain fields, vegetable patches, chicken coops, duck sheds, pickle vats, fish ponds—everything was in place. The farm owner was a young beauty in a silk qipao, not only incredibly alluring but also surrounded by "喰鬼," each one a high-level monster offering abundant rewards. An Rou covered her mouth with a silk handkerchief, feigning surprise: "Oops, you found me. Welcome to play!" All the players erupted in excitement—"So many high-level '喰鬼,' this must be an SSS-rank mission!" "Maybe, probably, definitely, the boss is the ultimate demon king, let's all charge!" However, wave after wave of players went in and never returned, while the farm became increasingly grand, featuring restaurants, hotels, bathhouses, commercial establishments, and even teleportation arrays, clearly setting up for ecological tourism. An Rou looked at the ground covered with corpses, gold, and items, covering her mouth with a gentle smile: "Thank you for your patronage!" Forum players: "Is this a monster-slaying game or a management game?!"

One day, a player finally cornered An Rou, their weapon glowing with a skill's light: "You say you're an NPC? Then why do you have a sword? NPCs can't activate weapon skills..." *Thud*—An Rou's sword shattered all of the player's defenses, piercing through their heart. An Rou chuckled softly: "The base attack power of a top-tier purple weapon is enough to kill you, even without skills." Another day, a large number of players gathered into a legion, besieging the farm with overwhelming force. *Boom, boom, boom...* The farm rose from the ground, astounding tens of thousands of legionnaires—"The damn farm grew legs and ran?!" Beneath the farm was a massive, terrifying SSS-rank "喰鬼." An Rou sat elegantly on the edge of the farm, waving her silk handkerchief: "Welcome to Rou Rou's mobile farm! We'll notify you all once we've moved to a new address." #Opened a farm, accidentally turned it into a final dungeon#

[Tips]1. Female NPC protagonist, greedy for money and a "green tea" type;2. There is a male lead, not just a background character;3. Player death = loss of game qualification, not death in the real world.

Ding Guo was disgusted by a certain period novel she read. A character with her exact name and surname had a persona: a saintly female supporting character who would sacrifice everything for her family, even marrying a fool, just to pave the way for the female protagonist. Furious, she gave it a negative rating and cursed it.

Who knew that when she opened her eyes, she had become Ding Guo in the book? Opposite her sat the original owner's parents, incessantly urging her to marry a fool, repeating the life of the female supporting character in the book. Ding Guo rolled up her sleeves and shattered that persona to dust.

Marry a fool? Whoever suggested it should marry them!

In the bedroom, she pinched her own neck and menacingly threatened the air: "I don't care what damned ancestral spirit brought me here, listen carefully with your flapping dog ears. If I don't get a system or a golden finger, I'm committing suicide! I'm on the Sichuan Road to Heaven (an idiom for difficulty), three, two..."

[Don't curse, don't curse, 'External Consumption' System activating, please wait patiently, Host...]

[System's Purpose: Rather than consuming oneself, consume others!]

[By making others consume themselves, the Host can gain 'External Consumption Value,' which can be exchanged for items in the system store.]

Ding Guo smiled, sharpening her knife. The first slash was at her own system, grabbing four gift packs from it and forcing the system into self-isolation, contributing N points of 'External Consumption Value.'

The second slash was at the female protagonist in the book. When reading, her first dislike was the original character, and her second dislike was the female protagonist Ding Nianjun. As the daughter of the original owner's mother's 'white moonlight,' she took the original owner's place and still wanted to ruin the original owner's entire life. Now that they were face to face, not tearing off her hypocritical mask would be a disservice to her transmigration.

Who to strike with the third knife? So many lambs to be slaughtered! The biased original parents, awakening the cuckolded, resentful father who was kept in the dark, exposing the original mother's lies, making them turn against each other, and furiously consume each other?!

A bunch of ungrateful younger siblings were also fish on her chopping board.

The 'lambs' always wanted to cause trouble, so she would occasionally take out her knife, slice here, cut there, and trim them up, making the precarious family relationships even more turbulent. Afterwards, they would fall into self-isolation, while Ding Guo would watch the skyrocketing 'External Consumption Value' in the backend, rolling with laughter.

This was real money that could be exchanged for real goods!

One jin of pork: 8 'External Consumption Value' points; one jin of beef: 7 points; one jin of eggs: 5 points; one meat bun: 1 point; four taels of zhajiangmian: 2 points; 4 taels/serving of braised pork: 11 points; a serving of dumplings...

So many ready-to-exchange delicacies, and she wasn't good at cooking anyway. She couldn't finish it, absolutely couldn't finish it!

Ding Guo went wild, and the original owner's family was on the verge of being driven mad. The 'fruit' decided to give the lambs some space to recover, waiting for them to fatten up before slaughtering them, then took a car straight to the capital.

She had obtained a reasonable and legal small siheyuan (quadrangle courtyard) from the system and decided to go check it out.

She walked in with her hands behind her back. Coincidentally, there was... a thief on the wall?

Pei Che was holding a kite he had just taken from the tree next door when the owner happened to walk in. He sat on the wall, feeling awkward and embarrassed, explaining with a blush: "Sorry, the kite got stuck on your wutong tree. I came up to get it... I climbed on the wall to pick it, I didn't enter your house."

Ding Guo looked at that dashingly handsome face, stealthily retracted her forty-meter blade, and gently asked: "It's fine, it's fine. Is the top of this wall uncomfortable? I'll lay down a cushion later..."

Splash! The person disappeared from the wall, and a cry of surprise echoed from over there.

At noon, Pei Che limped over with a braised carp to apologize: "I was really presumptuous just now. I hope I didn't scare you!"

Ding Guo looked at the braised carp: "You made it?"

Pei Che nodded.

She had the ingredients, he had the cooking skills. The two, separated by a wall, tacitly cooperated.

Ding Guo originally thought he was just a handsome, ordinary chef friend. It wasn't until they talked about marriage that she saw Ding Nianjun's fiancé, who had been obtained by sacrificing the original owner's entire life, respectfully nodding and bowing behind Pei Che, calling him 'Brother Che'! (Dug a pit on 2024.2.27) (Revised on 2024.6.24)

"The Eldest Sister Who Cultivated Immortality Outside is Back [70s]" synopsis:

Yuan Fengyan had been cultivating in the Mahayana stage for three hundred years. Everything was ready, only lacking ascension.

On the day of her ascension, looking at the five-colored profound thunder above her head, Yuan Fengyan's heart instantly grew cold.

She believed she had no inner demons, but the Heavenly Dao didn't think so. The five-colored profound thunder indicated an unresolved inner demon.

"How could I, Phoenix God, have an unresolved inner demon? The Heavenly Dao must have made a mistake."

How could the Heavenly Dao be wrong?

Questioning the Heavenly Dao would only lead to being obliterated into dust by it.

Rolling thunder descended, and before Yuan Fengyan's soul was scattered, she gritted her teeth and cursed in her heart: "I have no inner demons, you despicable Heavenly Dao, you are shameless!"

Who would have thought that when she opened her eyes, she was back in the world before she transmigrated to the cultivation realm.

At this time, Yuan Fengyan had not yet recalled the memories sealed within her sea of consciousness, and naturally couldn't recognize the young man sitting in the room. She could only ask: "Who are you, Your Excellency?"

The young man's mouth twitched: "Yuan Fengyan, stop playing dumb. You shamelessly seduced Comrade Chu, and I, Zhao Weiguo, look down on you. I am here today to break off our engagement. I hope you won't bother me again in the future."

Yuan Fengyan lowered her eyebrows in thought. Was she that flirtatious before she transmigrated to the cultivation realm? And even had an engagement broken off?

Seeing the young man's furious expression, it didn't seem feigned, so it was probably true!

She couldn't remember.

But she was certain of one thing: the unresolved inner demon was likely related to this current world.

Disclaimer: The male lead is pure (virgin), the female lead had two Dao companions before the male lead!

Content tags: Rural Life, System, Transmigration into a Book, Satisfying Read, Period Novel

Ding Guo, Pei Che

One-sentence introduction: It's easy to invite a god, but hard to send one away.

Theme: Every time I open my eyes, it's... (The end of the theme is cut off, but the sentiment seems to be about new beginnings or unexpected situations).